Meriem_DZ

Islamic? Says who, you? Let's lay the blame where it really lies, sexual jealousy and not where you think it might, Islamic culture. You have zero evidence for your claim.

My daughter gets food stamps. She works full time, but her husband is very ill with diabeties and this past year had part of his feet amputated. They have turned him down for disability 3 times and he is unable to work. They have 4 kids. Her oldest daughter is from a previous marriage. The state of AL loads her child support onto her EBT card. She can use the child support portian anywhere and for anything. But can only use the food balance for food. So if you see someone using EBT card for something other than food, it may be coming from the child support balance.

My daughter gets food stamps. She works full time, but her husband is very ill with diabeties and this past year had part of his feet amputated. They have turned him down for disability 3 times and he is unable to work. They have 4 kids. Her oldest daughter is from a previous marriage. The state of AL loads her child support onto her EBT card. She can use the child support portian anywhere and for anything. But can only use the food balance for food. So if you see someone using EBT card for something other than food, it may be coming from the child support balance.

My daughter gets food stamps. She works full time, but her husband is very ill with diabeties and this past year had part of his feet amputated. They have turned him down for disability 3 times and he is unable to work. They have 4 kids. Her oldest daughter is from a previous marriage. The state of AL loads her child support onto her EBT card. She can use the child support portian anywhere and for anything. But can only use the food balance for food. So if you see someone using EBT card for something other than food, it may be coming from the child support balance.

Recent events in my life have made me realize that sometimes you have to trade in caution for happiness. I wish you two a long and happy life together!

Hmm, I don't drink sugary fizzy drinks normally, and I am more of a conservative than a liberal, and I thought the commercial was nice. I agree people living in the US should make learning English a priority, but I saw nothing wrong with the song being sung in several languages....I thought it was beautiful.

It's important that we can all communicate and understand each other. You know, lots of people hit the shores in the old days not speaking any English. Now their decendants do. My wife speaks Cantonese but since she's been in Canada since age was 7, her first language is English. Our kids will likely speak very little Cantonese. Most second and third generation folks will end up speaking English. It's not that big of a deal.

Furthermore, when you bring someone to the States on a K1, you're telling USCIS that you are willing, ready and able to marry this person. That you are sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the person you have every intention of marrying. So who is the fraud when you back out two weeks after his arrival??? K1's are not supposed to be used to bring someone to the States, to get to know them better and then decide if they are marrying material. I'm sure spending 90 days abroad getting to know someone is more expensive than staying in your own country (as she said, she had to pay for everything) but a K1 is not supposed to be a ticket awarded for a discounted means of being together trying to know if you're compatible or not. This is all nonsense and crazy how so many people are failing to see the real victim here.

So? It was her idea to stop the marriage, not his.

Why is it a scam when it was HER idea to stop the marriage, not his? If he was scamming don't you think he would have just left once he set foot on US soil? The couple spent literally 8 days together in real life before she shipped him over here. They didn't know each other, and when he moved here she realized they are not compatible. Tell me where the scam is? Has anyone thought about the beneficiary and how he gave up his life to move here? Show some compassion for the poor guy. She told him to hit road, of course he is going to want to go to his closest relative. What would you do if you were in a foreign country, knowing not one person and had this thrown at you?

Why why WHY do you continue to think every single new immigrant is part of some scam? Seriously you need to stop! It was her decision to stop the marriage, not him. He gave up everything he knows to come here, and the OP never said a word about any type of abuse on either side. To the OP: you met him once for 8 days, even you said it was like a vacation. Did you think real life was going to be a vacation? The poor guy gave up everything he knows and loves to come here, I'm sure a lot of it is culture shock, being in different surroundings. You have no financial responsibility for him, and he has no legal basis to stay. You say you aren't stupid, but tell me what's smart about bringing someone you met for 8 days to live with you and your small daughters? There needs to be better guidelines for issuing k1 visas, there should be a minimum amount of face to face time required before K1 visas are issued. Casablanca consulate has no rhyme or reason, they deny married couples who have been together years, yet they seem to give out k1 visas like tic tacs.

