Matt1968

You know when that would have been funny... 120 days ago. Or if CSC was saying anything but "Piss off, we're processing 16June" which they've been saying now for three months.

Hopefully I won't have to hear that, but I remember a post by windza where he says his I-130 was processed in like 13 days. I asked was it from VSC, he said no it was from CSC. This makes no sense to me at all. How can CSC tell someone "we're processing June 16" yet approve an application on Dec 15 after the NOA1 was Dec 2? So they're doing June 16 apps and periodically throw in a recently received app to keep approval times down? This doesn't seem right or fair. I know people say, "oh well, that's the way it is." But that doesn't make it right.

Matt

I got my NOA2 in 56 days so you never know.

Very nice! True, with USCIS, you never know. I see you have your interview coming up soon, God bless with that!

Matt

*looks at his day counter ticking past 161 Days*

Nope... can't say I feel sympathy...

C'mon, I can't get a little.. . It's been 30 whole days!!!!! What is up with those guys at USCIS. They better get a move on, i'm sick of waiting!

Matt

Oh well, Guess I didn't join the 30 day club like some of the others. It's been 30 days since my NOA1, and I was hoping to become one of those who gets the NOA2 within 30 days like other VJ members. *sigh*, well 5 months here I come.

Matt

Why take the chance? If they do question it and they've not been honest on the forms then are you going to help them get the kid and his wife her (since she'll sign the DS-230 for the minor and be at the interview I'd imagine she'll be on the hook for Material Misrepresentation).

Don't be so reckless as telling someone to ignore the lifetime ban that could result if they do ask for a DNA test.

I agree. One thing that is constantly stress to everyone filling out the applications is to be completely honest. I wouldn't risk a Material misreprestation by going on a what can probably or probably not happen.

Matt

Yea i could see that. If she destroyed his TV and Computer he would probably be mad at her for it. I think he needs to be the one to get rid of his TV or Computer if wants to get rid of this problem. I used to be wrapped up in Pornagraphy and thats what i did. The Temptation was still there afterwards, but i had some great friends to help with accountability.

I know this is very personal to me, but i was not intimate with my ex-wife for over a year because of pornagraphy. Not because she didn't want to, but because i did not want to. I was so twisted and wrapped up in it that it was a big reason that me and her are divorced. That was 9 years ago and alot has been learned, mindsets and lifestyles have been changed. But i blame myself and that was my biggest failure in my life was my divorce.

I'm sorry that happened to you, my friend. I understand where you are coming from. I think alot of people reading this thread take it personal because of the effect it can have on a marriage and most of us have dealt with porn one way or another in our relationship. I think with the OP she had other factors than just the porn. There was the incest videos, there was the abuse, there was the lying. They tried to seek help and he improved initially but went right back to where he was. Not trying to judge her husband, but i think she can do better. She was obviously concerned about it, otherwise she wouldn't have brought it to our attention. I take it personal because i'm sick of guys mistreating women and taking them for granted. Am i biased in this case, perhaps, because I deal with these types of men often. My only advice to OP would be, don't think about your life as it is right now. Think about the kind of life you would have in five years if you are still with this guy. Do you think he will change? Will he keep saying things you want to hear just to keep you around? Will he appreciate you and the sacrifices you've made from him? You are in this situation so only you will know. Ask yourself some tough questions and answer them honestly and you will know what to do.

Matt

Thats what i hate about America. People are so quick to get a divorce over something that can be easily fixed. Easily fixed by distroying your computer or TV in order to stop defaulting to a lustfull addiction. OP you should do that. Destroy the computer or TV in order to keep him away from that garbage.

Normally, I'm in agreement with you about people getting divorce so quickly over trivial things or getting a divorce because of nonsense(Kim Khardasian) but in this case I wouldn't blame her. As far as destroying computer or TV, that won't solve it because he'll just buy another one and continue. I think laure & Colin said it best about the situation. This couple definately needs counseling and the hubby desperatly needs professional help. The situation is definately a tough one, but the OP can rise above it.

Matt

my friend,

your "husband" is a damn weirdo and the last person you would want to be with. You might say "easy to say that" but the reallity of the situation is that It's only gonna get worse,you can count on that. Like drugs and alchol, pornography is an addiction too and he's definitely at an advanced stage. As for the poster that was talking about "wife duties" I guess the train of evolution left someone behind. . .

I don't wanna sound harsh at you with my comments,but have more respect for yourself. No woman deserve to be with a porn addict who spends money on sex webcams..that's what losers do.

Couldn't agree more. You're absolutely right, it only gets worse with people like this. He's lied already, don't put yourself through that ####### anymore.

Ta da. Non-judgmental advice.

