Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba

With all the focus always on women as if they are not intelligent enough for figure things out for themselves sooner or later, I want to point out that young ( and older ) Nigerian men who petition their Nigerian honey pies to come join them here, will have to ask themselves a question also.
Not what makes them special but ask yourself if you were still in your home country without a job living in poor conditions would she have married you ? The saying there is no money no love is it not ? It is the lamentation of young men in 9ja like a chorus. Women there won't give them a second look if they are poor. There are of course exceptions of fine outstanding Nigerian ladies just as there are fine outstanding exceptions of Nigerian men with integrity. But let's be fair here and stop the gender/age discrimination. If society doesn't get with the 20th century, how will CO's ?
Story, numerous times duplicated : She was groomed to marry into a successful family from birth on, proudly named Prosperity, Wealth and Precious.
High expectations rest on her shoulders because that is the cultural norm isn't it ? She has been told time and time again don't marry a poor guy. You don't even try to support him in hard times and work as one unit and reach a comfortable life style with hard work TOGETHER, no heck you just sit on your butt like a queen and expect it all to happen with someone who has money, after all you were named with a name to project your destiny and entitlement.
So, when a Nigerian man makes it to the USA through another visa, I hope not a K1 or CR1 who later dumped his USC, what is the sudden motivation of this woman to marry him,who knew him all her life in Nigeria, grew up with him, went to church with him, knows his family ?
Is is sudden love or another agenda ? Why did she not marry him back then ? I also would hope that the man would not lose his job and stumble on hard times here because he just may lose his fine groomed lady to her expected destiny of ...well, wealth and prosperity. I hope he will not whine but ask himself beforehand :why does she want me now ? Could she perhaps just like the money and the life in the USA ?
I hope his expectations and her expectations will not clash. I hope he tested her all these years on her character over in 9ja and I hope it will still hold true.
Of course we all here know the players who sit in cafe's wooing owls. You are preaching to the choir. We are past that stage and have gone beyond. It is now our choice and life. We are not stupid.
The moral of the story is....nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes. If you call into the woods one scenario, you will hear the echo of your own. Don't stereotype, preach age discrimination or judge relationships (unless asked)or Nationalities.
As soon as you do and you think you got it all going on and everyone else doesn't the sky will fall on your own head and you look silly.
Age ? Pffffffttttttt. Look deeper.

NorB, I won't give in to any more drama, yet must call you on what you term, helping Nigeria's image. What you are doing is NOT helping the image, you are simply generalizing and making deragatory comments about ALL the people, mostly men. We must call it as it is, women who get taken MUST and SHOULD own up to their part! There is more than enough media coverage regarding such things going on within the internet world. COME ON!! You seem to want to pin it all on the men and refer to women as being unintelligent. And if you wish to post on threads regarding husbands going missing, then lay it out there, within that topic. Or start your own topic, instead of going off topic on threads. Those who wish to listen to you will, while those of us who dont wont have be subjected to such hateful and ignorant things you speak of. Fine, its a free country, you are gonna do what you want, but I for one, will no longer partake nor reply to any negative thing you say after this posting. In fact, you should know that I am praying for you, because I can read between the lines. Friends or not, you are still a sister in Christ. May you find the happiness you are seeking. I am done, do not address me further, and do not be surprised if I do not respond back if you choose to do so anyway.

NorB, I won't give in to any more drama, yet must call you on what you term, helping Nigeria's image. What you are doing is NOT helping the image, you are simply generalizing and making deragatory comments about ALL the people, mostly men. We must call it as it is, women who get taken MUST and SHOULD own up to their part! There is more than enough media coverage regarding such things going on within the internet world. COME ON!! You seem to want to pin it all on the men and refer to women as being unintelligent. And if you wish to post on threads regarding husbands going missing, then lay it out there, within that topic. Or start your own topic, instead of going off topic on threads. Those who wish to listen to you will, while those of us who dont wont have be subjected to such hateful and ignorant things you speak of. Fine, its a free country, you are gonna do what you want, but I for one, will no longer partake nor reply to any negative thing you say after this posting. In fact, you should know that I am praying for you, because I can read between the lines. Friends or not, you are still a sister in Christ. May you find the happiness you are seeking. I am done, do not address me further, and do not be surprised if I do not respond back if you choose to do so anyway.

