dentsflogged

I've been married nearly 4 years, with my husband for nearly 6 all up. 
 
I'm a city girl and always have been.  Living in a small town (around 10,000 population) was tough but I was making it work.  At the start of the pandemic I told him I wanted to move somewhere slightly bigger (I'm talking like 50,000, not 5 million) and he agreed we could talk about it when the pandemic calmed down. Then a few months later he wanted to buy his childhood home so it stayed in the family and so we could have more space/land and the like.    It's in an even smaller town (less than 5,000 people) and rural/remote and in the snow belt so winter is long, cold, and really hard to get out and do anything in.   Despite all my reservations we went ahead with it. And it's gone totally downhill since then. 
 
We've always fundamentally disagreed on living in the US vs. Australia.   I've done all the compromising - first on living in the US at all, then on living in a small town, now living in an even smaller town.   And now he's talking about wanting to move even further out for more land so we can have a hobby farm.  And I just. Can't. Do. It. 
 
I'm used to cities, to having a big group of friends, to having options to do things like go to a movie or out to dinner.   Know where our closest movie theatre is?   50 miles away.  We spent an hour driving around last friday trying to find somewhere to eat that wasn't totally full because it was the first nice night after 4 months of below-freezing temperatures so everyone was piling into the whopping 4 choices for restaurants.     I haven't got a single friend in town, and only a few in the town we moved from (which is a 45 minute drive away). I work from home 4 days out of 5 so I never see my team mates enough to count (I could go to the office more, but it's 80 miles from where we live and I don't want to do that drive back/forth more often) 
 
I'm thinking we are just fundamentally mismatched. He's made it 100% clear he will never move to Australia and that he hates cities and doesn't want to live in/near one.  I feel like I'm slowly being erased because I'm not the fun, happy, fit and energetic person I was when we met, because all the things I did that MADE me happy, fun to be around and fit/energetic are gone.   I've gained over 100lbs from eating/drinking too much alcohol to cope with depression & anxiety that I've developed due to the social isolation. 

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm sick of being in a relationship where my needs and wants are never taken into any kind of consideration.  I also don't know what to do with immigration - I've applied for ROC already and am only a few months from being eligible to be a citizen, but I don't know if I want either of those things vs. to just take my stuff and my dog and go home?  Is there any benefit to getting a waiver for ROC if I don't intend on staying here?

I've been married nearly 4 years, with my husband for nearly 6 all up. 
 
I'm a city girl and always have been.  Living in a small town (around 10,000 population) was tough but I was making it work.  At the start of the pandemic I told him I wanted to move somewhere slightly bigger (I'm talking like 50,000, not 5 million) and he agreed we could talk about it when the pandemic calmed down. Then a few months later he wanted to buy his childhood home so it stayed in the family and so we could have more space/land and the like.    It's in an even smaller town (less than 5,000 people) and rural/remote and in the snow belt so winter is long, cold, and really hard to get out and do anything in.   Despite all my reservations we went ahead with it. And it's gone totally downhill since then. 
 
We've always fundamentally disagreed on living in the US vs. Australia.   I've done all the compromising - first on living in the US at all, then on living in a small town, now living in an even smaller town.   And now he's talking about wanting to move even further out for more land so we can have a hobby farm.  And I just. Can't. Do. It. 
 
I'm used to cities, to having a big group of friends, to having options to do things like go to a movie or out to dinner.   Know where our closest movie theatre is?   50 miles away.  We spent an hour driving around last friday trying to find somewhere to eat that wasn't totally full because it was the first nice night after 4 months of below-freezing temperatures so everyone was piling into the whopping 4 choices for restaurants.     I haven't got a single friend in town, and only a few in the town we moved from (which is a 45 minute drive away). I work from home 4 days out of 5 so I never see my team mates enough to count (I could go to the office more, but it's 80 miles from where we live and I don't want to do that drive back/forth more often) 
 
I'm thinking we are just fundamentally mismatched. He's made it 100% clear he will never move to Australia and that he hates cities and doesn't want to live in/near one.  I feel like I'm slowly being erased because I'm not the fun, happy, fit and energetic person I was when we met, because all the things I did that MADE me happy, fun to be around and fit/energetic are gone.   I've gained over 100lbs from eating/drinking too much alcohol to cope with depression & anxiety that I've developed due to the social isolation. 

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm sick of being in a relationship where my needs and wants are never taken into any kind of consideration.  I also don't know what to do with immigration - I've applied for ROC already and am only a few months from being eligible to be a citizen, but I don't know if I want either of those things vs. to just take my stuff and my dog and go home?  Is there any benefit to getting a waiver for ROC if I don't intend on staying here?

