MAO36

I wish all women had your strength to move on, its sad to think of how many suffer silently because its hard for them to make the first step.

Thank you Neema. It has not been easy, we still occasionally speak but I try to limit the communication so I don't become illogical in my senses. What I realized is that you HAVE to take a stand in life to do what's right for you and your children, even it it hurts like crazy. Time heals all.

MAO!!

I haven't been on VJ for some time and just saw this. I am sorry to hear what you are going through but happy you have made the decision that is best for yourself and your kids.

God bless and all the best to you.

Thanks Zee! It's been a long time. Glad you're doing well!

sad story, but it looks like you made the right decision. women don't listen to their instincts enough. i'm glad you did. wishing you and your family the best in the new year.

Thanks so much. Happy New Year to you also!

You are scaring me... My husband has been here for 2 months now and he is still loving to me and my little boy. How soon did the disrespect and cheating start? You are not the first person that has warned about this. But I keep telling myself that my situation is different, but you best believe I am going to be watching him now. I am sure there are others on this site that feels the same. "Ladies lets watch". There will be no second chance if it happens to me. My eyes are open, but I think I am pretty safe cos he is always telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me. I am just glad you are at peace now. God Bless you!

Hello Olami!

I'm sorry..... I did not mean to scare you. Please remember this is "My" story and yours may be different. By all means continue to enjoy your Hubby and take away whatever you can from my journey if it will be beneficial to you. You sound like a smart lady. If there is ever something for you to be concerned bout, the writing will be on the wall. If things are going well for you, enjoy it!

Thanks for responding. Much sucess to the both of you!

Treva Posted Yesterday, 03:13 PM

I haven't known you over the years, but I just wanted to say Congratulations! I think you are a very smart woman who has done the right thing. There are some men who will do whatever we let them get away with. He sounds like one of those. Sometimes having kids makes us stronger and wiser. You sound like a great mother who wants the best for her kids. I have two little girls, and if even just for their sake, I wouldn't put up with that bs either. It sounds like you gave him more than enough chances, and it's clear you'll all be better off without him.

"Yes, Treva.... I really did give it my all and having kids undoubtedly gives you inner strength, insight and wisdom to do what's best for them. You sound like a no non-sense kind of a woman. Thanks for the response""

shefellfromheaven

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:41 PM

MAO,

I'm utterly shocked ! Be strong MAO. It takes courage, strength and deep conviction to walk out of a loveless marriage. Hope you find peace and strength

((((((MAO)))))))

"Awh....... I'm sorry you're in shock. Believe me my shock just wore off after 5 long years. Yes.... I have found peace and strength, finally. It was long overdue" Thank you

foy your concern"

Simply_Uno

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:39 AM

Wow. Its been a long time since I've visited VJ. But thats because my situation ended long before it ever got started

Any way, I'm glad you did what you needed to do for you and your kids. I'm just saddened by the fact that his flaws did not show up while he was still in his own country. That way you would not have lost money and vested time and energy into him and his #######. I hope that what ever lesson you learned from this, that you are not destined to repeat; nor have it manifest in the lives of your children.

Take care of you, always

Peace!!

Hello Simply Uno.

"Those were my sentiments exactly. I just wanted to know why weren't these traits shown in nigeria. I guess this is why I should not have married someone without spending quality time together, to get to know the real person inside. When you date and marry abroad, this can sometimes be the sad reality/outcome. I wish him all the best though, truly. Thanks for your comments"

I haven't been on VJ since 2007 but when I came aboard last year I did follow your story and I just want to thank you girl for taking the time to be so transparent and real with us...and glad to see you didn't become bitter and call him a scammer (which I don't think he is since apparently he didn't want to leave lol) but instead as you said he wanted his wife and single life too..Nigerian or not...sir this just can't be...smh...yes girl set the standard for your babies...they are watching us...and this isn't what either of them need to see so good for you! I had to decide that about my own two with their father... You seem very strong and at peace and that is what matters most....who knows maybe he'll realize FOR REAL what he had in you..sometimes you gotta let them fall hard... but if he's anything like my ex if he waits to long it may be too late by then because you would have moved on completely...either way girl my hats off to you for sharing your story with us...and keepin' it real! I love that about you! Praying for you and I know that the best for you is yet to come!

[/quote

Thank you for following my story, appreciating my honesty and taking time to respond. I wish you nothing but happiness also!!

4theloveofhenry Posted Today, 11:33 AM

I just sent you a super long message but it couldnt go through, but the gist of it was I am soo sorry for the loss of your marriage but Jehovah sees all things and he has seen the pain that you and your children have had to go through and he will not forget his faithful ones. You seem like you are handling these devastating conditions stoically so that proves that Jehovah is already blessing you with that peace you need to keep going. You are such an inspiration to me. I pray the kids are doing ok and even though you have moved on from him I pray he too will get a handle on his situation spiritually for his sake. Just hang in there Michelle and know you have a sister in Ohio who is always thinking about you and stopping by VJ to see if you are ok. Girl check that inbox sometimes so I can send you a message from time to time lol.

