russian_armenian

He can get divorce here but usually after about 2 years of separation in such cases. But it will mean that marriage was legit. I would tell girl's relatives that husband would report to immigration fraud unit and will turn tape to them (it is not a court-they would take it). And the girl would never even have a chance to come here even on student visa. There will be a big flag agains her name at border's and CIS. And give relatives some time to get official divorce paper in India. If not agree tell that if husband would hear even 10 years down the road that she is in US, he will report and make her life miserable. Might work if relatives are so eger to get her here.

Posting for a friend (from India):

Girl's family registered marriage and obtained official marriage certficate after engagement (aka without actual marriage ceremony taking place). They have been blackmailing my friend to file I-130 and what not, but he is not budging. He broke of engagement but issue of marriage registration sticks (can't be reversed without long court battle IN india). My friend NEVER lived with girl and has spent less than week (in front of family) with the girl. No physical relations. Girl has never been to USA.

Can girl come to USA on Visitor/Student Visa and claim "abuse" by U.S. Citizen to obtain VAWA greencard without actually LIVING with the guy (with just the marriage certificate)? What can my friend do to stop this immigration fraud?

Well said, Justashooter. WAVA is indeed abused often. But many decent wifes, while being really abused, have never heard about WAVA while all scamers use it to their advantage.

I have never read WAVA but heard that WAVA is not about physical abuse only. It is also about emotional and financial abuse (or maybe it is not WAVA but just abuse clause for applications after AOS).

I dont agree that in a "normal" family if one earns more has a right to spend more. Family is all about comingling finances, social life and everything. If one intends to have separate financial life, it is ok as long as it is discussed before marriage and not trown as a surprise after marriage because normal, traditional, average person's expectation would be-everything for share. Here is a clear emotional and financial abuse from my point of view. USC is an idiot-he has never intended to be married; he just wanted to have fun (and maybe he would not mind to pay for it). I guess Russian woman was not up for fun only, and USC desire was too strong for a moment...got married, got enough of fun, wants out without any responsibility.

Yes, too many woman (Russian and American and from any other country) get blinded by Rolex and BMW, Mers, etc. because they assume that the man would be willing to share his lifestyle, wealth, etc. We all deep inside want to be Cinderellas. But reality is harsher. Many man have no intention to share their wealth. And it is perfectly fine-they have rights, it is their in a first place. Problem is that they tell directly or indirectly that ...once we get married, I will get you this and that, we will get there and there...So, they promiss but dont have a real intention to deliver. Smart women understand but power of denial is too strong. They just want to believe that they got won a loterry prize in a shape of this handsome, wealthy man. POWER OF DENIAL is very strong.

I feel sorry for this Russian wife because if she is from small city and gave up a good job, it would be very hard to get back to normal (it is not really a Europe and not Moscow where jobs are available-most Europeans would not understand).

The other point, if husband withdrew AOS, she is without status but she still needs to be here to finalize divorce (she needs decree for future even if she decides to go back).

Since she is an accountant, she might want to get some US certificates in bookiping/accounting. If she is to lose immigration case, she will have a strong footing back home with US experience and certs.

Hello Everyone. My wife's friend came here on a Fiancee visa and near the end of that three month period, he decided to marry his fiancee. She has endured a great deal from this man and now after three months of marriage, he has informed her that he has decided he will divorce her and "make" her go back to Russia. His excuse is that his brother has been single again and has been having a great time as a bachelor again. Somehow they have decided it would be so much better if the husband was single again. We know this lady very well. She takes care of his grandchild daily. She cooks, she cleans, she does everything while she waits for her AOS to be completed and her work permit and green card be approved. Now it seems that this man will try to do his best to force her to return to Russia. She has given up everything in her former life to come here. My wife knows her very well and the situation she has had to deal with. Can anyone offer some advice on this matter? I understand that if she had her green card, she could file for a waiver as she definitely entered this marriage in good faith.

Any advice or thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. My wife and I have been together now for 8 years and I feel very lucky to have such a great lady. She is very close to her friend and I hope we can help her find a solution other than having to be deported through no fault of her own.

Much appreciation for any expertise in this area. Thanks.

Fireman

I am surprised that no one ever suggests contacting the many faith-based organizations that assist people in these situations, churches in particular. Among the best of course is the Catholic church, and its help is provided on humanitarian principles to anyone no matter their religious affiliation or lack thereof.

sorry to hear that your friend is dissapointed, and that her jerk husband is no longer interested. she is in a tough spot, and needs to get an attourney to figure out how to move on. he has a right to divorce at will, just like she does. but i gotta say that i am tired of reading about filing VAWA in cases like this.

we agree that churches may provide solace. unfortunately, they may also provide sanctuary. we do not agree that being told you are fat is grounds for VAWA. we do not agree that being told you may not have a pile of money until you earn it is grounds for VAWA. we do not agree that she gets half of the guy's mercedes. the guy is responsible to feed her, make sure she has decent clothing and a roof till the divorce is done or a judge orders otherwise, and medical care. he cannot imprison her, but he doesn't need to take her anywhere, if he doesn't want to. she has feet, if she wants to leave.

some people do need solace, but nobody deserves sanctuary. some people are fat, and people do need to earn the money they spend. people only deserve what they earn. if they consistently spend money they do not earn, they fall into "hostile dependency", and act out agression in one way or another to counter the disparity in power. it's an inevitable outcome, with invariably negative results. it's why stay at home wives cheat on their husbands, and why college age kids living at home get into trouble. it's also, as evidenced in threads on this forum, why jobless male immigrants cheat on their working wives.

