caybee

Jenn, I'm probably not quite up to where you are, as you describe it. I can understand a few words, but that's about it. Languages were my elective of choice in school, and it frustrates me that I haven't put the work into this. My 73-year-old mom, on the other hand, is working hard at learning Arabic (she uses Livemocha and follows up by asking Jamal questions), and she's putting me to shame.

If taking formal classes full time is too expensive until you've lived there for a year, you might look at what are called continuing education classes at a junior or technical college. These are usually short-term classes for a few weeks at a time, and you can often get some sort of certificate after completing them. You can take a class as a step toward a career that interests you, or you can take a class just for fun. This would help you build a network of friends as well, and ESL classes are also good for that.

Cities often have free newspapers or web sites available which have a calendar of local activities. For example, this summer, my city has sponsored free concerts and movies in the parks. On certain days of the week or month, the museums and the zoo have free or discounted admission. There are often lots of things going on that you may not know about until you research your city. Many cities have a visitor's bureau or tourism office, which is a good place to start when you're new to a place.

Good luck!

We had the chicken and french fries last night, actually. Always a hit.

Our standby favorite is now a chicken curry. We use our own version of this recipe, usually minus the coconut milk since that isn't one of our staples, and we add chunks of potato, sweet potato, squash, or whatever fresh veggies we have on hand.

Marocmama's blog is excellent. There are also tons of ideas in the pinned Sultan's Kitchen thread if you have time to wade through. Jenn's tip of adding that spice combination to most things is great. You can also add a handful or two of green olives in the last few minutes of cooking many things like tagines.

I put sort of a rotating meal plan on a calendar this month. Here are some of what I have (most recipes can be found online):

*Spaghetti with Moroccan spices (my husband likes to add some cheese and bake it after it's cooked)

*Shrimp with rice and a paprika/butter/garlic sauce

*Kebabs of any kind

*Shawarma (chicken or beef, easy recipe here, should marinate overnight)

*Baked fish (usually tilapia) We put a layer of sliced onions on the bottom of the baking dish, then the fish, then a paste of olive oil, paprika, garlic, chopped parsley, salt, pepper, and a little lemon juice, then sliced potatoes on top, cover and bake until the fish flakes, then remove cover and brown the potatoes if desired

*B'stilla

*Briouats (easiest for me using egg roll wrappers and rolling in a cigar shape instead of the classic triangles - I need more practice)

*Zaalouk, which is sort of a tomato/eggplant spread you eat with bread. I use cookingwithalia's recipe using whole canned tomatoes. Takes a little time standing by the stove, but extremely easy and delicious.

*Pizza, burgers, and tacos/burritos

*Harira soup every day during Ramadan. One batch lasts us three days. It was a little tricky for me to learn the consistency my husband likes (he likes it "uncluttered" enough to drink it from the bowl, but he likes the liquid itself thickened a little with flour/water at the end, not watery). Now I can make it in my sleep.

We use so much fresh parsley and cilantro that I buy bunches at once and freeze them.

Here's a story, audio and text included, about one option to help care for aging loved. From the story:

"How's the weather down there?"

That voice comes from a woman who appears on a computer monitor next to the kitchen table.

"Oh, that's Denise," Edward explains. "That's our good friend!"

Actually, Denise Cady is what's called a "telecaregiver," and for two years she has been checking on the Fitzgeralds every evening from Lafayette, Ind. She joins in the mealtime chatter just like a friend who dropped by. Cady asks about the Fitzgeralds' family and neighbors, swaps jokes about the hot weather and chats with Colleen about the meal.

"Oooh, looks good," Cady says. "Are those fresh green beans?"

The scene may not seem so strange in the era of Skype, when many people use the computer to keep in touch with far-flung relatives. But Cady can see almost every move the Fitzgeralds make. Their house is wired with video cameras, like something out of a sci-fi movie, though, at first, you don’t notice it.

My parents are planning to move to a retirement community eventually, which will serve as long-term care when that time comes as well. My mom has already embraced Skype, and we might opt for something like this when the time comes, though my sisters and I would be more likely to keep watch ourselves.

I'm not as bothered by the privacy issue as I am by the increasingly frequent use of X-ray scanners for nonmedical purposes. I keep medical scans to a minimum as it is because I don't believe frequent exposure to X-rays is safe. I also don't believe we should be subjected to X-rays without our consent. At least at airports, you have a choice.

I've read some posts by some women who were there. Their version:

The first woman was nursing, covered, in a corner. The manager asked her to stop. She told the manager she was allowed by law to breastfeed in public. The manager then escorted her, her family, and her friends and their children to their cars, while threatening to call the police. They didn't make a scene and left quietly, but she was upset and told some friends on Facebook later, and they organized the nurse-in. Once it had been announced, McDonalds issued an apology through the media.

