Muh and me

I think no matter what you've gone thru with the visa process and being apart, some people are just not meant to be together. I had a rude awakening that way because there were alot of differences, but it didn't help that he filed for divorce one month after getting his 10 yr green card!
Good luck to those goin thru the process now. If I had not gone thru this process I would not have done several things that I have been able to do. One of them is seeing a beautiful country and meet a wonderful second family. The second, is finding Islam. And the last is finding a wonderful man whom I beleive will be my partner for life!

Happy Thursday! In two days I will be on my way to NYC with my hubby so we can pick up his son from the airport. We decided to make a vacation out of it. Its gonna be fun i hope!

don't blame me for any cravings.

i can't be fired, slaves have to be sold

It's easy. Write him an e-mail with why you are ending the relationship; he's a cheater and you will no longer tolerate being treated this way, therefore you are done with him in your life, you will be stopping the petition since you have no intent to marry him, and you want him to leave you alone. Sincerely, you don't even owe him an explanation; just he cheated, he screwed up this relationship, and it's over.
Lots of people have been cheated on. Easier to get rid of a cheating fiancee than a cheating husband.

I've been thinking about that too and recalling some of the older yet lighter threads from years back that could be redone. Such as "You know you're married to a MENA man when..." or even the topic you suggested on how to prepare for your new lives together. That one hasn't really been done, and redone, and repeated, and beaten to death around here yet.

I feel so sad for you Thank you for sharing your story. Although, I don't think this is just a "be weary of marrying from MENA" warning, it's a warning to ANYONE planning to marry. It is a risk, and plenty of American/American marriages end similarly. Good luck to you

Don't listen to this #######. Being submissive will only make you more miserable. #######!? You don't need to "make him love you again."
Un f*&%%^*(&* believable.

I heard that they have now been released!
I heard that they have now been released!

3 posts removed that derail the topic. let's focus on the question posed by the op, not ancient history.

it's like i've been watching olivia grow up on vj. she's gone off to college, gotten married, now she's been married 5 years! where does time go?

Ditto October! We got our letter for his AOS appt. Nov. 7th, hope it goes smooth and well!
Taking the grandbaby to the pumpkin farm. I can't wait. He is now old enough to have some fun with.

first of all, the OP has not yet confirmed whether or not she originally entered with intent to marry and stay. As much as those who had to wait out the K1 process often think it's unfair to be able to AOS from a tourist visa within the US and avoid being apart from your loved one, there are occasions when a foreigner enters the country under a non-immigrant status - be it tourist, student, work, or VWP - without an intent to immigrate, but ends up marrying a USC and adjusting status. That is perfectly legal.
If the OP did in fact mean that he invited her to MOVE here permanently, and she used a tourist visa to come here, then yes - she should not try to AOS from that status. I don't think it's necessary to go on a rant quite yet about illegalities and visa fraud, when to me it seems pretty clear the OP is not aware of the regulations and requirements and is here to ask for advice to be able to choose the right way to continue.
jonDutch - if your wife entered the US using a tourist visa, with the intent to move here, marry you and stay here with you permamently, then she cannot adjust her status with the I-485. Using a non-immigrant visa to enter the US with the preconceived intent to immigrate here is not allowed.
What you can do is have her return to Brazil BEFORE her I-94 expires, and take the CR-1 route and apply for a spousal visa. It will take a while (9 months, give or take), but it will be cheaper, safer, and she won't have any periods of not being able to work once she gets to the US.
Read the guides here on VJ, take a look at the forms and instructions, and talk with your wife. Though AOS might seem like a tempting choise, if you planned for her to stay here permanently before she came, I personally don't think it is a risk worth taking.
Boa sorte para você e para a sua esposa!
Addition: Personally I see no reason to scare them with these "you have to get a lawyer" statements. If she did not have intent to stay, it's a perfectly straight forward AOS. If she did, she can return to Brazil before her I-94 expires and go for the CR-1.

Intent to immigrate has not been established. She has not overstayed yet so therefor she is not in the country illegally, she can easily leave by the 21st with no problem at all. How can anyone but the OP and his wife know what her intention was?
To the OP, your situation is not unique. What you will likely need to prepare for is to spend some time apart while you file a petition.