it sounds like the mercedes guy is a jerk. why anybody would marry a guy like this is beyond me. i guess a russian "bullshoot detector" doesn't work when an American throws mercedes chaff. or maybe just any guy was good enough, because the green card was the primary goal, rather than a secondary goal, or better yet, merely a practical expediency.

even so, we are tired of listening to poeple give advice that people abuse VAWA because their feelings are hurt. VAWA is for when your body is hurt. if you have a police report naming the USC as having assaulted and a hospital record to back it up, i will drive you to the VAWA office myself. if you push your husband against the washing machine and he shoves you out of the way to get away from you, i would sooner buy the brooklyn bridge.

this bulletin board has rules about posting information useful in or supportive of immigration fraud. this includes VAWA. anybody who really needs VAWA is already under a social worker's guidance at the reccomendation of the arresting officer.

and as for giving up everything you had to come to America, well it couldn't be much. many people on this board have given up their life savings to import a spouse. some have been taken to the cleaners in the process. doing it without a lawyer, i am out about 4 grand in filings and air fees, cause i was traveling in and out of china on business, anyway. i haven't been to the cleaners yet, so i guess i was lucky on all accounts.

The only option is probably is WAVA. She has to understand the grounds for WAVA (emotional abuse, physical, financial). I dont know how to prove WAVA, she needs to ask people about WAVA. I know some people created WAVA case out of nothing. My frined was a victim of this (when wife would start an argument and then call 911 and tell that her life was treathened; she got a record for immigration). If she is depressed she might go to see doctor, etc. You have to search WAVA forums to see if she has a ground and how to prove it.

PS: and she might not tell even her girlfriend that she was abused. My girlfriend was heavily bitten up for 2 years (with broken bones and all that bruises), but never mentioned anything till her husband put her on plane back home. She was crying on plane and told passangers on plane that husband send her back to Russia and that she feels that she does not have any rights because her conditional GC is expiring and she will lose status, etc. In short, passangers on plane made her not to continue flight (she had to take a connecting flight in NY). She went back and stayed with other girlfriend who called police. Husband was sentensed for 2 years. But the story is she never told anybody about abuse but always told that she has a great husband because she felt that her "status" (not related to immigration) depends on how friends respect husband.

Hello Everyone. My wife's friend came here on a Fiancee visa and near the end of that three month period, he decided to marry his fiancee. She has endured a great deal from this man and now after three months of marriage, he has informed her that he has decided he will divorce her and "make" her go back to Russia. His excuse is that his brother has been single again and has been having a great time as a bachelor again. Somehow they have decided it would be so much better if the husband was single again. We know this lady very well. She takes care of his grandchild daily. She cooks, she cleans, she does everything while she waits for her AOS to be completed and her work permit and green card be approved. Now it seems that this man will try to do his best to force her to return to Russia. She has given up everything in her former life to come here. My wife knows her very well and the situation she has had to deal with. Can anyone offer some advice on this matter? I understand that if she had her green card, she could file for a waiver as she definitely entered this marriage in good faith.

Any advice or thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. My wife and I have been together now for 8 years and I feel very lucky to have such a great lady. She is very close to her friend and I hope we can help her find a solution other than having to be deported through no fault of her own.

Much appreciation for any expertise in this area. Thanks.

Fireman

I hope so. Hope that USCIS is looking at the whole picture. I tried to say that it is a red flag accourding to USCIS (other flags are age difference more than 10 years, very different cultures, immigrant is not speaking English, previous marraige to immigrant of USC, immigrant in removal procedings, etc). I just dont remember all flags. I guess they dont deny but call for an interview/investigate/transfer to fraud unit. Everybody's circumstances are different. I have not implied that marraige was not bona fide just due to the fact that wife's family does not know about the marriage for such a long time. It has no consern to me. Just wanted to give some info which might help to have a strategy if asked about family.

Anyhoo. USCIS may think that it wasn't bona fide if the parents didn't know, but that certainly isn't grounds for denial. We've been partners for 6 years, I know their family VERY well, she knows mine. The reason why we haven't told anyone, is because of the cultural differences and timing. We wanted to start our lives together at the outset, by getting married, keeping a home (which we have for the past 6 years). There are so many personal issues revolving around our decision, but this marriage couldn't be more "bona fide" as it is.

I really appreciate all the intelligent responses so far, it's been very helpful.

I'm curious to see if anyone has gone through something similar, and to see what their experiences were.

One of the reasons I-751 could be denied is when family is not aware about marriage.

I am assuming that her family is in the dark...Immigration might just call.

Here is her deal:

She wants me to be happy, and I think, we will always have some sort of "love" for each other. Currently, she feels like she's trapped, and trust me, I know how that is. I don't want to suffocate her, and having an unhappy partner is NOT good.

She wishes to be "free", is the word she used. If that means seeing other people, moving countries, that's her thing. It's hard enough for us right now, that I don't want to probe further, because she's already MADE her decision.

We didn't have a formal wedding, and we were planning to have one in Cape Cod, MA, her home town, and one in Manila. That's down the tubes. Also, we eloped when we got married. We were going to announce our wedding to everyone at sometime, but now, this has happened.

She assured me again last night, that she would do everything that she needed to help this process go as smooth as possible for us.

Ant,

Take your time. What you do here is indeed like a job and a big help. I hope that your mother-in-law recover soon.

Our blessings!!

Hi Everyone,

Good luck to everyone on your immigration journey during the I-751 immigration process! Hope that everyone gets approved quickly too for their 10yr green card (especially those at the VSC who are waiting for a very long time).