I've been married nearly 4 years, with my husband for nearly 6 all up. 
 
I'm a city girl and always have been.  Living in a small town (around 10,000 population) was tough but I was making it work.  At the start of the pandemic I told him I wanted to move somewhere slightly bigger (I'm talking like 50,000, not 5 million) and he agreed we could talk about it when the pandemic calmed down. Then a few months later he wanted to buy his childhood home so it stayed in the family and so we could have more space/land and the like.    It's in an even smaller town (less than 5,000 people) and rural/remote and in the snow belt so winter is long, cold, and really hard to get out and do anything in.   Despite all my reservations we went ahead with it. And it's gone totally downhill since then. 
 
We've always fundamentally disagreed on living in the US vs. Australia.   I've done all the compromising - first on living in the US at all, then on living in a small town, now living in an even smaller town.   And now he's talking about wanting to move even further out for more land so we can have a hobby farm.  And I just. Can't. Do. It. 
 
I'm used to cities, to having a big group of friends, to having options to do things like go to a movie or out to dinner.   Know where our closest movie theatre is?   50 miles away.  We spent an hour driving around last friday trying to find somewhere to eat that wasn't totally full because it was the first nice night after 4 months of below-freezing temperatures so everyone was piling into the whopping 4 choices for restaurants.     I haven't got a single friend in town, and only a few in the town we moved from (which is a 45 minute drive away). I work from home 4 days out of 5 so I never see my team mates enough to count (I could go to the office more, but it's 80 miles from where we live and I don't want to do that drive back/forth more often) 
 
I'm thinking we are just fundamentally mismatched. He's made it 100% clear he will never move to Australia and that he hates cities and doesn't want to live in/near one.  I feel like I'm slowly being erased because I'm not the fun, happy, fit and energetic person I was when we met, because all the things I did that MADE me happy, fun to be around and fit/energetic are gone.   I've gained over 100lbs from eating/drinking too much alcohol to cope with depression & anxiety that I've developed due to the social isolation. 

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm sick of being in a relationship where my needs and wants are never taken into any kind of consideration.  I also don't know what to do with immigration - I've applied for ROC already and am only a few months from being eligible to be a citizen, but I don't know if I want either of those things vs. to just take my stuff and my dog and go home?  Is there any benefit to getting a waiver for ROC if I don't intend on staying here?

I've been married nearly 4 years, with my husband for nearly 6 all up. 
 
I'm a city girl and always have been.  Living in a small town (around 10,000 population) was tough but I was making it work.  At the start of the pandemic I told him I wanted to move somewhere slightly bigger (I'm talking like 50,000, not 5 million) and he agreed we could talk about it when the pandemic calmed down. Then a few months later he wanted to buy his childhood home so it stayed in the family and so we could have more space/land and the like.    It's in an even smaller town (less than 5,000 people) and rural/remote and in the snow belt so winter is long, cold, and really hard to get out and do anything in.   Despite all my reservations we went ahead with it. And it's gone totally downhill since then. 
 
We've always fundamentally disagreed on living in the US vs. Australia.   I've done all the compromising - first on living in the US at all, then on living in a small town, now living in an even smaller town.   And now he's talking about wanting to move even further out for more land so we can have a hobby farm.  And I just. Can't. Do. It. 
 
I'm used to cities, to having a big group of friends, to having options to do things like go to a movie or out to dinner.   Know where our closest movie theatre is?   50 miles away.  We spent an hour driving around last friday trying to find somewhere to eat that wasn't totally full because it was the first nice night after 4 months of below-freezing temperatures so everyone was piling into the whopping 4 choices for restaurants.     I haven't got a single friend in town, and only a few in the town we moved from (which is a 45 minute drive away). I work from home 4 days out of 5 so I never see my team mates enough to count (I could go to the office more, but it's 80 miles from where we live and I don't want to do that drive back/forth more often) 
 
I'm thinking we are just fundamentally mismatched. He's made it 100% clear he will never move to Australia and that he hates cities and doesn't want to live in/near one.  I feel like I'm slowly being erased because I'm not the fun, happy, fit and energetic person I was when we met, because all the things I did that MADE me happy, fun to be around and fit/energetic are gone.   I've gained over 100lbs from eating/drinking too much alcohol to cope with depression & anxiety that I've developed due to the social isolation. 

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm sick of being in a relationship where my needs and wants are never taken into any kind of consideration.  I also don't know what to do with immigration - I've applied for ROC already and am only a few months from being eligible to be a citizen, but I don't know if I want either of those things vs. to just take my stuff and my dog and go home?  Is there any benefit to getting a waiver for ROC if I don't intend on staying here?