...still August? I'm ready for Fall..this has been the hottest summer of my life !
Terrie...RFE's sure suck..what did you get an RFE for? Hope it gets all fixed and move on to the next step.
Jackie

I've been following this thread and really don't think that any of us have the right to tell Sarah how to spend her money and what to buy or not buy. The truth of the matter is she works very very hard to give her and her family a nice life and if she wants to forgo insurance to pay for a maid and or buy a decent car then she should. Its not up to us to tell her otherwise. I and many of us understand how some of these men are totally spoiled and hopefully something will make him change his ways. But if he follows Islam, which I don't know if he does or not. He can't tell her what to do with HER money, she earns it, its hers. He is the one that is supposed to pay the bills not her, so if she decides she wants a maid, then I say go for!

I've been following this thread and really don't think that any of us have the right to tell Sarah how to spend her money and what to buy or not buy. The truth of the matter is she works very very hard to give her and her family a nice life and if she wants to forgo insurance to pay for a maid and or buy a decent car then she should. Its not up to us to tell her otherwise. I and many of us understand how some of these men are totally spoiled and hopefully something will make him change his ways. But if he follows Islam, which I don't know if he does or not. He can't tell her what to do with HER money, she earns it, its hers. He is the one that is supposed to pay the bills not her, so if she decides she wants a maid, then I say go for!

This might be true, but even a good mother has to tell her son with all love and compassion to get off his azz and clean his room.

Sarah, I just think you're getting the shaft big time (and no lube to make it any easier). Baby daddy or not, no mo-fo is worth living in filth and disarray for. And let me just point out one other thing, if your girlfriend came to you and told you a replica of this story, you'd probably tell her, ”b!tch, please. Who does he think he is?” Just sayin'.

Lazy azz dads are poor role models for their kids. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Just sayin'

He needs to just get off his butt and help out!!!! In my opinion it doesn't matter what country he is from because I am sure there are plenty of american men who do the same.... If the shoe were on the other foot he would expect you to have that house clean his dinner cooked and his child tken care of so because he is not working he needs to make sure those things are done... Moroccan men tend to be spoiled by then wimen in their families.. But he needs to know that you are not his mother or his sister or his maid nor are you his slave.... You are his wife therefore it is his obligation to take care of you. Now because he is not able to work outside of the house for now taking care of you means taking care of the house..... I have had this discussion many times with my husband.. I let him know I am not a super woman, I'm not his momma or his sister nor his maid or slave.... And as along as I have to work outside of the house and pay bills with the money I make he has to help out around the house....
Remind him that even the Prohet Muhammad (saw) helped out around the house... So he needs to get off his butt and help you out.... Especially during Ramadan...

