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About MarryForLove

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  • Location New York, NY, USA

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  1. Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your taking the time to respond and giving suggestions. Frankly, this is all getting a bit depressing, and is muddying the fun of being in a new relationship and not being able to pursue it properly, like an adult, instead of having to play all these ridiculous games. It comes down to my government dictating what I can or can't do in my personal life.... Grrr. Meeting in other countries involves a lot of logistics/expense but is also just repeated vacations, not really representative of living together. We both feel the odds of getting the tourist visa are really slim (he hasn't traveled), and we lose time/money trying that (also demoralizing if denied). Neither of us really wants or cares about getting married in the legal/bureaucratic sense, but we both believe strongly in love-based commitment and partnership. So for the moment we're stuck. Need to think about it and talk and see what we come up with. I'll be reading more on this and other sites and hopefully the best solution will manifest itself. I'll refrain from venting further but may ask more questions if you don't mind. Again, thanks for your help!
  2. Thanks everyone for your replies. I realize my post was more venting than anything else, as the options are pretty clear, but your comments are helpful. To answer your questions, yes, same-sex marriage is not legal in India, but it is in the U.S., so we could marry either here (fiancé) or abroad (spouse). For the latter, South Africa is an option that seems doable (I do some work there). Regarding his parents, they are pretty self-sufficient and there are siblings and relatives who can take over if he leaves. I just thought that was a plus for the tourism visa – that he has a reason to return – to balance out the fact that he lives at home! From what I’ve read and people on his side are telling him, if you’re single with no strong ties to your home country, you’re pretty much dead in the water for a tourist visa approval. At least for an Indian. If he’s upfront about wanting to visit a guy he met online I think the confusion that would generate during a 2-minute visa interview would be enough for a denial. Then we’d have to start all over again. He’s frustrated because he knows what he wants and wants to get on with it; I am more cautious and marriage is a big deal to me. I’m not opposed to it but it carries much more weight on my side. I do care for him and feel that things could be good, but I’m more annoyed at having to rush marriage for him to be here. I really want him to be able to see this place and get a feel for it. I have a house and land in the country and we’ve talked about running an animal welfare or other business here. It all feels a bit mail-order bride-ish otherwise! 😊 Anyway, we are planning to see each other for the whole month of May – either in India, here if he could get a visa, or elsewhere abroad. That’s the soonest we can get together again due to work schedules, and is 4 months away. Theoretical question: If we started the fiancé process now, and it takes several months to process, assuming he is approved and eventually comes to the U.S., we would have that processing time to continue to get to know and meet each other outside the U.S. (May), and would also have the 90-day period in the U.S. to get married. So at that point he can spend time at my place. If for some reason we decided not to get married at any point in there, then we could just cancel the K-1 and part ways, correct? I know this sounds a bit mechanical and I don’t want it to be that, but concretely this is possible, I think. The reasoning is that the tourist visa process would probably ultimately cost close to the same in time and money, whether he is approved or not. This is using the K-1 in a slightly unorthodox way, but dammit, I have to work with what options there are/aren’t. There is no deceit if the intention at application is marriage but it later changes. Thanks again for your comments! Very much appreciated. Should I be posting this in a K-1 forum?
  3. Question: I met an Indian man online 7 months ago, when I was planning a tourism trip to India. We found we had a lot in common and decided to meet during my trip. We did that, and hit it off, spending the entire time together. Since my return to the U.S. we have chatted or talked every day, have developed feelings for each other, and are interested in pursuing the idea of being together long-term. We would like to take the next step in our relationship, which is to spend more time together dating in person and getting to know each other. And we both feel it is really important for him to come to the U.S. to see what life is like here and also to see where I live, etc. so we can decide where we might want to be together – there or here, and if at all. This is a quite normal and logical step in any relationship – to continue to date and get to know each other. But I’m finding that it seems impossible for him to just come and spend some time with me, due to the visa options and restrictions. From what I understand, he would almost assuredly be denied a tourism visa: he is 44 years old and single, lives in his parents’ home (cares for them), is self-employed as a tutor, has no children, etc. (I’m 51, single, male, self-employed). I don’t see how to convince the visa app people that we just want to spend more time together to determine if we want to be together long-term. The only other options I see are the Fiance or Spouse visas, both of which require us to MARRY just so we can DATE!!!! This seems absurd to me and flies in the face of the reasons for immigration laws in the first place. (Where is the Just Dating visa?!?!) They are essentially forcing people to get married. (Not everyone is interested in immigrating to the U.S.! If we DO decide that we want to be together AND in the U.S., THEN we can follow that route.) We are mature adults and both open to the idea of marriage but don’t want to be forced into it prematurely just so we can spend time together in my home/country. I guess I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this catch 22 and what they might have done about it. Has anyone been able to get a tourism visa by being honest about this (or not), or had a tourism visa denial then applied for Fiance/Spouse? Is that OK? We’re open to any creative ideas or advice. If we have to marry, I'm not sure which is better, fiance or spouse visa (get married outside of U.S.)? But again, marriage for dating purposes makes no sense…. We'd prefer to marry for love. Thanks for any help!
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