morocco4ever

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

I am inexperienced in this arena, but wouldn't she have to have some sort of physical proof of fraud? Is it that easy to just say fraud without proof?
Immigration issues set aside, it sounds like you are lucky to have gotten out of this situation.

I used a cover letter stating basic facts and what was in the packet. One thing I have learned though that I think is EXTREMELY important is to use this opportunity to address any possible red flags you might have in your relationship that could cause a delay once the consulate gets it. I learned this one the hard way!
If you have an approved petition that already addresses these red flags the consulate can not send it back for reviews on any of these issues.

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

Interesting, it seems we have a pyschic among us, because it certainly never crossed my mind that this guy is lying to her. If he is such an accomplished lier then why didn't he lie to the physician? Whatever!!!
Sorry to hear about your setback. Although it did set you back I do believe honesty is the best policy. Once he does get the visa then his college days won't come back to haunt him because it was already addressed. I hope he learned a lesson from this and keeps himself clean so he can eventually be with you.
BTW, I am amazed at how you are taking this. I haven't fared so well myself. I am tired of this process and I want my husband here NOW...lol You may be young, but I think you are very mature to be handling it this way. Keep it up and the time will fly.

I support it!! No one talks about this! We need somewhere to turn for this!

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

That issue has always been an topic of conversation between me and my husband. He believes in the strict Muslim upbringing, but I think that it is better to raise them with the understanding that once they are of age there will be consequences to their actions. If they cheat, they are going to lose the trust of their loved one, possibly lose them all together. Here in the US the women are able to financially take care of themselves, and they do not have to stay in a marriage that the trust has been broken. Women in Morocco are become more and more independent by he day, and soon they won't feel the need to stay in a marriage with a cheating husband.

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

That issue has always been an topic of conversation between me and my husband. He believes in the strict Muslim upbringing, but I think that it is better to raise them with the understanding that once they are of age there will be consequences to their actions. If they cheat, they are going to lose the trust of their loved one, possibly lose them all together. Here in the US the women are able to financially take care of themselves, and they do not have to stay in a marriage that the trust has been broken. Women in Morocco are become more and more independent by he day, and soon they won't feel the need to stay in a marriage with a cheating husband.

Sorry to be posting so late on this, but this is a topic deep in my heart. kristen_moroc is right on the mark. The actual visa journey is the easy part. It is very hard to judge how well you and your fiance/husband are going to get along when you are together 24/7 as apposed to visiting for a few weeks at a time. Any marriage takes hard work, selflessness, and dedication. Being married to someone of a different culture and yes, a younger age has it share of difficulties. Not all of these "out of the ordinary" marriages start out as fraud, but will end because one or the other is not willing to put forth the effort to overcome the differences.
Although I do believe that Morocco is a well known high fraud country for a very good reason, I get angry when I hear people claim to know the intent of all Moroccans. In my experience it is the one that is claiming to know what all Moroccans want are the ones that are guilty of it. Think about it. What woman here in the US can say that they know 100% what every other woman in the US wants? I know that I certainly don't, and I would be a fool if I tried to claim such. For instance, I wanted kids. Do all American women want kids? I prefer to live in a the suburbs. Do all American women want to live in the suburbs? I can't stand the snow, hate any sort of activity in the snow. Is that also true for all American women? That kind of thinking is just nonsense, as is any man that tried to tell you that they know what all men of their culture want.
Just for the record, I am sure that most of the people here do not know who I am. I went through the visa process 9 years ago with my Moroccan husband. We will have been married for 10 years come this October, and he has been here for a little over 7 years. I am significantly older than my husband, and I do not have large sums of money stashed in the bank. If this Moroccan is correct then why are we still married? He is certainly free at this point to get a divorce and marry his Moroccan virgin, so why hasn't he?
The best advise I can offer is to stop listening to everyone, including your love interest, and start watching. Take your time, don't rush into anything. Give your SO enough rope. If he is a scammer he will eventually hang himself. But once he has, remember that he will say anything or do anything to blind you again. Be prepared to walk away BEFORE you make that final commitment. Then, if he has consistently shown good intentions, and you do marry, then do your best to keep it together. No marriage is always easy, there are going to be rough patches. It's 50/50 however. If he is not willing to give his fair share then yes, it is time to let go. But not until you are sure. And if you have been married 7 years, and has been able to walk away years ago if he choose, then perhaps you need to think that maybe you just weren't right for each other to begin with.

