NBA16

Confused. You don't want a child nor can you raise one due to medical issues but you gave your wife permission to have a child with another man while you two are married to each other. I assume the intent is for her to raise the child with you so it makes no sense. Good luck.

I don’t see it happening.   No one in a bonafide marriage  “gives permission” to their spouse to have a baby with someone else.
 
Your marriage looks like a sham marriage for the purpose of obtaining a green card.
 
If you want to come to the United States, it won’t be through this route.

Best advice for a failing relationship  i have heard
Understand that on  a K1 ,  u,  the petitioner,  would be paying for everything till he had a EAD card to work.   housing , and food and health care insurance.  this would add to the feelings u have of being used.
 
Stopping the process  shows your eyes are open , your head is in charge 
 
for us that put everything into this process,   the traveling ,   the fees and other costs,   all the paperwork,  its heartbreaking to go thru a breakup and/or divorce
 
but you said it all "give it up"  and take care of yourself and your heart and future 
u have a lot of support here from all of us 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sincere sympathies, but you've learned some substantial things.
 
This cavalier attitude toward crucial requirements, possibly infected by inaccurate advice from others, will carry over into marriage (to you or anyone).  Finances, for example, is a (if not the) chief cause of marital strife.  He has not respected this.  He also disrespected the need to prepare the apartment.  Finally, he dismissed the need for, and the importance of, the police certificate.
 
At minimum, this indicates fundamental difficulties in communication between the two of you.
At most -- and realistically, in my view -- it indicates a crucial difference in attitudes toward responsibility and sacrifice.
 
Accompanying this is an apparent disparity in the effort put into making the mechanics of this relationship happen, with the concomitant effect on your emotional state -- and especially the lack of even token concern when you were sick.  This is not what most people would call a sound foundation for a happy marriage or even a dating relationship.
 
You have the choice of deciding whether you can abide a lifetime of having to drag him through life's responsibilities -- the big ones, the everyday ones, and the unexpected crises that are inevitable -- and deciding whether you can overlook the mentioned deficiencies and never ever complain about them or bring them up again.  The title of your thread suggests that you've already chosen your remedy.
 
The definitive decision is yours, but I think that the indelible handwriting is on the wall, and that you'll ultimately feel far better about yourself by calling a permanent halt to this enervating, expensive mistake.  If you decide this, you can thank your lucky stars that this didn't proceed to an unhappy short-term marriage and the mess of divorce.
 
This world has innumerable attractive, appealing, responsible, supportive, emotionally available men who will willingly meet you halfway in forming a fulfilling lifetime relationship.  Please keep this at top of mind.

We were married on December 7th,2017 at Max's Restaurant in Quezon City (can't forget that date) and waited 3years,2 months and one day until we met again on Feb. 11th,2021 in San Francisco. Proof of her dead spouse held us up for over a YEAR,and then COVID. She has a fulltime job,getting used to living at a Rocky Mountain ski resort and will take her written driver's test this fall.  She had to stay 37 days straight at the Bayview hotel since if she would have gone back home after her medical exam, she would have been quarantined in her province for at least 2 weeks. Soooo we decided 37 days straight was the answer. Basically could only leave the hotel for embassy paperwork. After she received her visa,she had to stay at the Hilton or the Marriot since all the medium priced hotels were only for overseas workers. HAD TO PASS the COVID TEST upon entering the hotel and getting on the plane. if she had failed it would have been a financial disaster since everything was booked ahead of time. She had to pass every single time. I want to say that the real test of our relationship is how we talk to each other and really LISTEN to each other. I am 68 and she is 58 and neither of us has children but she has supported her 4 nieces and nephew by paying for their college,they call me uncle and I really do consider them as great kids. I see many of these posts and I just think to myself "if it is real....it will happen".

I reply since I've been through this. I received the ds5535 form right after my interview in August 2017, sometimes it is sent as a form and sometimes it is just the questions in the email. My case was a bit different because I experienced travel ban but long story short I received the form for the second time in November 2018 and then I received email for my second interview in November 2019 and my visa was issued right after my second interview. It took me 27 months between my 2 interviews.

As other members said it can take weeks or month or years, having any deadline on your mind can make it harder sometimes. I am not trying to scare you but I had to wait pretty long time, I really hope yours will be different.

If money is an issue, just focus on the I-751 for now. The N-400 is not mandatory, and she can apply whenever it works for you financially after she becomes eligible. 

