ndu26

Even you admit that you both are having "too many" arguments. What is too many". siblings will argue, couples will argue but there is a level that becomes a little too much for others to take. what are these arguments based on?. You said you just arrived 4 months ago. what is your living arrangements like? considering the economy, do you have a job yet? if not how have you been handling your unemployment situation so far and what has your role in the house been like with chores. do you help out or does she go out to make the money to pay the bills and come home to have you demand or insist she serve you like she would have back in Nigeria.No one is asking you to become the maid just because you do not have a job yet but a litle help especially when she is givings signs that she needs it will go a long way. Nigerian culture makes it a little hard for some men to adjust when they arrive here and see themselves in the "subordinate" role. if the man can understand that this is only temporary and work towards establishing a mutually beneficial union for himself and the wife while he is adjusting, the better for them both.
She bore tha cost and pains of petitioning for you and enduring the long wait of USCIS/NVC so she must have felt something. Pamper her and bring her to a state of wanting to discuss your current situation and you guys openly admit where you are wrong and apologize with a sincere desire to change where needed. Then hope for the best.
IF after all said and done, you still find yourself alone, then it is not the end of the world.

for question #2, go with the name he has on his birth cert now since that is what all is documentation carries. to be on the safe side in case something turns up in future just put the childhood name as "other names used" as you never know. that way you could say it is him

I am an RN too though I trained in Nigeria and only did my bachelors here but I know generic students who are constanly stressed by the highly intense program. First be sure your work does not jeopardizeur studies( that would mean more down time for you). Has your stress level gotten to the point where that is all he hears. Do you also call him to share fun and exciting moments. While you are both supposed to support each other and be a listening ear, too much complaints and depresssing conversation is a turn off. Do you also give time for him to share his moments, thoughts, fears etc? or is every conversation all about you? he can only hear so much without appearing bored.
depending on his culture and his sister age in relation to him he may not rebuke her in front of you. That being said, just as Gown pointed out, if your weight bothers you to the point of bringing down your self esteem( whther he is concerned or not) then do something about it FOR YOURSELF!
I have not followed your timeline to know why you are still talking to your EX...but talking to your ex about your fiance is a BIG NO NO !!!!!! it also appears like you are not overhim yet when you say "he is your reality check and his romance"..... does what to you? What is happening is that you are now comparing both men. Please if there is legitimate reason to maintain contact with your ex like kids from the relationship then that is fine but NEVER discuss your current relationship with him...most people will always feed you negative stuff about it because they are no longer with you.
That being said. listen to your heart about your relationship and try to be objective. Give allowance for human weakness but be alert to potential issues in the future.
RELATIONSHIPS FAIL REGARDLESS OF NATIONALITY some lasting only few days( we hear and see it every time on the news)...so lets not take this fraud stuff to the extreme and use it as a demeaning factor against Nigerians at every opportunity.
I wish you all the best....stay on top!!!

I am an RN too though I trained in Nigeria and only did my bachelors here but I know generic students who are constanly stressed by the highly intense program. First be sure your work does not jeopardizeur studies( that would mean more down time for you). Has your stress level gotten to the point where that is all he hears. Do you also call him to share fun and exciting moments. While you are both supposed to support each other and be a listening ear, too much complaints and depresssing conversation is a turn off. Do you also give time for him to share his moments, thoughts, fears etc? or is every conversation all about you? he can only hear so much without appearing bored.
depending on his culture and his sister age in relation to him he may not rebuke her in front of you. That being said, just as Gown pointed out, if your weight bothers you to the point of bringing down your self esteem( whther he is concerned or not) then do something about it FOR YOURSELF!
I have not followed your timeline to know why you are still talking to your EX...but talking to your ex about your fiance is a BIG NO NO !!!!!! it also appears like you are not overhim yet when you say "he is your reality check and his romance"..... does what to you? What is happening is that you are now comparing both men. Please if there is legitimate reason to maintain contact with your ex like kids from the relationship then that is fine but NEVER discuss your current relationship with him...most people will always feed you negative stuff about it because they are no longer with you.
That being said. listen to your heart about your relationship and try to be objective. Give allowance for human weakness but be alert to potential issues in the future.
RELATIONSHIPS FAIL REGARDLESS OF NATIONALITY some lasting only few days( we hear and see it every time on the news)...so lets not take this fraud stuff to the extreme and use it as a demeaning factor against Nigerians at every opportunity.
I wish you all the best....stay on top!!!

I am an RN too though I trained in Nigeria and only did my bachelors here but I know generic students who are constanly stressed by the highly intense program. First be sure your work does not jeopardizeur studies( that would mean more down time for you). Has your stress level gotten to the point where that is all he hears. Do you also call him to share fun and exciting moments. While you are both supposed to support each other and be a listening ear, too much complaints and depresssing conversation is a turn off. Do you also give time for him to share his moments, thoughts, fears etc? or is every conversation all about you? he can only hear so much without appearing bored.
depending on his culture and his sister age in relation to him he may not rebuke her in front of you. That being said, just as Gown pointed out, if your weight bothers you to the point of bringing down your self esteem( whther he is concerned or not) then do something about it FOR YOURSELF!
I have not followed your timeline to know why you are still talking to your EX...but talking to your ex about your fiance is a BIG NO NO !!!!!! it also appears like you are not overhim yet when you say "he is your reality check and his romance"..... does what to you? What is happening is that you are now comparing both men. Please if there is legitimate reason to maintain contact with your ex like kids from the relationship then that is fine but NEVER discuss your current relationship with him...most people will always feed you negative stuff about it because they are no longer with you.
That being said. listen to your heart about your relationship and try to be objective. Give allowance for human weakness but be alert to potential issues in the future.
RELATIONSHIPS FAIL REGARDLESS OF NATIONALITY some lasting only few days( we hear and see it every time on the news)...so lets not take this fraud stuff to the extreme and use it as a demeaning factor against Nigerians at every opportunity.
I wish you all the best....stay on top!!!

