EmelyNJoel

Speaking for myself and my observations only, American men turn elsewhere because American women are socialized to castrate the "traditional" male role (the provider, the decision maker, etc.) here in the USA. American women are more manly in their ways than foreign women, and screw and bedhop and cheat with ease as their male counterparts (a very general, myopic observation of course from a man who spent his life mostly in San Francisco Bay Area). I may sound bitter, but from what I've seen, the Latin American and East Asian women are so much more 'feminine' in the traditional way.

Just a moment. Sweeping statements are almost never true.
I ask people all the time where they are from, and engage them to learn more. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I've been a social worker and a cop. So I've seen both ends of the spectrum being a helper and controller. LOTS of Americans love foreigners. I'm one.
That's love in the generic sense, I also happen to really love one in particular, or I wouldn't visit this site.
I'm one of the ones who feel if you don't love my country, don't come here. Citizen by birth, Nationalist by choice. The country and its citizens (including me) are FAR from perfect, keep that perspective in mind, please.
If you feel forced to come here, try to help make the country better. Get involved in the political process.
Volunteer. There are LOTS of options and TONS of need.
Complain with suggestions to improve = constructive criticism.
Complain without suggestions to improve = *itching. *insert consonant here.

Amen to that! Finally! Completely agree! Don't like it here, don't come.

I salute you!!

Really?
I thought there were two ... north and south

As an American I can say you're welcome to go somewhere else if you're just going to b!tch about the country you're so desperately seeking to either come to or bring a spouse to.
You know, I've been seeing a lot of America bashing threads recently on this board. I know everyone is frustrated with our immigration process -- I am too (and I'm American by birth-- family has been here for at least 500 years, no lie). However, if all you guys can do it talk ####### about the country you're either trying to move to or are trying to bring your spouse to, why don't you look into another country??? You don't HAVE to deal with "pigheaded Americans" or our "lack of health care" or "snide remarks." No one is holding a gun to your head and saying "MOVE TO AMERICA." So.... calm down. Stop bashing the US. Seriously. It's getting really old.

The USA is a relatively HUGE attraction. It is the number 1 destination in the world for immigration and tourism. HUGE. But to think that "everyone" wants to come here is a fallacy. It is another reason I find the ignorance of people who say about foreign wives "They just want a green card" to be so irritating. Most foreign women have no clue what a green card is.
I am not ashamed to be an American, never. After living in other countries I have no illusions about America either. It is a damn good place, among the best, but not the only one. And Americans seem to think that if Ukrainians do not live their lives exactly like Americans that they cannot possibly be happy. That is just not true. I think Americans would not be happy that way, Ukrainians just think it is how people live. And not to say Ukraine is so terrible, it definitely is not. There are worse places and maybe more of those people want to move to America...or Ukraine!

She's never had any directed towards her in person. People say she's beautiful, so they cut her some slack. Especially the guys. But online it can be a convenient weapon for malicious people to use for an attack.
Before she came I had someone tell me I had "given up" by marrying my wife. I was baffled because he wouldn't say it directly and I didn't understand. I kept pressing him : what do you mean "giving up"? I traveled all over the world an married the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. He got me so frustrated by not saying what he meant that I got angy - and then it dawned on me. He was a racist! But too much of a coward to say it. I went from being angry to laughing my butt off at the guy for being such an idiot.
But he absolutely would not accept that I could love an Asian. I would only marry one because I "gave up". Until he met her. So he went to the Philippines himself now, just back from Cebu. I guess he gave up.

No, they really don't. Children need good, loving supportive people in their life to grow into well rounded individuals. Living in a conflicted household can emotionally cripple a child and result in anger issues, self-esteem issues and all sorts of other problems.
Are you saying that by simply spawning a child that person MUST be in said child's life? Or are you saying that at least a male and female parent must be in the child's life because a biological connection does not a parent make. Also, by your logic if a parent passes away the surviving parent must IMMEDIATELY find a replacement parent because only one parent is bad for the child.
It's a complete fallacy that children raised by single parents are less well-off by only having one parent. It depends ENTIRELY on the type of parent/s and the situation the child grows up in (including school and peer group).

