caybee

By the way, the original post made it sound like he was ready to grab a lawyer and try to go after part of her house and non-marital assets after only seven months of marriage, which I think made several people's hair stand on end, including mine. Nobody has a right to own property just by virtue of living here - I have yet to own property of my own - so "can he get some of hers since he doesn't have any" doesn't fly. If he tries something like this, he should be prepared for an expensive fight he'll probably lose - she's not going to give it up quietly after already being burned once.

On the other hand, if, for example, they bought a second car for work transportation for him, and he made most of the payments, but she kept it in her name for insurance or tax purposes or whatever practical reason, and they're able to sit down cordially with a mediator instead of attorneys, perhaps she'll be willing to negotiate putting the car into his name and letting him pay her back if she's put something into it, especially if public transportation is as lousy there as it is here, and he needs the car for work to support himself. That's just an example. A mediator could help them sort out what is a reasonable request and what is not. However, I realize he's unemployed now, and if he's only been here seven months, he may be better off going back home. In this economy, he'll really struggle to get by alone here, unless, of course, he's already lined something else up.

she could do it in Ceuta if she has a visa to get through

The problem is that a Moroccan can't take or send Moroccan dirhams out of the country, period, and Moroccans can't convert MAD to another currency except under certain circumstances. I left some USD with my husband on my last trip before he got his visa so he would have spending money on his trip over, and he didn't have any hassle carrying that out, but he couldn't bring MAD, and he couldn't have converted MAD to USD himself, legally.

If they have an American or European friend whom they trust who is currently in Morocco, perhaps they could ask that person to exchange the currency and send it (or carry it out and then send it). Or if that person has a bank account they use from inside or outside of Morocco, they could do a transfer. My understanding is that Moroccans usually move money out of the country through family members or friends of other nationalities.

It's difficult to find meat here that has been slaughtered the Islamic way and that is not terribly expensive. My husband abstains from pork products. Teaching him what products contain pork and to read labels is a job in itself because so many things do which you would not expect. If something is marked "kosher," it is a pretty safe bet; in any case, it won't contain pork. There is also a halal mark, but my understanding is that it isn't standardized. I don't think I've ever seen a halal mark on local foods.

My husband does miss the meat from back home in part because it is drained completely there. It does taste better, in my opinion.

Sweetcitywife, Casa cannot outright "deny" a visa. What they do instead is send it back to USCIS for further review. USCIS will look at it again after some time and either reaffirm it or issue a Notice of Intent to Deny, and you'll have a limited amount of time in which to reply to that notice.

I don't have firsthand experience with this, but I'm replying because the consulate's choice of words (telling you it's not denied) may make it sound like you're just in AP. I just want to make sure you understand that, based on the language from the consulate, your husband's interview was not successful, you are not in AP, and you will need to take action now and prepare a rebuttal so you'll be ready when USCIS makes its decision. Best case, USCIS will reaffirm the petition, send it back to Casa, and he'll have another interview after a few months. Worst case, you'll have to rebut a NOID, so you need to prepare for worst case. The pinned "returned petition" thread at the top of this forum is a good place to start (start reading a few pages into the thread). You may want to consult an attorney at this point - since you are married, it is crucial that any rebuttal be successful this time around. Marc Ellis has been recommended by many here who have been in your shoes.

I'm sorry you're going through this and that your husband lost his visitor's visa. You two did the right thing by him not entering the US on his visitor's visa with the intention of adjusting status. They would have looked at you closely anyway because he would have been already married when he entered as a tourist, so it would have been difficult to prove he had no intention of staying when he arrived.

There is one silver lining: since, by the time this is over and he does receive the visa, you will have been married for more than two years, he should receive the 10-year green card, and you shouldn't have to remove conditions.

Hoping some of those folks who have been through this will come along to give you more feedback.

And maybe a moderator could split this off and give sweetcitywife her own thread?

Good luck!

Looks like a clay one here?