Anyways, this is a bit off topic here, but because I'm usually here on this I-751 forum often, that I should let you all know that I'm taking a "VJ vacation" for awhile. No, I'm not talking about lounging in a beach chair, or anything like that. Rather, I need to be offline for awhile, since my Mother-In-Law recently had a stroke this week and was in the hospital. So I cannot tie up the phone line by being on the internet (I have dial-up), in case of an emergency and of any other medical updates, which needs to be attended to first.

Hence, I won't be on VJ much for the next little while, even though I want to try and help everyone as much as I can here still with their immigration situations. However, you can still check my previous posts and topics (the links can be found on my member profile), if you need any help finding the answers to any questions/concerns I have answered before too.

Nevertheless, I'll still check on the "VSC Status List" from time to time, and offer "congratulations" to those who have been approved, whatever little time that I get on the internet...

I hope you all understand about my serious family situation. Thanks everyone, for being so helpful and friendly here on VJ too. Good luck, everyone, on your immigration journey, too!

Ant (Still waiting at the VSC for the I-751, and taking a "VJ Vacation"...)

I am not quite sure but I think that I-864 could be withdrawn in case of fraud only. There are no way it could be withdrawn once AOS is complete. No back power. But I am so surprised that USCs are so worried about it. Do they marry some bumps who wants to live on gov support? I-864 is about 125% of poverty levels. If immigrant is making that much, I-864 is not enforcable even in theory. Honestly, I dont know anybody on SSI or other gov support. I doubt that it is so easy for a young person to get it.

I dont get one thing: is states (in USCIS forms) that an immigrant can apply for lifting conditions if the marriage was terminated by a divorce or annulment (see I-751) but

in case of affidavit of support, it stands only in case of divorce. (Divorce do not terminate the obligation of the sponsor see I-864)

What happends in case of an annulment ?????

The immigrant can lift the temporary condition but will have no sponsor and should find another one ?

Look into removal conditions forum for documents you will needed for I-751. Get all documents right now and affidevit from wife and friends and her family (pictures for 6 years, financial docs for 6 years, etc). You should send I-751 with waiver from dual signatures as soon as divorce is finalized. You should not wait for 2 years anniversary. Many people got approved without any problem-some even without interviews.

WTH is going on...

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We got married in 2006; I received my conditional GC in May 2008. I go to Canada for a friends wedding in August 2008, I come back, and she wants to separate and get a divorce! I JUST GOT MY GREENCARD IN MAY! So, I'm utterly confused. She says she's unhappy. She doesn't want to work it out.

I'm really freakin' nervous about what's going to happen next. And of course, our marriage is as bona fide as you can get as we share leases, bank accounts and file taxes together. Has anyone had experiences like this before?

Mind you, she's the one wanting to divorce. This hit me like a mack truck. She's the USC, I'm the beneficiary.

I'm so freagin' confused and a bit nervous.

The same questions I have as cherr1980. I have not recieved some mail, but my lawyer always got all NOAs and bio and all. You have been out of priority time and lawyer did nothing...This is bad. You might have a chance get approved if you would send divorce decree as soon as you got it. My guess is immigration put you on shelf and waited for that decree (they have accepted your file when they should not-I guess they might wait for some time for final decrees since you sent I-751 with waiver in the first place).

Yes, you can appeal. The best thing right now is to be in front of an immigration judge...your lawyer should know all this you know...

You need to contact a lawyer (I wouldn't go with the one that you had before to be honest I don't know what he was waiting! ) and ask the procedure for it, you do your own homework to search about it first. Don't go blind on this.

The law right now is pretty clear, after several memos about separation/divorce and I-751 that explains that you can't longer apply with the waiver while on separation. You MUST wait to be divorced to apply with the waiver if NOT you are consider married, period. There is no gray area any longer. It sucks when you are in divorce proceedings and your deadline to apply for I-751 will kick in.

Since you were married, you suppose to apply together unless there were extreme circumstances...if not, even you was going to apply late, you then file as divorce but with the divorce decree in hand, without that then you are not divorce in their eyes.

Anyway too late for that and still we are not sure why you got denied...you need to appeal asap. What your lawyer has told you at this moment? why he keeps waiting for things...it's beyond my logic.

Is your lawyer SURE that he hasn't received anything...I would go to his office and even check his mail! You know, it makes me wonder if your lawyer miss the RFE he was "waiting" for...uhmmm.

Good luck.

no, i haven't received the denial letter yet, but when i called them to check on my status they said that it has been denied and that they sent the notice to my lawyer. my lawyer hasn't received anythign, so they are sending it again. so the denial letter is on its way but i don;t know what to do now!!!!!!! is there hope or what??????

I believe you can appeal your case....

If your application to remove the conditions on your permanent residence is denied, you will receive a letter that will tell you why the application was denied. The process to remove you from the country will begin as soon as your application is denied. You will be allowed to have an immigration judge review the denial of your application during removal proceedings. During this review, the USCIS must prove that the facts on your application were untruthful and that your application was properly denied . If the immigration judge decides to remove you from the country, you may appeal this decision.

Generally, you may appeal within 33 days after the immigration judge decides to remove you from the country. After your appeal form and a required fee are processed, the appeal will be referred to the Board of Immigration Appeals in Washington, D.C. For more information, please see, How Do I Appeal?.

http://72.14.205.104/search?q=cache:O5BkhU...;cd=1&gl=us

Your lawyer screwed you up because you have divorce decree since summer and lawyer just waited to get denial. Denial means that they put you into removal procedings. You better not travel. Good lawyers usually send a new I-751 with waiver as soon as divorce decree is in hand and attach a letter asking to close the old I-751 file.