NorB, I won't give in to any more drama, yet must call you on what you term, helping Nigeria's image. What you are doing is NOT helping the image, you are simply generalizing and making deragatory comments about ALL the people, mostly men. We must call it as it is, women who get taken MUST and SHOULD own up to their part! There is more than enough media coverage regarding such things going on within the internet world. COME ON!! You seem to want to pin it all on the men and refer to women as being unintelligent. And if you wish to post on threads regarding husbands going missing, then lay it out there, within that topic. Or start your own topic, instead of going off topic on threads. Those who wish to listen to you will, while those of us who dont wont have be subjected to such hateful and ignorant things you speak of. Fine, its a free country, you are gonna do what you want, but I for one, will no longer partake nor reply to any negative thing you say after this posting. In fact, you should know that I am praying for you, because I can read between the lines. Friends or not, you are still a sister in Christ. May you find the happiness you are seeking. I am done, do not address me further, and do not be surprised if I do not respond back if you choose to do so anyway.

Anyone who posts about statistics yet thinks they are above them is beyond me No more drama for me, as I understand that misery loves company. (You got lucky this time, God reminded me what it is to be a Christian, bless your heart!)

I think it's hard enough going through the immigration process without hatred and harshness coming from our fellows. There are already so many people putting us down and not understanding the love we share with our spouses, especially coming from Nigeria. The things that have been said to me about my husband are unreal to me! It was a constant fight before I married him to have any acceptance from some people.
The love I share with my husband is beyond what I could have sought had I gone looking for it. Be kind to each other. We all love someone who is far away and are struggling and waiting this seemingly endless wait to be together. There is no guarantee on any relationship no matter where you met or how much time you spend together before you married.
I thank God every day for the relationship I share with my husband. I'm PROUD to be married to a Nigerian man... to him. There is no room in my mind or life for people who are hurtful and hateful towards me and people like me.

Ladies, you bring up EXCELLENT points, yet one thing we are NOT talking about here is the USC's part in these marriages. We cannot lay all the blame on these men when a marriage fails, nor can we lump them all in the same category.
It takes two people to build a marriage up and two people to tear one down. Now I am not saying that all marriages were entered into because of love alone, I think we all understand the logic behind some of these marriages. But this is why we have to take the time to fully get to know one another, discuss all things that may come our way.
American women are so far from what a Nigerian woman is, and while it is easy for our husbands to tolerate some of this "bad" behavior from us while we are apart, it may become too much for them to handle in the day to day living. We can be outspoken, we can call them on things we don't like, etc. This weighs heavy on ANY man, not just Nigerian men, but as they have never experienced that from a woman before, how do you think they would continue handling it once they are with us?
So, before we point fingers and say that many of these marriages fail because they were entered into for immigration purposes, we need to fully understand that each and every marriage is unique and each person has their own part to play in the success or downfall.
Have a fabulous day!

Trust me I did not miss your point. I just added my own opinion into this. Only time will tell in the long run, but many times, it is human nature when something goes sour to point the finger at the other person, when in reality there are always 2 sides to every story and relationship.
And how easy it is indeed to point a finger at another who is already been stacked against based on where they come from. I do not believe in labeling people, so for those who come back here to complain about how their marriage went bad and put it all on the absentee partner, of course many are going to think and say, "It's because he/she used you to get here". Those who post negative feedback will receive the same back in replies. They want sympathy, they are hurting, and angry. That is the plain and simple truth. People need to get honest with what really happened. I am NOT saying it doesn't happen, I am simply saying look at ourselves first and the role we played. No one gets off so easily.