I've had good results with a $30 Tramontina steamer from a department store. The couscous came out very fluffy. But the bottom part doesn't hold enough for more than three or four people, so I'm going to check out the one recommended here.

If by "temper" you mean his temperament and disposition, the way he handles life's challenges, that is part of the adjustment you'll make with each other once he arrives, and it isn't easy, but it's doable if both partners work at it and are willing to make some compromises.

If instead by "temper" you mean quickness to anger, just keep in mind that the way a person handles anger is very difficult to change once they're an adult, so whatever you're seeing now when you chat for, at most, a few hours a day is what you are going to see when you're living under the same roof and life hands you a different set of challenges.

The visa process can bring out the worst in people, and it's not unusual for couples to argue more than usual during this time, even almost to dislike each other sometimes, and since many of us haven't had the opportunity to grow as a couple in person yet, a lot of this can be overcome once we're living together. But if either partner reaches the point of feeling unsafe because of the other person's level of anger, that's a different matter.

Although couples can and do compromise, nobody can change another person. When going into a life partnership, I don't think it hurts to just assume that any negative behavior you see now will remain with that person, period. That simplifies things. You ask yourself, Do I love this person, and can I live with them as they are now for the rest of my life? If the answer is yes, then worst case, you've got a partner you love with a few traits you don't like but can live with, and best case, you and your partner will grow and compromise, and some of those negatives will fade.

A dear friend once advised me not to marry a man with a bad temper, but to marry a kind man who wears bad ties. You can fix the ties.

No Jordanian SO here, but welcome back!

I'm sorry he was put through that. My husband had something similar happen, finally got his visa the third time they called him in for it, after I e-mailed them to ask what was going on. They said the machine which attaches visas to passports was broken, and I've heard of that happening to others, but it's unfortunate they couldn't have communicated that better before beneficiaries spent entire days traveling and reserved hotel rooms for nothing. All of that travel is not cheap.

It won't be easy in the beginning, and you will be homesick, but it usually gets better in time.

Check out Wafin.You can put the name of your city in the U.S. and find local Moroccans and Moroccan-owned businesses. You can find mosques and Muslim-owned businesses on Islamicfinder. My husband wore a shirt for the Moroccan national team when we went to a cafe here, and he met another Moroccan immediately :-) He also found the place where people play informal soccer, met some people, and now he plays regularly with other Arabic speakers (in the beginning, he met only Spanish speakers, but he still had fun). As others have said, get into an ESL class also, both to build your English skills and to make new connections. All of this will help with the homesickness. But be open to making American friends also ;-)

Your new home won't be anything like Morocco, but if you keep a positive attitude, you will find things to love about it too. Good luck!

Sickness Quotient: 59%

Your "Sickness Quotient" of 59% is hardly cause for concern.

Detailed Diagnosis

Interpersonal Insights

You have a positive attitude towards nearly everything, which is incredibly stupid and very annoying to those around you. You think everyone is out to get you, and you're absolutely right. It's because you're an awful person without any redeeming qualities.

Job Performance & Attitude

You hate your job but will never leave it. That's because no one else will hire people whose job skills consist of sleeping and surfing the web. You have little empathy for anyone more successful at work than you, which is pretty much everyone.

Personality Insight

Your personal motto is "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." You must not have been saying this for very long.

I John Lennon.

Wow, most of the posters in this thread aren't even active on VJ anymore

Oh no, i didn't mean to come off as following like a puppy behind him. I am converting to Islam and I am being true to myself. What I meant about Hijab is that I am willing to wear it when we are in his country but he feels a little like he would be asking to much of me if he agrees. He says he wants me to just be me. So in the end the decision is up to me.

I realized, judging from Lucky Jimmy's completely unsarcastic and very helpful response that maybe I should have posted this in off-topic or kept my comments to myself.

I'll know better for next time that some people can't pass up a good opportunity to be rude.

Anyhoo, thanks for your advice. I'm sure whatever is right for me will eventually just happen on its own.

