jenprincess1

I've tried for several days to answer your PM, to no avail. I have also sent you a couple of emails, but am afraid you may have overlooked them. Please let me know you're ok and just busy!

Jen

Worry not, friends. All information is true and correct. It is not out of bitterness that I've posted his name and description. It is out of concern for any/all others who may encounter him, so that they may be warned. Please don't confuse what I've posted as spiteful.

It's important that a poisonous snake be identifiable to those unaware.

Jen

Thank you Doreen.... I was just about to post a link to the other group to this thread, for the others to read

I will explain over there.

I need a number and specific address for reporting him. He thinks he's in the home stretch. I just mailed him the divorce papers along with the waiver of appearance for him to sign. He's in Las Vegas. Everything will come in due time. Cream can only be cream when it's ready.

Jen

(solamentemiyti @ Jun 28 2006, 06:31 AM) *

Now you know the problem with American Women from personal experience. They can't make up their minds and they have no pride. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule, but they seem to be rare.

No pride? Can't make up our minds?? OMG! I had noooooo idea it was US, not them.

Yeah, me thinks you're bitter, definitely. Try not to be. It's not healthy and simply not reasonable to lump all into one kettle. I'm relatively sure you haven't met ALL AMERICAN WOMEN.

Jen

Exactly, Yodrak. Hence the reason I shall not stoop lower than he. And luckily for him, I won't even get on his level. I believe it would take too much from me spiritually and financially and he shall not get more! It is not in my character to intentionally hurt someone, even when they've done so to me.

Jen

i say hunt him down and castrate him save someone else the misery

Once upon a time, I thought he was worth the time and trouble to bring him here. I was wrong. I don't want to be more wrong!

Agent Smith,

It also has a tendancy to backfire.

Yodrak

I admire Jen - she is not being vengeful despite her heart-break... vengeance is a self-destructive emotion... and she has risen above that... kudos to you Jen... you are an inspiration to all. Much love to you. ((((HUGS))))

I disagree. Vengeance is cleansing.

Exactly, Yodrak. Hence the reason I shall not stoop lower than he. And luckily for him, I won't even get on his level. I believe it would take too much from me spiritually and financially and he shall not get more! It is not in my character to intentionally hurt someone, even when they've done so to me.

Jen

Agent Smith,

It also has a tendancy to backfire.

Yodrak

I admire Jen - she is not being vengeful despite her heart-break... vengeance is a self-destructive emotion... and she has risen above that... kudos to you Jen... you are an inspiration to all. Much love to you. ((((HUGS))))

I disagree. Vengeance is cleansing.

Exactly, Yodrak. Hence the reason I shall not stoop lower than he. And luckily for him, I won't even get on his level. I believe it would take too much from me spiritually and financially and he shall not get more! It is not in my character to intentionally hurt someone, even when they've done so to me.

Jen

Sarah,

I am now calculating my steps for recovery. B)

Jen

Thank You!

Thanks MK and Lynne.

But Lynne,

The unfortunate part regarding him being alone is just not so. In Egypt, a woman's worth boils down to whether or not she's married and can/does have children. If a man divorces her, it was/is her fault. Therefore, women put up with waaaaaaay more than we would/do, just to stay married and not lose status. Even if they've been educated, they mostly end up married and not working (sometimes, but rarely working), because that's what they're supposed to do. (message there is: You can have a brain, but don't need to use it).

A cousin of his (he mentioned, but I didn't meet) will likely be his bride, eventually. She is not working, pretty, sexy (he told me), and sitting home daily ..... likely waiting for him to return. He did mention in March (when we were there this year) that he'd told her mother that upon return from Kuwait, he'd marry her (but met me instead, HA!). The loser in that deal will be her, since he's a LIAR AND A CAD. He will make a lousy husband, because one would need to be a MAN to accomplish that role in life. Poor girl.

Jen

Peggy, Cami, Shonjaved, Lynne, Maryum, Alexa, Frances, Roi_aggie.......

Thank you ALL and all the others soooooooooo much. I am trying to smile. Having you from VJ has helped considerably, truly.

NEW INFO:

I had a passenger in my cab just two nights ago that looked familiar to me. It's because she is in a couple of pics from his job at a pizza place. While driving, we talked and I found out a couple more jems about my "wonderful husband". He always told me not to come up to his job. It p*ssed me off, but I respected it. I asked his sister, she confirmed that he had always been like that and was the same with her and his mother about not coming to his job. Ok.

