sara535

a compression problem and passionate ####### sex.
most conservatives are at work..
overwhelming hilarity.

If the OP's fiance was doing computer programming in Egypt then maybe a shift into a comparable job would be possible after a lot of persistence and interviews, but as she said, he sells computers and cell phones. He's not a programmer or database administrator, he just has a degree in computer science. Each IT/Tech job opening gets hundreds of applications these days and experience reigns supreme, as does a degree from a US university. European or Scandinavian universities are on par in terms of perceived quality of education but a degree from a developing country has a lot less weight here. Sorry but it's the truth. Honestly a sales job really isn't that bad except around the holidays. It's a good place to start and work your way up. And if your spouse has a job with benefits then you're golden.
Anyway I am not trying to diminish anyone's accomplishments. I just think it's important to be realistic because too many people immigrate here with pie in the sky dreams and become depressed when they realize their education and job experience isn't worth as much as they had hoped and thus they need to lower their mental standards to more blue collar or service industry jobs just to contribute to their household [not that there is any shame in working in those industries - nothing wrong with an honest day's work]. This is especially true for men who are from cultures where they are the breadwinners and even more so if they were middle or upper class in their home countries. It's a very difficult adjustment, but not an insurmountable one if you're persistent and patient.
I'm from Brooklyn and lived there most of my life. The "build yourself up from nothing" narrative is as familiar to me [and my community] as the sights, smells and streets in my neighborhood.

Yep.
Buying cars and houses is no indicator of a solid marriage. Nor is posting endlessly about how happy you are.
I find it interesting that most of us so called mean girls have been married to our husbands for several years...several years after the 10 yr GC even. We still like and even dare I say love our husbands. Some of us even have children with our husbands. We have minimal drama in our lives and marriages yet we don't remind everyone that we're happy or content and that we buy stuff because we don't have to. That's not being miserable, that's being secure. I don't think anyone here wishes someone else's marriage fails. Some of us come off as harsh but that doesn't mean we're unhappy or miserable nor does it mean we wish ill on others.

I really don't wanna brag, and I know there are a lot of haters out there...but who cares...here's my story....
We drive a 2011 Nissan Rogue S, with a light gray interior which we keep imaculately clean by using 2 rounds of "$1 for 5 minutes" of vaccuming at a local car wash that costs $12 a wash, but we spare no expense because we love each other so much.
We live in my parents Basement and enjoy 3 full rooms, a double shower bathroom and a living room, all decorated to my parent's taste, which shows just how much we love each other.
Sometimes my husband drives my parents spare car, a 1999 Mercury Villager Sport Edition. It doesn't have a working clock but it does have a leather interior which of course shows how much we love each other.
Once a week we get a take and bake pizza from Papa Murphys, half Chicken Garlic and half "Papa's favorite" minus the pepperoni. Then we cook it in a Double Wolf Convect oven that belongs to my parents, and then we eat our pizza using sturdy DIXIE paper plates because we love each other so much.
Sometime we go to the mall and I buy new shirts at Maurices that cost an average of $29.99 which of course proves we are so blissfully in love.
Yesterday we bought a HeatDish space heater by PRESTO, for $24.99, to help keep our basement bedroom warm. We paid cash which of course proves we are so blissfully in love.
The point is, I am not not bragging and don't want to make anyone jealous, but sometimes you just have to convince others in order to really convince yourself how blissfully wonderous your life is. To the OP - be strong, stay the course, a thousand points of light, and maybe someday your marriage will be as blissfully perfect as mine. Good luck Girlfriend.

She's passionate about reminding everyone that she's happy.

It did read a little like one of those nauseating Christmas letters: "Johnny continues to outpace every member of his first grade class. Why, you should hear how he can recite 'The Waste Land' from memory! Thomasina knitted whimsical scarves for all the cats down at the shelter, and is now making cash money selling them on Etsy. That she can do this while maintaining a perfect A average, volunteering every spare hour teaching urban youth how to make Brussels lace, and captaining the field hockey AND girls' volleyball team is testament to her can-do spirit! Peter and I continue to be our old boring selves, though we took time to sail our schooner down to the Bahamas, where we distributed home-canned cranberry sauce to the poor and I donated a few of my less-edgy Commes des Garcons pieces."

I didn't mean it all sternly or anything, lol. My shampoo does cost about 5x what his does though.
Adding too, re. a different post, while I may have been my husband's sponsor to immigrate here, he took care of a large part of his expenses. Religiously, culturally, it would have been odd not to. No one has to buy their husband a car or hair gel or Angel cologne. Those are things I expect to have bought for me, not the other way around.
And I don't know about anyone else's co-sponsors, but there was no way in he1l my parents would have signed on as co-sponsors without being sure my husband had made arrangements for temporary insurance until he could start working, and had a handle on other necessities. I already had a child. They co-sponsored a grown man, not a kid. I married an adult.