Meh, it's a discussion of MENA culture, so MENA's a perfectly fine forum for it

I think you answered your own question. You'll find what feels right for you. When people change their dress or behavior for someone else instead of themselves, they feel unsettled sooner or later. I think a lot of women here embrace MENA culture, dress, etc, with a lot of enthusiasm, especially in the beginning, when the the relationship is new and exciting. Later, they find their groove, and only they can say what that is.

NM...didn't read back to Staashi's post :-)

I just recently told my husband, when he asked, that "goodbye" is a shortened form of "God be with you," and he was surprised to learn this.

I think in your situation, the CR-1 (or IR-1, as Valerie mentioned) would be preferable because you'd be authorized to work right away. With the K-1, you'd have to marry, then file for AOS and employment authorization. Employment authorization could take two or three months to receive. With only one of you able to earn a living wage for a little while, CR-1 might make things easier for you.

Just as an aside, regarding not being able to have a marital "relationship," inmates are often granted conjugal visits. I would think it would be just as easy to combine assets and prove a marital relationship with an inmate as it would with someone living overseas or with a deployed soldier, especially when there is a release date on the horizon.

I don't think I've changed very much. I'm a better cook than I used to be. I'm no longer intimidated by spices. But I'm sure there are some changes I'm unaware of. I hope I have a broader understanding of many subjects than I used to, religious and otherwise.

While you are allowed to get married here while on a tourist visa, some states do require a Social Security number to get a marriage license. Some states will waive that requirement for nonresidents of the U.S. You'll want to check the requirements in his state. Some states do not require residency to marry in that state, so if his state requires a SSN, you might try a state that will waive it for nonresidents of the U.S. and has no residency requirement. Las Vegas, Nevada is the old standby in that department because there is no residency requirement for either partner and no waiting period, but there are other options.

Classic abusive behavior, including the bit where he tries to convince you it's nothing -- you're blowing it all out of proportion, right? He's already made indirect physical threats, talking about what he did to his mom and his ex, and telling the cat what he will do to it (the cat can't understand, so who do you suppose he's sending a message to??) Without intervention, this sort of thing almost always escalates to physical abuse.

I would say divorce him and let him remove conditions on his own if he can. He'll need to prove he entered the marriage in good faith. Don't try to keep his immigration paperwork from him, but protect yourself and your property. You can't get him deported - that's not up to you - but you can call ICE and let them know you suspect immigration fraud and let them take it from there. But protect yourself and your property. If he fails to remove conditions, this will all catch up with him in due time. In the meantime, stash a little cash in a safe place outside your home, and keep your cell phone, car keys, ID and ATM card on you at all times, just in case. If he gets wind that you're planning to change the game on him, he may react badly, so keep your thoughts to yourself, talk with an attorney and maybe a counselor, and stay safe. Good luck.

Love it! They look like they're having so much fun.

better yet why would they send me this message about four hours after they made this account?

i just wanted to check,because they mentioned that i will have my interview in ankara,that made me not think about the possibility of this whole thing being a spam or scam

If you consider it a threat or harassment, forward the message to Captain Ewok. He can compare IP addresses and take action if appropriate.

I always look forward to Ramadan because, overall, it's a good experience for us as a couple. But I always forget how difficult the last week is. We are both worn out and cranky. I'm still cooking a large meal daily but having trouble keeping up with the housework. And if I see another bowl of harira... I agree that things will get somewhat easier once Ramadan is over.

My husband is another of those who goes silent when he's upset about something. It's like a dark cloud settles over him almost tangibly and the oxygen gets sucked out of the room. That drives me up a wall because I'm one who likes to talk things out immediately, get it all fixed, and get a hug as reassurance. It's difficult for me to just bite my tongue and give him space for a few hours. Sometimes even then, he won't talk it out, but he resolves his feelings on his own, and then he drops the whole thing.

Once, when we weren't in the middle of something, I asked if he would rather I leave the room for a while when he does that. He answered no, that he would rather I stayed with him but that I just not try to talk to him or hug him until he was over it. And that's never lasted more than a few hours. He also told me that one reason he gets quiet is so he won't say something hurtful that he can't take back and so he won't raise his voice at me. To his credit, hurtful words from him are pretty rare, and I don't recall him ever yelling at me.