I'll re-write some of what I said. As you see in the link that sandinista! posted earlier, I thought about starting a FAQ "landing page" for the MENA forum a few years back because, yes. This place can be harsh. Yes-- this place can be unsupportive. But, ultimately, the people who might come across on the tougher side of "tough love" rather than the loving side are more often than not completely on-point with their statements and criticisms. It's hard to hear, and it's frustrating that there is so much drama somewhere that most of us come for support, but usually the content of the negativity is pretty justifiable.
Why? Let's look at the facts. Morocco and the MENA region are high-fraud countries. I'm sure most people who have been here for awhile have stories. When my husband first came to the US, he went out to lunch with my mother at a Mediterranean deli and the two Moroccans behind the counter gently ribbed him in Darija about his "wife." It is so prevalent that men prey on older women for visas that they assumed he had done the same thing and was married to my mother (who is 29 years older).
The Consulate made a video that mentioned fraud as well. Check out this YouTube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sjE4nuhSDw (whoops-- not this video-- maybe there is a part 2 somewhere; not sure what happened to it, but it was from the same meeting!!).
You can hear and read stories here, on other websites, etc. But-- after living in Morocco for 5 years, and after getting to know Morocco and Moroccans at that level (and I still have a lot to learn-- it's not a statement of arrogance!)-- this IS A CULTURAL PHENOMENON. It is not something that every Moroccan does. It's not every single relationship, but it happens, and it is more common than most people want to admit.
(As an aside, I've had many conversations with young Moroccan men who think that the women deserve it-- that in some ways, they are doing "sex tourism" or "mail order husbands" because older, unattractive, divorced women with kids cannot actually believe that someone so much younger and more attractive would actually fall in love with them. Of course, I find that attitude abhorrent... but it also exists!).
These fraudsters make everyone's situation harder.
- It makes legitimate relationships (note-- most of these fraudulent relationships feel 100% legitimate to the USC petitioners!!) harder to go through their paperwork/visas/green cards. In other words, when consular officers see so many instances of fraud, it becomes harder to prove legitimacy.
- It hurts people who really think they are in love/in a relationship
- It hurts the way that Americans/"the West" look at Morocco/MENA/Islam
The people to get angry at in this visa journey is not the consulate. It's not the US Government. It's not people on a message board-- it's fraudsters.
So-- then the question comes up... why do others feel like they have the right to "judge" my relationship harshly? Why do people assume my fiance/husband is only looking for a green card?
This is tricky. On the one hand, it's true: we don't "know." Nobody has a window into someone's intentions. But consider the following:
- Back when I was applying for a K1, I read somewhere that 60-70% of K1 applications are denied because of fraud.
- Looking back here, there are very, very, very few people in long-term marriages (say, beyond 5-6 years), particularly when you look at red-flag situations (specifically meeting online with a huge age gap where female is older than male). It happens at times, and there are threads where people have asked "who has made it work long-term," but it is a large percentage where things don't work, and often this happens either after greencard/citizenship, or when the MENA male cheats or falls in love with someone else. Unfortunately, I have no empirical statistics... but very convincing circumstantial/anecdotal threads here and elsewhere that support these statements.
We know that the consulate (in Morocco) has published what they see as the biggest red flags (http://morocco.usembassy.gov/visas/immigrant-visas/fiance-visas.html) that indicate a likely fraudulent relationship. Though I don't have statistics or research, I am confident that this list was created based on experience, research, and facts.
This all being said... look at the situation from an "oldtimer's" perspective (which I don't consider myself, by the way). Women with many, many red flags come here to the forum, proclaiming mad, perfect, mature love with limited communication and limited understanding of each others' cultural backgrounds. The case might be "textbook" fraud... and yet, the USC doesn't think critically beyond emotions, or seem to take this into consideration.
It's a funny place to be in, when you see one of these. As a fellow human being, what would YOU say that our responsibility is? To encourage blindly following one's heart? To ask hard, probing questions (which will doubtless be asked by the consular officer eventually as well, and also by others behind your back once you are IN the States, married) that might help illustrate possible stumbling blocks? Ignoring the lessons of experience and get excited while overlooking possible pitfalls?
It's tricky. Some will work-- some will defy the odds. Many will not.
...
BUT even beyond "is it fraud," which, sure, nobody here can know despite the indicators... in some ways, the bigger question is "are you ready for this, are you honest with yourself about what this relationship would take (and is your fiance/spouse), and is this truly the right decision for us?"
I think, to me, this is my bigger concern with many people who glibly post about how perfect their relationship is, and how confident they are that they can and will make the relationship work easily-- just as long as the silly Consular Officers don't keep us apart!! Usually, when someone talks a lot about how perfect the relationship is to others, it seems like they are trying to convince themselves of the fact and if they are truly comfortable, they are confident and secure enough not to have to talk about it all the time.
The visa isn't the end result, even in a non-fraudulent relationship. The visa is just the beginning of what can and is usually a very challenging journey.
50% of US marriages end in divorce anyway. When you add in cultural, religious, linguistic, and worldview differences-- love won't get you through this. No matter how much you CARE about each other, that won't solve some of these issues. What will is realism: acknowledgement and preparations for a challenge, an insane amount of flexibility for both partners, a commitment to honest and open communication with both partners, a willingness to be humble, a willingness to listen and learn. And, in some ways, above all, a willingness and readiness to acknowledge that you might not always understand all the layers in a situation and even with communication, there will be times where you have to sacrifice even if you don't think you should have to. Even if it feels wrong or you don't understand.
In many ways, this is important for all marriages, but even moreso with a cross-cultural one. And no matter what you talk about before hand to see what you might have to compromise on? You can't cover it all. You won't be able to.
So-- as someone who loves, embraces, and has jumped onto this journey... when someone comes to the forum whining about the process? Part of me want to say, "look-- this bureaucratic nonsense is NOTHING compared to the level and type of sacrifice you must be ready for when building a life with your partner."