She said her and Amir were friends and still kept in contact. She and he didn't have anything going, but come to find out .... he was hitting on a different girl at work, had actually asked her out! He had them ALL charmed. He's like that. He's good at flirting and charming. He'd said something about "married" and when they asked, he said "NO, just kidding".

He was invited by them all (the girls) to go out to a bar (I guess that would have been when he was trying to get me to go for believing that he was wanting to attend a party put on by his male co-worker...... I freaked on him) He actually was suggesting that he attend said party ALONE!! Are you kidding me?? Why wouldn't you WANT to take your spouse to a party? Anyway, he didn't go. I know NOW that he told them that he didn't go to bars, due to religious reasons. That's bunk. He will go, but not drink.

I told her who I was (after letting her tell me a few things about Amir, when I asked if she knew him). She was very shocked. I watched her reaction in the mirror. She admitted to me that she was shocked too. She now knows a lot of the story and is disgusted. I was able to tell her of some of his charming ways and sayings. I told her the things he said to me. She asked how long we'd been together. I told her he wasted three years of my life and that we'd been married for two in March. Funny though, we were only together almost 12 months out of those three years. I guess he was having a ball while I was waiting for him, WITHOUT, here.

He's sooooo not a man. I am so disappointed in him as a human being. I am not surprised by the things she told me, but I am still amazed. Oh yeah...... he also invited her out to Vegas (he'll buy her a ticket) to come "hang out" with him, because he is so happy that he "has a good friend" like her. She's 19. Nice guy, huh?

I have a very good friend that I've always kept in contact with from Kuwait. She is Egyptian/Palistinian and educated in the US and Britain. She is down to earth, intelligent, hilarious, 6'3", veiled (simply, no fancy scarves), and very Americanized in many different ways/behaviors. She'd make a great comedian, really.

Of course, when I told her about this fiasco, she made no bones about telling me "I told you so". She is very blunt and straightforward. She DID tell me from the BEGINNING that my husband's intentions weren't what he claimed. She knew, because she knows the culture. I should have believed/trusted her judgment.

I didn't, because I already had feelings for him and didn't know how to "remedy" it. So, I just confronted him and asked him ..... which just gave him more opportunity to earn that ACADEMY AWARD he so richly deserves. I believed him, because that was what my heart wanted to believe. All the suspicions and misgivings I had were canceled out by him, of course. I gave him all the power in that department.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS NEW CONCLUSION: I believe NOW (after having spoken to my "I told ya so" friend) that his mother and family MUST know/have known. She made me see the logic in it .... to get them to accept this marriage (marrying someone who would NEVER have been acceptable by Egyptian standards (if I were Egyptian)), he had to explain to them the WHOLE PLAN.

Also, his mother has pictures (only a few) of just him and/or just his sister in the living room. None of us (he and I) or just me. I thought it odd, but said nothing. NOW, it makes sense. Even him introducing me to other extended members of his family doesn't matter. I thought that since he did, he surely wasn't "one of those guys that scammed some poor, unsuspecting American female". RIIIIIIGHT. I'm now sure that they all must have known too. I can now just imagine the comments before/after my arrival at each place: "Amir's bringing his American wife, the one that got him the visa. OMG! That's her?? (snicker, snicker)"

Sad that a fellow muslim and WOMAN would be OK with her son doing this to another woman, no matter the reason.

See why I've been fkd up? The heart and brain just couldn't agree with any of this. He has had me so twisted. I didn't listen to my "gut" and inner alarms when the where trying to tell me, because I allowed my heart to shut them up. He knew that. He used it. One of his favorite sayings was "Baby, I love your heart" and "I love you because you are a good woman and you have a very good/big heart".

He was fond of telling me a few different times, during arguments that I "wasn't as smart as I thought I was", which also made something in the back of my head question why he'd say that. I mean, really why.

I do have a good heart, a DEAF AND BLIND ONE. And I may not be as "smart as I think I am", but I'm smarter THAN HE THINKS I AM. B)

Jen

ainfante,

Thank you. I hope all goes well for you and everyone else in this forum. I hope it doesn't even come close to what I have been through.

Jen

Thanks Welshcookie.

I will be ok, I guess. I mean, I'm always ok..... what else is there to be, really? He wasted three years of my life, but I won't let him get more.