Agree. Relationships require work and time. You hardly given it any time to make things work. The guy just left his entire life for you. Give him some credit.
To all the people who just want to ship him back: Even if he decides to go back home he is still allowed to go visit his brother and then leave. I would assume flights to and from Morocco are expensive so why not visit a brother while he is already here and then go home. Call me naïve, but that's how I see it.

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

I see plenty of good posts here. I admit I haven't been on VJ much for a while, and am unfamiliar with the people and situations. But some things haven't changed. There are still relationships that work, and some that don't. I just want to put in my two cents, without claiming that what I have to say does or does not apply to any particular people.
One thing that I remember from the earlier days of my 'journey' is how annoying it was (and still is) when people bad-mouth/sterotype/pigeon hole MENA people and MENA/USC relationships. Trust me, I completely understand that people who have been hurt emotionally (and also sometimes - but not always - have been used for immigration purposes) want to warn everyone else. It makes sense to want to spare others the pain you're going through - I'm not a psychologist but am sure there's a deeper psychological reason, too, about taking back a sense of control of one's own situation by helping someone else avoid potential harm or something. However, I think in their state of pain, too many over-do it and claim that ALL (fill in the blank - here, usually MENA men) are scammers who use women for visas/green cards/citizenship. It makes others defensive, and can also actually push some to overlook certain things they might not accept otherwise. If you keep hearing that younger Moroccan men always target older American women, for example (one thing I kept hearing), you might be more inclined to insist to others - and maybe yourself - that 'everyone' has to be wrong, because "that could never happen to me".
Let's be honest. Yes, it DOES happen. Yes, even (fill in the blank - young, attractive, intelligent, confident - whatever you want to put in there) women can get scammed. Yes, it's probably more likely when the women are older, wealthy, overweight, whatever. But the thing is - and someone mentioned something about this - it's NOT IN EVERY CASE. Even in the most sterotypical cases, it's possible that the man really does love the woman, has the best of intentions, and the relationship will last and be a good one.
What used to bother me was that people made their assumptions on what they knew and could see, and not from any 'insider information' about our relationship. I had people, when they heard I married someone from another country, tell me about some guy they knew who scammed someone for a green card, etc. These people included friends, family members, and even people I barely knew. I don't care how solid your relationship is, marriage is challenging. Add in those other stressors such as the immigration process, being in different countries, the waiting, cultural adjustments, etc, and it's even more difficult to deal with. Having people feel the need to tell you that you're probably being scammed (or being told you're crazy, etc) - especially when it's coming from a faceless online post - can bring out the worst in anyone! No wonder there are arguments here! It's annoying when it's coming from someone who has no idea what they're talking about (like a woman I know who never left the small town she was born in and turned white as a ghost when she met my husband), but it's downright scary when it comes from someone in an international relationship that didn't work out.
Then I wonder if I should tell our story. I don't want to encourage anyone who actually is being scammed but hasn't figured it out yet. Not mentioning anyone in particular (as I said, I'm unfamiliar with almost everyone here, except a few 'old-timers' who almost definitely are past the point where they could be scammed and not know it yet), but statistically speaking, there's bound to be at least one person in that situation who will read this. I don't want my relationship to lull them into a false sense of security. At the same time, I remember getting down sometimes because of all of the negativity directed toward me or others in relationships with MENA men. As sure as I was about my SO, it was difficult at times to feel constantly badgered and/or 'warned' about men "like that". I took solace in hearing about successful relationships, especially when they had similarities to my situation.
Then again, I feel that there are plenty of warnings about the scammers. So, just to add a little balance: I am more than a decade older than my husband. I met him online while going through a divorce, and I have children with my (American) ex-husband. We had/have many of those "red flags" - such as differences in language, religion, culture, etc. I had some money from my divorce, but we're currently experiencing financial difficulties like most people. He's been a citizen for a few years now, and we've been married more than 7 years. We're very happy together, and I don't foresee any problems. I'm not recommending that people do things the way we did, but also want to say that it worked for us.
I think it's a good idea to read through the forums and get ideas of what has happened to others, and what works for some. But don't think that your relationship is going to fit in the exact mould as someone else's. Just be aware of what could happen (good or bad), and look honestly at yourself, your SO, and your relationship. Don't assume that just because of A or B that your relationship is good to go, or that it's doomed. It's not the things on paper that make or break a marriage, it's what's inside the people in it.
I was in a horrible, life-sucking marriage in the past, and now I'm in a wonderful, positive one, so I understand how it is on both ends of the spectrum. I sincerely wish the best of luck to everyone!