Giving advice, like most have here, is based on knowing facts. Then based on these facts and using your JUDGEMENT, you give the best advice you can.

Matt

only in your opinion. like i said earlier... one mans perversion is another mans pleasure.

now that doesnt mean to say that i think incest is ok... it just means that it isnt my place to call anyone a sick... because that would be judging

Like accusing VJ'ers of wearing black robes.. kind of hypocritical right?

actually i think you will find that calling someone a "sicko" is passing verdict

Actually I think calling someone who watches incest porn a sicko is an accurate assesment of indivual.

:thumbs: :thumbs:

sadly it appears a lot of VJ do though

Giving an opinion is not passing verdict. She told us what happened and told us what she saw. Everyone voiced what they thought, there's nothing sad about it. Maybe we shouldn't do that anymore and just "see the goodness" in everyone, including those who watch incest porn.

Matt

That's the difference. This is not a court.

Bingo!

I have not read the rest of the comments. However, I have to provide my 2 cents as a MALE. I do not see any problem with your husband watching porn or going to strip clubs. All males DO. It has nothing to do with loving you. This is how they are. They may deny watching porn but they do. I love my wife more than anything in this world. I would NEVER cheat on her with any other woman as she is the most beautiful woman in the world. HOWEVER, I do watch porn when I have nothing to do on the net. In fact, I do it with my wife and we laugh about it. Some times we even go together to strip clubs and make fun of people. I never went all the way to actually PAY for it as there is plenty for free. However, I do not see any problem with that. If I was you I would do it together with him. In fact my wife sometimes send me porn pics on my work e-mail, the ones that she feels I will enjoy... This is all.

In a nut shell, I think the general opinion here is that watching porn isn't the real issue. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but watching porn based on "incest" is flat out wrong in my eyes. You can dress it up any way you like, it's still wrong.

Matt

This is exactly what I mean. You've heard one side of this story and you have determined that her husband is "a sicko".

Unless she is lying, then yes, it is more than fair to say her husband is a sicko. He watches incest porn and got busted by her. I've called him sicko myself in earlier post and stand by it.

Matt

It appeared a lot of the responses were saying she has nothing to worry about, and what he is doing is normal. In my view that is supporting the guy's behavior. I guess I was expecting the responses to be much different than they were.

I'm not against anyone watching porn if that is what they choose to do. I've seen it, didn't do anything for me. I prefer having the real thing instead of watching someone else.

I kind of got that impression as well early on. Some people were talking about it being along the lines of fantasy, watching incest porn goes way beyond that. Who in their right mind is going to pull out there ####### and start jacking it saying, "Oh man, he's banging his sister! This gets me hot!" C'mon, that's not fantasy thats an illness.

Matt

well, I haven't said that I've been checking the computer. When I first came here he used to have aol and I just clicked on the browser to find yahoomail.com because I thought that was in his history since we used to email each other all the time and all the previously viewed sites were from an asianbabes whatever.com site, that's the only site I could find because he had seen a lot of webcams of women! so of course I wanted to know if there was something else and thats when I checked his temp files and saw the other stuff, it's very easy to judge when you're not in the situation. I had been BSd by him before i came to this country telling me he didn't like those things so I was shocked to stumble into them, and I say "stumble" because I wasn't looking for anything when I first saw the pc's history.

After he had told me he'd never do things like this anymore, I stopped checking the computer, I didn't feel the need to do that and I'm sorry if I "dragged him through the court of VJ opinion" like someone said but all I wanted was to find some opinions and advice because I didn't know what to do and it's so embarrassing for me to talk with anybody I know about this matter. Thank you all for your replies, they have been very helpful and I appreciate you guys talking the time to give me your opinion.

Hello,

Hope everything is ok, i'm not trying to judge. In fact, I hope everything works out for you. I just hate to see you in this situation with this type of person. I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

Matt

Thats EXACTLY what I said, he clicked, she looked at filenames.. How does her confirming EXACTLY what I said debunk what I said?? Nothing I've read here convinces me he is anything more that a perv that did not tell his wife he was into porn and is hiding it from her. If she can't come to grips with that then you are right she should leave.

Also if a person feels the need to spy (look though the internet cache) as far as the relationship is concerned it does not matter if you find porn or pictures of puppies... Trust is out the window.

The gist of what you said in your post was he was just clicking on files and saw a hot woman and clicked on it, without any knowledge of what it was. I'm telling you he did know what he was clicking on, and not only knew what it was but labeled the file "incest." She also said there were a couple of these files, so it wasn't an accident. You implied he didn't know what he was clicking on and i'm saying he did know. If that's not what you're saying then let me know. The normal perv doesn't watch incest videos, which she says she found. If she said she found porna videos, ok a huge population of men watch those. But how many people can say the enjoy watching porn about incest????

