AbigailOo

Just be prepared. Familial/Spousal/Fiance immigration is not a right to a US citizen, it is a privilege. They can and have made it so that at the end of the day, the USC ended up moving to their spouses country. We've seen relationships end in divorce because one party simply couldn't be in the US and the other did not want to leave the US.


So a good question is, are you willing to move to Nigeria if push comes to shove?



If you're going to go the AOS route, I heavily suggest you start looking at what relationship proof is considered. It has nothing to do with feelings, it's all paperwork. Financial and otherwise.

I want you to read my signature. And see that this mess we earned that I document in my signature is the result of waiting a few months of overstay to file, thinking we had time. It's been a 2.5yr journey to fix. Overstay and wait is never ever a good idea. My spouse actually did end up in removal.....not fun at all. And expensive to fix. 

Oh finally I can post on this. Please this has gotten disrespectful. I'd have to kindly ask you guys keep your opinions about the relationship to yourselves. If you're not commenting on how to overcome red flags please don't comment at all. Visa journey not marriage therapist. If more people comment with "advice" about him being a fraud. The MOD can close the thread. Thank you. 

Abigail, this topic starter asked me to publish her post, for some reason she couldn't publish it. Here it is:
 
"Thanks to everyone who has offered some sort of objective response to my post. I'd hope the rest of you aren't so prejudiced, which is all it seems to be,  being Nigerian there's nothing he seems to be able to do right. If he was poor the narrative would be he's using me for economic gains, he's affluent and even that is a source of triviality, like every African is poor. Him getting a tourist visa from Lagos even makes you guys skeptic. If he came on to me it would be he's just preying on you, but it's the otherwise and it's him manipulating me. First his vasectomy was fake then it could be reversed. Then his education was African and "worthless", someone with a Bachelor's in Economics who has helped me with sound financial planning already, with results. Nobody here knows how I look but there's no way in hell he could love me for me. Also, no African man under the sun doesn't want kids, as you've guys have interviewed all of them. Everything that sets him apart from the stereotype young African (which is why we're even seeing each other in the first place) has been a basis for skepticism. Someone even said he's lying about his age, when I've seen his passport.  I even have access to his phone. I understand you're all looking out for a sister, but thanks. I'm aware of the red flags, but I'm here to find out how to OVERCOME them and not have my relationship questioned. Different strokes. Please don't bother to respond if you can't contribute. As you can see, there's a barrage of negativity already. 
 
 
KosiWahala, he was invited by his aunt to visit. His family has a very good travel record in Europe and UAE  and his aunt's family is worth close $500k. He says that's probably why he was given barely being interviewed  as it's rare in the Lagos embassy. His great-grandpa was one of the first archbishops in the country and grandparents were involved in the government. He works in a Pension Fund as an Investment Officer, fresh out of college. He has a trust fund for his post grad. Has a progressive family, one openly gay uncle and a few aunts who aren't married (rare in Nigeria according to him). I've seen proof of all this. Would appreciate if this isn't another basis of falsehood. 
 
P.S: if you're not going to use this to give advice on overcoming red flags, please don't bother. God bless xx"

just get a really good prenuptial done to protect yourself and family in case things go bad. you can put a clause in there that the conditions become void after being happily married for so many years. this way he knows he can not marry adjust then get your stuff in a divorce.
 
best of luck and take It slow

This is exhausting. Firstly it was the vasectomy is fake then it can be reversed. African men are allowed to be gay and even dress like women but not wanting kids is impossible. 
 
Then it was he won't stay with you when you're frail and I said I didn't expect him to, then it was "how could you not expect him to?"
 
He he had an abusive father and his mom stayed in the marriage because of the kids. His aunts also went through the experience. He really just want to travel the world and acquire wealth with little responsibility. Kids hinder that. Please let's put the hes african so he must want kids narrative to rest. There's more to life. 

i think the problem here is how Nigerians are profiled. There's someone even suggesting his vasectomy might be fake, I've seen the documentation. He prefers for us to move back and rather not stay here but somehow he must still be scamming me for the green card. He even bought a car for himself to ship home as an elaborate scam. I understand all the concerns and I'm grateful but barely anyone even answered my original question, but at this point anything he seems to do or not do points at him deceiving me. I don't really care about meeting his family, young people get married have a big wedding, meet the family, have children and still get divorced after a few years, all the ceremony don't really solidify the relationship. I've done all that and got abused in the marriage. We have the same worldview and just want to be together. I have a lot of family and friends who have met him, they've briefed me on the emotional aspects. Didn't really expect anything of that sort from you guys who have neither seen either of us or know our life patters. Was expecting legal/immigration advice. Whats wild is I initiated most part of our relationship and the whole immigration thing but HE's the one being accused of immigration fraud. Wild. 
 
