Mithra

I'm sorry this happened to you but you must know that you were treated this way because you were never meant to be a permanent wife. It's cold I know but if a man truly wants you to be his wife he wouldn't have treated you that way. I'm sorry you got involved with such a bad person and family.

Successful visa issuance isn't the same as a successful marriage. What others are suggesting is that the rate of still being married after visa issuance/green card/citizenship for these relationships is very low. If your only judge of success is getting a visa then yes most are.

Yeah the comparisons aren't necessary. The OP wants a shortsighted opinion of the successfulness of May December MENA relationships not which kind of young pup is better and less likely to piss on the floor and chew the sofa. She's in love and sees the visa as the be all end all. I suppose at this stage most people see the visa as the ultimate prize.

I'm sorry but that above is ridiculous. 23 year old men from any country can be capable of being lazy and childish just the same as 23 year old men can be mature and responsible. It's not where they're from that matters, it's how they were raised, their own personality, and what they've been exposed to.

This thread meets all the marks. SuperMENAmen wise beyond their (young) ages, a healthy amount of "My Mohammad is totes different", and a drizzle of "American mens are all lousy slobs". I feel an American Queen lurking out there, just waiting for the right time to
make its entrance though.

I'm sorry but that above is ridiculous. 23 year old men from any country can be capable of being lazy and childish just the same as 23 year old men can be mature and responsible. It's not where they're from that matters, it's how they were raised, their own personality, and what they've been exposed to.

I don't think anyone here is accusing you of being desperate. That being said, being beautiful, intelligent, and a real catch doesn't make one more prepared, immune to scammers, immune to marrying ill prepared men, etc. Do you think that the women who end up being scammed, taken advantage of, used, cheated on, married to men-children, etc. are all ugly, naive, desperate idiots? Discussing life in the US, particularly life as a step father to 4 children is not going to prepare a 24.5 year old (do we still count half years as adults?) Egyptian man for what really lies ahead. But you didn't come here for that. Honestly, getting married now isn't going to really make a difference since you've already met in person once. It just depends on which visa you want to go for. I knew my husband for a little over a year before we got married in Egypt. First visit. We didn't get extra AP or anything due to that. If you have your certified copy of your divorce decree with you and can fulfill any requirements of getting married within the two weeks you're in Egypt, go for it. To me, it makes no difference whether you get married here or there. Sh!t can happen either way as far as your relationship is concerned. You won't find out if things suck until you're living together in a real life situation anyways. Vacation relationships are almost always romantic, fun, exhilarating, etc. Your time spent in Egypt will no way prepare you for real life so do whatever makes you happy and is convenient right now.

The OP seems to think she's the only one who has approached her relationship cautiously and calmly. The rest of us approached ours in a completely reckless and hysterical manner. None of us have taken our relationship seriously. It's a shame really that we aren't all as desirable, calm, collected, and serious as the OP. Not even sure why she's asking for advice since she seems to have everything under control.

The OP seems to think she's the only one who has approached her relationship cautiously and calmly. The rest of us approached ours in a completely reckless and hysterical manner. None of us have taken our relationship seriously. It's a shame really that we aren't all as desirable, calm, collected, and serious as the OP. Not even sure why she's asking for advice since she seems to have everything under control.

The OP seems to think she's the only one who has approached her relationship cautiously and calmly. The rest of us approached ours in a completely reckless and hysterical manner. None of us have taken our relationship seriously. It's a shame really that we aren't all as desirable, calm, collected, and serious as the OP. Not even sure why she's asking for advice since she seems to have everything under control.

I don't think anyone here is accusing you of being desperate. That being said, being beautiful, intelligent, and a real catch doesn't make one more prepared, immune to scammers, immune to marrying ill prepared men, etc. Do you think that the women who end up being scammed, taken advantage of, used, cheated on, married to men-children, etc. are all ugly, naive, desperate idiots? Discussing life in the US, particularly life as a step father to 4 children is not going to prepare a 24.5 year old (do we still count half years as adults?) Egyptian man for what really lies ahead. But you didn't come here for that. Honestly, getting married now isn't going to really make a difference since you've already met in person once. It just depends on which visa you want to go for. I knew my husband for a little over a year before we got married in Egypt. First visit. We didn't get extra AP or anything due to that. If you have your certified copy of your divorce decree with you and can fulfill any requirements of getting married within the two weeks you're in Egypt, go for it. To me, it makes no difference whether you get married here or there. Sh!t can happen either way as far as your relationship is concerned. You won't find out if things suck until you're living together in a real life situation anyways. Vacation relationships are almost always romantic, fun, exhilarating, etc. Your time spent in Egypt will no way prepare you for real life so do whatever makes you happy and is convenient right now.