Have a talk with an ISO at the National USCIS Hotline, soonish.

say what?? :rofl: :rofl:

The parking lot was full this morning. Maybe they all went on vacation and parked at the VSC then took taxis to the airport to save parking fees. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
You are checking an unreliable system and asking why it isn't working. Because it is unreliable.

I'll have to ask my Filipina unit what I think about this topic. Sorry, just yanking your chain with that term. Although she doesn't mind being called my Filipina in the least. Our gap is not far off the 20 year gap. But we're a great match. Took me a while to get her to understand that we are total equals and partners. Still she prefers I make certain decisions, and I've given up trying to change her mind about it. She's happy enough that she can ask for something and I say yes. To me its her making the decision, she just wants confirmation it fits in our budget. Can she be childish? Yes, she certainly can at times, but I'm sure theres been times I've been a bit childish to. My wife is a very traditional Pinay. She wants the man leading, the man protecting her and taking care of her. In return she takes care of me. But she's also learned I expect an equal partner. If there's house work to do, who ever has the least to do at the time steps in to do it. While she cooks most of our meals, when she's tired or busy I jump in and get it done. In other words she prefers we each do the tradition roles, but likes that we need not be locked into them 24/7. That we work together on whatever needs doing to maximize the time we can just enjoy our time together. That said, I do believe she would also be happy with 100% traditional roles. She could easily fill the bill and match the stereotypical Filipina. But that wouldn't mean I'd disrespect her for an instant. She's an incredibly gifted, intelligent and strong woman, no matter what role she fills. She can do things that totally amazes me, then act like the simplest thing is beyond her, because she wants me to do if for her. It just makes her feel good and loved when I do some things for her. Its what she grew up expecting, and now that she is a married woman, she just wants some things the way they were between her parents. Its just how she sees the world should be.
I understand your point about disrespecting their wives, I've seen it here and its just plain wrong, but I'm a little worried you might be telling couples how their relationship should be to. What roles each should play, and the woman should never take the submissive role. My wife loves taking the submissive role, but that does not mean there is anything submissive about her. Its just her comfort zone to operate out of as a base. I accept that as who she is, and she accepts me as who I am. Which is a guy who expects his wife to be his partner and equal.

I've seen a number of people complain about the 125% of poverty requirement. 125% of Poverty level is really NOT a lot of money.
The next part might seem harsh, but if 125% of poverty level IS a lot of money to the USC, then maybe they should reconsider whether they have the means to bring a foreign national to the US for marriage, and to start a family.
No I'm not hating... and I don't' want to start a flame war, I just want to make sure people are prepared for their situations. Part of that is planning for the unexpected, having money put away for a rainy day, etc. is part of that being prepared.
So I'm asking the VJ community for their opinions on this. Seriously no flaming. An intelligent discussion on being prepared for major life events.
I'd liken this to couples who actually plan a pregnancy for when they are emotionally and financially ready, and those couples (like most of us) who get pregnant and deal with the repercussions as they are able.

I've seen a number of people complain about the 125% of poverty requirement. 125% of Poverty level is really NOT a lot of money.
The next part might seem harsh, but if 125% of poverty level IS a lot of money to the USC, then maybe they should reconsider whether they have the means to bring a foreign national to the US for marriage, and to start a family.
No I'm not hating... and I don't' want to start a flame war, I just want to make sure people are prepared for their situations. Part of that is planning for the unexpected, having money put away for a rainy day, etc. is part of that being prepared.
So I'm asking the VJ community for their opinions on this. Seriously no flaming. An intelligent discussion on being prepared for major life events.
I'd liken this to couples who actually plan a pregnancy for when they are emotionally and financially ready, and those couples (like most of us) who get pregnant and deal with the repercussions as they are able.