I really hope immigration officers arent prejudiced. 

Thanks for the heads up Michael. I know you're just trying to be a good person and prevent something bad from happening but you've never even spoken to the guy and you're 99.9% sure he's a scam and leading me to doom. Again, it's only sexist if the age difference is okay for men and not women. Btw, he got a vasectomy when he got here. If you're not sure about him wanting kids later. I'm really grateful for the fraud warnings, of course I had to clear that up with my family and friends. 

Thanks for the heads up Michael. I know you're just trying to be a good person and prevent something bad from happening but you've never even spoken to the guy and you're 99.9% sure he's a scam and leading me to doom. Again, it's only sexist if the age difference is okay for men and not women. Btw, he got a vasectomy when he got here. If you're not sure about him wanting kids later. I'm really grateful for the fraud warnings, of course I had to clear that up with my family and friends. 

Yeah. Lets keep bashing Nigerians who happen to be one of the most highly educated and successful immigrants in the US. Yeah...lets profile them as scammers and green card frauds.

If I understand her correctly she is not saying that African men are allowed to be gay by the governments of their countries, rather that commentators here are admitting that some ARE gay, in spite of it not being culturally accepted, and yet do not admit/imagine that an African man might have a thing for older women or dislike children in spite of those being against cultural norms in Africa.  Hence her comment on the double standard.  If some Africans really want to be involved with a member of the same sex, in spite of severe punishment if discovered, why couldn't some also want to be with older women in spite of cultural disapproval? Or not want children?

I think at this point I've heard it all. Of course I don't expect him to be with me when I get old & frail. 
 
I need responses that don't suggest I'm a vulnerable woman who's being duped and has no idea what she's getting into. 

Yes you can get married while he is here now and adjust his status. You will get an interview so be prepared for a hard interview with a lot of questions.
 
If he does not wish to do that you next best option would be to do a CR-1 visa. You get married and then you send an application for spouse visa it will take about a year to get (maybe more with AP) and he will have to wait in his homecountry while that is processing.

I'm a 62 yo African American woman. I met him December last year after he had gotten here October on a visiting visa. We met at the local bar and have been inseparable since then, literally inseparable as we spoke everyday since we met. He has a thing for older women and I look half my age, he told me it's not culturally acceptable back in Nigeria, even borderline taboo. Anyway, when in Rome lol. He's really mature for his age, even more than me, unfortunately even more than my sons who are older than him. Quiet, calm and somehow still the funniest person . He's really the only person I've felt this kind of connection with. My family immediately loved him. He has a Bachelor's while I have an associate's and is from a pretty well to do family. He just bought a car that he plans to ship to Nigeria, he rarely ever lets me pick the bill. We really do love each other and we're both home bodies. In summary, it's a perfect match. And whenever we're together alone it's like nothing else matters. He also doesn't want kids, in fact he hates them. He's very westernized and is a sharp contrast from a couple Nigerians I dated. I'm trying to convince him to marry me and stay back here because according to him even if we elope in Nigeria our affair will have to be quiet, due to the culture, it's almost like being gay and hiding. He also doesn't want to file for adjustment because, in his words, "I'm too young and Nigerian". We really do love each other and I want him to stay back, our marriage would be as bona fide as it gets. Do we have a chance if we file to adjust status? I've not seen a lot of good comments on age difference. We can get a half hearted consent from his parents and he already has my family's approval. We also don't have a problem commingling finances. 

Thanks for the heads up Michael. I know you're just trying to be a good person and prevent something bad from happening but you've never even spoken to the guy and you're 99.9% sure he's a scam and leading me to doom. Again, it's only sexist if the age difference is okay for men and not women. Btw, he got a vasectomy when he got here. If you're not sure about him wanting kids later. I'm really grateful for the fraud warnings, of course I had to clear that up with my family and friends. 

Also, if he enters on a B-1/B-2 with immigrant intent and adjusts his status after marrying, that is considered visa fraud. So that's not an option at this point.
 
The chances of being approved here are low, as Michael2017 said. I would say if you tried to get him a K-1 fiance visa, it'll be rejected with almost certainty. Then you'd have to try for the CR-1 visa after getting married somewhere, which also might end up being rejected as it happened multiple times with cases from Nigeria that I've seen here on VJ. You have a really hard Embassy with a ton of red flags, the situation isn't looking good.

You can always try your luck, but you have to be aware of the odds you're up against here. Try posting in the Africa sub-forum and talking to other people who've been in similar situations.