The chasm between what responders are actually saying and the OP's replies keeps getting wider and wider. Not to mention coming across as really dismissive and condescending to the posters who have been actually living these experiences, and are beyond just having spent a couple of vacations with their SOs.
"Aren't in much of a honeymoon phase"?? You're not even pre-pre honeymoon phase to be grappling with. Not even close.
If you've been divorced since May of this year, but have been proposed to by multiple guys, richer, older, closer than the Egyptian wunderkind, that raises multiple alarm bells, as opposed to proving amazing, super woman desirability prowess.
Regardless, I hope the discussion continues despite that, because there's some really good points being made here by several posters, and important issues to consider that other readers might benefit from.

I don't think anyone here is accusing you of being desperate. That being said, being beautiful, intelligent, and a real catch doesn't make one more prepared, immune to scammers, immune to marrying ill prepared men, etc. Do you think that the women who end up being scammed, taken advantage of, used, cheated on, married to men-children, etc. are all ugly, naive, desperate idiots? Discussing life in the US, particularly life as a step father to 4 children is not going to prepare a 24.5 year old (do we still count half years as adults?) Egyptian man for what really lies ahead. But you didn't come here for that. Honestly, getting married now isn't going to really make a difference since you've already met in person once. It just depends on which visa you want to go for. I knew my husband for a little over a year before we got married in Egypt. First visit. We didn't get extra AP or anything due to that. If you have your certified copy of your divorce decree with you and can fulfill any requirements of getting married within the two weeks you're in Egypt, go for it. To me, it makes no difference whether you get married here or there. Sh!t can happen either way as far as your relationship is concerned. You won't find out if things suck until you're living together in a real life situation anyways. Vacation relationships are almost always romantic, fun, exhilarating, etc. Your time spent in Egypt will no way prepare you for real life so do whatever makes you happy and is convenient right now.

I don't think anyone here is accusing you of being desperate. That being said, being beautiful, intelligent, and a real catch doesn't make one more prepared, immune to scammers, immune to marrying ill prepared men, etc. Do you think that the women who end up being scammed, taken advantage of, used, cheated on, married to men-children, etc. are all ugly, naive, desperate idiots? Discussing life in the US, particularly life as a step father to 4 children is not going to prepare a 24.5 year old (do we still count half years as adults?) Egyptian man for what really lies ahead. But you didn't come here for that. Honestly, getting married now isn't going to really make a difference since you've already met in person once. It just depends on which visa you want to go for. I knew my husband for a little over a year before we got married in Egypt. First visit. We didn't get extra AP or anything due to that. If you have your certified copy of your divorce decree with you and can fulfill any requirements of getting married within the two weeks you're in Egypt, go for it. To me, it makes no difference whether you get married here or there. Sh!t can happen either way as far as your relationship is concerned. You won't find out if things suck until you're living together in a real life situation anyways. Vacation relationships are almost always romantic, fun, exhilarating, etc. Your time spent in Egypt will no way prepare you for real life so do whatever makes you happy and is convenient right now.

Wow, it's usually the American women who get slagged off on VJ for being useless. It's been a while since I've seen a post condemning American men.

Yep, alllll the poors got that way and stay that way because of their own damn laziness and refusal to "work hard". Because of American refusal to work 80 hour work weeks that all the guys "working overseas" are already doing. Brilliant, just brilliant.

So funny how all of our husbands are different even when some stereotypes seem to ring true (in a lot of cases). My husband only wears cologne if we're going out somewhere or if I request it (if we're just staying home). Before me, he rarely if ever wore cologne. He does, however, goe heavy on the deodorant so it almost smells like he has cologne on lol. My father, who is not Arab, does the same thing - cakes on the deodorant lol. It's funny how alike my father and my husband are in little weird ways.
I, on the other hand, love perfume and have several kinds but I'm very sensitive to strong smells so I have to shop around in order to find one that works for me.

