BarbSami

Well best of luck to you.

Divorcing can be very hard. The best thing to do is find out what the state guidelines are and what the min amounts are and see exactly what you are entitled to and then negotiate from there.

Start by using the child support calculator for your state. Enter in your income (future income not current) and see how the numbers fall. It doesnt matter what you earned respectively in the past. Its somewhat irrelevant now. Of the course the courts frown on a guy who is capable of earning 200k a year and will only work at Burger king now because he doesnt want to send his kids 1500 a month and wants to spite the wife by sending 500 a month. They will force him to send 1500. But if all he can earn is enough to cover 500- then it will be 500. So keep that in mind.

Then move on to potential spousal support. Spousal support is RARE if both spouses work. Its only given if the one spouse is at a severe disadvantage and you do not seem to be.

Look into the rules about how property is divided. You said 'equitably' for your state. Thats good. That means fairly and not equally. Because you have the kids, you should be able to retain most of the property and the home to provide for them. His behavior and his choosing to leave should also be taken into account. You should come out ahead.

Again like I said in divorce you have 2 basic options- you can negotiate amoung your self on any issue or you can have the judge rule. Its preferable to work it out amoung yourselves. If you cant the judge will rule. But be sure by reviewing the guidelines before hand what the judge can potentially rule before going that route.

Thanks, Im pretty familiar with the guidelines and most of the family court judges are fair, With the way he left the home, it wont stand well with any judge bc there was not any reason for him to leave like that. There have never been an issue of domestice violence nor any heated arguments. So he left, because thats what he wanted to do for whatever reasons.

It is still a bit unclear. Somebody must decide who are the employees that do the work and how much they get paid as a bare minimum. This is what business owners do. Does he do this or do you? Or is it some type of investment in a business that somebody else actually runs but from which you get income? Either way, it would seem that you would clearly be entitled to 50% at least and possibly more if he has walked away from it and is not even in the country. If his being a Tunisian citizen and resident will prevent you from getting any share of his income from there for child support for your children here I would imagine a good divorce attorney would argue you must get more than 50% of this shared asset to compensate. Why not ask for it all?

We both agreed to the employee and their pay. There is an accountant that does the payroll and taxes. It is our business that was opened with my savings. Thanks. that's all im asking half for my children and I. I am employed, but martial property is shared. Asking for all would be greedy and too bad Im fair. I always try to remember to treat others as I want to be treated. Even him because he has to answer to a higher power than man. Thanks, Barbara

What a situation...with your replies you remain very level headed and seem strong/well focused.

Sorry for the young children. 6 and 4.

He was no man to leave his children the way he did for ANY reason. Mother, Country, another love...etc so trying to figure this out is mute point.

A mother always remains a mother and that you definatly are. I respect your focus.

I had to admit I was a little envious when I read your mortgage payment compared to what is here .

Maybe your family might say I told you so...but I sincerely hope they will give you MORE support than this. You need good spirit around you to keep u strong.

Please keep us posted on VJ.

Thanks for the positive words.I work for a bank so I got a good rate. He made the choice and followed through with it .Im better but still hurting. My main focus are my children got to keep it together, but there are late night crying. I am so glad that I am not a person that could intentionally do anything to hurt anyone. Time will heal. Barbara

That wasn't clear to me either. They have a joint business, which it sounds like he runs, but he's not in the country to run it now. Also appears to me like she's framing the entire issue as a child support issue, when really its an asset division, spousal support and child support issue. Give there's a joint business, they're really going to need lawyers to untangle things, they sound beyond the DIY divorce situation.

Let me make it clear, If I was not clear probably because I was upset. At no time I said the 1500. was childsupport. This is what he has offered me as a divorce settlement. nothing else, no mention in the agreement about childsupport. Im guessing he wants to give me 1500. a month and call it even.That is why I have said its not fair for him to make an offer like that to me, when nothing about division of martial property is included in the agreement. that is why I said its not enough, whatever I get or have is for my children. He do not run the business, there are employees that run the business.

I'm very sorry for all you are going through. Your children will miss their father and no amount of child support can replace that. Tunisian men typically love their children and are good fathers.