But now you have removal process in hand. My guess is you need to send new I-751 and end removal process. Get other lawyer.

Thank you so much guys for your support through this difficulty, i just received my denial letter yesterday and the reason is that i filed the waiver with no divorce decree because my divorce wasn't finalized at that time. Although, that's what the memo said at that time. anyway i spoke to my lawyer and we will refile, so we will send out the package tomorrow hopefuly.

Now i just had 2 questions

when i refile and include the denial letter, am i going to have to wait another six months or will they just continue the process and look at my case first?

Also, i'm enroled in an international school now, is it safe to travel outside the country in my case or not?

Thank you so much for all your input and may god halp you all through this process

Thanks, Mermaid. I meant the abuse clause on I-751. I am completely clueless about WAVA-just know that it helps to adjust abused women.

russian_armenian,

Just a note. There is no such thing as an I-751 VAWA waiver. The I-751, can be submitted alone, if the alien has been abused, true, and in cases where individuals are not divorced yet the US citizen spouse will not jointly file the petition, then this is an option to those for which is pertains as a grounds to self-petition. Vawa deals specifically with aliens that otherwise have no ability to adjust status, not for aliens that are already permanent residents.

Mihaela,

I have not saved links. I think search was "I-751 separation waiver" or something similar in various wordings. These memos like 2 pages long (dont even remember what webs they were from). But they are official. All related to you, I cut and posted. If I get time, I will search again.

But now seems that it is not relevant since you are divorcing under abuse; so you can send I-751 with WAVA waiver right away. Might save time. Looks like you have evidence for WAVA.

Good luck.

russian_armenian,

Thank you for your answer straight to the point.

Could you send me the link to the memo from 2005 (I couldnt find it on USCIS site, you must be more proficient then me on e-search).??

My ground for divorce is cruel and inhuman treatment - in one word: abuse.

Most of the people that didnt deal with abusive spouses, have no idea how bad it is. They can only imagine but... feeling/experience is entirely different. The effect/trauma caused by it (especially if the abuse is mental or emotional) can take years to heal. If it get that bad that you get mentally ill, you might never recover.

I was very close to that stage. A letter from my doctor to an organisation that deals with domestic violence cases and proper medication + counseling, saved me.

Too bad that not too many people know what abuse is, so they would recognise it and be able to protect themselves.

In case of immigrant women: to gather evidence and be able to prove it.

Some people that answered on this forum think that calling the police when a domestic violence incident occurs is that easy!

Well, is not easy at all. If you are a immigrant woman has no cell phone, no car, no friends and nowhere to go + you live in the backyard of the abuser's parents property wich is enclosed by a tall fence and all this is in the middle of a forest ... well, you might think twice... because if you manage somehow to call the cops, you better have another place to go next day ... or you risk your own life. Because, think about it... who would report you missing ? The criminals who baried you in their backyard?

They can as easy say: she left because she had a lover or whatever other story ... who would care about that immigrant or try to find out what really happened to her ???

One thing is for sure: if the immigrant women is treated decently, she would not seek help with domestic violence organizations (to get in one of their programs, to get help from them, you have to prove your spouse is an abusive person. They know and recognize the pattern and behaviour of the abuser).

But the story and what is abuse... in another topic as I promised.

I try to keep it only on legal matters, laws, memorandum and legal strategy/research.

This forum helps to get prepared and ask the right questions to lawyers. Do you trust lawyers? All of them? Some of them dont know half of what they should know. I have been to many lawyers before I settled with one. All of them were stricly immigration lawyers. My case was not simple. My AOS from company was pending but I have got married to USC. I wanted to know the best way. Believe me one lawyer from big immigration law company (i got reffered to him through friend-doctor from Holland -the process was fast for her) told me that he does not know how to deal with this part of a possible process and that part because other lawyers at his company handle those aspects of immigration process. And he had more than 20 years of immigration experience and perfect reputation. The other lawyer told me just to prepare new applications and wait which one will be faster (she should know that it is illigal to have 2 AOS pending applications).

This forum helps in some ways. Like in OP situaiton-if she goes to one lawyer and asks how to keep PR status while living in Mexico, she might get an answer that it is imposible since her "domicile" will be abandoned. But the other might tell her, that she has to spend at least 1 day a year in US (plus taxes, mail, etc) and she would be legal and can cross border without a problem. With lawyers it all depends how you ask questions-they dont want to get debarred. Lawyers with foreign background are usually more layback and just tell all tricks they know how to be legal. I have American born lawyer because I have not needed "tricks". I am sure that my lawyer would not tell me explicitly how to keep PR status if I would wanted to live overseas. He would lecture me, I am sure. But I know many other people who were told by lawyers what to do in the situation like OP-one friend is actually just arrived here for a week, he has been living abroad for 3 years now while keeping his GC. And he is crossing border without problems. My friends family won GC in lottery about 5-6 years ago. They stayed here for about 6mo and got GC in hands and all those years just visiting US for a few days actually only (the whole family of 4).

i'm not understanding why people are giving pushbrk a hard time for his offering advice. that is what this board is for - and one can either heed or disregard the advice.

He can't admit when he's wrong, when he misses detail in posts. But when someone else misses entering a comma in a sentence he gets his feathers all ruffled. Is his condescending tone against TOS?

pushbrk is the Victor Meldrew of VJ......

...........but ultimately, there's nobody I'd rather turn to for advice on this forum.

JenT,

Good luck to you. All the best wishes and wish you happiness. I am so sorry to read your story.