Agape

Dee

"Dee!!!! Would you believe I am just seeing your message you left me MONTHS ago with your phone #!!!!! I am calling you tonight!!! I've missed you and your encouraging words... Love ya

moon68

Posted 13 November 2012 - 06:24 PM

Dont know if you remember me but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that things did not work out....I know you tried and gave him all the chances you could but you are right for getting yourself and your children out of a bad situation......You sound like you are doing good and being very strong....May jehovah watch over all of you and give you the comfort to hlep you through this dificult time.....I am sure you will find someone that will love you and respect you the way a husbsnd should....All my love.....

"Miss "K" of course I remember you! You are my spiritual sister in Cali. Our husbands spoke on the phone for goodness sake, Of course I remember the woman whose Husband is a gift from GOD! You are blessed K. I am sooooooooo happy he was everything he said he would be. <tears of joy for you>"

Ben and Jill

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:03 PM

Mao36, awwww honey, I am saddened by this, I can't tell a lie, but you sound super fine and I am proud of you for respecting yourself and your children enough to do the right and best thing. God bless you and stay steadfast and strong. So proud of you

"Jill..... yes I'm getting there, took a while but I am almost there. Thank you and I wish you much love and happiness hun."

misskaykay

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:02 AM

Damn i feel your pain mami. am kinda a little bit experiencing the same thing in my own marriage. mine (hubby) is like a bipolar. is sweet this minute the next minute is mean and disrespectful.

Just know if one door closes another will open. take care:)

"Awwwwww misskaykay, I pray that you have a happy ending. Sometimes there is a silver lining. Hold on for as long as you feel it's the right thing t do."

Jahwaree

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:00 AM

Proud of you, stay strong you will meet the one one that will love and chrish you

"Thank you so much. I do believe this"

You sound like a strong woman. My first thought while reading was, Good for you! It took me 13 years to work up the courage to get out of a bad marriage. I raised my son and daughter on my own and have hopefully instilled those values in them. I am now married to a wonderful man who is the one I am certain was meant for me all along. I don't know if you like to read but I found a book very inspirational and uplifting when I separated and eventually divorced. It is called In the Meantime, by Ianyla VanZant (I dont have the book anymore so Im not sure if I spelled that right). I always thought the worst thing that could happen to me would be for my ex to leave. As it turns out, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. He married the woman across the road and I married my soul mate. in the meantime just worry about YOU and your children and the rest will fall into place. You have already taken the hardest step. You were also braver than me because I fell for the I'm sorry act and took my ex back for another couple years of that hell. Leopards cannot change their spots and once a cheater always a cheater. I should have listened to my mom on that one! Best of luck to you.

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I always use that same quote about a leopard not changing his spots. Thanks to everyone who left encouraging, uplifting comments and commendations. I'm feeling good to have heard the feedback from so many. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You sound like a strong woman. My first thought while reading was, Good for you! It took me 13 years to work up the courage to get out of a bad marriage. I raised my son and daughter on my own and have hopefully instilled those values in them. I am now married to a wonderful man who is the one I am certain was meant for me all along. I don't know if you like to read but I found a book very inspirational and uplifting when I separated and eventually divorced. It is called In the Meantime, by Ianyla VanZant (I dont have the book anymore so Im not sure if I spelled that right). I always thought the worst thing that could happen to me would be for my ex to leave. As it turns out, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. He married the woman across the road and I married my soul mate. in the meantime just worry about YOU and your children and the rest will fall into place. You have already taken the hardest step. You were also braver than me because I fell for the I'm sorry act and took my ex back for another couple years of that hell. Leopards cannot change their spots and once a cheater always a cheater. I should have listened to my mom on that one! Best of luck to you.

Sometimes the cultural divide will never be overcome. I know many Nigerian men that think they will go out and play and a good wife should be home fixing dinner. I have been about your whole process. Good luck at the next phase.

This was very much the case. Wow..... I recall speaking to you on the phone back in 07 or 08. I am so glad things are going well for you. You went thru a lot, I still remember.

keep your spirit strong. you sound like you wnt let the past stop the future so pls dnt.

Thanks ndu26,

I won't let it stop me. We live, learn and hopefully grow from our experiences, I have.

I can't tell you how proud of you I am. I read your post with tears yet I salute your courage and strength. I have traveled the road you have as well. When I kicked him to the curb I felt such relief and liberation. NO I was not married to a Nigerian at the time, he was Hispanic. This goes to show you that a scum is a scum no matter what and where he is from. As women we need to stand up for what is right for us and for our children. Again, I stand by you once again dear sister for you are setting the right examples for your son and daughters.