As I understand this thread, your husband is no longer in the states. I recommend you familiarize yourself on Tunisian law. Tunisia can NOT send money out of Tunisia. How is he going to be sending the $1,500? I realize you have not accepted his offer, but it is something to be aware of. It may be that he is planning on paying you from his portion of the business. The idea that you could get any money OUT of Tunisia as someone mentioned in one of the posts...(something about you are entitled to half of what he sent back home) is extremely difficult.

Also, he can not remarry in Tunisia until he is divorced. Tunisia does not allow multiple wives. You can get someone to get his birth certificate because marriage is registered on the birth certificate in Tunisia. Then you will know if he has re-married.

Be very aware of the law and don't go to Tunisia with your children unless you have investigated all the laws of parental rights. Typically, the father has custody and the children would not be allowed to leave.

Finally, Tunisians are not "backward" people who only obey their mothers. This is a very "Westernized" muslim country and if he has lived in the states for 10 years, he has made his own choice. Perhaps he longed for his own culture or he fell in love with someone else. But don't let him off the hook because he had to do what his mother said. He did what he wanted.

Again, I'm sorry for your suffering and don't see that you're trying to "scare" any others who are married to internationals. We all enter any relationship with our eyes open and face the risks of heartbreak. Continue to seek legal advice, go slowly, take care of yourself and your children. I would encourage you to talk to your family. They may have more insight into this than you realize. God bless you.

My family will say what they said when I told them I was marrying him... Do not marry him and I am really not ready to hear " I told you so" Thanks for all of the advice and I am weighing my options, not moving too fast. He can marry whom he wish. I am hurt, but I could never look at him again. If he loved his children so much he would not have just abandon them, even if he wanted to divorce me. He made his choice and my choice is to protect my children future. My children will not travel to Tunisia if he ask to see them he can whenever he like, but he will not take them anywhere, Thanks, Barbara

Yes, I do have experience in observing karma fly past me and land on the appropriate target.

Won't be your bait for a mod whipping so have a nice day.

Back to our scheduled program.

OP, you should not have to defend yourself over the comments from people who just don't get it with American divorce law and who is entitled to what.

Wanna- be- arm- chair- lawyers !

In certain countries the woman is lucky to get a few crumbs thrown at her while the man skips into the sunset with wifey #2 abondoning his children and I have read enough of those archaic comments to last me a while.

You are doing the right thing and are on your way to a better life and I wish you the best. Thanks and I do not.

Why would I deign to accept poo from you?

Over the past 6 months, every time there's a new topic in the Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum,

you come in and chastise the OP.

Why to do that? Seriously - WHY? People aren't looking to get judged by you , they are looking for advice on what to do ! Yet you choose to sling the poo and tell everyone 'how you feel' against the OP. #######? Who does that?

I have answers to that, as to 'who does that', but I'm keeping a modicum of control on this one reply.

I'll simply ask you - Please stop slinging yer poo. You've a largish pile now, enough that you've created a pattern of poo slinging in an attempt to castigate someone seeking help.

It's ok, I am a teller at a local bank. I deal with the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

Barbara.. i hope you have got a Divorce lawyer by now..

expect support from VJ..

but LEGAL advice from Lawyer.. good luck.. sorry to hear about your divorce

I do have a divorce attorney, but what can be done he is not even in the country. Thank for the advice and Things happen in life whether we expect them to or not. ...... Barbara

Not necessarily. If an abused spouse 'walks out of a marriage' most of us congratulate them and reassure them that they did the right thing. Even then we may not really understand the dynamics of who was at fault and by what percentage blame should be assigned. I take your story at face value and as such, I feel your soon-to-be-ex is a jerk and deserves probably worse than what he will get in divorce court. You are right, of course, that the over-riding principle should be what is best for your children. I hope they will get to benefit from a decent father or father figure involved in their lives. And I hope they see the example of loving parents that also believe in being hard-working and productive citizens. Fortunately we know they have a loving mother who is looking out for them!

Yes of course you are right, but my comments only refers to my situation.

BarbSami - there are two Romanian Harpies that step in on each post about divorce, and sling poo.

You've experienced both of them in yer topic here. IMO/E, ignore them - they will never have a deep understanding of how things work in America.