I'll re-write some of what I said. As you see in the link that sandinista! posted earlier, I thought about starting a FAQ "landing page" for the MENA forum a few years back because, yes. This place can be harsh. Yes-- this place can be unsupportive. But, ultimately, the people who might come across on the tougher side of "tough love" rather than the loving side are more often than not completely on-point with their statements and criticisms. It's hard to hear, and it's frustrating that there is so much drama somewhere that most of us come for support, but usually the content of the negativity is pretty justifiable.
Why? Let's look at the facts. Morocco and the MENA region are high-fraud countries. I'm sure most people who have been here for awhile have stories. When my husband first came to the US, he went out to lunch with my mother at a Mediterranean deli and the two Moroccans behind the counter gently ribbed him in Darija about his "wife." It is so prevalent that men prey on older women for visas that they assumed he had done the same thing and was married to my mother (who is 29 years older).
The Consulate made a video that mentioned fraud as well. Check out this YouTube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sjE4nuhSDw (whoops-- not this video-- maybe there is a part 2 somewhere; not sure what happened to it, but it was from the same meeting!!).
You can hear and read stories here, on other websites, etc. But-- after living in Morocco for 5 years, and after getting to know Morocco and Moroccans at that level (and I still have a lot to learn-- it's not a statement of arrogance!)-- this IS A CULTURAL PHENOMENON. It is not something that every Moroccan does. It's not every single relationship, but it happens, and it is more common than most people want to admit.
(As an aside, I've had many conversations with young Moroccan men who think that the women deserve it-- that in some ways, they are doing "sex tourism" or "mail order husbands" because older, unattractive, divorced women with kids cannot actually believe that someone so much younger and more attractive would actually fall in love with them. Of course, I find that attitude abhorrent... but it also exists!).
These fraudsters make everyone's situation harder.
- It makes legitimate relationships (note-- most of these fraudulent relationships feel 100% legitimate to the USC petitioners!!) harder to go through their paperwork/visas/green cards. In other words, when consular officers see so many instances of fraud, it becomes harder to prove legitimacy.
- It hurts people who really think they are in love/in a relationship
- It hurts the way that Americans/"the West" look at Morocco/MENA/Islam
The people to get angry at in this visa journey is not the consulate. It's not the US Government. It's not people on a message board-- it's fraudsters.
So-- then the question comes up... why do others feel like they have the right to "judge" my relationship harshly? Why do people assume my fiance/husband is only looking for a green card?
This is tricky. On the one hand, it's true: we don't "know." Nobody has a window into someone's intentions. But consider the following:
- Back when I was applying for a K1, I read somewhere that 60-70% of K1 applications are denied because of fraud.
- Looking back here, there are very, very, very few people in long-term marriages (say, beyond 5-6 years), particularly when you look at red-flag situations (specifically meeting online with a huge age gap where female is older than male). It happens at times, and there are threads where people have asked "who has made it work long-term," but it is a large percentage where things don't work, and often this happens either after greencard/citizenship, or when the MENA male cheats or falls in love with someone else. Unfortunately, I have no empirical statistics... but very convincing circumstantial/anecdotal threads here and elsewhere that support these statements.
