tany1157

It does seem wicked quiet! I'm glad you guys are doing well. Adjustment does suck, but you get through it. My husband just spent two months in Morocco. (He came back a month ago.) Was his first time back since he came here. We were back to an "online" relationship. ? It sucked, but so glad he got to see family again. I remember the feistiness that was on here. I always wondered if going through Morocco now is a bad as it used to be. Oh well. Things were meant to happen the way it did, I'm grateful for that.

We got married in five days in Morocco. It took A LOT of running around, and a few bribes. Started paperwork on Monday, Friday afternoon we were signing our marriage license with an adoul. (I think that's what you call the legal guy, haha). Wedding party on Monday. Our circumstance were long and difficult. I took 2 weeks to get married there, but because of an error from the uscis, we thought our original k-1 was reaffirmed. We didn't find out until 5 days later it was a mistake, which left us with 5 business days to get the paperwork done. We had to travel to Rabat, and Casablanca. We paid some guy on the street $10 and he ran us around to all of the places we needed to go for stamps and such. Totally doable if you are staying there for 52 days!

Yes!! I remember you? Ouadia has been here 4 years already in a few weeks. We've spent this past weekend re reading all about our journey. Brought back some crazy memories for us. Let's just say we don't miss any of it...especially the relationship through the computer and phone.? We drove to Provincetown, Cape Cod today. Life is pretty damn good??

A Facebook flashback brought me back to someone I had met through this site 6 years ago, and decided to stop by to see if anyone familiar is still around!?

I know I'm being irrational, because I decided to talk with my son yesterday about my feelings. He pretty much says I'm being crazy because he just sees it as it is. He is his step parent, and he respects that. He says he loves him, and looks up to him and understands everyone has a different way of doing things. Makes me feel good that I have such a smart little boy. I told him to call me out next time I get defensive. ? I appreciate your feedback.

I can't edit from my phone. * easy should be * way, and I'm sorry for the other mistakes

It's been a while since I've posted. Things have gone pretty well after the usual bumpy ride of adjustment. Husband has been here 3 years this week, and we just filed for citizenship last month. Now for my question...

Anyone have kids from another relationship, for which your immigrant spouse is a step parent? This has been my only semi-constant snag in our house. I can be overly sensitive, which is why I would like some outside feedback.

I find it extremely hard to watch my husband discipline my son at all. Like I get very defensive for my son when it happened. I am the main disciplinarian because my ex is very present in my sons life, and I made it clear that my husband didn't need to be a huge father figure because of this. Still, when my son is with us (every other week) he needs to respect both adults in our house, so if course once in a while, my husband will say something, or give his input when I'm having a problem with my son. My husband is very matter-of-fact, and doesn't show much emotion, so I'm always afraid my son will hate my husband. I know that this isn't true, as they bond in their own way, and my son has told me repeatedly that he loves my husband and he understands he is the easy he is sometimes because of the culture he was raised in. I think I'm being paranoid, and I have occasionally talked with my son about it, and he says I shouldn't think or feel this way. Sometimes. When he has come down hard in him, I've undermined my husband. He finally said that bothered him because it's like he doesn't exist in the house. He had a point, so I've let go a bit, but I'm so paranoid still, like my son will be affected by this. I'm being over dramatic, right? Lol

Thanks in advance for the replies. Btw, my son is 10

Sorry, if I may ask... What specifically does he not like here? It HAS to be specific, like -- job, gas prices, food, weather, income, friends; not something like -- "The world is against me!" or, "Life sucks".

All of the above, with the exception of friends. He's made a few here. Also, life is too fast here, and he feels the government is out to squeeze every dollar from us. He feels he works just to pay for rent and food, which isn't the life he wants. I told him he is just starting out, it will get better. He's very ambitious. He's been studying a lot, and has long term goals, but he's just having a hard time seeing the light right now.

I thank you guys for some input. I am consciously making a daily effort to back off, and let things roll for now, one day at a time. I was also happy to get some male input...thanks tbone

I appreciate the feedback! Just wanted to clarify though...my mom made that comment, but no one is against my marriage. I have a very close family. My mother is the one who sponsored him with me, and gave him a place to live when he got here. My family respects my marriage, and my dad, sisters and him get along great. If I wasn't making him happy at all, he would be gone by now. What we are going through is normal, but it is hard. We didn't wait over 3 years to be together for nothing.

Fixed it. It was full

I just read your post and had to laugh. My husband moans too and we live in NYC! He's been working at JFK airport close to 3 years now and started at the bottom but has since been promoted 3 times and still complains lol.

That's exactly what I'm talking about woman!!