I'm not here to ask what happened or why. Just go with everything possible. It is better to have too much evidence than not enough.
Just so you know there have been many of us here that had this happen to us. This happened to us, and we proved our case. We have now been married 9 years, and he has been here for 7. So don't give up hope, just be prepared.

I still have people that are waiting for my marriage to fall apart so they could say "I told you so".
But reading this particular forum I have mixed emotions about it. When I see that someone has just received their 10 year GC, or even the 2 year GC, and all of a sudden their spouse has changed, and how can they get a divorce and remain in the US? #######? How did it change overnight???
But then I hear stories of a couple that stayed together 5 years, and then the marriage ends. No correlation to anything remotely immigration related. And then the USC is claiming they were used? No, I just don't buy it.
As far as pride goes. Some prefer to be the innocent victim, so claiming fraud is easier than admitting that their marriage failed. On the other hand, someone that doesn't want to ever be viewed as a victim would avoid using that strategy. I have met both types.

But that would take the fun out of it.

I know, I'm always late for the party.
You are only ready to move on when the past just doesn't matter any longer. My God Kat, you are still going over and over with your past in this thread, so I don't see that you are ready at all. If you consider a man someone who is going to fix things, or make them better, then you aren't ready. Worst yet, if the timing isn't right you are potentially hurting him as well. You are expecting one person to fix your perception of all Moroccan men. That is the one thing that keeps standing out to me with this thread is how important it is to you to not have contempt with an entire race, so you go out of your way to embrace them? Don't you see something wrong with that picture? I certainly don't go out of my way to force myself to like American men just because my first husband was an a$$. Your husband wasn't a jerk because he was Moroccan, he was just a jerk.
Kat, I may not know you very well, but in my honest opinion you haven't come to grips with everything yet. And it is true that you have to love yourself before you should try another relationship. Don't try and blind everyone by saying it is nothing more than hanging out together, because if that is truly how you viewed it you wouldn't be posting it here. It is more than obvious that you are romanticizing the entire relationship. I certainly don't post every time I go out for a night with an old pal. And I don't go on about how he/she is everything my ex isn't. With friendship you aren't making comparisons, because you don't see it that way.
Sorry, just avoiding going to bed because once I sleep the weekend will be over and I have to go back to work.

I know, I'm always late for the party.
You are only ready to move on when the past just doesn't matter any longer. My God Kat, you are still going over and over with your past in this thread, so I don't see that you are ready at all. If you consider a man someone who is going to fix things, or make them better, then you aren't ready. Worst yet, if the timing isn't right you are potentially hurting him as well. You are expecting one person to fix your perception of all Moroccan men. That is the one thing that keeps standing out to me with this thread is how important it is to you to not have contempt with an entire race, so you go out of your way to embrace them? Don't you see something wrong with that picture? I certainly don't go out of my way to force myself to like American men just because my first husband was an a$$. Your husband wasn't a jerk because he was Moroccan, he was just a jerk.
Kat, I may not know you very well, but in my honest opinion you haven't come to grips with everything yet. And it is true that you have to love yourself before you should try another relationship. Don't try and blind everyone by saying it is nothing more than hanging out together, because if that is truly how you viewed it you wouldn't be posting it here. It is more than obvious that you are romanticizing the entire relationship. I certainly don't post every time I go out for a night with an old pal. And I don't go on about how he/she is everything my ex isn't. With friendship you aren't making comparisons, because you don't see it that way.
Sorry, just avoiding going to bed because once I sleep the weekend will be over and I have to go back to work.