Sorry had typos:
You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here.
You do realize that many of us know real people outside of cyberspace. VJ is just a place of sometimes make believe of people and stories. At times you have to take what some say with a grain of salt.
Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get.
That’s me me me. I am #5. Don't contact I know nothing. I am an older woman married to a younger man and haven't been through the journey. Still at NVC. What do I know!!
Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship.
Ummm people do have lives goodness. So not logging on means you failed. Not everybody wants to put their business out there. Heck I have been warned and inboxed by Nigerian men and women here and on Facebook that I am too vocal and tell too much about me and my husband and I need to tone it down. So by your account if I disappear or stop posting (sorry I like to talk too much) my marriage is doomed for failure. So VJ keeps my marriage going.
Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth.
Its funny how if you are married to a foreigner and your marriage fails its fraud and a scam. But if you’re local American marriage fails it’s called cheating, lying, deceit. You never hear someone here say "I was scammed when he slept with my friend". Good grief get off the gas man.
The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure.
What bank? I've been unemployed for most of my relationship and marriage. Heck in Nigeria his family had to collect the money for me to get to Lagos to embassy to take care of my expired passport. So Nigerians are that shallow of people. Not rich in culture and intelligence. You mean the books lied. WOW.
If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?
What’s funny in my husband’s family he has 2 aunts on his mums side and 1 on dads side are all married to younger mean and I mean they are over 20 years younger. So it’s something common in his family sure not the culture but like he has said every household is different with their own rules and customs. You paint with too big of a broad brush.
Who knows but God whether we make it or not. If we make it or succeed, I know marriage regardless takes time and work. Most of us have spent more time apart than together and its hard. We have fussed, fight, disagreed, but yet we remain strong. And maybe we are the better because of it. I would like to be more optimistic and be hopeful that we dared to expand our borders (didn't Jabez request that of God) we stepped out on faith and casted out our nets. There are never any guarantees in anyone’s life. All we can do is be faithful, hopeful, and respectful and gosh darn Live, laugh and please Love

A 21 or 30 day of "together time rule" is not an official regulation /law/ requirement and therefore will just remain a rumor.
Time spend together can be measured on a "day stick" for some CO's unspoken rationale and under the umbrella of " discretionary freedom " is a very determining guideline.
Here is to another rumor : A little bird told me that countless young women ( especially the fellow female citizen of our men ) will chase money and drop their men for a more financially successful one like they drop it when it's hot.
I recently read world statistics of what gender/Nationality cheats the most. No, not Nigerian men, but Nigerian women.
Nigerian men were much lower on that study and before other Nationalities.
Some of us may be 'older' but we have a wealth of things to offer that younger women are still struggling with. Life experience, a settled life style, focused decision making, wisdom gathered, lessons learned and an overall strong confidence with a head -held -high- strut in heels. Now that is sexy to any man, young or old ! I am not talking about the 'older and desperate to have a man crowd who let themselves go and stuff their face with pizza on a daily basis. There are differences in the term older.
One more thing, if things don't work out then they don't work out. Previous relationships with USC have not worked out and if it happens again it will not kill me. I will dust myself off and get back up. I am not made of sugar, will not melt and can deal with what life brings me by God's grace.
It would not be the end of life and people need to stop making it sound like death itself.
If someone no longer wants to be with me then I say don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out, have a nice life
and I move on. I won't turn into a bitter person who feels the compulsion to spends her life issuing warnings like a cop issues tickets to others.
Don't ever spend money for this immigration journey you don't freely want to give and spend and then cry later when things don't work out. Be accountable for your own actions today. Think before you act. Then be committed to the decisions.
I get so tired of whining people who think they may have been scammed and are finger pointing constantly without being accountable for their own choices and actions of enabling and allowing nonsense.
It takes two to tango.
Suck it up and move on and continue to be strong and confidant.
# Vent over about the older woman thing !

dwheels76..........."I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me."
WE HAVE A WINNING STATEMENT EVERYONE....This says it all

With all due respect NigeriaorBust you are married to a younger man, do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? I have many friends who are married to a younger Nigerians who wooed them for few years while in Nigeria, and now they are here and still married and happy. It is not a rule of thumb that MOST of the relationship with a younger Nigerian man is a doomed relationship. It takes two to tango and over all I have encountered more success stories then failures.
I have to disagree on the fact that you make it seem most, if not all marriages which consists of a older woman and a younger man are for immigration purposes and that a younger man has no reason to want an older wife other than to obtain a green card. I would say most older women have a vast of experience, wisdom and know how to treat a man in most cases better than a younger woman.

Yay Dwheels!!!! Amen, doing the happy dance, yep, its that realistic point of view!!! Am on mobile so my response will be brief, but where 2 people are determined in love and faith in God, noone will prosper in coming between!!! My husband and I have done realistic talks, he knows these things and more, yes, he wont get it until he gets here, but he isnt walking in totally blind! Can my husband overcome the hardships?? I have EVERY confidence in him while I stand beside him being as God intended me to be, his help mate!!!
Love it Dwheels!!! Absolutely LOVE IT!!!