I am not sure if I should have posted this in MENA (where I usually post), I just wanted as much support/feedback as possible.

My husband is just shy a few weeks of being here a year. He is in the throws of depression and homesickness. It has been very difficult for both of us. He hates everything about America. We just moved into a new place in the city, and I love it (it isn't the best, but a start) He sucks the joy out of everything. It doesn't help that he works overnight at a job he hates, and feels like he is learning no skills while doing it. He has goals and ambitions, but I think he is setting the bar too high, which in turn makes him quite disappointed in himself that he isn't farther ahead like he expected to be right now.

I have to admit that I feel like I have not helped in making it easier, as I've been nagging and such. I need to really step back, and realize that not all my needs will be met right now, and I should just hang on while he goes through this. He flat out told me last weekend that he wants to go home, and why couldn't I have moved there. (It is totally out of character for him to dwell on decisions that were already made, and beat a dead horse). He has told me I am absolutely the only reason he is here, as he hates almost everything about this country. I find myself getting defensive when he goes on a sh!t rant about where I grew up, and how it sucks where I live. We live 45 minutes north of Boston. I just got a big promotion at work, and he has his heart set on moving to NYC. I always told him I couldn't move out of state, but he is convinced life sucks here in southern NH, and it would be better in NYC. I keep saying Boston would be good, but he refuses. I don't think we should be making any kinds of big decisions like that while he is going through this phase. He thinks otherwise. It is absolutely frustrating to say the least.

Now my rant. Anyone I tell this to, has no idea why my husband would hate life in America so much. Many of them think Morocco is a sh!t hole, and he should be grateful that he is here. #######? Nobody seems to understand why he wouldn't like it here, as the mentality is that America is the best, and anybody would die to have his opportunity. Really? We are not a perfect nation, and there are other places that have freedom like we do. He had an established life. Everywhere, and I mean everywhere he went, people knew him. He was respected in his city, and many more places. Made his living, and took care of his family. Yes, he chose to leave, but even though we were prepared for this, you really don't know how it feels until you are going through it yourself. I'm aggravated that people know so little about his country, that they just assume his life is 100% better here. It is not. And I am tired of explaining it. Even my mother admitted that he must have wanted to come here, which is why he looked for me. I'm just at my wits end, and am trying to shut my mouth and not nag and fight with him every time he seems grouchy. He is somewhat normal on his days off, which he shares with me, so we try to do things together. The rest of the week, I don't know what I am going to get.

I am beyond frustrated, and if I feel this helpless, I can't imagine how he feels. The recent bombings in Boston were sad, but this stuff is a daily reality for others around the world. I actually saw a "friend" on facebook say right after the bombings, that if he "sees an Arab, he's just going to knock his lights out." Another person posted about the earthquake on the Pakistani border, and someone commented "good." I am so flipping tired of the ignorance of people. I met someone a few weekends ago when I went out with some co workers, and he thought it was appropriate to ask if my husband was a terrorist, or believed in their doings just because he heard he was a Muslim. My husband is actually pretty normal. Wants out of life what most people want. A good, happy life. Why is it so hard for people to believe? I also went to my mom with these gripes, and she actually said "well, can you blame them after what happened in 9/11?" Actually yes I can, because you should never lump all of a group together. My husband is miserable, and I can't do anything to help him, except for backing off for now, which I think would help a lot, but I'm only human, and can take the negativity only so much. I've heard it takes a good 2-3 years to get things to a good place. I don't want to leave my life here, but he did it for me, so I feel like a jerk. I have made some big sacrifices for him too. I just don't know what to do right now

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the advice and support. It is comforting to speak with people who actually understand what I'm going through. We currently live with my parents, so moving is a must. I will def look into the courses, and thinking I will leave him no choice with drivers ed No matter how much love is between us, "life" is now in the way, so to speak. Now we are in a "real" relationship....( you guys hopefully know what I mean) At the end of the day, I love knowing he's with me, and the cuddles certainly help We will get through it. They're still many rewards to being in a multi-cultural relationship, but challenging to say the least. You all have been so helpful...and yes, we knew logically that adjusting would be harder than immigration, but you don't really "know" until you are in the throws of a frustrating battle that you feel you might not win. You def need more than love to get through it

My husband and I are happy to be together, and we enjoy sharing our physical lives together. However, my husband is not crazy about America. He has been working full time for 4 months now, an overnight shift. We are currently looking for a new place to live. He feels discouraged. The way we spend and live in this country makes him feel like he can't get anywhere. He doesn't want to have to go into debt to own anything. He won't do it. He's a city boy, and we live in a suburb. We will move to the city, which will make things a little better for him. Teaching him to drive has been a daunting task, and is taking longer than expected. I could go on and on, but I know others here who have already been through the initial adjustment stage will hopefully understand what I'm trying to explain.