9/22: Package mailed (USPS 2 day express) 9/24: Arrived at lockbox 9/26: Text message @ 8.44pm with reference number in it (LINXXXXXXXXXX)  
Contents:
 
Cover letter Cheque for payment G-1145 i-751 Marriage certificate Front/back copies of green card Drivers licences Joint car insurance Vet bills for our joint pets Internet & power bills Household bills paid by both of us. Documents for us buying our house (we currently live there rent free so no mortgage/rent to include) / selling the old one Joint health insurance/HSA Joint bank account (along with explainder about why I hadn't been depositing into it for a while) 2 years of joint tax returns Reservations etc for our planned trips this year. Looking at it, seems like the Lincoln field office is faster than a lot - average of 14-28 months.    That said; I'm eligible to apply for citizenship in 11 months.  If I send that in, will that be looked at when my i-751 is looked at (hopefully at 14 months?) or does it slow the whole thing down and make my i-751 wait on the n-400?

Hubby and I have been married 3 years in December.
 
I'll admit I kinda dropped the ball in terms of evidence so this is what we have to send in:
 
Joint insurance cards for cars Joint health insurance (me on his); insurance statements showing both of us using it as well as statements from the HSA showing me using it (husband has had a great run of health the last year or so while I've had complications post-covid) Joint bank account - it's in both our names; he is the only one who deposits into it as I've been using my primarily cash income (bartender) towards projects on the house we are purchasing (I've been doing this for a year - we are buying his childhood home from a family member so we have been working on it/living in it rent-free but don't own it yet) Title company documents showing our intent to purchase the house and an in-progress mortgage application. Receipts and in-progress photos of the work we have had done on the house; cheques written by me to pay for it.  IRS returns/stimulus notices. Travel plans that are coming up (October & November) Copies of documents where he's named as the beneficiary for my work-provided life insurance Various bills and statements in both of our names Documents about the adoption of our dog; ongoing vet-care for him, photos of us with him Various photos - new house progress  
I was going to send in copies of drivers licences to show the same address on those, but I noticed there's an error on mine which I never saw before (the wrong person's signature) and the earliest appointment I can get to go in and have that fixed is in another 10 days plus then delivery time for the new card will be at least a week (it took 9 days last time) and I want to get this in ASAP. 
 
Does this look like it should be OK?   Covid really shot a lot of our plans for travel and even for having a proper 'wedding' which we'd talked about doing for our 2 year anniversary so I feel like compared to some we don't really have enough to show our lives as fully as we should. 
 
 

@handsofholes,
 
Don't take offense but you are not seeing it rationally. A person over 21 is an adult, and just because they live with their parents does not mean they are no longer adults. They do not need the dependence of a parent like a 5 or 6 year old.
 
But the main point is that you are frustrated over an immigrant benefit that most other countries don't offer. If you look around the world most countries don't even offer a person the ability to bring over parents and siblings... AT ALL. I tried to see if Lebanon offers it but could not find anything. Bringing parents and siblings is a huge benefit but immigrants should not rely heavily on it as there are many things that could happen. And as already mentioned, the US government does not have an obligation to keep extended families together. It was the decision of your wife to immigrate and her joining you as an American citizen was accomplished. Bringing over extended family has its limits.
 
Think of it like this, bringing over extended family is a generous benefit of the US but there needs to be limitations. Age cut off is one and no derivative is another. It already takes too ling for a person to bring over a spouse and minor children (it was taking over a year in normal processing times) so imagine if there was no limit to family based petitions. The process would be so flooded that it would take several years for a man to bring over his wife, for example. The point is there can not be a, "come one, come all" solution that maintains fast reunification of families. Logistically it can't happen.

Not to mention the fees involved are paltry compared to some. 

Australia has basically only one option for parent visas and it costs over $47,000 per parent PLUS a $10,000 bond (which in fairness is theoretically refundable) against the fact that the parent will not make any future welfare claims.  Theoretically there are others, but they have such strict criteria and limited numbers allocated that they aren't worth mentioning.  

Not to mention the fees involved are paltry compared to some. 

Australia has basically only one option for parent visas and it costs over $47,000 per parent PLUS a $10,000 bond (which in fairness is theoretically refundable) against the fact that the parent will not make any future welfare claims.  Theoretically there are others, but they have such strict criteria and limited numbers allocated that they aren't worth mentioning.  

Yeah. Or the Irish family where a kid had diabetes (I think? Something relatively benign if expensive to treat) and they were denied extension of their residency based on it. 
 