Jen

Unfortunately, no. NOTHING at this point. Sorry. I waited 17 months for my "man" (said with snarl) .... and look what happened.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...c=18503&hl=

Good Luck.

Jen

Some of us know when you're SERIOUS. Quittin' just isn't the one!!

Jen

He ain't.

Ohiobuck, welshcookie, Lynne..... and of course all others that have been so awesome,

THANK YOU!

Jen

Thanks for the well wishes for the new job!

I do know about that dirty blog, recently made aware by another vjer... but don't care what the OP's take on ME men and American women is. Period. Won't say anymore, Capt.... promise

Jen

Ha ha....... There are no quitters amongst this group!! Instigators, yeah!

Rahma, Angel, Kara, et al..... thank you. Yodrak? What are you referring to, please? I haven't been here in quite some time.

Kara.... Really, are there any good ones left? Right now, I trust NONE. I'm not trying to be so cynical, it's just that this 4th degree burn is still burning, let alone beginning to actually heal. Then, there will be permanent scarring of course. It will be tough, tough, tough, for all future potential suitors for a whiiiiiiiile.

Again everyone...... I know that I will not expend more effort than reporting it to immigration. Whatever happens to him will happen. I leave it to God. I will do that much and then move on and try to heal.

On a good note, I am going back for a second interview for a job I've wanted for some time now and finally applied..... let ya know when I know. The interview isn't until Thursday and then have to wait for the results of all their checking and testing of all candidates.

Jen

Abderrahim,

Thank you for your words. I do realize that he is NOT representative of all muslims or arabs, Alhamdulilah!

I would like to clarify about the rings: We didn't get any initially, due to the it not being a big importance at the time to either of us, based on the understanding that we'd be getting them in Egypt. Economics was the simple factor there..... gold is cheaper in Egypt because the dollar goes further there than in Kuwait. When we did get them, it was just simple.

Regarding the wedding party: We didn't have any friends (he had some friends there) or family in Kuwait, so we were going to do it in Egypt. When we went to Egypt, we no longer had the funds we had two months before, so he said we'd do it later. When we went back this year, he didn't want to, citing economics at first and then admitting that his friends would laugh behind MY back for being older than him.

He did, however introduce me to many, many members of his extended family. That is part of why I am/was so confused about why he'd bother, if he didn't intend to stay with me anyway.

I am not anti-arab, by any means, because of him. I simply won't bring/sponsor another foreigner from ANYWHERE. That is because I will never be sure in my head that the visa isn't the only thing he'd be after, truly. I am however, still muslim...... which means he's changed that aspect of my life forever. Alhamdulilah. It also means it changes how I can ever remarry. (sigh)

Jen

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

Thank you.

I don't believe I'll be doing it again. I love Egyptians, the country, etc.... but they would have to be HERE already for me to believe in them.

A few other things I've thought about as indicators of this problem that he exibihited:

1. He didn't assimilate well or even try to, once here.

2. Not interested in meeting any of my friends or co-workers.

3. He told me a few times during different arguments that I "wasn't as smart as I thought I was". That did pique my suspicions as to what he was really referring to..... and now we know.

4. He didn't care to go to school and learn more english (free) to advance his opportunities.

5. Didn't have a problem leaving me behind to seek employment (even though he swore we'd never be apart again).

6. Made new "rules and regulations" that never existed the whole time we lived together in Kuwait.

7. Insisted on his own bank acct., even though he doesn't know how to run one (and did go get one behind my back).

Of course, all these things come to mind and come together better after the mountain falls. It's hard to sort these things and see them clearly when "in love". I will run when any of these things appear with another.

I would like to just skip the whole relationship thing, since people are so hard to trust anymore, for a plethura of reasons. While I am not a person who feels lonely, I realistically don't wish to be alone forever. I am content alone, but when I get old, I will need someone to bug!

Jen

charlesandnessa.......

He appeared to have good character, in fact excellent character. He was coached. He did a great job! He deserves an academy, really!

Yeah, well..... I had already decided that she will have to believe whatever she chooses. However, I am sure that he won't be telling her the truth as to the reasons for the split. I don't believe she knew this "plan". All of that is neither here nor there I suppose..... I said I WOULD LIKE to tell momma.

I just believe in the truth. And that was a good analogy Mermaid.