I feel badly for him. I've incorporated his foods in our home, and he cooks as well sometimes. We enjoy being together ( thankfully we have the same days off ) I don't know what to do or say to help him. He is trying to figure things out himself, which is great, but he has this yearning for all of us to go back to Morocco together. He knows that isn't possible, but he actually told me he has no clue about his life right now. He says the only thing he knows is that we have a future together, but how will we live??? he doesn't know. His grand mom is getting sick a lot, and I think he has realized that if something were to happen, he wouldn't be able to just go whenever and stay as long as he needed without money, and without losing his job and starting over when he gets back. He is disappointed at how superficial life seems to be here, and how expensive everything is. I told him that I tried to tell him this before he got here, but he admitted that he didn't "get" it until he lived here.

My husband isn't a complainer. I pretty much had to dig this conversation out of him. I'm not stupid, I know he is homesick. I know he is scared for his family back home. I know he is scared for our future. I know we have dreams that seem impossible right now. I would just like some insight on others who had spouses that didn't like the country they came to, and how things got better. He would love to study, but he is so disappointed at the expense. We know there are grants available, but he would still need student loans. I have told him that no matter how much I love him, that if he hated it here so much that he couldn't live a happy life, I would want him to go home. It is like I feel guilty that he lives where he doesn't want to just to be with me. Has anyone else felt this way? He won't complain to me, but I see the worry in his face. He isn't sleeping well at all. I know it will get better, but he says he has almost been here a year, and he feels like he has done nothing. I think he is being really hard on himself.... What do you all think of this? Thank you guys for the help

Just popping in to say hello! I can't believe my husband has been here for 9 months already! Time flies. It has been a roller coaster, but still so grateful to be together. We are in the process of finding a new place to live, so we are ready for the next chapter in our lives to begin. Other than that, everything is pretty mundane. My dad has gotten better (not 100%, but he's alive ) We just got hit with an awesome blizzard (I love the snow, my husband, not so much), so enjoyed a snow day from work yesterday. I hope everyone is doing well!!

What did you mean when you said you will send chats, texts, and phones records? did you mean you will do that while your petition was under AP or what? thanks

We sent all that evidence with our Notice of Intent to Revoke (NOIR), which we received from USCIS when Casa sent our case back to the US. That was our last chance to prove our relationship, so we put every single piece of evidence we had. They reapproved it, and sent it back to Casa for another interview, which my husband passed. Hope that helps.

#######?!?

I'm sorry about your father Mounir It really stinks to watch your parents get sick, it's a daily struggle for him, and there's nothing anyone can say to make him better. Interviews went well, but now have to wait for them to review....the hard part for him is the references. He worked for a man in Morocco, but who the heck is gonna call a man in Morocco who doesn't speak english? Thank God the manager at the restaurant he interviewed at says he knows many Moroccans, and knows they are very smart workers. It looks promising, and it will be good for now.

Tany

LOL you remembered that wow., sometimes I have to go back and reread my trips as its been a while back.

t

Just to say a few things to GGG1975...........

As someone who knows the interview process very well coming out of Morocco, visits are by far so important in this process. It's very rare to hear of a spouse/fiance being interviewed in the USA via telephone, but I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to tell our story and be the one on the hot seat. I was ask to tell about our relationship from the day we met online, to all my visits, his family history, etc. This interview took about 30 minutes.

We had every red flag but if not for my visits and taking our relationship so slow, I am sure we would have been denied. Seriously, I think at the time, we were the only couple interviewing in Morocco with more red flags imaginable and still to this day possibly the worse case of red flags.

I would also like to say as I have said to others here from personal experience, the interview itself is passable, but the past history of what the CO finds out about the Immigrant is another story itself. I know for a FACT, that the immigrants past online activity can be accessed, deleted accouts too. I am talking years back. If you need for me elaborate more, I can give details for sure. So though, you may not know everything about your significant other, I can tell you the Consulate does before they even set eyes on him. When you say, some are denied when they walk up to the window, well for good reason then, and this just justifies what I just said (they already know his story).

I hope everything works out for the both of you.....

Don't give me that much credit lady, I knew you had a few trips before your engagement, but had to sneak a peak to get the correct number of times. Lol

I think the sleep deprivation is finally getting to Mohammed but he wont admit it. This week alone, he had a car accident and caused significant damage but he is okay, he thought he was off work last Thursday, look at his work schedule that night and realized he was suppose to work. Then Sunday, he thought he was off work again, slept all day, looked at his schedule again and clearly he was not off work again. His boss was okay with what happen and is letting him make up the hours which to me makes him very lucky. He has lost almost 10 pounds now since the start of Ramadan and it shows. He eats really well when he is allowed to eat, but work keeps him busy and he is always moving, so the calories he eat, he just works them off I guess. I am a bit worried about him though, but he reassures me every thing is okay.