I know, I'm always late for the party.
You are only ready to move on when the past just doesn't matter any longer. My God Kat, you are still going over and over with your past in this thread, so I don't see that you are ready at all. If you consider a man someone who is going to fix things, or make them better, then you aren't ready. Worst yet, if the timing isn't right you are potentially hurting him as well. You are expecting one person to fix your perception of all Moroccan men. That is the one thing that keeps standing out to me with this thread is how important it is to you to not have contempt with an entire race, so you go out of your way to embrace them? Don't you see something wrong with that picture? I certainly don't go out of my way to force myself to like American men just because my first husband was an a$$. Your husband wasn't a jerk because he was Moroccan, he was just a jerk.
Kat, I may not know you very well, but in my honest opinion you haven't come to grips with everything yet. And it is true that you have to love yourself before you should try another relationship. Don't try and blind everyone by saying it is nothing more than hanging out together, because if that is truly how you viewed it you wouldn't be posting it here. It is more than obvious that you are romanticizing the entire relationship. I certainly don't post every time I go out for a night with an old pal. And I don't go on about how he/she is everything my ex isn't. With friendship you aren't making comparisons, because you don't see it that way.
Sorry, just avoiding going to bed because once I sleep the weekend will be over and I have to go back to work.

What an amazingly ignorant post.

Wow, there sure are some pissy people in here today. Do we all need a lesson in proper "netiquette"? Love that term Len!

I have never seen a denial where they have specified the reason. I guess it is possible, but unlikely. Ours merely said something along the lines of they believed that he was only married to immigrate.
What I see is that you are interested in the process and what to expect. As has been stated, each case is different, and it is extremely important that you take the time to review all of the questions and your husbands answers. Look at your entire case through the eyes of a CO. Remember, their job is not to prove your relationship is valid, but to prove that it isn't. Look at your relationship as if you are looking for fraud.
Why is this important? Because when your case gets back to the states they are going to go over the reasons for the denial. Keep in mind that they will see the actual reason for the denial that they never told you. When they send you the NOIR they are going to give you an opportunity to rebut. If your case is like ours they are going to give a bunch of random reasons, but not necessarily the real reason for the denial. You must be prepared to not only address what they are questioning, but any other red flags that you have that were not previously resolved. You HAVE to give them more evidence than was offered in the first interview.
If you are successful in proving to the USCIS that your relationship is real they will forward your file back to the NVC. They, in turn, will forward it to the consulate. Once the consulate happens they will call and schedule a second interview. Although this entire process is very slow, and could take a year or more, they are usually very quick in scheduling the interview once the consulate has the papers. They gave my husband a week.
The second interview could go many ways. In my husbands case all they wanted were updated forms, no further questions. But some interviews are going to be more questions to prove the validity of your relationship.
Just for the record, they never told us the actual reason for the denial, but by reviewing the questions with my husband it became obvious that by a miscommunication they believed that his sister paid me to marry him. Long story. This reason was not included with the NOIR, but I addressed it as well as all of the reasons they did state. When we got back the file after my husbands second interview their was a sticky note in the section the explained the miscommunication about his sister. It said "his sister". This just reinforced to us that this was the real reason, and once we addressed it there was nothing left to prove, which is why there were no more questions at the interview.
Best wishes to you. Keep strong. You are going to need it. But it's worth it!

There once was a man from Nantucket.
No, wait, that wasn't it.
There once was a man called big Z's
Women see him and fall to their knees
His arrogant words gathered angry women in herds
And now his string is obscure.
A new fight can start at this time
just make sure to keep it in rhyme
See how accommodating MENA women can be?

There once was a man from Nantucket.
No, wait, that wasn't it.
There once was a man called big Z's
Women see him and fall to their knees
His arrogant words gathered angry women in herds
And now his string is obscure.
A new fight can start at this time
just make sure to keep it in rhyme
See how accommodating MENA women can be?

I am not exactly sure what you are looking for as far as what is called a success story. I was initially married for 15 years. If years are what make it successful, then it was a success. But I wanted a divorce within the first year, I just never knew or had the guts to get out until I finally decided to just let the chips fall where they may. BTW he was not an Arab.
I am coming up on my 8th wedding anniversary in October to a man that is significantly younger than me. He has been in the US for over 5 years, and we are done with the process. We are both very happy in our "Gross and abnormal" marriage. So perhaps that would qualify as a success story.
When we started talking I was suspicious from day one. Played with him mostly just because I didn't think he was sincere and thought he was looking for a visa. Sweet words do not rock my world and blind me. I much prefer to sit back, give them plenty of rope, and get a good chuckle when they hang themselves. Rather than run with the rope I gave him he stayed close to me, preferring to spend time online with me than off with his buddies. It kind of threw me. After quite a while of "testing" him I realized that his intentions were indeed good and gave him a chance. Bottom line is I went in with my eyes open. I have to agree with many women here that say that it is a hard road with a May-December romance. Not impossible, but you both have to be mature enough to know the downfalls and be ready to live with those choice to marriage despite the difficulties that we must face with the age difference.