I agree. My husband inherited my old POS Honda AFTER he got a job and could pay for his own car insurance and gas. He came with his own clothes and toiletries so I didn't have to buy him any. By the time he needed new, he had a job and his own money to pay for them. He paid his own way here and brought enough money to help with expenses until he could work. I'm often floored at how pampered and coddled some of the husbands are around here. Unfortunately they end up behaving like pampered, entitled brats sometimes, too.

American women don't think MENA men are slaves. However, many MENA men are ok with coming here, living off their wives and/or their wives' families until they can find work and then when they do find work instead of paying their fair share, they want to send half or more of their money back to their country. It doesn't work that way. Do you ever think that perhaps your wife's depression is from going through the immigration process, bringing you here, supporting you, and then you not appreciating all that she's gone through? Then when things go bad and/or men don't get what they want they want to cry about their 'crazy' wife and how awful she is. American wives then end up to be either crazy, drunk, druggies, or slave drivers. I love that.

Bingo! That is exactly what it is...laid back due to not having any big responsibilities. Yes, my husband had a job and yes, he worked long hours but he didn't have anything to really worry about. His mother and sisters catered to him. He didn't have kids, a house, or a wife to deal with. Even though we were married for a year before he came to the US, he didn't have a wife to deal with. So yeah exactly everything mahboula says are reasons for the laid back attitude. My husband was not/is not as laid back here as he was in Egypt. He tried to be because he was new here and had a wife who he THOUGHT was going to take care of everything. That got old quick and contributed to many of our problems. He did finally realize that having me do everything was not helping him at all.
Obviously YMMV and not everyone's situation is the same. It's awesome when a man can come here and everything falls into place and he assumes the responsibility that he signed up for, etc. It can happen but it's rare.

Bingo! That is exactly what it is...laid back due to not having any big responsibilities. Yes, my husband had a job and yes, he worked long hours but he didn't have anything to really worry about. His mother and sisters catered to him. He didn't have kids, a house, or a wife to deal with. Even though we were married for a year before he came to the US, he didn't have a wife to deal with. So yeah exactly everything mahboula says are reasons for the laid back attitude. My husband was not/is not as laid back here as he was in Egypt. He tried to be because he was new here and had a wife who he THOUGHT was going to take care of everything. That got old quick and contributed to many of our problems. He did finally realize that having me do everything was not helping him at all.
Obviously YMMV and not everyone's situation is the same. It's awesome when a man can come here and everything falls into place and he assumes the responsibility that he signed up for, etc. It can happen but it's rare.

avoiding the "mena imported son syndrome" is crucial. these are grown men. treating them as such doesn't always guarantee they will act like grown men, but there's no upside whatsoever to treating them like petulant teenagers

My husband appeared to be a very "laid back" person as well. What I didn't realize before he came was that he simply didn't have much to stress out about. He lived with his mother and father = no family to support, no rent/mortgage to pay. He had his own little store and went to work when he felt like it--"I'll be in around nine or ten" doesn't really fly here when you're expected to be at work. He had no children, no car payment, the HOA wasn't up his azz because the grass was two inches too long. When he said "I'll be there in ten minutes", it really meant sometime within the next hour or so. So he was laid back because he could be.
I did try to explain to him what to expect when he got here, but either he didn't believe it, or he didn't understand.
^^^ ditto to everything she said.

American women don't think MENA men are slaves. However, many MENA men are ok with coming here, living off their wives and/or their wives' families until they can find work and then when they do find work instead of paying their fair share, they want to send half or more of their money back to their country. It doesn't work that way. Do you ever think that perhaps your wife's depression is from going through the immigration process, bringing you here, supporting you, and then you not appreciating all that she's gone through? Then when things go bad and/or men don't get what they want they want to cry about their 'crazy' wife and how awful she is. American wives then end up to be either crazy, drunk, druggies, or slave drivers. I love that.

These "East Indians" you speak of, do you think IT companies just pick up random East Indians off the street and give them IT jobs? So if an East Indian can get a job in IT so can an Egyptian? Yeah, if they have the same amount of experience and education. You most certainly do need experience and degrees most certainly do count. Companies aren't going to hire FOBs with no experience just based on their word that they have computer knowledge. The logic you're using here is flawed. You're giving the OP false hope.