Yuck, auch, poor girl, how poverty de-humanizes us.
To the OP - put him to the test. Tell hims you decided to move in with you, never to go back to the US, live your whole life there. Tell him that he will not step foot in the US either, because it is corrupted and blah blah. See if he wants you or US citizenship.

Hilarious and totally original! OMG this thread is soooo full of win. I get it -- we're all heifers! Yeah, you got us on that one.
Okay, I love you even more for that.

Maybe I *am* the mother from Honey Boo Boo. See mah neck crust?

I don't want to be negative for the sake of being smug or any of that. But. The fact remains, there's more to "it" and MENA marriages dissolving, etc. than "in any culture there are dirtbags". It's true, bad guys can come from anywhere, but there are also a lot of factors to take into account re culture, religion and so on in regards to compatibility and good fits, marriage wise, for Americans who marry someone from MENA. I don't care for generalizations at all. But I honestly believe it's really, really important to not only really know and understand the man you're marrying and his family, but understand the hows and whys of the place he has grown up and been formed in. I have just seen, in my experience, a more in depth understanding of these circumstances by the people I know who have long standing and successful marriages than just a "good and bad people can come from anywhere" approach. It has to go a lot deeper than that. And no, extended vacations with a guy and his family in his country aren't the end all be all
either. They are extended vacations. They are not 100% insurance against life being really hard or even impossible together once the grind and realities of life together in the US starts anyways. There's just been a lot of people here in the past who rested on their laurels of spending long vacations together only to find some real shocking stuff once everyone was in the US.

I can't get over how beautiful the weather has been around here the past week or so. Low 70s today...in March! Our winter was the mildest winter that I ever remember experiencing. I'm so enjoying it. We'll be cooking on the grill tonight instead of the kitchen. Yay!

It was a beautiful, warm day here today. Unfortunately, I spent most of it cooking in the kitchen. Ah well, at least the kids got to enjoy it. . DH brought the little one outside to enjoy her first Spring like day. She loved it! She esp. loved visiting with the neighbor's dog.

Secrets and what is between you and your husband should be kept just that way, a fact that is reiterated over and over again, here in VJ.
Having said that, I wish only the best for you, Olivia. I'm sorry you would have to deal with such "heartbreaking" and possible "deal breaker" of a decision. No women should cry knowing she may not have children, with the man she loves, over excuses.
To be fair to you, Olivia...I ask the following questions? Why did Waleed even move to the U.S.? He was a successful doctor in Egypt, yes? Was it just for the education here in the U.S.? If so, why not start a family here and then once he finishes residency and/or his fellowship, move to Egypt? We have two friends like this. One is currently looking for a residency program (she just had a baby, four weeks ago) and the other, just yesterday, was accepted by a program in Texas. Both are Muslim and both had children in the U.S.
My mother, who is Coptic btw, raised two Muslim children in the United States, by HERSELF after my father passed. It can be done. If your husband is seeing "American children" in a bad light perhaps moving to bigger city with more Muslims will show him CAN be done. Knowing Islam and speaking Arabic outside if the Middle East is really not that difficult with the right influences.
Like many of the others, I believe these are all excuses. He knows that as a Muslim, a baby brings happiness and rizq to a home. So he should have no need to worry because God will provide as He sees fit for your family once a baby is born. Also, doesn't his sister or brother live here in the U.S. with their children? Aren't they in medical school or something like that and raising Muslim/Arabic speaking kids? I don't know....it just sounds like excuses to me.
Anyhow, sorry you have to deal with this and that you may never have children. Hopefully the love you have for each other will get you through this. I must say though, being a mother is a wonderful thing. Really it is. I can't imagine my life without my two boys. I've always wanted to be a mama.

I see turkey pepperoni at a wide array of grocery stores all the time. It's what my mom always bought to make pizza at home when I was a kid.

Happy March everyone

Happy March everyone

this is not a forum strictly about egypt. a brief description of the forum at http://www.visajourney.com/forums/forum/100-regional-discussion/ shows it contains "Includes Algeria, Bahrain, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, The West Bank And Gaza, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Tunisia, United Arab Emirates, and Yemen."
this is a valid topic for this regional forum. please do not continue to hijack the thread or attempt to shut down the conversation.
charles
vj moderation team

TUSCAN SUN, not TUSCANY SUN. tuscany = noun, tuscan = adjective, darnit.

