slim
-
Posts
14,159 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
12
Reputation Activity
-
slim got a reaction from narakthisud in What to buy for a present for new US citizen
Several hundred thousand dollars of debt is a pretty American present to give him. Big house in the suburbs, new cars, vacations a few times a year... He'll fit right in!
-
slim got a reaction from X Factor in What to buy for a present for new US citizen
Several hundred thousand dollars of debt is a pretty American present to give him. Big house in the suburbs, new cars, vacations a few times a year... He'll fit right in!
-
-
-
slim got a reaction from Eternal Spring in 90 Day Fiance- Season 4
I'm going to audition for Season 5.
-
-
slim got a reaction from TBoneTX in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from TBoneTX in Calling all American women married to Russian men
Natalie, the whole time I've been on VJ, I've seen exacty ONE other American woman married to a Russian man and she was... no wait a minute, there's one more now. Anyway, haven't heard from either one of them in quite a while. There are (were) three of you on here so you do have a little company.
As for the cultural differences you listed, we have every single one of them here as well. I believe the gender role plays a small part in it, but the Russian spouse has to realize that here in America, gender roles aren't the same as they are in Russia and while it's possible to play gender roles in the home and in the relationship, society here has dictated gender roles will be shared to a certain degree and that's the only way to maintain a successful American household.
Same goes for "I am Russian and I will be do like zis." No dice, here in America. When you're in America, you do American stuff or else you go back to Russia. For some strange reason, "when in Rome" cannot be adhered to without a fight. It's just inconceivable that they'd "not know" something that you do about your own country. "It's impossible work like zis because in Russia, (expletive deleted) we must be do like zis." Well, you're not in Russia, you're in America.
I taught my wife how to drive. Husband teaching wife, man teaching woman something mechanical, natural order of things, right? WRONG! I won't even get into that, but I'm sure you feel my pain. (Just for the record though, she's a great driver now.)
The finances, money, bill paying (on time), etc. is something that I have given up on trying to get her to take an active part in. Trying to get her to "ante up" is like pulling teeth. For us, this could be a gender role thing ("you are husband and husband must be pay all bills for wife.") but I believe it's more of a case of the spouse being accustomed to supporting themselves (and maybe even you too) and now not having the same amount of input as they would back home. That, I understand. But, what I don't understand is how they're fully capable of doing 3rd grade math (addition and subtraction) and yet they still can't understand or grasp the concept of a monthly household budget. I'm sure they're more than capable of doing it, just having trouble embracing the fact that it's a necessary part of life in America and not so much in Russia. Our current "spat" about the money issue is the insanity of keeping $8 in the bank account while having a pile of cash at home. "The rent is due.... do you think maybe we could put the money in the bank before we write the check?"
As for softening things up when talking to people, being "nice," showing a little common courtesy, etc., it will happen. It'll take some time, but it will happen. It's hard to keep up that "frozen" personality forever, especially when those around you are having more fun than you. I reached the point of ceasing to accomodate her pissy attitude fairly quickly after her arrival. I could only see a grown woman pout for so long. It still happens in public, but I just move on with what I'm doing and those around me are quick to note, "well, she's Russian."
I know you were looking for advice from women, but what I see in your post is the frustration of sharing a life with a foreign spouse, loving them like crazy but beating your head against the wall because they're SO FREAKING STUBBORN and just won't "get it." Or worse, they "get it"..... they just refuse to accept it.
The only real advice I can give you is don't expect it to happen overnight, but hang in there because it will get better. Also, and this is probably the hardest part, start doing what makes you happy and what "we do here in America." It's going to cause a lot of fights and hurt feelings, but basically, it's tough love. You know what it takes to make a successful home and marriage work in America. Reality is they probably do too, they're just too dagblasted stubborn to get on board with you because it wasn't their idea or because that's not the way they're used to doing it. It doesn't matter because that's the way we do it here.
I fought for a long time with my wife about every single little thing and only recently, in the past six months or so, have I really started to "let it all go" and just say, "well, this is America, this is how we do it, and this is how we're going to do it. If you don't like it, you can always go back to where you came from." That always ends up in a big spat but after it blows over, surprisingly enough, she sees that it really was a good idea to have money in the bank account before we paid the rent. And then, for the rest of the month we can enjoy living together in the apartment we paid for. She may not let on and may never, ever tell me, but I know for a fact that doing what we do here, in America, is the right thing for us to do in our relationship as well because it's a lot easier to have a happy relationship when you have the bills paid, know how to drive, have good kids, etc. You know, a normal American life. If he cries about it, SO FREAKING WHAT. Let him pout for a little while and then when he's done he'll enjoy your American life together with you.
Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes!
-
slim got a reaction from B&Z in Calling all American women married to Russian men
Natalie, the whole time I've been on VJ, I've seen exacty ONE other American woman married to a Russian man and she was... no wait a minute, there's one more now. Anyway, haven't heard from either one of them in quite a while. There are (were) three of you on here so you do have a little company.
As for the cultural differences you listed, we have every single one of them here as well. I believe the gender role plays a small part in it, but the Russian spouse has to realize that here in America, gender roles aren't the same as they are in Russia and while it's possible to play gender roles in the home and in the relationship, society here has dictated gender roles will be shared to a certain degree and that's the only way to maintain a successful American household.
Same goes for "I am Russian and I will be do like zis." No dice, here in America. When you're in America, you do American stuff or else you go back to Russia. For some strange reason, "when in Rome" cannot be adhered to without a fight. It's just inconceivable that they'd "not know" something that you do about your own country. "It's impossible work like zis because in Russia, (expletive deleted) we must be do like zis." Well, you're not in Russia, you're in America.
I taught my wife how to drive. Husband teaching wife, man teaching woman something mechanical, natural order of things, right? WRONG! I won't even get into that, but I'm sure you feel my pain. (Just for the record though, she's a great driver now.)
The finances, money, bill paying (on time), etc. is something that I have given up on trying to get her to take an active part in. Trying to get her to "ante up" is like pulling teeth. For us, this could be a gender role thing ("you are husband and husband must be pay all bills for wife.") but I believe it's more of a case of the spouse being accustomed to supporting themselves (and maybe even you too) and now not having the same amount of input as they would back home. That, I understand. But, what I don't understand is how they're fully capable of doing 3rd grade math (addition and subtraction) and yet they still can't understand or grasp the concept of a monthly household budget. I'm sure they're more than capable of doing it, just having trouble embracing the fact that it's a necessary part of life in America and not so much in Russia. Our current "spat" about the money issue is the insanity of keeping $8 in the bank account while having a pile of cash at home. "The rent is due.... do you think maybe we could put the money in the bank before we write the check?"
As for softening things up when talking to people, being "nice," showing a little common courtesy, etc., it will happen. It'll take some time, but it will happen. It's hard to keep up that "frozen" personality forever, especially when those around you are having more fun than you. I reached the point of ceasing to accomodate her pissy attitude fairly quickly after her arrival. I could only see a grown woman pout for so long. It still happens in public, but I just move on with what I'm doing and those around me are quick to note, "well, she's Russian."
I know you were looking for advice from women, but what I see in your post is the frustration of sharing a life with a foreign spouse, loving them like crazy but beating your head against the wall because they're SO FREAKING STUBBORN and just won't "get it." Or worse, they "get it"..... they just refuse to accept it.
The only real advice I can give you is don't expect it to happen overnight, but hang in there because it will get better. Also, and this is probably the hardest part, start doing what makes you happy and what "we do here in America." It's going to cause a lot of fights and hurt feelings, but basically, it's tough love. You know what it takes to make a successful home and marriage work in America. Reality is they probably do too, they're just too dagblasted stubborn to get on board with you because it wasn't their idea or because that's not the way they're used to doing it. It doesn't matter because that's the way we do it here.
I fought for a long time with my wife about every single little thing and only recently, in the past six months or so, have I really started to "let it all go" and just say, "well, this is America, this is how we do it, and this is how we're going to do it. If you don't like it, you can always go back to where you came from." That always ends up in a big spat but after it blows over, surprisingly enough, she sees that it really was a good idea to have money in the bank account before we paid the rent. And then, for the rest of the month we can enjoy living together in the apartment we paid for. She may not let on and may never, ever tell me, but I know for a fact that doing what we do here, in America, is the right thing for us to do in our relationship as well because it's a lot easier to have a happy relationship when you have the bills paid, know how to drive, have good kids, etc. You know, a normal American life. If he cries about it, SO FREAKING WHAT. Let him pout for a little while and then when he's done he'll enjoy your American life together with you.
Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes!
-
slim got a reaction from bluebook14 in Changing name on Russian Passport
I'll add here - you don't need to do anything. She'll have no problems keeping her "Russian name" on all her Russian documents and "American name" on all American documents since the two countries don't officially recognize each other's documents anyway.
Before you go changing the SSN card, make sure you apply for AOS first and give them a few weeks to update her in the SAVE system otherwise they won't be able to process it over at SSA. Her number won't change so the name on the card doesn't really matter. Once she gets her green card (or at least a correspondence from USCIS in relation to AOS - like something with her new name on it) then you can change her SSN card. SSA is hit or miss and it's really dependent on the knowledge of the person working there as to whether or not you get the card. You may walk in tomorrow and get the new card. Or, you may go back five times to try... only to be told to wait for the green card.