Reading your story made me realize again how background cultures are important. I dont mean that his UK/European background played a big part in this sad outcome and marraige resolution. What striked me (again and again) is a typical American tradition to work on a sour relationship and reason that more time in the beginning/dating would save/avoid future problems. My perspective (and I think it is kind of culturally related) is that the best marraiges were started in a hearbeat. All happy families I know (about dozen) were formed after 2-3 months of dating and no prior to marriage living. The span of those marraiges are 15-25 years now. But when you meet them, you get it right away they are strong unions and happy and they are not working/never did on relationships.

I feel that if after a few months of dating, if people want to live together/to see how all will work out, the big chance that there are some bigger than accepted interpersonal differences (maybe on unconceous level). I know that most Americans would not agree since it is engraved in culture than before a big jump into marraige, you have to make sure that marriage would last. And all this brings us to 70% divorce rate (the divorce rate is high in Russia too now; but a lot of marraiges in Russia are started with wrong intentions-ride to a better life due to dare circumstatces; it is much more difficult to get yourself on tracks in Russia than here). Is this an outcry of protestant culture-to get something good, you have to work hard? While it helps to prosper economically, should it be applied to relationships?

Hi Everyone,

Two years ago, I never would have thought I'd be posting in this forum, but here I am. I'm angry and bitter and trying very hard to keep it together these days... I haven't posted on (or even accessed) VJ for a very long time because it's too much of a reminder of what was. Things are so different now and the feelings that I remember having 'way back when' seem so distant.

Some of the 'old timers' here know our story.... anyone else who is interested can read our story in my profile. Since I haven't kept up with VJ, I really don't know who's still here... who might be interested…. Rebeccajo, Charles and Nessa, GaryC, Luzy, William33, LisaD, Diaddie….??

I remember reading posts in this forum two years ago and shaking my head in wonder... thinking I was immune to some of these 'issues' much as an adolescent believes they are immune to danger and are immortal. It was foolish of me to think that way. As much as I thought I was being realistic about the challenges of blending households and cultures, I did not account for how unrealistic David was about all of this, despite the fact that we talked about everything, a lot.

After my divorce, I decided that I didn't want to marry again. But after meeting David and deciding that we wanted to build a life together, marriage was the only way (thanks, USCIS). I believed him when he told me that he had nothing keeping him in Germany.. his daughter was almost 18 and lived exclusively with her mother (that should have been one of my parenting-related clues). She had a boyfriend and a life of her own that she was building. David had a very small circle of friends and he had his saxophone. He taught English as a second language (no college or University education)… all things he could easily 're-create' here, as long as his daughter was able to visit. His best friend died of cancer a month of so before he moved to the US and that deeply affected him.

I fell in love with his sense of humor... the loyalty he felt for his friends… and his determination to make some sort of a life for himself in Germany after his divorce. I loved how he expressed himself through his music, how he showed obvious affection for his daughter, and how he enjoyed teaching. I was awestruck that he loved me enough to forsake his life in Germany and move across the ocean to be with me. I loved him for that too.

But David never found 'closure' after leaving Germany. There were warning signs about his personality 'issues' that I chose to either ignore or spin positively… ultimately, he suffered from severe homesickness and depression (and he is borderline obsessive-compulsive), but lived in denial about it. He grew resentful of the fact that I had a full calendar and a life with my two teenage girls. He resented the fact that I had a full-time career that paid very well, while it took him a year and a half to find a job, working as a front desk clerk at a local hotel. Yet, even though he was home alone all day (and I worked 60+ hr weeks), he would not do any housework unless I was right alongside him doing it too.

He was jealous of the time I devoted to my children and I realized that he never really raised a child… he divorced his wife when his daughter was 6. So he missed all of the school-stuff, doctor appointments, nightmares in the middle of the night, sleepovers, clothes shopping, party planning, holiday 'stuff', etc. Even when his ex went out of town, his daughter stayed with a babysitter, instead of staying with him. He didn't know how to share a home with a wife and two teenage daughters. More importantly, he didn't want to try. He became suspicious that we were all out to make him feel like a 'slave'.

He came upon a cruise line for students that was seeking English instructors…. They'd be gone for 4 months at a time, sailing the world while being educated in various subjects. There wasn’t even any negotiation possible. He'd decided he was going to go, regardless of how I felt, without even knowing any details about compensation…. That was when I felt the shred of foundation that was left between us had finally cracked. We kept trying and reconciling. But every argument grew uglier and nastier than the last.

We coached soccer together last fall, in an effort to find some mutual ground, but it was a disaster because he resented the fact that we (Americans) had ruined HIS sport (UK football). His arrogance about everything in Europe being better than everything in the US was growing very wearisome.

He became angry and verbally abusive, to the point where I had to phone 9-1-1 one night this last July just to diffuse the situation. We'd been having computer problems and he accused me of changing settings so that he could not longer access his email… (like I have time to conspire against him like that). It escalated and other issues crept in to the point where the police needed to be called.

Overall, we were in marriage counseling for over a year, separately and independently. I kept up hope for both of us... And the therapist and I tried to help him to find the person that he was, or wanted to be. Everything that was mine was his, but he could never accept it because his pride stood in the way. He was too depressed to listen to music, let alone play, and he never sought to develop any of his own personal relationships. Everything was too much effort. We live in a small Midwest town… he knew what he was getting himself into as I requested that he come to stay with us for 6 weeks before I accepted his proposal. That wasn't enough time for him to really understand what life was going to be like.