I think he meant to say he filed I-140( employement based visa) for himself. not I-130. I wonder why it took so long though. I came in through i 140 in 2006 and my case was filed in 2005 by an emplyment agency based in NY. Right now there is retrogression in that visa category though. this began late 2006 so most cases are still pending but it is looking like it is about to become current and i think they have passed your PD so something must be delaying ur case. i dnt think it shd affect your spousal petition though.

we also had a court and church wedding and i front loaded with pictures from both. though for us we arranged it to have both ceremonies same day. still regardless of church wedding date, the phtotos, guests, IV etc could help establish the authenticity of your union so do not leave those proofs out. you need as many as you can.....better too much than not enough. all the best.

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.
Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.
I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?
Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!
He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.
Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.
You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.
I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.
To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).
I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).
I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.
This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

Visit as much as you can when you can. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).
Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.
Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.
I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

My mum also lost her passport just before an interview for visitors visa last year. All our efforts from every angle angle led us to Abuja. I could not understand it either but that ws what we had to do and the fees were terribly high. one friend of an in-law requested N100k to assist.Someone offered to help get the ball rolling in Lagos( like a poster suggested) but completion still needed travel to ABUJA and was asking for abt 50K. God's intervention from an unexpected source helped us get it done for the base price of N10k or less by one of the Ogas himself there.
So yes unless things changed within the past few months, lost passports must be redone in ABUJA. the only exception is if she had the old passport then she canjsyt apply for the electronic anywhere. You need police report, court affidavit and money. All the best.

What part of Nigeria was your scamming Ex Wife from?

congratulations!!!

So sorry to hear this. I hope you do find love again ( real one). As per your advice to live together for many years first...even many people who have done that still did not make it in marriage. I know a couple who lived together for 9 years...yet once they said " I do" issues came up and they were talking about divorce.
marriage remains a beautiful and sacred thing regardless of how some have messed it up.
Pick your life up and stay strong and life shall surprise you for good. happy week

Congratulations on your reltionship. while it may raise eyebrows, ultimately it is your husbands ability to defend the union and relaionship at the time of interview that will tell.
you need to package your application well with enough proof and both of you need to know the tiniest detail about each other as they wmay want to test that durig interview.

Enjoy...will be heading there end of next week!!
Planning to surprise a lot of people

The fact that he is young, single and has a sister who is a USC all count against him. When applying for B2 visa, they assume that the applicant has intent to immigrate and so the burden of proof is on the person to show otherwise. To them a single 27/28 yrs old man attending the BD party of a 1 year old does no fit. He can always try again if you dont mind mind "missing" the application fee but unless something has changed about his ability to show strong ties, the chances remain slim with a prior denial.

OP you do NOT need three years income to qualify as a sponsor. if you have three years income that is fine. But they are particular about your current financial status. Even if you do not qualify to petition him, you can get a co sponsor and still show your filing though.
On the baby, you know your situation BETTER than anyone here..if you BOTH feel ready to have ur child now with ur husband, by all means go ahead. we can only suggest here...does not mean we are always right.

can we drop this already? why cant we recognize an apology when we see one? sam's earlier two posts explaining the reason for the bold with all the winks was an apology I believe and should have been accepted in good faith...No more bickering adults!!!!

can we drop this already? why cant we recognize an apology when we see one? sam's earlier two posts explaining the reason for the bold with all the winks was an apology I believe and should have been accepted in good faith...No more bickering adults!!!!

It is obvious that this person does not care if the child is his biologically. He loves the child and wants him to be a part of his life. He is asking advice on how to go about how to do that, I think that's what we should give him advice on and not how he wants to deal with his personal relationship with his wife.
I think you should be honest in your immigration proceedings, let them know the child is not biologically yours, and see about filing for him as a stepchild. I suggest you seek the aid of an attorney if you can afford.

Well, first of all I would like to say that I am so proud of you for still loving your wife inspite of, and since she told you beforehand that you might not be the biological father you still chose to love her. Betrayal is not the question here, she still became honest with you ... as what you have said that she told you before hand.
I don't think this will be a big big trouble in the US Embassy, if you will just get a proper advise. I would suggest that you will seek an expert to this kind of case, try to look at the internet if you can find a US immigration lawyer that is free and then you probably can email him or what about this case. It would be better not to listen to anyone but to an expert to this, so that u will not get confused.

I do not see why a visitor's visa is Not appropriate for her. It is her choice and desire to visit her son and his family. There is nothing wrong with that. It becomes a problem when the intent turns to being an immigrant while on visitor's visa. Then again why create an opportunity for adjustment of status for such people if it is so wrong or inappropriate?

I guess as long as you get into the uS by Midnight of that day you are ok ( my opinion) but what would make you want to do that? what if there is flight cancellation on the planned day of departure or other unforseen circumstance?

I am not an expert on marriage or even immigration. these are hunas handling these cases and they could conclude any way. Since you are yet to meet him may I suggest going to meet him for the first time witout any marriage plans( I am sure both of you can handle that ) get memories of your visit and then make another trip later after which you can then decide to marry, give it few months, during which you can still do more visits as you can afford (again on the premise that legalizing the union is what is more important to you not the wait time) and file your papers after that. A year of knowing sounds reasonable to me( note , to me)