RAKASA

Salaam, y'all.
The thread Sudden CHANGE!!! What do I do!?; Controlling issues is a great example of why I no longer bother to offer advice when someone asks for it. As in this case, the OP usually closes the thread, and leaves angry and resentful, stating that they really didn't ask for advice about their relationship after all.
I'm sure some of you are compassionate souls who only want to help, but take it from an old-timer, the bearer of bad news on the MENA board is often an unwelcome intruder to the OP despite their good intentions.
My two cents . . .

So, OP, you keep alluding to the non-hotness of your wife and how you were so awesome she just needed to have this baby with you to remember you always. How are we supposed to know if this is true without any evidence?

you could always not read the food posts, and just read the ones that contain the information yr seeking. an oz of adab could go a long way. the regional forums are not 100% visa stuff, 100% of the time. the people posting helpful stuff do it 100% voluntarily. if part of their helpful stuff also involves tangents, so be it.

Honestly, no one here knows. All we can do is speculate, but it is true that Moroccan women have had far fewer issues with getting a visa than to Moroccan men unless something unusual pops up. My SIL got her tourist visa without any sponsorship almost immediately after requesting it, and she barely speaks English. Unlike most men, my husband had a cursory interview, and received his visa within 24 hours. We had married within 10 days of our first meeting, and he's 21 years younger, both supposedly red flags. Mitigating factors are we're both Arab, both Muslim, can communicate easily in 3 languages. I can't tell you for sure why he had no AP, and no substantive interview. The CO's know why they do what they do, but it's rare that we know.

Congrats Noura! I saw it on facebook as well, but one can never get enough congrats on such a big occasion.

Congrats, NOURA!!! :dance:

How old is your husband ? Disappearing to “play” for 6-12 hours a day while you’re left all alone to take care of your daughter and your home all by yourself is very childish and irresponsible.
It seems you are the sole breadwinner for the family as well as the sole cook, maid, and laundress - while he plays. No wonder you feel upset !
From your timeline, your husband has been in the U.S. for almost 14 months, but only got his EAD last month and has not found a job yet. So has he been carrying on in this way since he arrived ?
I am guessing that your child is around 2 to 3 years old. This is definitely old enough to notice that Mommy and Daddy spend a lot of time fighting, or that Daddy isn’t around much, or that Mommy is sad all the time. It’s not a good example or environment for your child.
Please ask yourself honestly what attracted you to this man in the first place. Was it because he exhibited the qualities of a man who would be a responsible husband and father ? Make a list for yourself with the reasons why you feel that you love him, and then the reasons why your marriage is not happy.
No one can change his attitude and behavior except him. However, you can change your life by taking control of it. You don’t have to be anyone’s doormat. But you are the only one who can decide how you will accept being treated, and how you will accept your child being treated.

Ripping the bandaid off and taking the huge step of actually ending it is not going to be easy in any way, shape or form. But your situation now isnt easy either. You may very well find that once the first step is over and done its all a lot easier than you imagined it would be. Dont let your daughter grow up thinking its fine for a man to treat a woman like dog poop.

Is he getting a completely free ride here? Can one work whilst spending 6-12 hours a day in a pool hall? Freeloading frat boys don't leave on their own, why would they? Leeches don't fall off until they're full, and he's always going to need stuff, and never get full. At least not until you're completely sucked dry. Then he might move on. I have a difficult time believing his cousin is completely innocent in this either. Let him pick up some of the slack from this moocher. Yr tapped out. Yr daughter deserves yr 100%, he doesn't deserve anything.

So does he think it's okay for you to hang at the bar with guys? Obviously this guy is a cheater. What you do now determines how your daughter will view the way men should treat her. Think carefully before you do anything but don't be blind the the evidence right in front of your face.

So sorry for what you are going through. I can tell by reading your post that you already know what's what and are just looking for some validation. Your gut instincts are usually correct in most situations. Sounds like this guy doesn't treat you with much respect. Someone who doesn't care when you are ill, leaves you alone for long periods of time while "playing pool" just seems suspicious to me. Do you really think he plays pool for 12 hours? Does he have a cell phone? I would put a locator on him and find out where he is REALLY spending 12 hours. Anyway, doesn't sound like he is open to counseling and surely isn't listening to your concerns and complaints. Guess now you have to decide when enough is enough.