torontogal4388

Wishing you a most joyous birthday and a stupendous year ahead Saylin. You are our hero!

I've found moving here very frustrating, but I'm getting there. The hardest thing for me to have adjusted to is the diet! Its taken almost a month and half to have a settled digestive system, not neccesarily a bad thing as I LOVE the craft beer selections!!!
Coming from New Zealand, there are many so things that are very similar, but frustratingly different (food, hardware supplies, even the coins catch me out!) and to be honest I think my wife gets a sadistic bit of satisfaction out of watching me trying to describe the products I'm looking for in stores.
I find I compare everything to New Zealand (home), but that's all I've ever known. Being thrown in the deep end, trying to sort things while the wife works has been a hell of a challenge, but not impossible and I definately enjoy living over here.
Keeping busy has been the key to keeping my sanity! I've gone around all the neighbours volunteering to weed gardens, paint fences, yard work etc just to pass the time until EAD is approved. Good bit of manual therapy, meets lots of contacts/friends and enjoy the fantastic weather.
Good food, good people, good beer, great wife, great family... whats not to like?
Luke

Wishing you a most joyous birthday and a stupendous year ahead Saylin. You are our hero!

Can't believe all your responses are so harsh. She said he was sweet before she came. This is a horrible situation for her. She needs help and encouragement - not critisism!
Hang in the OP - you need to focus on what you will do - not what he is doing. And you need to provide for your child's care if and when you can work. Is his extended family around? Perhaps they can "up side the head" to him and get him to accept his responsibilities.
I wish you all the best and I wish you good help and support from this forum.

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

Hi Saylin;
We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.
Hugs Dear.
You have tremendous support in this group.
You have earned it.
Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.
As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.
Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.
Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.
If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.
Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.
Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.
As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.
Hugs,
G

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

"we both hate conflict and things don't feel so aggressive when you can organize your thoughts"
Very good point there Valerie!!!

A great many people have trouble expressing their deepest emotions face to face. Yes, they are young, but if texting and email give them a comfort zone for truly expressing themselves then go for it.
I know a great many "senior" men who never learned to verbalize their feelings. And a great many women of all ages who start to talk and then break down in heaps of tears and cannot get their thoughts out to the other.
Get with the present Annie - if this lets each really express themselves what right have you to look down on them. NONE.

Hi Saylin;
We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.
Hugs Dear.
You have tremendous support in this group.
You have earned it.
Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.
As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.
Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.
Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.
If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.
Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.
Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.
As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.
Hugs,
G

Hi Saylin;
We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.
Hugs Dear.
You have tremendous support in this group.
You have earned it.
Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.
As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.
Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.
Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.
If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.
Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.
Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.
As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.
Hugs,
G

Hi Saylin;
We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.
Hugs Dear.
You have tremendous support in this group.
You have earned it.
Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.
As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.
Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.
Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.
If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.
Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.
Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.
As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.
Hugs,
G

What a wonderful post Kathryn! Very sage advice.
I too am paying all of the expense of the immigration and have borne the economic burden on much else as well as I am the higher earner. I am concerned about those first six months once I get there, and I often, even now, get the feeling that my husband cannot begin to comprehend the emotional and economic cost all of this has created. He has a bad back and so, as well, I do the 7 hour drives each way every two weeks until this process is through. I at times don't think anyone recognizes the toll that takes either LOL.
We did have one serious blow-out in the fall over the "Aren't you lucky to come to wonderful USA" - some from him, but a huge amount from his mother. I'd had enough and blew. I made it perfectly clear the only reason I was coming to the US was to be with my dearest. That, in fact, I was coming from in many respects a far better economic world and a far better world in so many other respects. I love the Americans but at times find their myopia more than a little disturbing LOL.
I think the original poster needs to focus on the "donut and not the hole". You will go through a massive roller-coaster of feelings for at least six months perhaps even a year until you get your sea legs under you. Just remember how precious your love is for each other and remember too he can't possibly understand what you are going through. Post here and get your venting and support with people who do know. Rely on this group to get you through - otherwise you will create impressions with your family and friends, you new family and your husband as well, that will damage or taint your lovely future together.