If she married within the 90-day period of validity of her I-94, she is "eligible to adjust status." After the 90 days, she runs a risk of being detained (for example, at an inland CBP checkpoint) if she hasn't yet applied for AOS. If she were to be detained, she would appear before an immigration judge, who would instruct her to adjust status as soon as possible.
CBP agents distinctly lack a sense of humor, and some of them are looking to "nail" anybody they can. Nobody wants a bullseye on their back if there doesn't need to be one.
This is why it's prudent to adjust status as soon as one can after marriage. I had Mrs. T-B. carry a copy of our cover-letter (& check) for AOS until she got the NOA1, and she carried that until she got her Advance Parole document, which she carried until she got her first green card. It may be overkill now that she has her 10-year green card, but I still have her carry a copy of our marriage certificate wherever she goes. She'll do this until her citizenship is applied for and granted, si man.

I've seen a number of people complain about the 125% of poverty requirement. 125% of Poverty level is really NOT a lot of money.
The next part might seem harsh, but if 125% of poverty level IS a lot of money to the USC, then maybe they should reconsider whether they have the means to bring a foreign national to the US for marriage, and to start a family.
No I'm not hating... and I don't' want to start a flame war, I just want to make sure people are prepared for their situations. Part of that is planning for the unexpected, having money put away for a rainy day, etc. is part of that being prepared.
So I'm asking the VJ community for their opinions on this. Seriously no flaming. An intelligent discussion on being prepared for major life events.
I'd liken this to couples who actually plan a pregnancy for when they are emotionally and financially ready, and those couples (like most of us) who get pregnant and deal with the repercussions as they are able.

THIS is why many of the younger users, maybe I mean newer users ( and I mean computer user, not forum users), need to get the concepts of what forever REALLY means. There is no privacy if you post anything on ANY public forum or website. Anything you say can, and will, be held against you at some point in your life.
Ps this is also true with people. Everyone should remember you can NEVER unsay anything. So choose your words carefully. You may have to eat them someday.

THIS is why many of the younger users, maybe I mean newer users ( and I mean computer user, not forum users), need to get the concepts of what forever REALLY means. There is no privacy if you post anything on ANY public forum or website. Anything you say can, and will, be held against you at some point in your life.
Ps this is also true with people. Everyone should remember you can NEVER unsay anything. So choose your words carefully. You may have to eat them someday.

This is not the case, in no way is an 'out of status' situation unlawful. Please do your homework & quote only facts for answers, not what you've heard/read or indeed, your personal unsubstantiated thoughts. Thankyou