Of course I was frustrated by all of this… I knew we were complete opposites but I 'thought' we would balance each other out. Instead, we wound up bringing out the worst in each other. I've been impatient and have overlooked his needs because I've felt so betrayed. He made no effort to change, to meet MY needs, or to make things better. I feel as though he just went to counseling to placate me. If he were to post here, he would tell you that I am controlling… I would have been quite happy to relinquish some of the responsibility for the house and the calendar and our social lives if he'd shown some competency, some desire, and "stepped up", but he did not. He was content to let me do everything and then blame me for doing so. Rather than communicate with me, he'd have conversations with me in his head, decide on the outcome, and then blame me for whatever it was…. He gave up being interested in what I had to say, and quite honestly, I lost interest in what he had to say as well.

I kept trying to remind myself that his was the biggest adjustment and that he needed time…. All of my suggestions to help with the adjustment were looked upon by him as more attempts to control him, so I gave up. He had freedom to come and go as he pleased with full access to one of our vehicles and he took full advantage of that, out of spite. It was ok for him to be gone for hours at a time and I wasn't supposed to ask where he'd gone…. Yet I had to be accountable to him for my plans every day.

Those of you on here who know me also know that this is the most personal information I've ever shared about my life. I am only doing so to emphasize the fact that had we had more time together to date and be a 'normal' couple, I would have learned about our incompatibility long ago. Many of you are able to make it work given the distance and timing…. Many are not. If you see red flags or warning signs, PLEASE pay attention to them. Others had warned of things to watch for as we were going through our immigration process but I thought we were immune to all of it since we HAD built a solid foundation of communication. That ability to communicate seemed to crumble as soon as we shared the same living space.

I'm no longer wondering whether I made the right decision to file for divorce. I still love him, but that is not enough. We don't have enough in common to sustain a marriage… most importantly though, we have both lost the desire to try any longer. We are fundamentally incompatible and we could not have known that in the short time we knew each other before we began the immigration process. I just hope to get past my anger and resentment to resume a happy life with my girls. I'm back in therapy to help with that.

So…. I'll probably still check in on VJ from time to time, but I'm sure I won't be posting much. I wish all of you the best in your relationships and I hope you find the most possible happiness in your lives.

Jen

I know some Canadians were not permitted to visit US when GC was revoked. But some actually never had a problem.

Hello friends,

In conclusion I think I would abandon my GC because I am not going to live in USA, and when I get a job here I will apply for a tourist visa, but what will happen with my SSN??

Im thinking they might deny touist visa because i have a SSN in USA???

I know many people who just some here once a year for a week/weekend. (many Canadians, by the way). They are perfectly legal and keep PR status. But they have some lease agreements here and pay taxes-just in case to show that they have not abandoned residency. They rule says-to keep status you have to be in US for 364 days a year. A day longer and you have broken the continuaity.

For OP it could be a problem if she sends I-751 in good faith marriage-married people must live together. But if she sends with waiver, she can say that she was rehabiltating due to divorce with family in Mexico. Her residency should be fine.

and if she takes to long to decide, this may be a moot point as she may have been out of the country long enough to be considered having abandoned her residency.

And the other thing that I am going to repeat from the previous poster -- if and when you do get the 10 year GC, YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN THE USA, the 10 year card is NOT a travel visa.

There is actually time to get divorce and to send I-751 with waiver. I would say 5mo is the time to get final degree in hand in PA. You should be fine with I-751 with waiver. Just get all docs from husband in advance-to prove that marraige was bona fide. He might not cooperate later. He might be willing to give you some money for process. But you still has to come here for fingerprints. Everything else could be done by mail. And somebody must check mail for you.

Well, it was HIS SUGGESTION, i havent agreed anything yet. And I would have to trust him and its kind of hard for me. I dont know what to do yet.

Thanks

It's fraud. Trust or no trust, what he suggested is fraudulent.

You must reside in the USA in order to remove conditions on your legal permanent resident status.

You have two choices and two choices only.

1. Reconcile your marriage and remove conditions based on a bona fide ongoing marriage relationship.

2. Obtain a divorce before your status expires and self petition to remove conditions on the basis you entered the marriage in good faith.

Both options require you to reside in the USA.

So, your husband wants to cooperate. That is good. (my impression that you need a GC-to qualify for a school loan your son has to be a PR; or maybe he is already).

What husband is suggesting is wrong-immigration sometimes check family courts to see if divorce was filed (even if it is not final). Your application could be denied because it is based on conitnous marriage in good faith.

He is right. It is 90 days in PA if you dont contest divorce and a couple more months to get final decree. PA divorces are not like NY-record is available. I see that he wants to get over it. And despite prenap, you sill might get some money-so, maybe that is why he is willing to cooperate.

A few points.

-You need to be in US to do fingerprints (they could schedule 2 weeks from 3 months after sending I-751).

-After you send I-751 and (important) you have in your hands actual Notice of Action on your case, you both file for divorce.

-In PA it will take max 6mo (if you both consent) to have a final decree.

-As soon, as you get final decree, you send a new I-751 with waiver based on divorce (suggestion-get PO box and ask son to check it every week; so you would not miss letters from immigration and your husband might not give you letters and you will be denied; immigration might ask for more evidence of bona fide marraige; RFE is common but interviews are not common and you dont need your husband for interview if you send I-751 with waiver).

-You needed to be in US only for fingerprints and can wait in Mexico. You should keep telling that you are just staing in Mexico with relatives but domicile in US and that US is your residence.

-You better to come to US every 6 mo but you actually can some to US only once a year for 1 day and would not lose your PR status (however, would not be able to apply for natulalization since will be needed to accumulate 30mo in 5 years); but you would have to pay taxes or keep name in some apartment...something to show that you have not abandont the residence in US.

-Keep in mind that you will need money for applications. So, I would ask husband and get cash in advance.