Trust me I did not miss your point. I just added my own opinion into this. Only time will tell in the long run, but many times, it is human nature when something goes sour to point the finger at the other person, when in reality there are always 2 sides to every story and relationship.
And how easy it is indeed to point a finger at another who is already been stacked against based on where they come from. I do not believe in labeling people, so for those who come back here to complain about how their marriage went bad and put it all on the absentee partner, of course many are going to think and say, "It's because he/she used you to get here". Those who post negative feedback will receive the same back in replies. They want sympathy, they are hurting, and angry. That is the plain and simple truth. People need to get honest with what really happened. I am NOT saying it doesn't happen, I am simply saying look at ourselves first and the role we played. No one gets off so easily.

Our denial is simply a delay, we are already back at Lagos waiting for a second interview date. My husband and I believe that even though we werent prepared the first time, we simply need to continue waiting on God's time! A delay was in order for a reason, and who are we to question God's authority? Every step encountered has brought us both to different places within our lives together and separately. We understand that God is good all the time, and also that our mortal wants and needs do not necessarily line up with our Father's at the same time.
Many blessings and favor to you on this journey!

You know your husband is African when you write on your FB wall about how you want to break up with Monday as a joke about the day of the week and he demands to know WHO Monday is! lol True story y'all!!!

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.
Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.
I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?
Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!
He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.
Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.
You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.
I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.
To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).
I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).
I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.
This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

Visit as much as you can when you can. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).
Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.
Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.
I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

In my situation I would LOVE to spend more time with my husband and inlaws, but realistically, it isnt a possibility. To be denied based on lack of visits, or face time is absurd, when the desire to be there is much, but life here has its many demands. There is nothing couples cannot overcome together if their marriage is built on God. For a complete stranger to have the evidence of knowing each other well, ongoing communication and other evidences, yet a certain time frame of face time isnt established, they issue a denial?
Sorry, but America has taken a huge financial blow, and we all feel it. This is why it is difficult for us to get our face time in. I think all outlying circumstances should be looked at to make a well informed decision, but then thats me and how I would look at things.

I am glad others opted to call this behavior out, because yesterday I was fuming over the comments made, but kept myself to myself. All I can say today is I got over it, but kudos to you all for stepping up!

I am glad others opted to call this behavior out, because yesterday I was fuming over the comments made, but kept myself to myself. All I can say today is I got over it, but kudos to you all for stepping up!

I am glad others opted to call this behavior out, because yesterday I was fuming over the comments made, but kept myself to myself. All I can say today is I got over it, but kudos to you all for stepping up!

There is a time to caution someone and then there is a time to answer the question asked. To be aware of when to point out something and when to remain neutral, is called tact. We do not have to be the self appointed siren to blast warnings 24/7 every time someone new steps into the forum for information and we disagree with the way someone chooses to live their adult live. Until such advice is asked for, it is simply overkill to judge someone's relationship a recipe for disaster based on one small post. Don't kill a fly with a grenade. Compulsion to control plans of other adults with unkind and force full judgments is uncalled for and an auto pilot power trip. Assumptions and advice are not the same thing.

Tell her again Gowan! If she thought she needed to everyone to know just to get a question answered...she would have posted it to begin with. Many of the comments on this thread were rude, hateful and un-called for.

:ranting: :ranting: :ranting: :ranting: :ranting:
Funny, prejudice folks in America say the same thing about Inter-racial marriages...won't last no time... and that doesn't make it anymore true than the statistics I see here. Where can I find these numbers?
Yes, there are scammers everywhere, not just in Nigeria. They are all over the United States. We call them SALES PEOPLE, Marketers, Doctors, Lawyers, Secretaries, Bookkeepers...laborers..etc. Oh, and then there are those that SCAM the government claiming to be disabled to get a check for themselves and their children, or lie about their income and bills so they can get foodstamps. But bay-be...come Saturday night you can see them out all over town scrubbing the ground, drunk as all get out or in the liquor store or discount cigarette shop buying up everything but "what their kids need with the money". PLEASE...I'm so tired of people and their many prejudices. No, I don't approve of scamming, but to classify only ONE group of people as scammers is far from the absolute truth!
People lie and scam each other everyday. We can only answer for our own souls, our own choices and our own lives. That's all any of us should worry about. And furthermore,if we can't encourage and show each other some love, maybe we just shouldn't respond at all.
WELCOME TO VJ! GOD BLESS YOUR JOURNEY, YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR LIFE!