Well, I do understand exactly what you are feeling and going through. Like you, I moved as an older woman who had a well-established career, financial freedom and personal independence doing a job I LOVED to marry a man I loved - who was an American. We discussed the options of which country to live in and our choice was purely pragmatic. He owned a house - I rented; he had a job that paid 3 times mine, and the weather was nicer here - at least in Winter! . So, I moved to the US. Living in the US is nothing like living in Canada and the differences, while subtle, can be quite disturbing at times. People expect Canadians should be able to adapt and accommodate quickly because 'we are so much alike', but your first months here will prove to you how very, very different Canadian and American cultures are, and many won't understand that unless they have gone through it for themselves.
My husband also works long hours - out of the house from 6:30 am to 7 or 7:30 pm and often 'on call' overnight or on weekends when there is a deployment (software, not military). My first week here was basically on my own and fine,although I was nursing a sick cat who did not take the move very well. I was busy unpacking my belongings and getting settled in and taking care of the housework, cleaning and laundry since I was at home and my husband at work. It felt like a fair bargain - and it generally is, although while he generally gets weekends for himself, I never got a day off unless I didn't do something - so I started taking weekends off as well. So what if the dishes sit a day before being washed and so what if the house gets untidy. I'll deal with it on Monday. We will work on the yard together, or go out and do something together and just let the housework take care of itself. We share the cooking if we eat at home as he enjoys cooking too.
I really dislike housework as well, and there are things that annoy me. That is normal. There are things about me that annoy him too. For example, I was used to picking up after myself, of course, but it is different picking up after someone else - and my husband basically leaves everything where it drops - milk on the counter; shoes in the middle of the floor; empty envelopes and packages on the middle of the table; dishes by the sofa, books and magazines everywhere. At first I was really annoyed - and then realized that he is set enough in his ways and he isn't going to change. I could make myself unhappy and complain - or I could just do it and get it done. Of course, now he complains he can't find anything - but I have made myself indispensable - I know where it is .
You have been here for a month and you have been thrown head-first into a life style that really is alien to what you knew before - and is different that what you expected and were promisied. That is a big deal.It doesn't help that you are also being financially responsible for much of the household and all of the immigration expenses, and that does seem unbalanced. I can appreciate that you feel used - and I suspect, unappreciated for the sacrifices you have made by moving here. Many Americans don't understand that. I do think this is something that you need to discuss with your husband. He is breathing a sigh of relief that you are here picking up the slack and extra work that he used to have to do - but I doubt he has told you how important that is to him and how grateful he is. This is why you need to start talking with each other. You may want to see 'how permanent' is the current situation is with the child. If it is expected to change in a few months, then this is one of the compromises (and yes, you are making a lot) that comes with a relationship. If not, then you need to re-negotiate that 'condition'.
The first year of marriage is always the hardest. Throw in a complete change of environment, along with giving up everything that you have known and are familiar with, and it becomes very stressful. There is definitely a sense of loss when you move from an environment in which you were better off to one where things are not as good - and that is what has happened to you. The saving grace is supposed to be the mutual love and support you have with your husband, but you would be very unrealistic to expect that this will be enough to compensate. This is where the evolution of the relationship comes in. Hopefully your husband - who is also making adjustments - and you will be able to talk about each of your 'expectations'. It does sound like his expectations and yours are not quite on the same page. That is very common - and normal - in the first year of marriage, and is basically one of the concerns that gets discussed and 'negotiated' (yes, a relationship has to depend on negotiations with each partner looking at what the other needs as well as what they themselves need and want). I entered this relationship with what I thought were 'open eyes' but there is no way to prepare completely for such an absolute change in your life. Sometimes there are deal-breakers that can't be worked around, but you are the only one who will know that.
It is hard for many Americans to understand that life in the US is not always the be all and end all. I often think that those of us who come from first world countries and move to the US for the sake of our spouses often give up far more than many people realize. I know that in the Canada forum many of us have discussed a type of 'mourning' we go through for what we have lost, especially before we are able to appreciate fully what we are gaining in exchange. The love of a partner isn't always enough. You need to try and re-invent your life now, finding acceptable compromises and replacements for what you had in Canada and don't have here. You can't compare them one on one because they just don't line up that way. You won't find in the US what you had in Canada; you won't have the familiarity of the past upon which to build, but you may find lots of excellent opportunities for something totally different here in the US as you create a new life for yourself which may resemble the former but will not be the same. It is like having two separate lives in the same lifetime. It's not for everyone, but it can work if both partners are willing to work it out.
Good luck.

Phew glad I am nice to people and try and help where I can. And honest.
I know I have meet some for real ummmm WOW people here who are trying their best not to do things the right way.
So I guess be nice, share your toys no name calling and all will be well.

I guess that, based on how well prepared we are, they sort of figure it out by themselves.
BTW, if you're watching, where's my NOA2?

I think it would be quite naive to assume they aren't watching forums such as this one. Of course I can't be sure but YES I believe the USCIS do monitor this forum and others like this one.
Doesn't bother me. I have nothing to hide. Can't say the same for many of the posts I read here though.