We know that the consulate (in Morocco) has published what they see as the biggest red flags (http://morocco.usembassy.gov/visas/immigrant-visas/fiance-visas.html) that indicate a likely fraudulent relationship. Though I don't have statistics or research, I am confident that this list was created based on experience, research, and facts.
This all being said... look at the situation from an "oldtimer's" perspective (which I don't consider myself, by the way). Women with many, many red flags come here to the forum, proclaiming mad, perfect, mature love with limited communication and limited understanding of each others' cultural backgrounds. The case might be "textbook" fraud... and yet, the USC doesn't think critically beyond emotions, or seem to take this into consideration.
It's a funny place to be in, when you see one of these. As a fellow human being, what would YOU say that our responsibility is? To encourage blindly following one's heart? To ask hard, probing questions (which will doubtless be asked by the consular officer eventually as well, and also by others behind your back once you are IN the States, married) that might help illustrate possible stumbling blocks? Ignoring the lessons of experience and get excited while overlooking possible pitfalls?
It's tricky. Some will work-- some will defy the odds. Many will not.
...
BUT even beyond "is it fraud," which, sure, nobody here can know despite the indicators... in some ways, the bigger question is "are you ready for this, are you honest with yourself about what this relationship would take (and is your fiance/spouse), and is this truly the right decision for us?"
I think, to me, this is my bigger concern with many people who glibly post about how perfect their relationship is, and how confident they are that they can and will make the relationship work easily-- just as long as the silly Consular Officers don't keep us apart!! Usually, when someone talks a lot about how perfect the relationship is to others, it seems like they are trying to convince themselves of the fact and if they are truly comfortable, they are confident and secure enough not to have to talk about it all the time.
The visa isn't the end result, even in a non-fraudulent relationship. The visa is just the beginning of what can and is usually a very challenging journey.
50% of US marriages end in divorce anyway. When you add in cultural, religious, linguistic, and worldview differences-- love won't get you through this. No matter how much you CARE about each other, that won't solve some of these issues. What will is realism: acknowledgement and preparations for a challenge, an insane amount of flexibility for both partners, a commitment to honest and open communication with both partners, a willingness to be humble, a willingness to listen and learn. And, in some ways, above all, a willingness and readiness to acknowledge that you might not always understand all the layers in a situation and even with communication, there will be times where you have to sacrifice even if you don't think you should have to. Even if it feels wrong or you don't understand.
In many ways, this is important for all marriages, but even moreso with a cross-cultural one. And no matter what you talk about before hand to see what you might have to compromise on? You can't cover it all. You won't be able to.
So-- as someone who loves, embraces, and has jumped onto this journey... when someone comes to the forum whining about the process? Part of me want to say, "look-- this bureaucratic nonsense is NOTHING compared to the level and type of sacrifice you must be ready for when building a life with your partner."