As far as the spying, yes I agree. If you feel the need to spy then there isn't any trust and without trust there is no relationship.

Matt

well, we called uscis today and talked to a tier 2 officer. according to her CSC is currently working on june 16th - STILL! for 2 months now they´ve been telling ppl the same ####! ####### is going on in CSC!?!?!? I´d really like to know how they work or how they explain that they don´t do anything! just look at vermont!!! by the way, we are from VA and our petition should have been sent to vermont, but both times it has been sent to CSC we asked the tear 2 officer about that too and she said that all I-130 get sent to CSC - bull...!!!

Yeah, don't know why yours was sent to CSC. I'm from massachusetts and was begging that it was sent to VSC. There's still no guarantee that it will be done quick, but the chances are better. They really should be more professional with the process. I would love to just take a tour of the place and see how they process cases. How does one person get approved before someone else, even though the other person sent their's in 4 months earlier? I would love to see how that's done.

Matt

First off, guys look at porn (spelled pr0n online to avoid filters). I think you are overreacting a bit but he is doing little to help the matter. Even if you are indeed way conservative, he knows that from the start and should be considerate. I think a bigger issue here is the fact that he is lying to you and trying to make your feelings seem unimportant. Years ago Dr Ruth Westheimer would be on thw radio helping people with their sex lives. When a woman complained that her husband sneaked peeks at pictures of women in certain outfits, the good Doctor told the wife to go out and dress in those outfits now that she knows what he likes. There is something to be said about that. Communication is the key I believe. If he can share with you his thoughts you can have a better understanding of where he is and how he feels. Don't judge though, there is no right and wrong when it comes to personal feelings.

Stay in touch and let us know how it goes.

Don't think you understand the totality of the subject. Her husband has files with videos of "Incest". So I would say yeah, he's not helping things by watching them. Lying is definately a big issue but if he lied about watching a porno, ok I could understand maybe he was embarrassed about getting caught. Many men watch porn behind their womens' back and are embarrassed about getting caught. But he's not just watching porn, he's watching porn about incest. Big difference.

Matt

He wouldn't be prescribed Lexapro if the doctor didn't diagnose a disorder to treat. Taking it for a month couldn't possibly solve anything. He is sick, and I think his compulsion for porn is just part of it. He needs to face his problems and seek medical care.

I'm kind of taken aback by the fact that some of you think incest related material is not so bad and just a fantasy and stuff. Incest is THE universal taboo, a backbone of all human societies however primitive. This transgression is not only sexual, it is also a very serious social issue.

Bingo. I've been saying that all along. There's no defense, none. I can't believe people tried to rationlize it. It wasn't an accident, it's not a fantasy, it's a sickness. You're absolutely right it is the unversal taboo and has no place in society or porn for that matter. Once again, we know that they're actors but it's a twisted subject matter and should never be broached.

Matt

after I found the web cam site as the last site he had visited before going to my country to marry me, I checked his temporary internet files and that's where I found different video files with the name incest. I never watched anything, so I cannot say if it was real incest or fantasy; there were lots about interracial sex as well(I suppose because we're an interracial couple).

That says it all and kind of debunks the argument of him clicking on videos without any pretense or knowledge since it doesn't hold weight if the names of the files are "Incest", right? Doesn't matter if it's real or fantasy, it's sick. The interracial doesn't bother me, that's quite the norm in porn now. But video files with the name "incest"? Sorry, no defense, and pile that on the abuse and the lies, and you have the makings of a certifiable sicko. She said she found "videos" meaning the chance of him "accidently" clicking on one is nil since there are more than one. I'm always hesistant to tell people what to do in their relationship because you never know both sides of the story, but going by what you've told us so far I think that leaving this clown is the best option. Just my opinion.

Matt

I'll take a stab at it.. *my* guess is that she found a ton of stuff and was scanning filenames - it was probably some step-mom / son type thing (a cougar pretense video).. He on the other hand had probably clicked on numerous icons with busty hot things without giving any thought of the pretense.. "Oh! Shes hot!" *click* ... It certainly could be more than that but then I doubt the subject of this thread would be "Am I overreacting about this porn thing?" instead it would be "Husband is watching incest video!!"

