Kevin and
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Posts posted by Kevin and
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The fact that Thuy ahs made friends of her own here has been the only thing that kept her from not staying here... Has Tuyen made any friends here? She go to ESL classes at all? They dont have to be VN friends.. just someone that is going through or has gone through the same transition
She has a couple friends, but they are in St Paul. The ESL class she goes to is once a week in town with classes in other town in the area. She never wanted to go to the other classes. It is the same teacher too.
There are a few people from VN that go to one of the classes in another town. They live in 30 min from us. I wanted her to go to meet them, but Tuyen is stubborn.
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Yup.. she had fun when she was there.. went places and did things and remembered her life before you... Then when she came back here it was not like starting the adjustment over again it was like starting even farther back... communication and compromise are the key to success here...
If I could get her to sit down and talk about it.
I tried to get her to talk with other people transitioning to life in the US, Tran (Bryonm4) and Thao (VN10). At least she wouldn't feel like she was the only one going though the lifestyle change. She never wanted to.
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Maybe she would feel more comfortable if you guys lived closer to her relatives... is that an option?
Her brother lived in MN until about 4 years ago. The transition would have been a lot easier if he hadn't moved, but that's the breaks. I am more than willing to move out there for her. I wanted her to live here for a little while to get to know my family more. She seems angry at me, but won't tell me why. She told my Mom she can't come back, but won't say why.
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I couldnt count the times that Thuy has said this is not her life that she misses VN and wants to return... she is in VN right now and has been saying how much she misses me and our life together but a day later she gets emotional and says she wants to stay there... We are already planning to semi retire in VN a portion of the year or permanent but that is not planned for 3 years yet,,, It is clear that there is a huge disparity between the two lifestyles.. IMO its not a cultural thing its a I miss the way my life was I am bored thing... For those that live in a city like NY it may be an easier transition but the lifestyle here is so different.. we live in a quiet town...
IMO its not about another guy as was mentioned...its not about her not loving you, Its just the frustration of adjusting... she really hasnt been here that long in the scheme of things and it takes a long time to adjust if you are in a quiet town like we are..
That about sums it up. She'd been here for 8 months then took a 3 month trip to VN. After that everything changed.
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Jeezuz, that sucks! After all you went through.
If you think there are any genuine feelings left on both sides then you might be able to salvage this relationship. Everyone has a tough time adjusting. Phuong did, as well. What made the biggest difference for her was where we live. She's got a lot of relatives living within driving distance, and whom she gets to see often. There are plenty of VN people she can talk to, and plenty of VN shops where she can buy stuff. There's an entire mall in San Jose that's all VN shops. She bought a beautiful altar from Da Nang at one of those shops a few weeks ago. There's a Vietnamese Buddhist temple her in our town where she goes every Sunday. One of the monks and a couple of the nuns from the temple visit us often. The senior monk came to our house last Friday to dedicate her new altar and invite the Buddhist spirits to come live in our home. All of these things have made a big difference - they make life bearable in a country where everything else is so foreign. The economy here sucks, and the cost of living is high, but relocating here or SoCal might be worth considering if it will save your marriage. The last option is to move to Vietnam with her.
Man, I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about this.
She is actually in San Jose right now. Her brother lives there. We've talked about moving before, but it never came up again.
I'd asked if she wanted an alter for home, but she didn't want one. I used to go to the Temple every Sunday for Tieng Viet and she never wanted to go.
I know part of the the problem is that I'm not that outgoing, but neither is she.
I'm trying to get her to sit down with me to talk about all the issues we're having, but she said she needs time. I'm afraid the longer we wait the worse it will be.
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That is a danger for you. Many Asian girls start stating such things in preparation of filing for citizenship based upon being a battered woman. I hope to hell that is not it in your case, but I know someone it happened to and it was beyond stunning to everyone. She got away with it too. Despite the mountain of evidence she was a liar.
Tuyen may have gone home and found that she just missed the way things were too much. Many girls, especially those who were not college educated and who have not traveled outside of Vietnam cannot adjust to the mind blowing difference in the way of life here. MN is not exactly L.A. or NYC and in the mind of 95% of the Viet girls, they think that is what America is like.