No one is perfect, but no one deserves to be treated less then they deserve. One day you will find the man who deserves you completely and appreciate the wonderful person you are. Stay blessed and know you are not alone in this. I wish you all the best and happiness. Hugs

I really appreciate all the love and support you have shown me over the years. Thanks so much and let's still keep in touch as I now you are still on your journey. I wish you nothing but success!

yes I had an ex like that and what made it worse after we got divorced and to this day he calls me and asks me to meet him...mind you he is remarried and I told him that he is the skum of the earth and how could he even ask me that...if he is doing it now to his new wife I would hate to think what he was doing while married to me Some role model for our children

Sorry Hami,

I don't know who I responded to earlier, lol. Anyway.... that is absolutely crazy, I'm glad he is now your ex. You certainly deserve better.

Stay strong and god bless you for doing the right thing for both your kids and yourself.

M

Thanks M!

You speak words of wisdom that have only come from loving yourself first and knowing your worth. And for that alone you are truly blessed. You are a wonderful mother for what you are showing them and teaching them, that noone is more important than them. What love is and what it is not. So many people stay in bad situations hoping that the other person changes, or if they do more, or do better they will change. Well guess what, you can hope, but you can't make a person change no matter what you do. And yes sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they change and some hit rock bottom and still never do. You are a strong women and whatever the future holds for you, you and your children will be fine!

Thanks reese,

True words spoken, at some point you have to take a stand for what's right, no matter how scary it seems. God will always support the right decision!.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Good for you! Keep your head up!

Thanks Sam!

your story has touched my heart and you are a strong woman! May God bless you always!!

Thanks hami,

Thats what they say..Sometimes one has no choice.

4 better or 4 worse. Glad ur happy. stay prayerful.

Thanks Queen O

and now i can't sleep!! I-130 approved! on to da next phase!!Thank you Jesus! that was the longest 4 months and 2 weeks ever!!!

Congrats!!!

You guys crack me up! It is so evident you guys are so in LOVE! WOW

Thanks Dennis & Jean

It's been close to 5 years now. I feel like we've weathered the storms

You know your husband is african when you have to invest in a "New set up POTS" cuz he insists on cooking his rice on the highest temperature, "blow torch heat" and will not remove it until the bottom of the pot is burnt to a crisp!!! :rofl:

You know your Husband is african when he arrives in Southern California winter, ignores all your trimmers and cutters and weed wackers , insists you buy him a machette and then while you are work proudly cuts down all your deceduous trees. ( I miss all my little trees)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

You know your husband is African when he does not consider ground meat....meat....no no, its not meat unless there are bones in it.

So true!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

You know your Husband is african when he talks about it being so hot, but yet he's in long sleeve PJs and wrapped up in a winter blanket (Man whatcha gonna do when it really gets hot?)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Haha! Hear me laugh!??? You know your husband is African when it's the middle of summer and the air conditioner is on and he's laying in bed with socks, pajama bottoms, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt and is covered up to his ears in three blankets!!

:rofl: :rofl:

Ben & Jill!!!!!! I had to show my Husband that one, we both are cracking up!!!

You know your Husband is african when you look over and he has "wool socks" on in the summertime with a pair of shorts and flip flops lol

(Yes, he enjoyed the laugh... i hope noone takes offense.)

Who's next!

LOL..yes indeed it did get my attention lol! I had read your first post when I joined VJ (last year) and I was like oh man I wonder what happen with that couple...it was like a story waiting to unfold lol...so I was very anxious to see your update...and well I must say wow! LOL...and well it is so clear you 2 are completely in love lol...differences at all... I agree with your hubby hang in there..especially if he wants to keep working at it (most men do throw in the towel easily, especially here in America my ex did)....so keep on fighting for your marriage girl (you know you love that man lol)...congrats on the house...I'm sure you are just as excited as he is too LOL...I can't wait until I get mine (well ours after we get married)...owning is better than renting...I think you both are going to look a back at all of this (as you are now) even further down the road and say wow....look how far we have come...my grandparents got (and still get) on one another's everlasting nerve but it's been 52 years now lol...older folks truly new what it meant "for better and for worse"....I like to say that today we have microwaveable marriages...quickly in quickly out...back in the day...granny and them (lol)...had homemade marriages...(a long time to cook; but the best dang meal you had lol)...blessings to you and your hubby!

Hello Olumides Girl!

Another great response! You are so very right.... I love that term "microwavable marriages". Sad but true! I so appreciate the words of wisdom and the wonderful reminders of those "old school" marriages. Yes, I love my big headed baby! Gotta love him! Your time is coming very soon girl. I am so glad you remember my post from last year since that means you know all about what we have gone through to get to this point.

We continue to grow as a couple everyday! Thank you for the response!