I reply since I've been through this. I received the ds5535 form right after my interview in August 2017, sometimes it is sent as a form and sometimes it is just the questions in the email. My case was a bit different because I experienced travel ban but long story short I received the form for the second time in November 2018 and then I received email for my second interview in November 2019 and my visa was issued right after my second interview. It took me 27 months between my 2 interviews.

As other members said it can take weeks or month or years, having any deadline on your mind can make it harder sometimes. I am not trying to scare you but I had to wait pretty long time, I really hope yours will be different.

I reply since I've been through this. I received the ds5535 form right after my interview in August 2017, sometimes it is sent as a form and sometimes it is just the questions in the email. My case was a bit different because I experienced travel ban but long story short I received the form for the second time in November 2018 and then I received email for my second interview in November 2019 and my visa was issued right after my second interview. It took me 27 months between my 2 interviews.

As other members said it can take weeks or month or years, having any deadline on your mind can make it harder sometimes. I am not trying to scare you but I had to wait pretty long time, I really hope yours will be different.

My husband is Pakistani but was living and working in Spain. He received an email such as yours. We responded the day he got it. It took another 2 years AND a stokes interview that involved both of us in Madrid. Luckily I was there when they requested us both to go to the embassy.
It is the ds 5535 but in an informal email.
Good luck with your journey, it won't be quick. Just saying the truth.

I am no expert, but extended administrative processing is common for Pakistan cases.  It could be months or even years.  There is nothing you can do, but wait it out.  Sorry, but that is the truth. 

Congratulations!!! 
Now take us all to dinner.

If you were married when the baby was born, the child is assumed too be yours, and you are responsible for child support.  If this is the case, be sure your divorce attorney takes proper step to disestablish you as the father.

Yes, but I would concentrate on providing evidence of him being in Mexico as far back as possible.  They will simply believe he was in the US if he says he was.  The issue is when he left.  Although there may be no primary evidence of WHEN he left exactly, there should be evidence of him renting a place to live, paying a bill, or being paid for work.  Find what you you CAN find and present it.  Affidavits MIGHT help, depending on how credible the information contained in them would be.  Hard evidence would be better.  

Here are some data that could be a starting point but it doesn't cover the whole picture. https://www.dhs.gov/sites/default/files/publications/cisomb-conditional-residence-recommendation-final-02282013_1.pdf
 
Page 18: " From 2008 through 2012, USCIS received 946,293 Form I-751 petitions, of which 879,011 were jointly filed cases, and 67,282 were waiver cases."
 
But as I said these numbers don't cover the whole picture. I-751 waivers include divorces, deceased spouse, battered spouse, etc. Hard to know what percentage of that number belong to divorce waivers. Then there are divorces that happen at IR-1/IR-6 stage or after the immigrant is naturalized that we wouldn't know the stats. But assuming all of these waivers are divorce waivers, then you're looking at (67K/946k) 7% divorce rate.

If you think you have lower chances with women from US - then you're saying that foreigner women has lower standards or they are desperate to live in the US?

Uhm no. As a foreigner I would NOT want to abandon my life, my job, etc for a whole year just to see if my relationship works out. That would be easy for USC since they are home. K1 IS 90 days for a reason. No one forces you to marry that fast but the idea is that you're suppose to get to know each other before k1 arrival. 

This. 
 
Not to mention marriage fraud works both ways. We have seen so many threads where immigrants say they arrived in their k1 or cr1 and their USC partner turned out to be completely different person. 180 degree turn. USC spouse like that usually threaten they will deport said immigrant, treat them like free servants around the house, etc. 
 
When green card scams are real, gotta remember that Americans aren't completely without fault also. 
 
And as someone mentioned - you have some Americans who sponsor 2 or 3 or more foreigners and they still can't see the patterns of scam...
 
Or American women who talk about their foreign partners and everyone here see the scam from miles, but those women are just blind..  sorry, but this is often about their Nigerian boyfriends. 
 
So instead of crying some Americans need to really be educated on what red flag to look for. Or even just common sense. 

