WORMIEVADER

I know this is going to be a completely unpopular answer, but I don't think your husband was using you for GC. I think he is a brat, and you and his parents baby him. He is used to being babied and if he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum like a child. I think when he is mad at you or your family he complains to his parents, they being parents get all worked up thinking he is suffering and try to convince him to come to Texas where he will be safe. I think that if he was trying to use you, he wouldn't have been trying to so hard to get you to move with him. He is a very selfish person and has found people to basically breast feed him throughout his life. For example now he is living with another family probably feeding them horror stories of what you, your family, and probably now his parents have put him through.
I don't know he just sounds immature, but I still don't see anything that concludes that he was using you. yes he said he was just using you for green card, but it sounds just like when a teenager gets in a fight with their parents and they say "I hate you mom!" Again if he was using you, he wouldn't have been fighting with you so much to follow him to Texas, and he would of just done what you wanted him to do until his papers were completely complete.
You have to learn to allow him to be a man and not baby him like his parents have been doing for so long. Focus on you. Not on his happiness, but obiviously the whole thing has impacted you too much so maybe divorce is a better option for you. But if for whatever reason you decide to try and make it work, don't bend over backwards for him so much. Don't allow your grades to slips because he is throwing another tantrum. Don't take his parents seriously because they probably the biggest enablers in his life. Sorry all this happen to you. I know people are going to jump all over me, but I just don't think its as black and white as people are making it seem.

Sometimes the best and only thing you would like to hear is I'm sorry. So let me tell you:
I'm sorry.
I know it is difficult, and your love for him was deep. You loved him regardless of if he showed you love or not. You showed him true love. For that you are to be commended. Many others would want to give up and leave, but your heart shows a heart of true emotion, BUT...
You must learn to establish boundaries so that you can find someone worth your love in return. There is nothing wrong with loving the way you did, but how you let him walk all over you is what is wrong. A lot of these qualities can be seen early enough if you establish boundaries properly and early. Demand the respect and love you wish from the start and maintain it. Nobody is perfect, and all good things take work(ask my wife.)
At this point, I would recommend being alone, doing some soul searching, and allowing the mourning process to begin. It's okay to be angry, sad, confused, and to feel what you feel. The key is to understand what went wrong and try and pick up the pieces of your broken heart so that you can be renewed and learn. You will never be who you were before, but you can be better or newer!
Much love to you,
Kindest regards,
Bene.

Hi Meg, my heart goes out to you!!! While I'm not a pro-lifer, my thought on this subject is that if you wanted to have children someday anyway, maybe this is really the child you were supposed to have. Fate sometimes is a funny thing and opens one door when another closes. Raising a child alone is no easy feat, but raising a child while being married to a jerk is probably much harder.
Listen to your gut, not your heart or your head (or other people). We sometimes have an amazing clarity when we imagine one thing or another. If you feel a rock in your stomach imagining an abortion, but the rock is not as heavy imagining having the baby, then you have your answer.
If you can, talk it through with councelors, planned parenthood, friends, family....but don't listen to their advise, listen to how their advise makes you feel.
Whatever path you choose, tell yourself it was the right one for you. The worst thing is regret. I wish you all the love in the world! I'm so sorry you are hurting!

Hi Meg, my heart goes out to you!!! While I'm not a pro-lifer, my thought on this subject is that if you wanted to have children someday anyway, maybe this is really the child you were supposed to have. Fate sometimes is a funny thing and opens one door when another closes. Raising a child alone is no easy feat, but raising a child while being married to a jerk is probably much harder.
Listen to your gut, not your heart or your head (or other people). We sometimes have an amazing clarity when we imagine one thing or another. If you feel a rock in your stomach imagining an abortion, but the rock is not as heavy imagining having the baby, then you have your answer.
If you can, talk it through with councelors, planned parenthood, friends, family....but don't listen to their advise, listen to how their advise makes you feel.
Whatever path you choose, tell yourself it was the right one for you. The worst thing is regret. I wish you all the love in the world! I'm so sorry you are hurting!

Yes, for all the sham international marriages there are many more that simply fail because the people in question just aren't actually that compatible, or the foreign spouse can't adjust. Leaving aside the insurance issue (which I understand is no small thing) she can - and presumably will - still receive the following GC.