That's quite a streeeeettttccchhhhh. I'm not buying it. She wasn't clear on what it was she found, and you're giving him to much credit. He's already proven he can't be trusted, and he has an obvious obsession with porn that transcends normal desire. If it's "incest" theme videos, it goes beyond normal taste. Til she is more clear about what she found I stand by my intial point. He's sick, and anyone who watches "incest" theme videos are sick. She mentioned finding some stuff about incest along with some porn and grouped them together, which in my opinion is a mistake. Like I said, she wasn't clear on what she found and he's proven to be slimebag to her so he gets no benefit of the doubt from me, maybe from others but not from me. She needs to leave his #### with a quickness. Someone mentioned not having kids with him or around him and I couldn't agree more. You can do better my friend, move on from this lying, sick clown.

Matt

Just because he watches "incest" porn (and I am using "" because everyone knows that actors aren't really related, else the movie would be illegal and I am guessing wouldn't sell that well either), doesn't mean he would rape his own children. Porn is a fantasy after all.

Case in point, world's biggest site on erotic literature. Do you see how incest stories have the greatest number, over 25 k?

I wonder, though, if the people against porn also oppose to masturbation.

Of course the actors aren't related, we know that. But still the subject matter of incest is flat out wrong. How can a person get aroused and horny watching two actors portray brother and sister, or mom and son, or dad and daughter have sex and fantasize about it? The point of porn is to visually stimilate the person watching, and if you're watching two people portray family members, that's arousing to some people? Also if there are 25k incest stories then there are 25K sick individuals. This isn't an arguement against porn, it's an argument against the subject matter and I see no defense for it.

Matt

you have to keep in mind that it is porn we're talking about...its is entirely based on fantasy, and it is not real...hence why men think in real life they can spend 3 mintues with a girl and she'll be breaking glass with her vocal performance... Incest is wrong and in no way would I enjoy hearing about it, but a lot of porn out there is incest based and is a popular fantasy...step dad and daughter, or step son and step mom, that is all considered the incest category. Doesn't mean a person is sick, as fantasies are most often not to be taken literally. Just a reflection of a psychological desire. I do not know what the particular material is we're talking about, and there is def some more hard core versions out there, but all in all, its porn, its not real.

In her original post, she said she found "stuff about incest." She never mentioned if it was a movie or if it was literature, but whatever. Sorry, i'm not buying it. If you fantasize about watching incest porn, you're sick. I've watched porn before, but never watched nothing about incest. Mom's screwing their son, sisters' screwing their brother, that's flat out wrong.Fantasize all you want about women, positions, places, voyerism, whatever, but incest porn..nah. I have to disagree. Even though it's porn, incest as part of the plot or the main theme is pathetic.

Matt

I haven't seen much else said about this but you mentioned some stuff about "incest"? That's sick! That tells you about his taste. I don't sweat him watching porn, but "incest"? Nah, that ain't right.

Matt

There are definitely July filers who are getting approved, just seems to be random as to who gets that wonderful notice and who gets to wait another day. In my opinion the current process is flawed, mainly due to the manual process of assigning cases to multiple sites and multiple workers within each site. You could be very fortunate and have your petition sent to Vermont and then get assigned to a very experienced worker who processes the most applications in a day and only end up waiting 2-3 months. Or you could have your petition sent to California and assigned to a case worker who is about to go on vacation and your application sits while others who were received after yours are processed.

The fix to this problem is creating an online version of the I-130 application and then attaching scanned copies of the required documentation to the application. You would pay the application fee with a credit/debit card and get your NOA1 right away. From that point all cases would be placed into two virtual queues, one for expedited cases and one for normal cases. Cases would then be worked in the order in which they were received. The USCIS could take it a step further and update their website on a daily basis listing the date they are currently processing. Once the petition is approved it would be transferred electronically to the NVC where they should be able to instantly assign a case number and generate the AOS and IV bills. From there the DS-230 and I-864 forms could be completed online with required documents attached as scanned copies. This would then place the case into another virtual queue to be processed by the NVC. Once approved they would electronically transmit the application to the appropriate embassy/consulate where an automated system can create the appointment and send a notification to the USC and the beneficiary.

To further improve the process they could list the documents required and those that are optional based on the type of application you are filling out. In this situation you couldn't submit the application if you didn't upload a document for each of those that are required. This would reduce the number of RFEs which means faster processing times for everyone.

There is some signs that this may be coming. There is now an online version of the DS-230 (DS-260). Currently it is limited to a handful of consulates, maybe a beta test? Even if processing times don't go down by that much at least we would know that the process is more equitable and that there aren't those who wait months longer than others simply because of having the good or bad fortune of having their case sent to a particular location/worker.

Bingo. I'm surprised that they haven't done this already. This is 2012 now, you telling me they can't make all this electronic. Granted there may be some glitches along the way, but you could have a hardcopy in case of emergency. I don't think using the hardcopy of the I-130 is the best way of doing this. As most can see it's to time consuming and more prone to human error(i.e getting lost switching from person to person).

Matt