I really do not concern myself with comments that are meant to be negative. The business in question was started with money from my saving. I am only requesting half of what I feel is due to my children and I. Since I have live in Alabama my entire life, I would think I should know how the law are applied here.

Personally, I think alimony is, most of the time, grotesque. It started as something fair ("Divorce law in the U.S. was based on English Common Law, which developed at a time when a female gave up her personal property rights on marriage (see Coverture). Upon separation from marriage, the husband retained the right to the wife's property, but, in exchange, had an ongoing responsibility to support the wife after dissolution of the marriage"), and evolved into a sense of entitlement.

Or, because he is financially stable, he could get custody of the kids, and she has to pay him child support.

I am entilted because I invested in the business, basically I am getting my own money. We are spliting it because it became martial property. I am employed and always have been since the age of 16. The court will not give a parent that has walked out on the children, whatever the case may be custody. In reality he is getting support half of a business is pretty good, when someone elses money was used to open it. Losing my children is not even a concern of mines. Securing their future is a very big concern of mines.

I cannot speal for your state but here in New York there is a "fair and equal" distribution of assets. If items such as a house or cars were purchased during the marriage you have a right to them in some fashion. Many people will sell the home, split the equity and the wife now goes on to something smaller that she can afford on her salary. Sometimes there will be alimony for the wife. The $1,500 for the kids seems reasonable. However, there could be terms where he needs to contribute to some type of educational trust for a higher education. Also, make sure your attorney makes him take out both disability and life insurance where you are the beneficiary. In the event something happens to him, you are assured of some lump sum income to cover expenses. Regardless of the reasons given, you are just one of many millions of couples who get divorced each year. It happens.

In my state the wife will retain the home with the children, no judge in family court would ever disrupt any child stability. it maybe reasonable for childsupport, but the division of martial property it is not. 1500. is not for the children it is an settlement of the marriage offer. Yes divorce does happen but one wont feel the affect of it until it happens to them.

Thanks.......Barbara

Barbara, I am praying for you and your family. May God be with you during this difficult time. Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world. Is there any amount of money that can replace the absence of a father in his children's daily life?

That question you would have to ask their father, he is the one that walked out on them. Money can't replace any parent absense, but what it can do is enable the parent to have the means to provide whatever the child needs are. Also, there are diffrent programs, that you can place your child in to help take up some of the space that a parent has abandon.

Thanks and continue to pray for my children and I...................Barbara

I Posted here because I have been a member since 2004. I did not post here to offend anyone as it is my life I am speaking of. I needed support, understanding, advice and maybe there was someone that has gone through something similar to my situation. Sometimes you do not want to talk to family and friends. Not one person here knows me personally so they will not tell me something just to make me feel good. They will tell me their thought or how they would go by handling the situation, if they were the one going through what I am now faced with.

None of what Im going through I wish on anyone. Just because my husband is who he was is no indication that all men are like him. Only thing I said was he left me and 2 kids after citizenship, that is how i feel. Not one time have I said anything about anyone except my situation. These are my feelings no one elses. Until someone walks in my shoes they will never get an understanding on my situation.

Thanks again for all the advice, support ,prayers for my children and I.................Barbara

Barbara, truly I will pray for you during this very difficult time. I do not understand how you could be selfish for asking for more than what is being offered. What amount of money can replace a father's daily presence in the life of their child? In this case he is walking away from them as his own free choice. Responsibity for raising children is the hardest job in the world. Please count on my prayers. May God be with you and your children.

Jannie

selfish? It was my saving that stared the business. So its my children money invested there. Thier father left on his own, if he had wanted to be there for his children I do not think he would have left. My children have the right to be financial stable as it was thier mother finances that started the business. So half is what is due but the Judge could rule otherwise

If fighting for my children is selfish then for my children I will do it.

I am employed and have been since the age of 16. Nothing is mines or his in a marriage unless we had it before the marriage. He had 200. before the marriage. You guessing wrong the house will not be sold it is where my children and I will live as usual. It absolutely matter how much the mortgage is it still has to be paid.

I am owed whatever the law of my state says and/or whatever the judge decides.