Hi Meg, my heart goes out to you!!! While I'm not a pro-lifer, my thought on this subject is that if you wanted to have children someday anyway, maybe this is really the child you were supposed to have. Fate sometimes is a funny thing and opens one door when another closes. Raising a child alone is no easy feat, but raising a child while being married to a jerk is probably much harder.
Listen to your gut, not your heart or your head (or other people). We sometimes have an amazing clarity when we imagine one thing or another. If you feel a rock in your stomach imagining an abortion, but the rock is not as heavy imagining having the baby, then you have your answer.
If you can, talk it through with councelors, planned parenthood, friends, family....but don't listen to their advise, listen to how their advise makes you feel.
Whatever path you choose, tell yourself it was the right one for you. The worst thing is regret. I wish you all the love in the world! I'm so sorry you are hurting!

Hi Meg, my heart goes out to you!!! While I'm not a pro-lifer, my thought on this subject is that if you wanted to have children someday anyway, maybe this is really the child you were supposed to have. Fate sometimes is a funny thing and opens one door when another closes. Raising a child alone is no easy feat, but raising a child while being married to a jerk is probably much harder.
Listen to your gut, not your heart or your head (or other people). We sometimes have an amazing clarity when we imagine one thing or another. If you feel a rock in your stomach imagining an abortion, but the rock is not as heavy imagining having the baby, then you have your answer.
If you can, talk it through with councelors, planned parenthood, friends, family....but don't listen to their advise, listen to how their advise makes you feel.
Whatever path you choose, tell yourself it was the right one for you. The worst thing is regret. I wish you all the love in the world! I'm so sorry you are hurting!

We did a pre-nup at my urging. My husband, who is from a country where such a thing is unheard of, just shrugged his shoulders and said: "Well, we're not going to get divorced, and be together forever. So it doesn't matter what's in this paper. Where do I sign?"
I loved him even more after this statement!
Like somebody earlier said: A pre-nup is like insurance in case something goes wrong. You never expect to need it, but if the unthinkable happens, at least you're both protected.
It is certainly not a reflection on whether you're serious and love this person.

We did a pre-nup at my urging. My husband, who is from a country where such a thing is unheard of, just shrugged his shoulders and said: "Well, we're not going to get divorced, and be together forever. So it doesn't matter what's in this paper. Where do I sign?"
I loved him even more after this statement!
Like somebody earlier said: A pre-nup is like insurance in case something goes wrong. You never expect to need it, but if the unthinkable happens, at least you're both protected.
It is certainly not a reflection on whether you're serious and love this person.

Actually, It sounds like a legitimate question and not a pre-cursor to any feelings being felt in advance of a fiancee coming over.
Sort of like the cold feet syndrome many go thru in marriage, their is that sliver of doubt that passes through ones mind. I'm sure whether we admit it or not publicly or privately, most if not all of us have thought the question
of what would be the repercussions should this be a well orchestrated ploy such as what others have unknowingly fallen into.
With the same thoughts in mind though, we also have to step backwards and look towards the "other side of the fence" and that is of the person coming here. For those already living stateside... Change places for a moment... Imagine having to uproot from everything familiar to you, say goodbye to friends and family, and going to a place where your unfamiliar, with your life packed into suitcases only, and hoping that those words that stoked the mind with dreams of a better life with someone you fell deeply in love with might easily be shattered by realizing (in after thought) that the person whom sponsored you, misrepresented himself.
This can be a two way street, so obviously their should be avenues to follow which allow safe passage and that continued plan for a better life.
The chats, the emails, the visits, the emotions, the "everything" about relationships and one that can continue thru thick and thin weight heavily on both those here and those there.
I dont think I have seen 'thread resources" out here that represent a type of "flow charted" answers to the different scenarios to which it may come to be.
I personally dont think their should be one either as it can open up a Pandora's box which allow others predefined answers on how and what to do / say to get their way
For all of us, were just hoping that it works out. We pray we make the right choice in our partner, and we have faith in one another thru the words, and acts already exhibited in the relationship prior to making this final
commitment.
I guess their is no real single answer or booklet for this... it's all so non-linear, just like life is
Sorry if i got so psychological on the answer, and for you to have read this to see i didnt give an answer to your question..
For all of us ready , and want to commit , we "dance the dance" and take the chance its the right choice
ed