Not to mention the fees involved are paltry compared to some. 

Australia has basically only one option for parent visas and it costs over $47,000 per parent PLUS a $10,000 bond (which in fairness is theoretically refundable) against the fact that the parent will not make any future welfare claims.  Theoretically there are others, but they have such strict criteria and limited numbers allocated that they aren't worth mentioning.  

Why does the US have a duty to keep non-American adults together? They are all adults. And if being together is important they can stay where they are. They are together now. 
 
Note that the USA is one of the only countries in the world that allows people to apply for citizenship after 2 years 9 months as a resident AND allows citizens to bring in parents and siblings. 

This.  

I wouldn't believe a single thing that WHO says - they said the outbreak in China was under control. They also said that (per information from China) that human to human transmission wasn't a threat. 

Anything the WHO says should be treated as CCP propaganda until it is confirmed by a study performed by a third party. 

That seems like a huge stretch to me. ER and ICU staff are not politicians.
 
That's like saying people should be able to drink and drive if they wish. Don't want to take the risk driving with a bunch of drunk drivers? Stay off the road.
 
This is a public health issue. it impacts people other than the one that makes the decision to take risks.
 
I'm sorry that you have gone through such hardships.
At the same time, it's pitting the loss of property against the loss of lives.
I try to take personal impacts out of the consideration. It's very possible that one person may be willing to take the risk to save their financial well-being, but would have an entirely different feeling if they did actually lose somebody due to the virus. Good policy decisions are not made based on one's personal circumstances.
 
"Isolate those most at risk" -> this has never worked out well. This is a recipe for disaster. If there is an infection there - which is likely given how hard senior homes have been hit by this - then this effectively becomes a death camp.
I would also point out the conflict between claiming one should be able to make their own choices about this but also that the government should isolate people based on risk.
And if not government-mandated, that has zero chance of being effective...who would volunteer as tribute? I am at high risk and no way would I do it, nor would I encourage my parents to do so.

This.  

I wouldn't believe a single thing that WHO says - they said the outbreak in China was under control. They also said that (per information from China) that human to human transmission wasn't a threat. 

Anything the WHO says should be treated as CCP propaganda until it is confirmed by a study performed by a third party. 

Why hasn’t your spouse visited you for your last 4 birthdays? That seems like it would have been the most logical and easier thing to do,  no? Rather than rely on the US government to bring you together for your birthday.

This scenario is an overall consequence of choosing to live in a different country from your family, without regard to the novel coronavirus.

If I was dying because of Coronavirus, I wouldn’t want my family anywhere near me nor in any of those flights which is basically where it can get into their system from an asymptomatic patient.
 
I’d rather die alone and say my goodbyes on skype.

Exactly.  

That or they'll start doing what Australia does and charge OBSCENE amounts to process a visa if you're allowed access to things like Centrelink and Medicare right away - it's over $7,000 for an Australian partner visa. I believe that if you're trying to get a visa to bring an elderly parent (who won't ever work) to the country it's well over $40,000 per person as a "contributary fee" since they're pre-paying into the system. 

Exactly.  

That or they'll start doing what Australia does and charge OBSCENE amounts to process a visa if you're allowed access to things like Centrelink and Medicare right away - it's over $7,000 for an Australian partner visa. I believe that if you're trying to get a visa to bring an elderly parent (who won't ever work) to the country it's well over $40,000 per person as a "contributary fee" since they're pre-paying into the system. 

Exactly.  

That or they'll start doing what Australia does and charge OBSCENE amounts to process a visa if you're allowed access to things like Centrelink and Medicare right away - it's over $7,000 for an Australian partner visa. I believe that if you're trying to get a visa to bring an elderly parent (who won't ever work) to the country it's well over $40,000 per person as a "contributary fee" since they're pre-paying into the system. 

Exactly.  

That or they'll start doing what Australia does and charge OBSCENE amounts to process a visa if you're allowed access to things like Centrelink and Medicare right away - it's over $7,000 for an Australian partner visa. I believe that if you're trying to get a visa to bring an elderly parent (who won't ever work) to the country it's well over $40,000 per person as a "contributary fee" since they're pre-paying into the system. 

This had me rolling in laughter. haha 
 
By the way mister [Don't speak unless you can help me], you won't get very far in America with that attitude. We love our freedom of speak and I guarantee you somebody will make sure you know that one day here in America. Lose the attitude.

Does not matter if an agency did it.  He signed it, and is responsible for the contents.

He would have had to sign it, swearing it was the truth the whole truth etc etc.