Kolewenoik31

Even with all that you have said I agree that this site is here to help but there are a lot of unkind, unnecessary comments that people make. I am in a position now to help and instruct. In my family most of the members have been through this process. Nothing new to me some worked others did not but even in correcting others there is a decent way of talking to people that is a blessing or a curse. Words hurt even if the individual is making unintelligent decisions. We still need to be cautious of the words that come from our lips.

I will agree he said I believe that this was his first time..Are we here to encourage or uplift each other in this long tiring process? Let's support or refrain from commenting at all.

I'm sorry you went through this with someone like that. I went through something similar and I found people aren't very kind or empathetic when you're at your lowest. You really need to be strong and learn to help yourself. I'm sure you now this but you mentione he still sends you texts- the only thing you can do to further your healing is to go No Contact. That will make it hard for him to sweet talk the evidence he needs from you when he realizes he needs it. Don't give in. Go No Contact.
 
Again I'm so sorry. A person like that can really mess your head up. It took me almost a year and months of therapy to finally find myself again. I wish you the best.
 

Correction NPD or Narcs, it is not mental illness, It is a personality disorder. Yes it's sociopathic in nature but it comes from the way a child was socialized as a child. There is no pill cure, it is very, very hard to treat. If the person is in denial and unwilling there is no cure but if they are willing then there is a treatment that has been effective it's Psychotheraphy. But this is no light thing that a non professional can help with. I agree getting far away as possible is best.

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

That kind of cultural change is what you need to communicate about. You need to decide where your limits are and communicate those.
Dont be a doormat.
1)yes
2)no
3)no
4)possibly
5) greater questions to ask will the ROC be approved even if filed for. The answer is unlikley.
6) how badly do you want to be married to a man who doesnt even want to be here for you if this is where you need to be
7) is moving there a better option for you should you want to be in this relationship
Think hard and deep. Dont answer here. This is for you, not us.
Best of luck to you in the future.

I have a friend who's husband left after 7-8 months entry. Was abroad 3 months and came back. Was scrutinized heavily the only thing that saved him was his US driver's licence. So I guess it just depends on the officer at certain POE's.

Go away please. Thanks.

Uh Oh started it again huh.
Well I could say some of those same things about plenty of other countries around the world. You are generalizing, stereotyping, and lumping every Amercian into the same category. You are very wrong. I know plenty of hardworking, dedicated, never been on government assistance, caring individuals that fight everyday for what they believe in. Government assistance was put in place to help those in need, there may be abusers to the system, but the benefits outway the bad.
As far as #6, yes we are patriotic and anyone who chooses to put their safety and life in jeopardy to fight for others is a hero all day in my book.
So here are your options:
1. Leave and go back to your country if you don't like it here.
2. Do something about it. Instead of making these whining posts go out and do something actively to improve the situation
Peace

Here is another way I printed our FB chats
http://modernmuckraker.com/how-to-see-your-first-messages-with-someone-on-facebook/
You can change the dates by changing the numbers.

Wonderful! Wish you the best and Gods blessings.

Why did you buy her a plane ticket right away? My wife when she first got here was VERY homesick and wanted to go home as well. We talked it out and I asked her to give it a couple months BEFORE she makes a decision to go home. I told her she needs to think this all out before she makes a rash decision like that. She has since got over her homesickness and loves it here in California.

Yes to some level all our relationships have been or are going through this diffeicult process. My hubby and I couldn't agree on anythng. Then after his arrival it got worse, but now....things are improving. It took prayer and me fighting. I felt as though I was the only one that wanted this marriage to work. He doesn't handle change, stress, or adjustment very well. I did not know just what to do excactly so I just prayed and solicited my family and friends and then I started to change me.....and today things are so much better. He is learning to adjust better where he wasn't before. I felt so hopeless.

It seems to me, based on your narrative, that he is depressed. A psych evaluation maybe useful. Its a tricky thing to do. But, if you know how to get it done, you can get it done in a hospital.
If he is not bugging you, assaulting you, and wants nothing to do with you, it is better to let the man find his peace instead to trying to make him love you thru some other means. It does not work.