Either way... Good luck!
-
slim got a reaction from Darnell in Ferguson Grand Jury Decision
I've been off VJ for a long time and I come back to see the same people ignoring the facts and posting off emotion and what the people on TV tell them. Looks like I haven't missed much.
I applaud you for sticking to your guns though. It is quite entertaining and it's always nice to see the full circle argument go from "You're all racist" to "Well, that's how they do it in ______ and obviously that's better than America." Keep up the good work!
-
slim got a reaction from The Nature Boy in Ferguson Grand Jury Decision
I've been off VJ for a long time and I come back to see the same people ignoring the facts and posting off emotion and what the people on TV tell them. Looks like I haven't missed much.
I applaud you for sticking to your guns though. It is quite entertaining and it's always nice to see the full circle argument go from "You're all racist" to "Well, that's how they do it in ______ and obviously that's better than America." Keep up the good work!
-
slim got a reaction from *Snowdrop* in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from TBoneTX in Let's get our money back when Obama grants amnesty!
Signed and shared.
For any of you who think illegals are going to pay "their fair share" you're ignoring the whole premise behind why they're being granted amnesty in the first place. If they don't follow our rules already, what makes you think they're going to start? Worse still, the current administration is giving them a "FREE" pass.
-
slim got a reaction from Jacque67 in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from luckytxn in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from SMOKE in Giuliani and Dyson Argue Over Violence in Black Communities
Over/Under on how long it takes for Giuliani to be called a racist?
-
slim got a reaction from LibCampFireClub in Let's get our money back when Obama grants amnesty!
Signed and shared.
For any of you who think illegals are going to pay "their fair share" you're ignoring the whole premise behind why they're being granted amnesty in the first place. If they don't follow our rules already, what makes you think they're going to start? Worse still, the current administration is giving them a "FREE" pass.
-
slim got a reaction from B_J in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from Karee in Let's get our money back when Obama grants amnesty!
Signed and shared.
For any of you who think illegals are going to pay "their fair share" you're ignoring the whole premise behind why they're being granted amnesty in the first place. If they don't follow our rules already, what makes you think they're going to start? Worse still, the current administration is giving them a "FREE" pass.
-
slim got a reaction from Merrytooth in Motivation behind bringing a foreign woman to your country
I chose to import a wife because she and I had been talking for over five years already. It was just one of those inevitable conclusions that was just going to happen. I didn't seek her out though. We'd met while both working overseas and just continued our relationship. She came here because she could speak (some) English already and it was more likely we'd be financially better off in America than Russia.
Why did I choose her instead of someone here? Simple numbers. She was the hottest chick available at that time and I didn't feel like wasting years and years trying to win the affection of an otherwise stuck up person who wanted to shape me into what all her friends thought would be the ideal husband for her.
Fast-forward eight years and I don't think it really mattered all that much. She ended up being that "typical hot chick" and still tried to shape and mold me into what she and her friends thought I should be. "No, I'm not wearing that. No, I'm not hanging out there with those people." We do have a different relationship than most of the American/American couples I know but it gets more American every year as she starts to be more and more greedy while simultaneously realizing her beauty is fading and she can't trap sugar daddies for much longer. Simply put, I think she's giving up on that idea and starting to realize I'm not that bad a dude after all.
The more I think about it, talk with others, read here on VJ and see shows like 90 Day Fiance, the more I realize it's just life and it doesn't even really matter. At the end of the day the biology wins out. Rich people end up with hot people yet everyone is only as happy as they want to be.
-
slim got a reaction from sevendelta in Russia Specific FAQ
We did this as well. Made a couple thousand dollar difference.
-
slim got a reaction from The Nature Boy in AK-47s become hot commodity after U.S. sanctions
I had a convo with some of my college-educated friends a few months back. You know, the ones who "do it right" and "follow all the rules" who are now hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt because they went to school, bought a cookie-cutter house and have a couple car payments, kids and a boat?
They were telling me how poor I was and I was the only one in the group with a positive net worth.
-
slim got a reaction from The Nature Boy in Online rants, anti-government radicals fuel fear of U.S. cop killings
Well, there sure aren't a lot of folks getting arrested with Boehner t-shirts on.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/general/obama
-
slim got a reaction from The Nature Boy in Obama picks female non-pilot to be commander of Pacific Air Forces
...still waiting on that birth certificate.