The nurse-in was peaceful. Many of the families bought food. The manager who threw out the first mom wasn't reprimanded, nor was he present at the nurse-in.

Facebook link. (I haven't visited the FB page - can't at work.)

The quote in bold above is very true.

One thing I wish I brought with me from Egypt is an Arabic-English Keyboard. Not only for Translation purposes in the future...I just miss seeing Arabic letters on the keyboard.

Thanks for telling me about Babylon. I am going to check it out soon.

I ordered some stickers for the computer keyboard from Amazon. They have "U.S. English" and Arabic letters side by side on them so that when you stick them on, the Arabic letters are in the right places. I put them on very carefully several months ago, and I can't feel them, nor have they moved or peeled at all. Definitely less expensive than an Arabic keyboard, which is what I was looking for initially.

My advice - prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Some people have an easy transition and others rough. Personally my husband's transition was very very hard for him and on our relationship. We've been married almost 5 years now and we are just at a place where we feel like equal partners moving forward in life in the US. There were lots of adjustments, understandings, and realizations he had to come to and there were sacrifices on both of our parts. Getting him here was the easiest part of the journey.

I would echo this. I didn't even know how rough it was for him when he first arrived because he put a brave face on it, but it was extremely difficult for him, and I found out later he seriously considered going back almost as soon as he arrived. For me, the worst of it didn't seem to show up until about a year after his arrival. It's much better now, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but MrsAmera's advice to prepare for the worst and hope for the best is right on, in my opinion.

The one thing I can put my finger on which seemed to help the most was when he got his driver's license and the autonomy that came with it. There were other things, but that seemed to be the biggie.

I haven't read all the posts yet, but I just wanted to say I feel for you. My family hasn't responded like that to me marrying a Muslim or fasting with him, and I don't think that response is necessarily to be expected from all Christians. But my dad's a retired minister, and my mom's a retired Christian educator, so they're hardly "lukewarm" in their beliefs, and I did get plenty of heavy discussions from them BEFORE we married. I found myself getting tense on your behalf at the thought of having to dodge that barrage of food and attempts to sabotage your fasting or manipulate you.

I'm not sure your decision not to come right out and say you're fasting is going to work out best for you. Sure, you shouldn't have to tell anyone what you're doing, as that's between you and God. But everyone already knows. They're already talking. And you're having to dodge calls from your mom and scramble for excuse after excuse for not being near her at mealtimes. Would it get that much worse if you went ahead and told them what they already know? You could say something like, "Mom, I am Muslim, and I am fasting. This is my choice. I am an adult, and what and when I eat or drink is nobody's business but my own." She already knows all of this, but once you put it out there, clearly and succinctly, from then on when she tries to tempt you to break your fast, you no longer have to wear yourself out coming up with excuses. All you have to say is, "No, thank you. I'm fasting," or even just, "No, thank you." She might persist, probably would at first, but you'd be well within your rights to tell her it was not up for discussion and that if she persisted after you've said no, you would end that particular visit. I don't think that's too harsh a response. It doesn't mean you don't love her, but love doesn't require us to be physically present with people who are actively trying to sabotage our sincere personal efforts, especially once we've asked them to stop. If you were anorexic or engaging in other truly unhealthy behaviors, she'd be more justified in her persistence, but I'm not sure even then she'd be justified in trying to "force-feed" you.

It does sound, just from my POV, that your mom is doing all of this out of sincere love for you, but manipulation and sabotage aren't fair techniques to use. I wonder if she's familiar with the fasting requirements of Coptic Christians. I'm sorry if I get any of this wrong, as I only know what little I've read, but my understanding is that Coptic Orthodox Christians refrain from all food and drink 210 days out of the year, from midnight until noon or even sundown if they're able, and they keep to what is essentially a vegan diet during fasting times. I don't say that to make a comparison, but just to point out that there are plenty of Christians who fast, and there are some who fast at strictly prescribed times, just as Muslims do. So fasting per se should not be an issue for her. It's an issue because it's visible proof of your religious choice, and she's not yet able to deal with that. I hope she and the rest of your family come to terms with it soon, at least enough to stop hassling you about your choices. Hang in there, and be true to yourself. Sounds like you are.

I know where you're coming from. I fasted in solidarity with my husband our first three years together. Last year, our baby was a newborn and I was nursing, so I didn't fast and knew I should not for either of our sakes, but I did feel like I was missing something. It had nothing to do with feeling a religious compulsion. I knew from experience that my husband benefited from the support. It was good for us as a couple in ways I don't really understand - I just know it happens. I felt healthier in some ways and less caught up in my own desires. So even though I didn't do it for the same reasons Muslims do, I do believe I received some benefit from it as well. I struggled with the decision again this year because I'm still breastfeeding, and my husband at first didn't think it was a good idea. But our baby is 1 and eating solids well, and after a lot of thought, I decided to do it but to watch closely for signs of dehydration or loss of supply. So far, that hasn't happened, but if it does, I'll stop immediately. And I'm sure I'll feel some disappointment about that.