Hi, It's been a while. I just popped in and noticed I was mentioned in this thread. Hachemi and I celebrated our 7th anniverary in Sept. We are still very happily married. My husband has not changed since the day I met him. He still adores me as I do him. In our case there is an age difference of 12 1/2 years. But what I think helped make our marriage be succesful, is that I met him when he was in his 30's and I was in my mid 40's. Now my sweety is 40 and I hate to say my age now. (You can do the math). LOL. He still adores me as I do him. We have so much fun together. It took him 5 years of working min. wage crappy jobs and finally someone saw in him what I did and gave him a chance. He has a great job, been in his position 2 years, and making pretty decent money with great benifits.
I wish I had some good advice to give. It's just hard for me to give any helpful advice with such a large age difference and the guy being so very young. So I will just leave it at that.
My friend Cheryl and her husband Kamel (Algerian) are still happily married also for 7 years. We met here on visa journey and since they are about a 100 or so miles from us, we meet often in person and spend time together.
Kat, so nice to hear that you are happy. I don't know if you remember, but my husband is from Setif also.

Hi, It's been a while. I just popped in and noticed I was mentioned in this thread. Hachemi and I celebrated our 7th anniverary in Sept. We are still very happily married. My husband has not changed since the day I met him. He still adores me as I do him. In our case there is an age difference of 12 1/2 years. But what I think helped make our marriage be succesful, is that I met him when he was in his 30's and I was in my mid 40's. Now my sweety is 40 and I hate to say my age now. (You can do the math). LOL. He still adores me as I do him. We have so much fun together. It took him 5 years of working min. wage crappy jobs and finally someone saw in him what I did and gave him a chance. He has a great job, been in his position 2 years, and making pretty decent money with great benifits.
I wish I had some good advice to give. It's just hard for me to give any helpful advice with such a large age difference and the guy being so very young. So I will just leave it at that.
My friend Cheryl and her husband Kamel (Algerian) are still happily married also for 7 years. We met here on visa journey and since they are about a 100 or so miles from us, we meet often in person and spend time together.
Kat, so nice to hear that you are happy. I don't know if you remember, but my husband is from Setif also.

The bikers route was going to intercede with the MMM, the only reason the bikers wanted to "honor" the fallen in 9/11 was to counter protest. Had the bikers organized an event before the muslims, the MMM might have been denied.

Just read the article, sounds like they filed their permit late:
The group apparently expected the permit denial, with an August 20th posting stating “FOLKS - IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE IMPOSSIBLE TO GET A ‘RALLY’ PERMIT IN DC. MOST ARE ALREADY TAKEN.”

Couple of news flashes for you:
1) Muslims were among the 'American Civilians' attacked on 9/11.
2) The bikers can still ride.
3) The marching Muslims are not terrorists, they are marching, amongst other things, to correctly point out that they are not terrorists simply by virtue of being Muslim.
Get a grip!

It will be a "family guest visa" and you will need a notarized invitation from the city hall of the place of residence of the Algerian host.
You need a copy of you flight itinerary. You have to buy the ticket to get the visa. They have to know the dates you will arrive and how long you plan on staying. I never had to have a "letter of employment" and I have been 4 times to Algeria. They ask for your employer name and address on the visa application. I am not employed and I just put "not employed."
http://www.algerianembassy.org/consular_affairs/visa_to_algeria.html

Grand Hotel Regina is the one I stayed in both times I went to Algeria . It is very inexpensive and right in downtown Algiers. It was nice and clean. The very cheap rooms, do not have a bathroom, You have to use a public one, so make sure you ask for a room with one. LOL
Grand Hotel Regina Address : 27, Boulevard Ben Boulaid, Alger Tel : 00 213 21 74 0035 or 00 213 21 73 7683

Here is a link to many hotels in Algiers, http://www.16alger.com/hotels1.htm

Meriem

Just thought I would let everyone know that after four and a half months of being here in the US, my husband has finally been hired for a full time job position. So now he will be working full time, and also keeping his part time job. YAY!!!!

Ummmmmm, What does this have to do with Seka's situation? And by the way he has been married to his wife over 6 years.

Thank you! You said exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this thread. I just don't understand people sometimes. They complain about the spelling and grammar of the OP, but guess what, this is a immigration forum with foreign spouses. Not everyone is going to come here educated to the point they write, spell and speak English perfectly. I have been here all my life and I even have problems with it. When people come here to ask for help, there is no need to beat someone down. If you have constructive advice or encouragement by all means chime in and help people. Please don't be mean and cruel. We don't have both sides of the story, only his and it's not up to us to judge. I lived with an alcoholic for a long time. It wasn't bad at first and I thought I could handle it. As the years went by it got progressively worse to the point it was a living hell. It took a lot of courage to leave and I had family and friends to help me. Seka's family is thousands of miles away. I guess I am too compassionate and I give people the benifit of the doubt. It would be very difficult for me to cruel to someone that I don't even know that is worried about his marriage and his future.
Seka, I am sorry this has happened to you. I know what you are going through. It is tough to live with someone that is drinking constantly. I hope your wife can get help and before it is to late.
Take care
Meriem