You are limited to 2 fiance visa petitions in your lifetime, after that it requires a waiver.  I just had my 4th petition approved (one of them never made to visa issuance as I cancelled it between petition approval and arriving at the foreign consulate).  My fiance now is scheduled to interview next Tuesday.  My first foreign spouse wasn't a scam, we have 2 children together and were married 5 years when she decided it wasn't what she wanted.  I currently have custody of the kids but she's very much a part of their (our) life.  My second foreign fiance, after nearly a year online and 15 days together admitted she had another boyfriend, only after she get pregnant by him - petition approved but cancelled.  Third foreign fiance happened while I was still emotionally ransacked by the second.  We were a horrible fit, realized it after getting married (ok, in fairness, there were signs prior to marriage, I was just blind to them).  Not saying she was a scammer but ultimately our relationship (me) couldn't withstand her dishonesty and jealousy.  Fourth fiance was a friend long ago.  We became friends, lost contact when we both had marriages that fell apart eventually, reconnected and realized we could be more than friends so we decided to venture down this path, yet again.  I wouldn't do this again with someone who wasn't already a friend first.  It's too hard when you can't tell what is what because during the "dating" period everyone wears a mask.
 
Side note, my sister and her husband lived together for 3 years prior to marriage.  Both at different times have commented to me how much things changed after marriage.  They both felt the other changed significantly, even after a 5 year relationship with 3 years living together.  Sometimes marriages fail not because of scams, but because things change, people change.
 
Yes, I do believe there are scammers.  Yes, America is perceived by many as the land of milk and honey.  Many of us (primarily those from 3rd world countries, not necessarily western Europe and other wealthy countries) would fight to get here if we weren't already here, yet we judge others who do.  Whether a person is from the USA, Africa, Asia, or anywhere else money has an allure and people are attracted to it.  It doesn't mean they're a scammer.  Wealth is power, generally people are attracted to power.  People almost universally would prefer more money over less money.  It's when they lie, cheat, and steal that it's an issue.  Just because someone is from Thailand, Philippines, Ethiopia, or Sudan doesn't make them dishonest.  Just because someone is from the USA, Canada, the UK or Japan doesn't make them honest.  Good and bad can be found anywhere.  Unfortunately the money difference causes a lot of problems, but desire for money doesn't make someone bad; lying, cheating and stealing do.
 
My $.02.

Controversy ahead:  Don't marry someone from a country or circumstance that might push them towards seeing America as an economic or situational improvement.   
 
Even if not for visa fraud, just for marriage success purposes.  Having two partners who start on a level playing field preempts so many problems.  
 
Pick someone from a culture very similar to yours, with similar morals, beliefs, and ideas about family.  Don't just listen to their words...know their culture and their background and accept the high likelihood of them being a product of their culture.
 
Further controversy: Stop importing younger spouses to be glorified maids, sex-bots, and rent-a-wombs.  There is a major source of visa woes. 
 

Yep. My husband (when we still knew each other online only) wanted to send me money couple of times - I was in complicated financial situation for a while and he wanted to help out. 
 
And I refused. I'd never take money from him also because I didn't knew him yet and I didn't know things would workout out between us or not - and I didn't want to be in his debt. 
 
And no offense but the poster mentioned age difference... I'm one of those people who really don't believe in love between 60 year olds and 20 year olds... And similar age difference. Older Americans brining in spouses who could be their children should probably expect higher chance of scam. 

Well there is your problem.  Before I met current husband I wrote a list of exact qualities he must have.
 
Unsurprisingly, he has them.  We needn't mate with everyone that catches our fancy, yah know?

It is much easier to judge someone's intentions when they come from the same culture as you.  You can pick up on lies and sliminess because of the subtle tells.   So, that is probably a good idea.
 
I think I'm going into year 16 of Scandinavians.  I think I'll stick with them even if something happened to my husband.  Marrying another first generation American didn't work out so well.     
 
 

So, in other words, you'd attempt to control your partner's whereabouts and social interactions.  You are aware that this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship? 

This topic is very interesting but I’m going to give you some perspective. My friend married an American born man. Dated for 5 years and was married for 10. The man had a whole other life with another woman and kids. Had a home across country with this woman and because his job had him travel he got away with it for 10 years until he was in an accident in the city with his other family and they contacted his wife. When everything came out he tried to take everything from my friend and swore he would rather give it to lawyers than her since she wanted to divorce him. They have 5 kids and he has 4 kids with the other woman. She had know this man from college so I’m saying this to say to label a liar and a cheat just on foreign men or women is wrong. There are bad people that do bad things everywhere. Just my 2 cents!