Jen

I'd love to call momma in Egypt and tell her all and the truth. He'd be crushed at the thought of his mother being disappointed in him. Problem is.... she doesn't speak english.

His sister is in Sharm El Sheik (working) and is the only other person in the house who speaks english. There's no telling what he will tell her about us divorcing, etc.

Over there, if there's a divorce, it's assumed that the woman is at fault (no matter the circumstances) because she should have done more to make her husband happy and to make the marriage work. For instance, not argue with the husband.

Jen

You guys/gals are great!

Ok Ladies and Gents,

Thank you again for the support and hugs and positive comments. I really do appreciate them. I will ignore the seemingly flippant ones and move on. I will not waste time on revenge but I will do what should be done in reporting him to immigration. There are honest couples trying to be together and he shouldn't reap any rewards for false labors.

I do agree with both Melo and TMMA. I do/will report to USCIS to cover myself as much as I can it's up to them to do their jobs and God to handle the whole package. I also agree with rclouse that a certain amount of satisfaction will come from witnessing karma in action..... from afar. I will check to see if I can have the I-864 rescinded.

I am filing for divorce tomorrow. He is willing to sign it and a "waiver of service". It takes only a month to divorce here, in Missouri. I'm doing it and all the paperwork myself. No sense in paying a lawyer. I didn't pay one to get him over here.

It isn't as easy as "moving on", which I have to do anyway...... right? But I do have a certain amount of grieving to do. I am not dwelling on the pain and I no longer feel like crying over him. Our whole relationship was a lie. How can I cry about that? I am sad that I have lost/wasted 3 years of my life and waited such a long and painful (wait) to get him here.

I do feel sad about his family, especially his mother. I don't believe any woman would let her son do something like that to another woman. I just can't. I hope not. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. She seemed so sincere and loving in loving me. I don't know what he will choose to tell her. I cannot worry about that, I have to clean up and move on.

Thanks,

Jen

Ps..... I know some you feel I'm being brave. I don't feel very brave. I just wanted to help whomever could benefit from knowing how it happened. But thank you for thinking I am.

Gimygirl.......

I cannot say that it would have made a difference, no. However, others may be more clever than I. We all want to believe this couldn't happen to us: I met him in person, not on the net (not knocking the net daters), he was charming, gushing, attentive, sincere (even cried sometimes), he wasn't bossy or demanding. He tempered his oppositions to some things just right..... he did everything really, really well.

That is why I didn't heed any "red flags" when they came. But I do recognize them (so-to-speak) now that I look back. Those were things that I should have looked at realistically. Culturally, if he wouldn't have accepted a woman "like me" there, then he shouldn't have accepted me or any other from ANYWHERE. That is just obvious.

Think about it..... if you were from a poor country with no future (really, truly) and you saw an opportunity to go, you would (example: You may not take an alcoholic, long-haired, 20 year older guy HERE, but MIGHT if you were uneducated, from a poor country, and had no real future....... to get OUT). It just depends on your "morality meter". Some have one, some have one that works, and some have NONE. I could not use someone's heart and waste three years of their lives for my own selfish gains, but obviously there are those that can and do. I just hope that one day it will occur to him what he REALLY did. I hope he realizes all the collateral damage, truly.

Jen

I want to thank you all for your support. It is embarrassing. I am hurt. I do understand that some feel retaliatory. I didn't, until I thought about how he used my heart, love, money, and kindness all this time. I was more hurt than anything else, but my ex telling me what all he'd confessed to him helped take some of the hurt away.

I am not a vindictive person, but right is right and intentional wrong is the worst. I really do believe it would steal too much positive energy from me to do anything more than divorce him and send a notarized affidavit to USCIS ....... and the fact that he left in such short order should be evident of his intentions. I know I did nothing wrong. He knows he did.

Another member pm'd me to ask for some pointers to possibly help their situation. I sent this back and decided to share it with you all. I am not proud that love made me so blind and seemingly stupid, but this is some of what happened:

I met my husband in person in Kuwait. He was loving, sweet, kind, attentive. He introduced me to his family (maybe they knew, maybe not). I just spent 2.5 months with them in Egypt at the beginning of this year. I will miss his mom so much.

When he was still over there, he'd call (sometimes crying that he missed me), he'd text me, he even asked me to "just drop the paperwork and come back to live with him there". Nice one, huh? No one wants to believe this can/will happen to them.