IMHO you had very good reasons for both starting and stopping the fast. I think the charity idea is a good one - sure, there are needy people all year, but if you're looking for ways to give a little extra push, a little extra sacrifice to feel in solidarity with your husband, that sounds like as good a way as any. For our son, until he's old enough to fast, we're going to make a family tradition of putting a can of food in a box for the food bank each evening at Iftar - this way, he'll experience some of the meaning of the month in an active way before he actually fasts. I also think that when people engage in periodic challenges like this for whatever reason, it tends to carry over into the rest of the year. However, I can tell you that when I get up to make sure my husband has suhoor (he'd probably sleep through it otherwise), that benefits him greatly and doesn't involve fasting, but it takes some extra effort on my part. We also fast in a way even if we aren't fasting because we abstain from physical intimacy when they do.

My thoughts are a little disjointed because I just woke up. I mainly just wanted to say that you are supporting your husband in ways you probably don't even realize even though you aren't actually abstaining from food and drink, but I do understand how you feel, and I hope you will find some peace in your decisions. IMHO you've made them carefully and thoughtfully, and some disappointment is normal, but you've done nothing to be upset with yourself about.

Awful story. But it says the second wife's FB page has become private since first wife found the wedding pictures, yet the only way first wife can see her children is through pictures on second wife's FB page? Are they friends, then? There's some weirdness here.

Adam and I are still on VJ, still happily together- and just hit 4 yrs of marriage!

Three years married for us, after the K-1 journey. Still chugging along

What an absolute angel! Congratulations!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU2gHmpghx0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd35kuZnfXg

I know many people who use this:

http://www.sadoun.com/Sat/Channels/Arabic-FTA-free-to-air-Satellite-TV-Channels.htm

One time payment, no monthly bills.

We did this also, and it worked very well.

Hello,

So the hubby went to SS office to apply for the SS number. The lady said she cannot find his name.

She was going to do a form to be sent to USCIS, but he told her no I will come back another date, yet she went and did the form.

I got so upset because I told him not to do it but go back some other time..

Now how long it takes for his name to pop up?? I told him to go Thursday and ask her to check SAVE database..

Any ideas??

Thanks

Batta

As I recall, it took between two and four weeks for my husband's to show up (he entered on a K-1 also). They also went ahead and filled out the application and gave him a paper to indicate that he had applied for the SSN because at that time, K-1 holders were allowed to work before receiving the EAD card. It didn't seem to slow anything down. However, he did apply before we got married. I don't know whether the fact that your husband's AOS is now in process will make a difference or not.

Aw, it's cute.

I think it's only fair that this was a story that had no connection to the OP's life

(the OP is a woman and the original author of the post is a man), but one that

the OP wanted to share because the memory of it touched her.

She reproduced it in the first post of this thread but didn't make it clear that

it wasn't her story, but one of a male VJ member who decided to stick with his wife.

FWIW, it's unlikely that this story was actually written by a male VJ member either, as it's been shared numerous times online, but it has a sweet message, and I'm glad it was reposted.

I'm not entirely sure that won't happen anyway. People aren't always in their "right" mind when grieving a loved one. Its not inconceivable that someone might go postal and go on a rampage.

This is exactly what they want. It's not about free speech. It's not about what they think "God" thinks. It's all about provoking someone to take a swing at them so they can sue. This is how they make their living. They're trolls for profit.

Best thing, IMHO, is what some groups are already doing: stand and encircle the funeral so the mourners don't have to look at the idiots. Then, if one of that clan lays a hand on a family member or supporter, have them arrested for assault and sue them.

Such paranoia about the census....Amazing really. This is a process that allocates federal funding proportionately, to states and localities. Do they use the information for other purposes? Perhaps.

But who cares anyway, if you need to be found, that will happen by other means. Rest assured of that.

No wonder the census compliance rate is not 100%.

And census records are where the bulk of genealogy information is found. The records are made public after 72 years. In 2012, I'm going to look for the 1940 form with my mom's and her parents' names on it. She would be thrilled to see it.

Wafin.com is a good networking resource for Moroccans in the U.S. as well as a resource for cultural events, etc., of interest to Moroccan expats. On the upper left of the page, put "New Orleans" in the "find a Moroccan" search box and you get 19 hits with links to e-mail each one. There is also one Moroccan-owned business listed for NOLA.

These are only the Moroccans who have taken the time to register on the site. My husband started meeting Moroccans when he happened to wear a national soccer team shirt to a cafe downtown. Once he was on the radar, he met a lot more. Good luck.

@caybee:

Zameta (a.ka. sfouf) - bleh!

Thought you'd like that one

If you put the same energy into yourself that you put into others, imagine what you could accomplish.