I do not even know where to start from. All I would say is sister, we love you so much and you deserve to be loved. All I would advise you have already been said by others above.
One thing I have noticed is that you shared your story to get genuine and valuable advise. You have got the advise and I do not want to repeat it. I have noticed that anybody who mentions that you "love" "pray" Bless" e.t.c. you thank and say their advice is soothing. The rest of the advise you seem to take with a grain of salt. The bible taught obedience to the husband that is true, but the same Bible taught that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. He washed the disciples feet, loved them, fed them, saved them from the wrecking storm, ate with them, dwelled (dwelt) with them. He loved the church so much that he gave up his life for it. If I want to mention everything Jesus did for the church it will be a summon. Your husband has done all the contrary of that, but you are still clinging on him. So is anybody went against the bible teaching it is your husband. So if you stuck to your deal of the bible teaching and he did not then there is no "deal" my sister
He hurt you and he is still planning on hurting you more psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The scheme begun and is still on the process. You've been hurt and it is very painful, and when I say that believe me I know because I am talking from a personal experience. The only thing is you can stop it from escalating from here. You need to stop and analyse yourself and ask "what is it other have seen that I have failed to see?" All left in the game to end is you. Wake up. See the reality. Be brave and stop the hurting process. Do not prolong it. It is painful now but believe me it will pain a lot more if you do not heed all the advise above.
- Document everything
- notify immigration in writing and keep all replies (just in case, for the future)
- Stop responding to his texts he is gathering evidence to use against you to file sole later as an abused spouse
- Cut yourself off from the "friend" where he run (eloped) off when he first arrived
- Close all joint accounts, joint insurance, joint bills, joint mortgage/leases and the like
- Change all accounts password: emails, social media, work web access and the like
- Change your house lock key if you have not moved yet, if you move do not give him or your "friend" your new address
- Look for your original document and lock them away, that is, if he did not do it before you e.g. marriage certificate, your birth certificate, your naturalization certificate, your passport and the like
AND finally when you are ready and it dawns on you that although you are truly and sincerely in love, it is one sided and not reciprocal, you will then move on and file for divorce. As of now no one will be able to tell you what to do until you are ready. And when you are ready please know you are not out of love, we are a loving community and we love you so much.
Good luck

The guy is just buying time till he is able to remove the conditions of his GC its as simple as that. He is very cunning/or a friend, who knows him keeping in touch with you will serve him well at the interview. He is baiting you that you guys will work on your marriage and obviously texting you every day to hold you down.
Reporting him to Immigration, I honestly don't think is an option because what crime has he done? But you could write USCIS and explain that you believe the guy had just the intent of papers and that could bite his behind when he tries to remove the conditions.
Sorry to say this but this guy is a user and not ashamed to do so!

Hi Kolewenoik31
I really understand your feelings. As a good practicing christian, we really do our best to work out and extend more patience in our relationship, even to the point that we get so much pain. Love can make us blind. But God doesn't want us to be down and that is why we need lift all our burdens to God and He will do the rest.
I believe by this time you have some realizations already and even lessons learned from the experience. Based on your sharing, obviously your husband doesn't love you at all as his actions are clearly saying it all. He is not even trying to take steps in getting closer to your kids.
You have your kids with you, they are the most precious jewels that you have right now. Just focus your attention on the kids welfare, and with God's grace you would realize that you have done the best thing for yourself and kids. I think you should not look for him anymore, let him go and do what he wants in life. If he is a good man with a good heart, he will never do this thing to you knowing of your sacrifices in bringing him even closer to you. If he comes back, well he should be remorse and truly regret for his actions. He should demonstrate his true love not just saying it through words. I guess it is not that easy to trust him back, but of course anything is possible if God will reign back in his heart. This takes time and you need to be careful and also take good care of your heart. If you are ready then I think divorce is an option especially if your choice is to move on after all. It's your decision anyway.
For now, you have to be strong for your kids. Don't dwell on this thing as it is not worthy at all. Heads up !!! Keep your faith stronger than ever. God will surely heal your heart in time and hopefully would bless you with a true man who knows how to respect and treat his wife the way that God wants it to be. Take care

Awwhhhhhh you have me in tears right now! :cry:your post has been the most hopeful and I solicit your prayers. May God be with ye! Its easy for people to say...get rid or them or move on, but I say....this is....my heart. I fell in love. There is healing that has to take place no one just falls out of love just because of mistreatment, not even a child who is being abused by its mother. It takes time. Remember we all have dreams of our spouses coming home, we wait a year, we cry, have joy, we never expect something like this to happen and when it does it is devastating. :cry:So thank you I really appreciate you.

I am so sorry for your pain, I truly hope and pray this works out the best way possible for you.

Im so sorry that you are going through this ordeal! It is not healthy for your children and certainly not healthy for you. Maybe you can try to talk with your husband, and ask him to remind you the reasons he fell in love with you and you also remind him of the reasons you fell in love with him. As you listen to his replies, please listen for truth and sincerity and let both your mind and heart decide what your next actions will be. Pay careful attention to his facial expressions as he listens to your reasons for loving him. This is a technique I learned from my husband, to help us to get through any quarrel or conflict from clash of cultures we struggle with. In the end it has always ben about love. So, If there was true love once, I believe it doesnot just go away especially not in 2 months. Something may have fell apart in the time you were apart. Continue to try if this is the man you want as a father figure and role model to your children...continue to try if this is the man you believe loves you as he loves himself... continue to try until the day he no longer resembles or represents the love and life God meant for you! Then you will be at peace with any decision to move on and allow for new blessings in your life. God bless you and I am hoping he doesnt disappoint.I will keep you ad your family in my prayers.