I am not acting like anyone owes me anything. i am rightfully asking for what is our from the marriage. He is only 1. I have my children and myelf to take care of.

I was not struggling before I had babies and my children life will remain as it has been. When they are grown and out of college he can have it bc I will not need such a large house.

Before you comment gets your facts right. My parent brought me up to never be dependent and I am not. If a spouse whether it he or I walks out a marriage then that spouse is considered at fault. These are my children and I will do whatever necessary to make thier life as normal as possible. When it was my money that was invested in this business I am right to act like I am owed. Do you see me saying I want everything or I want whats fair for my children and myself.

All I have been saying is I want whats fair for my children and myself. I never though you could open a business with 200. Investing money I had saved was not a bad decision bc It will help me to pay for whatever my children needs are.

Not really. I think that when you take bad decisions, you should expect to get burned. Not having a career because a man said so doesnt entitle you to a lifetime of paychecks for doing nothing. Honestly, I think alimony is degrading to women, it basically says we are incapable of managing life all by ourselves. Since like you said, we are Romanian, I will tell you a Romanian-American story about my neighbour's daughter who won the lottery visa and came to the US and washed floors and put herself through nursing school, then met a guy and got married. 10 years later, they are divorce, and she makes enough money to support herself, her kids, and her parents whom she petitioned. The ex doesnt pay child support regularly, and that is a problem, but other than that, hats off to her.

No human, man or woman, should be incapable of supporting him/herself and should never ever build their lives around someone else's career.

I am employed have been since age of 16. Its degrading when you do not fight for the rights and best interest of your children. If i was not capable of supporting myself then the government would not have let me sponsor him. My money from saving is what started the business Thank You. My hard work from a teen.

If marrying someone you love was a bad decision then welcome to the real world there are lots of people making bad decisions.

I am confused, Barbara, do you work at all? This business is his, that is, he puts in the effort and time? Are you a stay at home mom? I dont think it matters how much the morgage is, since half of the house is his and I am guessing will be sold.

Excuse me for saying this but you are acting as if it were your husband's duty to maintain your lifestyle past divorce. He will put in whatever necessary for the kids, he doesnt really owe you anything.

I am employed and have been since the age of 16. Nothing is mines or his in a marriage unless we had it before the marriage. He had 200. before the marriage. You guessing wrong the house will not be sold it is where my children and I will live as usual. It absolutely matter how much the mortgage is it still has to be paid.

I am owed whatever the law of my state says and/or whatever the judge decides.

Always remind my kids "do not get involved with those marrying

up when they get to that age, sometimes cultural differences &

backgrounds comes with extra baggages. Lady you will be fine,

right now I know it hurts, but one day you will look back and

wonder, also a good real man will come along , get a female atty

and pull his NUTS out, then his mama can sew it up, eventually

the kids have to be told, never bad-mouth him in their presence

Take it to court let that weiner get in front of a judge...Hey

god bless & keep you and the kids

Never in my life have I had hate, anger or bitterness in my heart. These are cancers they can only destroy me. I would never talk my children against thier father no matter what he does or have done. I have to be cautious with them because the way that he has handle things so far, what if he would try to flee with my children to overseas, that I wont allow.

I do not know who would suggest 1500. when there is a mortgage of 950. due to the bank monthly and the neighborhood we live it is also 180. yearly fee to take care of the common grounds. We havent talked about ins for the children, childcare, groceries, ins on the home and furnishing, car ins etc.

This is difficult a man I love, had babies with, my bestfriend, now I have to take him before a judge just to get what should of have been freely given to us by him without him being made to do it, so sad......................... Barbara, Thanks and God Bless

You are absolutely right, the excuse that his mother is involved is hog-wash. It was his choice, maybe that's something they like to use as an excuse that their mother told them too. LOL, its not like they are 5yrs old, or are they?

I wont even insult a 5 years old , my son is 6 and at this young age he try to becareful of other people feeling. He is not old enough to even understand much about how life goes. I always try to instill to treat how you would want to be treated.

In most states it matters little who invested what in the development of a business during a marriage unless the initial cash investment was clearly separate property and remains a significant portion of the current cash value of the business. He can argue that it was his hard work or smart decision making that was the key to its success. The judge will declare it a marital asset and subject to a 50/50 split. If he walked away leaving you to run this business alone you may be able to argue you deserve more than 50% of its worth at the time divorce will be final.