Not to offend anyone who loves it but the terms "my queen" and "my king" make me gag.
About the topic, while there is tons and tons of fraud going on in regards to MENA relationships there really are some successful relationships. There isn't a magical formulation for the success other than maybe two compatible people (in many ways) getting married and making it work. Making it work is key and both parties have to work at it. I don't know the OP or her husband personally and I'm sorry this has happened to her. It's awful. That being said, I doubt the guy just suddenly turned into a scumbag. Scumbags don't become scumbags overnight.

My tone is different because time has gone by. Its been 4 years since he got here. Its been 3 and a half years since we lost our child. Its been a horrible and rough ride and I am absolutely looking back sure he used me. But something happened on the way to today. I decided that I loved him and that it was all ok. I am 6 years older than I was when I met him. It was 5 years ago December that I got pregnant and so much time has gone by and there have been horrible horrible days that felt like they would last forever.
I think I just decided that I loved him and that I would love him all the way through this marriage, our divorce most likely and everything else that was coming. I think I realised I really loved him when I figured out he was not staying with me most likely and somehow I wanted to hold on to any good memory we had together. ( and there havent been that many honestly) He does have some wonderful qualities in the middle of his mood swings. Hes frightened and he depends on me alot for alot and I actually have depended on him for things too. I used to make a lot of money before he came here and my job fell apart. We lost our child..the one thing that probably would have tied us together in so many ways and I lost a big part of my innocence ,, if you can believe a 39 year old was innocent. I really was. I had no idea about the depths my sorrow could plunge or how much I could love before these past years. You see I dont think it matters if they stay or leave. Its sometimes whether we stay or leave in our own lives. Maybe running to north africa and journeying kept me alive in different ways. I wasnt guaranteed a happy ending. Maybe none of us are. Maybe the ones who lost in love won in amany other ways. Sometimes you can win the guy and lose yourself. Sometimes you can lose the guy and win.
I had my own EAT PRAY LOVE movie and in many ways, my own UNDER THE TUSCANY SUN movie. I make little or no sense to my husband who thinks I went crazy when I told him I know you dont love me but I dont care. I think it makes even less sense to the mena people who know who watch me continue to love him and do for him even after he disparaged me to all of them. I know he is leaving. I know perhaps I should be angry. But what can that win me now? Id rather remember the jasmine at night, Cheba Djenet singing..rai music and wind whipped nights. I d rather remember the way my baby looked when I held him and how much I loved my husband . Id rather remember Tunisia and its white and blue buildings before the arab spring came and how good everything tasted. I might not have had those evenings.. I might have missed a big part of who I am now had I not hurt so bad and loved so hard.
I love him. I know hes leaving. But I loved him and I love him and I miss so much of what wasnt wrong.
I know I make little sense but if you have ever really really understood that you can love someone who isnt or couldnt stay, you will understand me... perhaps..
sigh....

When politics or religion start a fight, and they always do, I simply remind everyone, "Hey, isn't it wonderful to be able to talk like this and not get arrested or shot because of it?" That usually reminds people that other countries do not have the advantage of such discussions, they cannot think for themselves or voice an opinion without risking their very life. As different as views may be, we can all agree that we are happy to be able to state our position and in turn let others freely express theirs. We may never agree on some points, but the bigger animal is that we even get to talk about it.

Cherry picking sucks. Seriously. It's the pits.
(thank you, tip your waitress, try the veal, it's fantastic!)

IMHO, you should be with a man that not only loves, values, adores, & appreciates YOU... but one that can love, value, adore & appreciate everything YOU DO for others.

Do you really need to ask what to do? If you like being treated this way then, by all means, bring him here. If you don't like being treatedt his way then cancel the petition. It's better to cut your losses now rather than bring him here out of embarrasment or loyalty or whatever. It will get worse if you don't put an end to it.
I'm an outgoing person and while we're in Algeria I always try to make my SIL laugh when we're outside of the house. She gets very mad at me because "she can't laugh outside." That's just not me. If your guys wants a woman like that they he should find someone in Algeria because they are a dime a dozen. It annoys me when I hear of men benefiting from some parts of American culture(women working, paying bills, shopping..etc) while shunning other parts(friendliness, kindness, sharing in household duties, take care of babies..etc). If a multicultural marriage is going to work then there must be compromise on both sides. In our home we try to take the good from both of our cultures. You cannot sustain a relationship when you are the only one being asked to live up to unrealistic expectations and controlling behaviors.