Just before he got over here (month before) he sent me a message that wasn't intended for me, regarding "not giving my cat to anyone because it was his or he'd kill me". He called and swore it wasn't his, that it was from his friend to his girlfriend. I told him it was his style and spelling. He said he wrote it for his friend because he didn't know english very well...... AND YOU'RE SENDING IT FROM YOUR PHONE????? ok.... I chose to overlook it. I wanted to believe him. After all, I was the "queen of his heart" and blah, blah, blah.

Then, a week after he got here, I walked up behind him and read on a received email from some chick (on an account I knew about, but didn't have access to) that was titled: MY LOVE .... The body read: I miss you, please come back baby. I was devastated and Fkd up..... he swore she was only a friend. I don't talk to my male "friends" like that. And that he made that account, because he knew I was jealous..... wonder why? That one still eats at me. It didn't help that he'd make actual sounds whenever a good looking woman would pass by.

From there, we started having major problems and it was going downhill. I became extremely jealous (totally unlike me..... never have been with anyone else, at all) and he was markedly distant. Funny, he was good at turning so many things around that I'd end up apologizing. He made it where I was the one majorly eat up in the head and wanting to save it (that which really wasn't saveable). We went like that for 4 months..... went to Egypt for 2.5, came back and about 3.5 weeks after he got here, he took off for a job he didn't have, because he just had to work ONLY that job. (He was a cook at a 5-star hotel in Kuwait and that is his career path)

Things he would ask were, "if we divorce, you would still help me?", "If we divorced, what will happen, how will things go?"...... I'd freak when he'd ask, because my father was a cop with a degree in psychology and fed me information all the time. PEOPLE DON'T DO OR SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT A REASON, EVER. If they ask a question, there is a specific reason they want to know. If they behave a certain way, there is a reason behind it. My husband started withholding affection, etc. He'd use religion and culture as an excuse for certain things.... even though he never did in Kuwait.

He finally got to a point to where he told me that he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me anymore. I was crushed, but wanted it to work. I couldn't believe he was out of love with me in just 4 months. That was because he never was, apparently. It's hard to accept that he used my heart and kindness against me, pretending to love me.

I know FOR SURE now, because my daughter's father is in Vegas (where he went) and told me yesterday that Amir confessed to him that he NEVER intended to stay with me and has been being advised by someone in Egypt or Kuwait all this time..... also told him that he shouldn't divorce me (that he'd have to leave), to let me divorce him. Soooooooo..... when divorce would come up in an argument, Amir would tell me if I wanted to divorce him, ok..... but he could not. He loved me and couldn't. See, he was trying to make me tired of him and leave him or kick him out. It didn't work, so he left for a job. He'd tell me he "just wanted to be alone" and "didn't want any responsibilities". He told my ex that his plan was to make me tired of him.

I know he's witnessed my ex and I argue, but we have a 20 year history. My husband was an idiot to think he wouldn't tell me what he knew. He didn't study the whole situation long enough.

Oh, another tell-tale sign: He got his own bank account without me on it. Even though we'd opened one together. His excuse? His friend was wiring him money and didn't trust ANYONE, except him. I was really pissed, because he did it and THEN told me!!!! Funny, each time we had an argument regarding trust, he'd say, "You must trust your husband" and act like I was being the bad guy for not trusting him.

I can't think of anything else right this minute, but if you need any more info, let me know. I am sad, because my mother co-signed to bring him over here, making us both responsible for him for 10 years. I am more bitter and less hurt now that I know it was his plan all along, but hurt nonetheless. I am absolutely amazed at all the things he said and did to get here, really. He deserves an academy award.

Of course hindsight is 20/20 or better. I am putting my life out here for all to see and scrutinize. I feel like an idiot, but I do hope these things help someone else from leaping without REALLY looking. I guess I know now that realistically, I should have thought about all these things:

1. I am fat (but cute ) 2. I am 10 years older than he 3. I wasn't a virgin 4. I cannot have kids without intervention (cut tubes) 5. There was no engagement ring 6. Rings weren't that important to him (seemingly) 7. There was no wedding party in his country (we could have), no matter how many times I inquired.

Culturally, I was NOTHING he would have married. That crosses all international lines, truly. I was good for my citizenship only, bottom line.

Again, thank you for your hugs and comments and support. I did come back with this, because I hope it helps someone else. I couldn't WHILE it was happening, I was too consumed.

Jen