If he has walked away from his own children than I don't feel even a little bit sorry for him and I wish you and your attorneys well in taking him to the cleaners! What kind of stupid excuse for a husband can do this? And if he wants to justify his actions by invoking his familiy's (mother's) wishes I cannot even find words adequate to express my disgust with his version of 'family values' when he is so callous to his own children!!!

As the attorney stated to me in an at fault divorce. If one party is found to be at fault of the breakdown of the marriage. The judge can decide the one he feels did not contribute will be the one that could end up with more. If a person walks away from a marriage, leave the home they shared. Alabama is an equitable state, it doe not mean 50/50 the judge could decide 60/40. 70/30 or he could decide to give it all to me and the children.

Keep in mind we are talking about a husband that walked away not just from me, but our children. Aslo, a friend showed up to tell me that my husband wanted a divorce and that the mom wanted him to marry someone from home. He got an attorney to draft divorce papers with an attatched agreement offering me 1500. monthly. He did not try to reconcile or even if there was a problem correct it, because there was not any problem. That is why he could not offer any explanation to me when I asked "What happened".

There isnt a judge dumb enough to not know what is really going on. He basically has almost won my case for me. Equitable does not mean 50/50 not in Alabama.

And I agree with you 100% if he is trying to abandon them this way. I do believe you may have been confused a bit on what gets divided 50/50. Existing marital assets such as houses, cars, furniture, stocks, bonds, and cash in the bank get divided this way in most states. It can get complicated when an ongoing business is a marital asset. If he is leaving who will be running this business? If you are staying on to run it maybe you should buy out his interest and take it all. Otherwise it probably will need to be sold and the proceeds divided. Child support and possible spousal support will be based on what income earning potential each of you has after the divorce. You definitely need a decent lawyer as well as a good accountant!

The business is ran by employee and there is an accountant. It does not have to be sold I can request a flat amount from the business monthly. I have consulted with a divorce attorney. I am not confused. If you bought 200. to the marriage nothing confusing about that. my assets are the one that was secured to sponsor him, If you walk out thats not trying thats abandoning them. Tax doc will make it less complicated plus inventory can be taken and a projection of sales can be done.

And after 10 years of marriage HE deserves spousal support as well!!

She cannot work? This is supposed to be the era of equal rights AND responsibilities. If they own a store together then the income has been joint. Custody should be joint as well if he wants that and they should each contribute equally in time and financial support to the children's needs. In other words, no money should be paid by either. (Now if he wants to shirk his parental responsibilities as to parenting time, etc, then you may be right about what a judge should do.)

where do you suppose he got the money for the business? when he came in on a K-1 he had 200. and If he wanted equal responsibilities he would not have left them. In the state i live in if you abandon children sole custody is granted to the other parent. I was his sponsor so I would of had to be emoloyed.

My babies which are 6 boy 4 girl ask mama when daddy coming home? I said daddy went to visit Grandmother. I dont know if its grandmother or whomever but thats where he is. I just do not want them to worry . Im trying to keep thier life as normal as possible. I have to take it one day and one step at a time and always remember my children are first priority to everything,

yup yup - sounds like your attorney is on the right track, so far.

Remember - dissolution of marriage starts on dissolution of assets ,

and any monthly amounts for child support are SEPERATE from the 'marital split' monies.

He also mention lifetime maint. and he is the one wanted out. I was clueless, I didnt even know I was out but sometimes things that hurt maybe a blessing in disguise. Im hurt but knowing that my children will be secure may help ease it.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT ON ALL THE INFOR AND ADVICE YOU HAVE GIVEN. I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL OF IT. IT HAS BEEN SO DIFFICULT SHOULDERING THIS ALONE.

i HAVE NOT DISCUSSED ANY OF IT WITH FAMILY BECAUSE I THINK I ALREADY KNOW SOME OF THE THINGS THEY WILL MOSY DEFINITELY SAY.

THANKS AGAIN AND MAY GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU ALL WITH WHAEVER YOUR HEART DESIRE. BARBARA