Hello everyone, I used to participate on this forum regularly back a few years ago. My husband and I got married in May of 2007, but he didn't arrive here until December of 2008. It was a long journey filled with the angst I'm sure many of you are going through now. He was Iraqi and and a refugee. He couldn't go back to his country and wasn't very welcome in Syria or Jordan, where he stayed for a couple years before finally coming to the United States. We never did get his spouse visa in those eighteen months. The whole process dragged and was completely frustrating. We got lucky that the US approved him for a refugee visa, so he came here on that. It saved us some money in the long run though I spent a lot already trying the other route.
Anyway, I know many people hear horror stories about MENA marriages. Part of me worried about it myself, but I believed I was the exception to the rule. We were open and honest with each other and around the same age. Thankfully, my marriage was among the small percentage that make it. He hasn't needed me since the day he arrived in the country, due to the US government sponsored his coming here rather than me. Yet it will be three years in December since he arrived and our relationship is stronger than ever. We still don't have any children, but we hope some day it will happen (God willing). Due to the economy going bad right before he got here, it took eight months for him to get his first job. The first two he found paid less than four hundred a month since they were part time. The third job, at a gas station, gave him full time work but barely above minimum wage. It wasn't until seven months ago that he got a job through Walmart's distribution center that he finally got something making about $15 an hour. We live in a cheaper state so this is okay. It is labor intensive and not what his degree is in, but we are thankful that it at least pays the bills. I have been able to go back to school and finish my degree as well, which has been great.
I have to say, the first year was the worst. Those that may have told you this are not lying or exaggerating. It is awful and takes tremendous patience. Not everyone can survive it because it requires both spouses to really try. The MENA spouse will need help with every tiny thing. You will go to the grocery store and they will want to know why there are one hundred kinds of salad dressing, ketchup, cheese, vinegar, etc. You have to explain about credit cards, banking, pumping gas, fast food drive-thrus, and the list goes on. My husband didn't even understand why we had to pay the electric every month since they only paid it quarterly or something. It all sounds amusing now, but I swear the endless questions and acts of helplessness were enough to drive me insane. We definitely fought and occasionally thought our marriage wouldn't last. Yet, we still remembered that we loved each other. How could we go through all those eighteen months of pain and troubles to get him here just to give up? So we rode it out. I compromised on some things, he compromised on others. We learned what subjects were safe to talk about and which ones were best left alone. He learned to fend for himself and get around without me helping him. I forced him to become independent and he hated it, but he learned and is quite happy now to be self-sufficient. Don't get me wrong, the man still will not cook or clean, lol. Yet he will work, occasionally take the trash out, buy groceries, and other small things. He has mastered the credit card quite well (which can be a bad thing but he hates debt so not too bad). The check book is still a mystery to him no matter how many times I explain and even show how he can copy the previous entries through the carbon copies. I think he just doesn't want to write the rent check out himself. He will walk it down to the office though!
The other day I was on the phone with a service company about something and I had to ask my husband a couple questions for the lady on the line. We got to joking and laughing and she asked if we were newly weds! I told her no, we had been married for over four years. She was shocked. We often laugh now like we did when we first met. Keeping a sense of humor and lightheartedness has helped tremendously. Remembering to say "I love you" and maintaining affection help as well. What amazes me most is how hard my husband still tries to make me happy, even when I'm being the less than pleasant one. He still cares a lot and it always touches me.
So, I just wanted you all to know that there is hope. Not all MENA relationships fail. Some do work. I think occasionally one of the older crew pops in to let you know, but thought I would add to the list. For everyone waiting, keep your faith and hope alive. I wish you a short journey to reuniting with your spouses and much happiness.

Hi, I know in previous posts earlier in the year that you said you were gonna wait for a few years to apply for AOS as you both agreed he could just stay home and take care of your daughter. Maybe that was a mistake.... If your saving for a BMW why not apply that money for AOS get him is EAD card so he can get out of the house and work a part time job and you spend some time with your daughter. Your little girl needs her mother and it's time he gets out of the house, gets a job, and apply this money to daycare program as she is probably not getting much attention at home while you are gone if you say he is just laying around on the couch doing nothing.
I agree with another poster that men can be pretty spoiled from Morocco as the mother and sister's tend to do all the work in the family. My husband didn't have to do too much there when it came to housework, as his mother always said "no just let me do it". My husband is no different than any other man from Morocco, they all come from a very clean home as the women in the family take pride in keeping a very very very clean home. Though my husband didn't have to do much there, he does plenty here when it comes to keeping the house in order while I work. Heck, I have probably only made the bed 10 times in 8 months as he beats me to it. He always washes the dinner dishes since he says you made dinner, now I will clean up afterwards as I should cause you work and I should have some kind of home responsibility.
Squeaky, I forget just why you didn't want to apply for AOS upon his arrival almost a year ago but I think it's time and 6 moths from now he can work with his EAD card. I mean the longer he doesn't have any responsibility for anything, it's gonna be even harder to just get him out of the house to work and keep a job if you are doing everything. Please don't be a mother to him and be a wife and give yourself a break and I know you have to be tired and exhausted not just physically but emotionally as well.
If I were you, I would not take the extra job, stay home, keep up the house and play with your daughter and enjoy life together. Being a wife means you are a partner in a marriage and it takes two not one. Being a mother means your sole responsibility in life is to raise that little girl with much love and to guide her in the right direction in life and provide for her with a stable family and atmosphere. Just look back on your own Mother's role as you were growing up, most likely she cleaned, cooked, worked, payed the bills and so forth, in general we do it all as we watched our very own mother's do the same, so it our instinct to do the same with our own families. Maybe your husband is missing you too Squeaky but can't find a way to tell you, as I am sure your a strong minded woman. I mean, gosh if he sits at home all day with the baby, I am sure mentally he is getting depressed and now you are taking on a third job and I just don't see him getting any better mentally.
Rethink your situation and find some family time and get back on track, as you didn't wait all these years just to get him here so he could sit at home while you work your life away. Take care and good luck as I know you will find a way to make this work just as you did to get your husband here.

RAMADAM KAREEM EVERYONE!