As for the adjustment issues, Doodle said it all.

Although Muslim beliefs (based in the Qur’an) and faith practices (such as head-coverings for women) are different, the social ministries of Muslim congregations are remarkably similar to those of other religious groups in the United States.

Try Googling "Muslim student association" "community service" and "Muslim congregations" "community service"

I had a ton of hits with both, but I'm at work and don't have time to flesh them all out.

I don't know why it's so difficult to accept that people of faith, all faiths, as well as nonreligious people of strong convictions and compassion are vested in the well-being of their communities at large and that the more those groups are willing to look for the good in each other and join together for a common cause, the better off we all will be.

Thanks for your addressing my question.

If I read you correct, you are saying Muslims contribute on a personal level to social causes but as a group they don't do what all other faiths do (Build hospitals, food banks, homeless shelters, Orphanages ETC) because these bases are already covered by others?

Come on now....with the economy as it is, I am sure there are areas where needs are not being met.

As for different faiths squabbling over providing these services, I have found the opposite to be true in fact these centers tend to bring people of various faiths together as they take turns volunteering.

Anyway I am sure there are some Muslim-lead activities which serve the community at large, I hoped some could be highlighted here to help balance the neg. news on Muslims..... so far no one has named one.

Seems like I read something about a community center in NYC. I can't find anything stating it won't be available to the public at large.

Paul you might be on to something such as it could be thaT Muslims have put their money and efforts together and build hospitals, Schools and Orphanages as other Faiths have done in NY.

I'ts very possible they run soup kitchens, food banks, rehab centers and Old folks homes as we see other faiths contribute in every city.

Maybe Muslims don't get the credit they deserve as citizens of our communities as they contribute to efforts outside of Islam?

If it's so we should know about it and recognize them for it because it's true: any faith or group can look bad from the evil deeds of a few members or even an occasional leader.

I'll be the first to admit, though I have been involved in a number of Charity things, I am not aware of any Muslim health clinics, homeless shelters or anything else but maybe in areas with a larger Muslim presence there are these things.

Those who are aware of them post that we might give Positive credit where it is deserved.

I've seen plenty. Here's just one local to me:

As part of the charity efforts that are part of Ramadan, Carolina Peace Resource Center is coordinating the first annual South Carolina Ramadan food drive to benefit Harvest Hope Food Bank. The purpose of the food drive is to increase the public's awareness of the role of charity in Islam, to highlight the generous nature of Muslims in South Carolina, and to facilitate a means in which Muslims in South Carolina can participate in this important pillar of Islam. Participating organizations include Masjid Al‐Muslimiin (Islamic Center of Columbia), Masjid Noor Al‐Huda, Weekend Islamic School, Madrasatul Muslimiin, Masjid and Islamic Center of Clemson, Harvest Hope Food Bank, and Carolina Peace Resource Center.

That was from last year, and the food drive went very well. They're in the middle of another.

The Muslims I know do reach out to their community and show kindness to Muslims and non-Muslims alike. They do raise their voices to condemn violence. I guess most of the time, those voices aren't sexy enough for the MSM.

BTW, U.S. law enforcement is reporting that the Yemenis detained in Amsterdam don't appear to have been involved in anything threatening nor even have known each other, but that one man (not both) had taped gifts together for family and friends in Yemen, and both had missed a connecting flight and had been rerouted by the airline, separating them from their luggage. Having watched my own dear husband arrive here with gifts all masking-taped together for my family members, and having been detained and questioned in Amsterdam myself because I missed my connecting flight and got separated from my luggage, this sounds plausible to me. Guess I'm lucky nobody saw anything menacing in the dozen or so packs of Listerine breath strips I carried to Morocco. I'm glad the authorities do their job and investigate at the slightest suspicion. But the hypotheses that are instantly accepted as truth and then propagated by the media boggle my mind.