What a wonderful post Kathryn! Very sage advice.
I too am paying all of the expense of the immigration and have borne the economic burden on much else as well as I am the higher earner. I am concerned about those first six months once I get there, and I often, even now, get the feeling that my husband cannot begin to comprehend the emotional and economic cost all of this has created. He has a bad back and so, as well, I do the 7 hour drives each way every two weeks until this process is through. I at times don't think anyone recognizes the toll that takes either LOL.
We did have one serious blow-out in the fall over the "Aren't you lucky to come to wonderful USA" - some from him, but a huge amount from his mother. I'd had enough and blew. I made it perfectly clear the only reason I was coming to the US was to be with my dearest. That, in fact, I was coming from in many respects a far better economic world and a far better world in so many other respects. I love the Americans but at times find their myopia more than a little disturbing LOL.
I think the original poster needs to focus on the "donut and not the hole". You will go through a massive roller-coaster of feelings for at least six months perhaps even a year until you get your sea legs under you. Just remember how precious your love is for each other and remember too he can't possibly understand what you are going through. Post here and get your venting and support with people who do know. Rely on this group to get you through - otherwise you will create impressions with your family and friends, you new family and your husband as well, that will damage or taint your lovely future together.

What a wonderful post Kathryn! Very sage advice.
I too am paying all of the expense of the immigration and have borne the economic burden on much else as well as I am the higher earner. I am concerned about those first six months once I get there, and I often, even now, get the feeling that my husband cannot begin to comprehend the emotional and economic cost all of this has created. He has a bad back and so, as well, I do the 7 hour drives each way every two weeks until this process is through. I at times don't think anyone recognizes the toll that takes either LOL.
We did have one serious blow-out in the fall over the "Aren't you lucky to come to wonderful USA" - some from him, but a huge amount from his mother. I'd had enough and blew. I made it perfectly clear the only reason I was coming to the US was to be with my dearest. That, in fact, I was coming from in many respects a far better economic world and a far better world in so many other respects. I love the Americans but at times find their myopia more than a little disturbing LOL.
I think the original poster needs to focus on the "donut and not the hole". You will go through a massive roller-coaster of feelings for at least six months perhaps even a year until you get your sea legs under you. Just remember how precious your love is for each other and remember too he can't possibly understand what you are going through. Post here and get your venting and support with people who do know. Rely on this group to get you through - otherwise you will create impressions with your family and friends, you new family and your husband as well, that will damage or taint your lovely future together.

What a wonderful post Kathryn! Very sage advice.
I too am paying all of the expense of the immigration and have borne the economic burden on much else as well as I am the higher earner. I am concerned about those first six months once I get there, and I often, even now, get the feeling that my husband cannot begin to comprehend the emotional and economic cost all of this has created. He has a bad back and so, as well, I do the 7 hour drives each way every two weeks until this process is through. I at times don't think anyone recognizes the toll that takes either LOL.
We did have one serious blow-out in the fall over the "Aren't you lucky to come to wonderful USA" - some from him, but a huge amount from his mother. I'd had enough and blew. I made it perfectly clear the only reason I was coming to the US was to be with my dearest. That, in fact, I was coming from in many respects a far better economic world and a far better world in so many other respects. I love the Americans but at times find their myopia more than a little disturbing LOL.
I think the original poster needs to focus on the "donut and not the hole". You will go through a massive roller-coaster of feelings for at least six months perhaps even a year until you get your sea legs under you. Just remember how precious your love is for each other and remember too he can't possibly understand what you are going through. Post here and get your venting and support with people who do know. Rely on this group to get you through - otherwise you will create impressions with your family and friends, you new family and your husband as well, that will damage or taint your lovely future together.

What a wonderful post Kathryn! Very sage advice.
I too am paying all of the expense of the immigration and have borne the economic burden on much else as well as I am the higher earner. I am concerned about those first six months once I get there, and I often, even now, get the feeling that my husband cannot begin to comprehend the emotional and economic cost all of this has created. He has a bad back and so, as well, I do the 7 hour drives each way every two weeks until this process is through. I at times don't think anyone recognizes the toll that takes either LOL.
We did have one serious blow-out in the fall over the "Aren't you lucky to come to wonderful USA" - some from him, but a huge amount from his mother. I'd had enough and blew. I made it perfectly clear the only reason I was coming to the US was to be with my dearest. That, in fact, I was coming from in many respects a far better economic world and a far better world in so many other respects. I love the Americans but at times find their myopia more than a little disturbing LOL.
I think the original poster needs to focus on the "donut and not the hole". You will go through a massive roller-coaster of feelings for at least six months perhaps even a year until you get your sea legs under you. Just remember how precious your love is for each other and remember too he can't possibly understand what you are going through. Post here and get your venting and support with people who do know. Rely on this group to get you through - otherwise you will create impressions with your family and friends, you new family and your husband as well, that will damage or taint your lovely future together.