I totally understand the whole bakery thing with no air conditioning. I use to decorate wedding cakes, etc. and we didn't have good air conditioning as well to keep up with all the ovens going on inside. Between baking bread, cakes, cookies and all the pastries it was just a HOT place to work. Eventually, I became co owner and decided to install better air conditioning and things got so much better and more enjoyable for the workers and the people who came to eat our lovely treats. I miss those days....

Ohh that is so scary (about the accident) I hope everything works out fine. I WISH they would put an AC in the bakery, it's pretty nasty coming home to work with your clothes soaked from the sweat We were just realizing it has only been 3 months since he got here, but feels like a year!! So many things come up in life, but we just keep dealing with them as they come, that's all you can do I guess. Hoping to hear some good news from either of his interviews tomorrow!

I also of course had a congressman on our case from the first denial. They can't do much, but if you have a good one, like we did, they followed us through to the end, and made inquiries on our behalf throughout the entire process. Always let the consulate know they had interest in our case, and they wanted a favorable outcome for us. The CO's are doing their jobs. Actually, when hubby and I were getting our evidence for the NOIR ready, we had to laugh at how we were when we first met...no wonder they thought we were just blinded by love....we fell hard and fast, we jumped in, and thankfully, the love is genuine, but many times, it isn't. The CO's suck sometimes, but they see way more than we ever will.

Yes, so that's why I want to be proactive. I didn't know about the immigration process, VJ, or the support groups until after marrying my husband. I was in the ride of love (LOL). And the woulda, coulda, shoulda conversation has passed and we need to focus on doing the steps and when the time is right we will be together. I am aware that every case is different and we might go to the interview and get through it the first time. I'm more interested in the process of appealing my case, just in case. Why someone was denied isn't really my concern because when it comes to Morocco things like evidence or trips may not be enough. It's all about who's reviewing your case, how they are feeling that day, and how many people have they already denied. But a common factor that I hear about about is the timeframe. And in out case we got engaged and married quickly. It didn't seem quick to us because we are older and have been single for a long time. It's been a year since I've met my husband and he's the same reliable/trustworthy person I knew when I first met him to today and that is what I hold close, his actions, not just his words. And the support we have gotten from his family, not just his immediate family but his Aunts, Uncles, and cousin who range from being very rich to very poor has been amazing. His cousin is a famous writer and teacher in Morocco and has been awarded by the King. She welcomed me into the family and even gave us one of her homes for our honeymoon. I have know doubt of the legitimacy of our marriage our his intentions.

And I don't doubt that many people have similar stories.

But getting through a Morocco interview is an entity all on it's on. So all we can do is prepare, wait, and hope it's our lucky, blessed day.

This is how I handled the NOIR (notice of intent to revoke) from the USCIS...I state on the second page (post #19) exactly what I did for evidence

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/354742-success/page__st__15

msheesha and mithra are VERY well aware of this consulate....Mithra may not have went through Morocco, but has been on MENA for years, I would listen to them also. Multiple trips are good, but it is when they happened. Were there multiple trips BEFORE engagement or marriage?? Foreverwaiting had 4 trips I think before they even got engaged and got through a very tough interview, I think because they took their time BEFORE doing anything. We got engaged on the first trip, so that right there just made them think he was using me, and made our entire case an uphill battle, even if we did talk every single day just about, and visiting every year for a few weeks. We also never used a lawyer, a lawyer can't do anything to change the CO's mind. They did not like my husband...even though the 3rd interview went well, they asked him a lot of questions, and told him to go straight to the doctor to get a drug test. Yes, they thought he was a user, and thank God, he never used drugs in his life, so was no worries there. But the doctor asked him why he looked so tired, and he was like "lady, I've been up since midnight, traveled 3 hours to have a THIRD interview with people who hate me" In the end, it worked out, but took us 3 years

We also never used a lawyer, a lawyer can't do anything to change the CO's mind, IMO. They did not like my husband...even though the 3rd interview went well, they asked him a lot of questions, and told him to go straight to the doctor to get a drug test. Yes, they thought he was a user, and thank God, he never used drugs in his life, so was no worries there. But the doctor asked him why he looked so tired, and he was like "lady, I've been up since midnight, traveled 3 hours to have a THIRD interview with people who hate me" In the end, it worked out, but took us 3 years