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HappyDancer

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Posts posted by HappyDancer

  1. tallcoolone - Oh by the way,i f you think this post is nonsense, then that's fine. You are very much free to express your thoughts. Nevertheless, I don't need your approval on this one. So hate me and my posts all you want. I love attention and you hate that. Hahaha! So... DUH!

  2. Oh wow! How could I have missed posting the source! I am terribly sorry. It's an article that was just forwarded to me.

    And Tallcoolone - Didn't you get any from last night? Why are you so cranky? I bet you are miserable you got nothing better to do. I pity your poor unhappy soul.

  3. So before you say "I Do", make sure you have at least considered these:

    • Ability to Compromise: There are subtle changes that most people can make in their lives in order to make their spouse happy. This is part of the never ending compromise phase that is critical. When single, I'd watch football games at bars every Saturday and Sunday (and sometimes Thursday). Once married, I toned it down to one day. This is a manageable change that I was willing to make. However, had my wife insisted that I give up all sports entirely, I would have resisted and eventually resented her. That resent would have spread and ultimately influenced my overall attitude towards her. The same is true for just about everything. The willingness of the other person to compromise today (of the lack thereof) and your reaction to it will prove to be a precedent setting event. If someone is absolutely unwilling to compromise on minor issues, you should expect the same for larger issues. Don't be shocked and appalled by it when it happens three years from now- you knew this going in and you accepted it!

    • Money - Yes, we all want it but once we have it who controls it. My wife started direct depositing her paychecks into my account after 3 months of dating. I actually don't recommend that so soon but she was bad with money and she admitted it. For us, it was a matter of getting our credit into shape (we had 640 credit and back then, now its 850 836) and we needed a strategy to pay off college and personal debt. Once that debt was paid off and we moved into our house, I turned the finances back over to her after a crash course in on time payments and credit. I never looked back. I enjoyed the strategy part of it but not the day-to-day grind of bill paying. She actually enjoyed it because as a stay at home Mom, it gave her the insight she needed to plan for grocery purchases, clothes for the kids, etc. So before you get hitched, what is your plan today and 5 years from now? Who is handling what?

    • Who cleans the toilets? - Toilets and the remainder of the housework is a constant issue. It all needs to get done and it's not the most fun. Setup a plan for this in the beginning. My suggestion is a weekly rotation - perhaps you'll come up with something different. The point of this is to set the expectation on both sides so that someone doesn't feel like a housekeeper. Chores need to be shared regardless of the work and income situation. Being a woman doesn't mean the wife has to handle at all.

    • The plan: In talking to people, it became pretty apparent that their initial goals were in line but after the kids are born and careers take off, there is a fork in the road. I agree that all plans change and there is no way to write a script for your marriage but a lot of the confusion can be removed by having a 1, 3, 6 and 9 year plan. You should have this conversation now and then revisit it all the time. This does not mean you only review goals at these intervals. These are simply due dates. I am often questioned as to why 1,3,6,9. o 1 Year Plan: This one is obvious. After the wedding, where will you live, where will you eventually live. Who handles what, what is the combined income, what can we afford etc. o At 3 years: You are no longer newlyweds and you are perhaps considering kids. Heck, you may already have a kid at this point. You need a plan for that, a plan for who works, who stays home, what type of daycare, etc. This is also around the time that your first condo or "couple's house" loses it appeal. What kind of house do we want? Where? Can we afford that? How are the schools? What is Plan B if someone gets fired? Do we know what utilities cost? o 6 years: We have all heard of the 7 year itch. Therefore, it stands to reason that you have a plan set with a deadline of 6 years. Where do you want the marriage to be in 6 years? Communication habits, sex life, careers...everything. Talk about it now and periodically consider making adjustments based on the the success of your approach. Plans are meant to be changed. o 9 years: Again, where do you want to the marriage to be in 9 years? Why? What will life be like? How many kids will we have by then? Are we sending them to public school? What if someone's parent dies?

    • Holidays - Just discuss how and where you will celebrate holidays. This is a battle for nearly everyone I know.

    • Discipline - Are we spanking the kids, are we talking and coaching or are we doing both? No matter how happy you are now, if you're against physical discipline and your spouse is not, you will slowly learn to resent and dislike him/her each time a spanking is doled out. Discuss it NOW and avoid a surprise.

    • Ok, religion - How important is it and how will we teach the kids?

    • Communications, cheating - I don't care how many conversations you have, no one will ever openly state that they "may cheat". A key here is to be undoubtedly sure that the precedent is set for open communication. If a wife is not happy, the FIRST action on her part should be to talk to the husband (and vice versa). The only way to do this consistently is to talk; not yell, not argue, but talk like civilized people. If you become enraged every time your spouse tries to talk to you, you are pushing away an opportunity to fix a problem. Take time out and actually LISTEN. Marriage is not an argument or a punishment unless you make it one.

    There are clearly a lot of other things to consider. Bad choices are going to made regardless of how thorough you plan; that's life. You wouldn't go on a 1,500 mile road trip without putting some thought into it and your marriage should be thought of in the same way. By planning and talking, the aim is to minimize the possible obstacles by first identifying them and getting them out in the open before they reach a critical, war-type, level.

  4. Waaaahhhh!!! Iniiwan niyo na ako... WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

    But anyway, OHIO people, I will be in Dublin for the Irish Festival 09 with my hubby by then and my daughter. Wanna meet up? Tara!!!

    There's a huge Asian Festival in Columbus Ohio every Memorial Day weekend - this year May 23-24. We'll be there Saturday if the weather is good. See link below.

    M&M

    http://asian-festival.org/index.do

    OOOOHHHH!!! I wanna go! You going?

    Yes, my asawa (from Leyte) and I and our little one are planning to attend on Saturday May 23. I know it's quite a drive, but it could be a good meet up place for many familar VJers here. It'll be our regular Filipino grocery stockup trip as well as there are many good Asian markets in the metro Columbus area, with the best being in the Dublin region. The Asian festival is just east of downtown in Franklin Park, east of I-71. Anyone interested in a IN-OH-MI-KY group meeting?

    M&M

    Mike and Mila,

    I would go for this meet-up! lemme know!

  5. Waaaahhhh!!! Iniiwan niyo na ako... WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

    But anyway, OHIO people, I will be in Dublin for the Irish Festival 09 with my hubby by then and my daughter. Wanna meet up? Tara!!!

    There's a huge Asian Festival in Columbus Ohio every Memorial Day weekend - this year May 23-24. We'll be there Saturday if the weather is good. See link below.

    M&M

    http://asian-festival.org/index.do

    OOOOHHHH!!! I wanna go! You going?

  6. interview date april 22, 2009. after the long wait finally!!

    am i prepared??? these are my documents:

    bunch of cards

    Appointment Letter and valid ID

    DS Forms

    Identification papers and police clearances

    evidence of support including co-sponsor

    pictures

    proof of relationship like yahoo calls chat etc

    nso nbi cenomar police clearance

    is this all? i got alot of cards!

    evidence of support - bank accounts, pay stubs, etc???

  7. Waaaahhhh!!! Iniiwan niyo na ako... WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

    But anyway, OHIO people, I will be in Dublin for the Irish Festival 09 with my hubby by then and my daughter. Wanna meet up? Tara!!!

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