My wife nearly went home in the first year here because she hated it so much. It was nothing like she expected, despite her having traveled to Japan and across Europe. With all her education and experience, she was not even close to being prepared. Her expectations were wildly insane.
Only when we moved to NYC did things improve.
How ironic that when she goes to visit her family in Saigon she is wishing to go back to NYC within hours of arriving.
The heat, pollution, low class bribery BS and other such things inherent in Vietnamese culture just irks the hell out of her now.She's a good woman. I know she wouldn't do that to me.
She just felt trapped at home with now where to go.
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Are you sure she didn't find another guy? There is usually a reason why women change their attitude so drastically. Hating where you live is a gradual thing, not all of a sudden, she woke up one day and wanted out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't the case. I live in a small hick town (2700 people). The closest city is about 30 minutes away.
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Awesome!
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Tuyen left to to visit her brother in CA a couple weeks ago. On Sunday she told me that she did want to come back to MN and was going to go back to VN. She doesn't like the US lifestyle.
She won't come back to get her things. She told my Mom that she's afraid I would hurt her and wouldn't let her go back to VN. I have no idea why she thinks that I would. I've never laid a hand on her. It must be VN cultural thing.
She went to VN over Tet for 3 month and came back a different person. She seemed more isolated. I wasn't the only one to notice the change either. My neighbors and family sensed something wasn't the same.
She laid out all these problems to me once she was in CA.
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Good Luck!
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Congratulations!
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Sweet! Congratulations!
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I was wondering when my wife enters the US. Do we have to go out to the village/city hall to make an American marriage certificate or will the Vietnamese marriage certificate do? Since we will be married for almost 2 years, will she be getting the 2 years conditional GC or the 10? Does the 10 year GC only applies if you've been in the states for 2 years at the POE?? Just trying to be prepared for the remainder of our journey until she gets her citizenship.
No you don't have to get a new cert. Only thing you need to do is translate the VN cert.
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Wonderful news. Congratulations!
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These are some of the question Tuyen was asked.
What does the petitioner's parents do for a living?
Did the petitioner's parents remarry after their divorce?
Why did they get divorced?
What are the petitioner's friend's names?
What do the petitioner's friend's do for a living?
What do the petitioner's and friends do for fun?
What color is the petitioner's house?
How many bedrooms are in the house?
What products do they make at the petitioner's work?
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Great news.
The NVC will require a few documents from her for processing. Since you're there get them now so you don't have the expense/time of mailing from VN the the US.
A copy of her passport Bio page
Copy of her birth certificate (?)
Have her fill out a DS-3032 Choice of agent form or she can email the NVC once the case is in the system.
Fill out and sign DS-230 Part #1
Good Luck!
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Hi,
The I130 case was reaffirmed and uscis stated it was being returned to the State Department for visa processing. My question is does it go to NVC or the Consulate?
NigeriaorBust is right the NVC only has your case for a short while.
Be prepared for another medical, getting new police records, and submitting current financial documents (I864).
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Congratulations!!
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Congratulations!
Thanks for the details of your Consulate experience.
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I want to thank everyone here who ever helped me (you know who you are!) My wife's I-130 is approved!!!! I am so ###### happy right now. As I said earlier, I will be here to give back for the forseeing future and give back to our small community. On other note, I miss my wife so much and cannot wait to a lot of sex with her!
Congratulations!!
On passing the interview too!
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If you have any travelers miles saved up use those. I just paid taxes for Tuyen's ticket.
BTW. Today it's been 1 year since she came to the US.
My Journey might be over
in Vietnam
Posted
None taken. The thought has crossed my mind. I know VN woman like to save face and not tell the truth, but I don't think she did.
She doesn't work. We've tried to get her a job, but since shes isn't fluent they won't hire her. She didn't want to go to school yet. I'm gone for about 9-10 hours a day.
I have a feeling someone filled her full of BS while she was in VN and that her new friend in San Jose is too.
Her brother isn't taking sides between us. He's trying to get her to sit down with me a talk things over, but she's being stubborn. She wanted to move out on her own to work, ect. He told her either she live with me, him, or goes back to VN. If she didn't do any of those three, not to call him for support, whether for money or otherwise.