-I would not trust husband with control over the process.

My husband has told me he would be willing to go to the interview if i file to remove conditions in january, but I would have to sign the divorce documents prior to removing conditions, here is his suggestion:

1. we file the application papers for divorce, no government agency will ever know that we filed since there is nothing official on file at the US state department or Immegraton Dept. we are still married, there is a single piece of paper that sits in a file drawer at the courthouse. but this starts the 90 day period that I want to get over with.

2. You start the green card application as soon as your allowed

3. you come back to the usa for our interview and we both sign the final divorce documents (January ?)

4. We wait for your green card to arrive. AFTER YOUR GREEN CARD COMES I WILL THEN FILE THE FINAL DIVORCE DOCUMENTS.

5. Divorce is over 1 month later (February?)

My green card expires in april 2009. I would have to file in January 09.

This is very complicated since i am not in USA and i dont know what to do.

THANKS TO EVERYBODY.

Deemabrouk,

Sounds like he got a conditional GC for 2 years. Some AOS applications were approved without interview. Instead of canceling checks, you should have revoke your I-30 for him (is it what you have sent with I-485 and employment application).

He is a permanent resident now but he has to romove conditions on his status in 2 years. By doing so, he should provide evidence that the marraige was fona fide-you two lived together, shared financial responsibility, etc. From what you write-I gather that he would have enough evidence to prove that you two indeed were married (he will get testimonies from friends, family that they knew about marraige; he will show that he has lived with you, etc).

He does not need you to remove conditions on his status (and after that he will get 10 year GC). He can petition himself and does not need your signature.

But here is a catch-to pettion himself without you, he needs divorce decree (without final decree he cannot get a waiver from both signatures requirements). Without divorce decree his removal conditions pettion would take a very long time to adjudicate-at 2 years if no divorce, he cannot file and so his permanent residency status is revoked. But he can go to judge and will get extention on his LPR status till divorce degree is final. After that he sends petion to remove conditions and has to prove that marraige was bona fide to immigration officer.

You see, divorce speeds up his process. By withholding divorce, you make his life very uncertain. Plus, if he gets divorce, he can marry again and start a new GC process in case if he feels that he does not have enough docs to prove that marraige to him was bona fide (only if USCIS decided that he commited fraud though marraige to you, he would be barred from any future AOS process; but more likely that his removal conditions application might be only denied due to lack of sufficient evidence to support bona fide marriage-so, he could get GC though a new marraige).

You can write to USCIS and make an infopass and tell the story of your marriage. It will flag his future removal condtions file-nothing more. Check divorce procedures in your state or state he lives -he can file for divorce and can get in on time for his removal interivew conditions (usually about 6mo-1 year after he submits application). Sounds like he found a drug junkee to help him in a new marriage AOS application. Tell USCIS about his new girlfriend too, specially about alcohol and drugs. Make more flags.

well.... that would be great if it would expire within 30 days!

(rahma... he came here on a K-3. when he came i mailed the papers for AOS. he started acting up. i canceled the checks which then the papers got denied due to "improper" filing... and in the end I had to pay them anyways... with interest )

but when the poop hit the fan and I called immigration they told me that he got approved a 2 year visa... so even if we divorced... he had the rights to stay until the visa expired. That's when I was like "What?! He came here started abusing me.. I had to flee my house with my children.. He finally left. I dont even know where he is. And thats just fine?!" She basically said well he has to inform them of any address change but other than that they can't do nothing else. His visa was valid up for 2 years upon enter in the country.

Maybe the lady was a tart and didnt know what she was talking about BUT that was the info I got

There has to be a doc somewhere on web-SOP I-751-standard operating procedures for I-751. It should describe in what situations IO put a supervisory hold (since it is so early into submission, my guess would be some doc you have submitted is not what they expect-I dont mean bona fide marriage docs, I think they look into them later; but marraige cert, USC birth cert, etc; cashiers check is better than regular check-it is cash-should not be a problem). If you have time and worry a lot, you might search.

It has been 31 days and no Biometrics letter yet. So I made an Infopass appt and we went in today to ask why. They told us they could just do the Biometrics at that time. Not what we were planning, but no problem. So then he is looking up our receipt numbers and pulling our info up on the computer with us standing right there. For some reason our I-751 has a Supervisory Hold on it, he said he would investigate and let us know what was up. I need to take a copy of the Biometric letter into him when I get it so that he can make certain that he has the fingerprints attached to the correct receipt number. He was really awesome.

I am concerned about it, however. Anyone have this happen to them? Does anyone know what a Supervisory Hold is? Why would it stop us from getting the Biometrics Letter?

FYI - I did a calculation of times between NOA1 and Biometrics Appt and it varies from 20 to 40 days on average. I made the Infopass appt because at 30 days, we don't even have a letter yet.

Oh, congratulations!!!! Long wait for you.

I got my card a week ago and about 6 days after I have got the same e-mail.

Application Type: CRI89, PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED

Current Status: Card production ordered.

On October 10, 2008, we ordered production of your new card. Please allow 30 days for your card to be mailed to you. If we need something from you we will contact you. If you move before you receive the card, call customer service. You can also receive automatic e-mail updates as we process your case. Just follow the link below to register.

Done for 10 years -- and can't be happier!!!! It's been a very long six months in Cali

Congratulations!

So, yours took exactly 10 mo at VSC.

Mine was approved a couple of weeks ago and took 10mo and 1 week of waiting.

Got actual card about a week after card production e-mail. Never got "application approved notice" but my lawyer got a copy.

Hi everyone,

My I-751 application has been approved today. I found out from the online status.

Sent: 12-24-2007

NOA date: 01-09-2008

Biometrics: 02-15-2008

Approved: 10-10-2008

Hopefully VSC won't make any mistakes on my card.

Oh, thanks. I gather now-have to put info on form but dont need to bring court records and show thay you paid for them.

I was a bit confused because I have read that a guy was denied naturalization only because he had too many speeding tickets. I dont remember details but I think he did put it on form. USCIS and appeal court decision said too many speeding tickets equals to lack of good moral character since applicant for naturalization neglets local traffic laws.

You can read in N-400 explanations that traffic incidents are exempt from mentioning if not involved substance abuse (DUI) and under $500.

Not really true, if you go to page 25 on the M-476 "Guide to Naturalization" it says:

"Note that unless a traffic incident was alcohol or drug related, you do not need to submit documentation for traffic fines and incidents that did not involve an actual arrest if the only penalty was a fine of less than $500 and/or points on your driver’s license.

Lying. …,If USCIS grants you naturalization and you are later found to have lied during your interview, your citizenship may be revoked."

So yes you are suppose to put it on but you shouldn't need any additional documention for it. However we got a request for additional information to be brought to the interview and it did say court records. However at the interview they did not ask for them. I think it just automatically prints out that request if you check yes to the answer.

So in summary. i would recommend putting it on as a yes, as it does no harm. Do they really care about, not really, would they revoke your citizenship over it, very doubtful. Could they, yes they could if you lied at your interview or on your application. So in theory if you did something that pissed someone high up off, they could get you booted out on a technicality. Again I don't think this would happen, but since the interviewer or the government doesn't care about minor traffic tickets, no reason to hide it in the first place.

With USCIS everything is possible-denial could be at any step for a reason we would not believe. I would say that in most situations they would accept slightly late applications. But everything...

Just have read about court battle in 2001. A regular person (comp. programmer at Microsoft) was stripped of citizenship (not misteked-- she has already been a naturalized citizen not merely a GC holder)...because according to USCIS files, N-400 petion had an old address and she supposetly has not notified of a new one. She claimed she did; she won but it took 3 years of courts/appeals.

The other guy was denied citizenship due to many speeding tickets and court upheld the decision. By rules, speeding tickets (if not DUIs) are exempt even from reporting to USCIS...But I would say it is not a rule, rather exeptions (but they create a precident).

From my reading of the Adjudicator's Manual, the 60 days is discretionary, not absolute. It depends on the reasons you give for filing late but it is still up to the adjudicator to decide whether to accept the reason and the late package. If there is no filing by 60 days after the green card expiry they are supposed to start removal procedures, so you don't want to file late hoping it will be accepted. Whether or not a late file will be accepted is up to the decision of USCIS and they may say no. We did have an applicant here who filed late and his file was not accepted. I haven't heard what they have done since. Postal marked two days before expiry should be fine, but if for some reason they sent it back (ie. wrong fee, etc.) you could have problems if you cut it too close to the line. Once you receive your NOA extension letter you know they have accepted the package.

You can read in N-400 explanations that traffic incidents are exempt from mentioning if not involved substance abuse (DUI) and under $500.

15. Have you ever committed a crime or offense for which you were not arrested?

Is getting a speeding ticket regarded as a crime or offense?Do I say yes to this question?

16. Have you ever been arrested, cited or detained by any law enforcement officer (including USCIS or former INS and military officers) for any reason?

Again,is the speeding ticket a citation?

Thanks for all your help.

Thanks, Lucyrich.

I went through legislation and posted some cutoff since so many people ask the same questions and it is all in this regulation.

I gather that separation due to work is not a problem as long as couple lived together for most part. I was just afraid that if I get a job in future in other city and would have to move there before husband, what would happen to pending N-400? I still have to check if N-400 would be transferred to other jurisdiction upon address change.

Thanks for info, Lucyrich. Looks like they are more carefull with administrative denaturalization since 2001 after court decision on Gorbatch.

What I gather, for 3 years N-400 "marriage" means "residing together". So, in case OP wife can show that they have been living separately (even without the intention of divorce) at time of interivew, it is better to wait 2 more years? Right? Some lawyers write that couple must live together. Even if due to work they live separately, N-400 might be denied. Maybe I got wrong info. Somebody would correct me.

I think you're more or less right, but any time there's a separation without divorce, it becomes a grey area. The USCIS published interpretations may provide some insight, and they do show some examples where separation won't necessarily prohibit naturalization under 319(a).

http://www.uscis.gov/propub/ProPubVAP.jsp?...3187569d01e667a

Click on that link and click on 319.1. Then scroll down to the section titled "Marital union for the purposes of 319(a)".

Note that the published interpretations suggest that only a valid marriage is required between petition filing and the oath, so that might suggest that that YankeeDoodle is OK.

There are a several examples of what has been and hasn't been found to be OK, but unless your situation is exactly like one of those described, it's a little hard to draw a definitive conclusion about what will be judged to be OK. That's why good lawyers make big bucks figuring these things out.

If you're in somewhat of a grey area, there's no guarantee the person adjudicating your application will initially see things your way, even if you're eventually proven right. You may be initially denied and have to appeal, and by the time you go through the whole process and prove that you were approvable, it may take longer than it would have taken just to wait until you were out of the grey area. Or, you may be initally approved and then later administratively denaturalized, in which case you may be forced to go through an expensive and time consuming appeal process. If you read the interesting court cases, often something like that happened, because that's the kind of case where the immigrant really fights it as far through the court system as possible.

As a practical matter, many people would just prefer to stay far away from any grey areas, and wait until naturalization is very clearly approvable.