UmmSqueakster

Couldn't have said it better myself. Egypt definitly isn't perfect but you won't EVER hear my husband criticize it. Therein lies the difference between many fickle Americans and the spouses we marry from 3rd world countries.

Meh, AbuS criticizes Egypt frequently, because the government is a horrid little nepotistic dictatorship that is running the country into the ground.

We're equal opportunity criticizers.

If you do that excessively in Egypt or other places you get arrested on the spot. Try doing the things in mena that are allowed here and you will see how long you would last

Um, yeah duh. That's why we live in the US. We appreciate the freedoms being a citizen gives us, and we enjoy exercising them freely.

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?

He generally doesn't sit in front of the TV, unless it's some history documentary on PBS. He sits in front of the computer and watches egyptian political talk shows.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

Nothing, lettuce straight up

3. What's one food he doesn't like?

Not a big fan of italian, sadly

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?

water

5. Where did he go to high school?

El-Sadat El-Thanawaya Baneen

6. What size shoe does he wear?

9.5

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

nothing.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

tuna

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

apples

10. What is his favorite cereal?

doesn't eat cereal, prefers ful

11. What would he never wear?

a galabiya in public, sadly

12. What is his favorite sports team?

Al-Ahly

13. Who did he vote for?

All democrats, all the time (due to my fabulous brain washing)

14. Who is his best friend?

Aside from me, Yousrey

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?

Be so fastidious over details

16. What is his heritage?

Egyptian

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

cheesecake. lots and lots of cheesecake

18. Did he play sports in high school?

Football, aka soccer

19. What could he spend hours doing?

watching egyptian political talk shoes

20. What is one unique talent he has?

the ability to survive on only apples and tuna

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Some do require you purchase a text, and a donation would be nice. Register soon, as some classes have already started!

You know what I love about america? The fact that we're allowed to disagree with the government line, and generally talk smack about policies we don't like.

Also, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Never ceases to amaze AbuS that they're allowed to say what they say about the gov'ment.

Ah old posts, old memories, good times.

Still don't have a bidet, still have the same ol watering can/lota in the bathroom.

regardless of any circumstances, it is utterly absurd to proclaim "the decision to hijab or not hijab is an even bigger one" than one's decision to convert to islam. as a muslim, i find saying such a thing downright blasphemous.

Perhaps she meant that when one takes the shahada, it's not immediately obvious to everyone around them that they have embraced islam. But, when one dons hijab, it's like a big ol neon sign that says, hey, I'm a muslim, so you're subjected to scrutiny by your friends, neighbors and random strangers on the street. Reconciling oneself with islam is one's own struggle, but dealing with people's judgments adds additional stress.

I just cannot understand why so many Muslim people feeling the guilt of so called being abused or targeted by others in a country that accepts all religion practices.

Yes' date=' we have a country that allows us the freedom to practice our faith, alhamdulilah, but that doesn't mean that everyone upholds those ideals. Having experienced discrimination and having been physically targeted, I can assure you that there is nothing "so called" about these behaviors. I'm very lucky to live in a large metro area that has a lot of muslims, but there are still bigots out there who feel that it's their right to verbally and physically harrass us.

I'd like to reference this little rant by the Republican candidate for governor of New York from NPR on Wednesday:

Mr. PALADINO: Oh, well, that's just wonderful. And we think it's great for Mr. Cuomo to have Mr. Bloomberg, who sides with him on the mosque issue. I mean, these guys are in another world. They're not standing up for the rights of the American people and the rights of the people of the state of New York. They're not protecting the honor of our soldiers and the honor of our fallen.

Three thousand people died at ground zero. Their families are entitled to a little bit of respect, to respect the memory of those poor people that died there. And how about the families of all those soldiers that died in the two ensuing wars? Aren't they entitled to a little bit of respect - the kids, the wives, the parents?

How sad is that when your public officials only think about politics and make an excuse that it's freedom of religion? How sad is that? And Mr. Bloomberg and Mr. Cuomo, they deserve each other.

From which I get that muslim americans are in fact not americans and do not have rights. Or that the rights of non muslim americans supercede the rights of muslim americans. This isn't to open up a whole nother discussion on the mosque issue, but rather to point out this sentiment that seems to be rising in american public discource that is hostile to american muslims.

Anna, a few resources for you:

*My list of resources for converts and people interested in islam

*An introduction to islam online course that starts this weekend. Non muslims and new muslims get a 75% discount

*Seeker's Guidance courses - you may enjoy this course on the life of the Prophet (saws). The Seeker's Guidance podcast is also excellent.

*A podcast of lectures by Sh. Hussain Abdul Sattar.

Meh, I'm one who uses certain arabic phrases in english conversation, usually around other muslims. It's just what AbuS and I have always done, so now it's second nature. They're phrases that carry a certain amount of deeper meaning in arabic that an english translation just can't capture in full.

Certain religious phrases span the muslim world. You'll find muslims in indonesia, india, nigeria and everywhere else saying things like Assalamu Alaikum, Alhamdulilah, SubhanAllah and Allahu Akbar, so it's not unusual for english speaking muslims to do so as well.

I've changed how I've dressed over the years, but I think that is more of a function of graduating from college and moving from jeans and long sleeve tshirts (with a scarf on top) to more business appropriate attire like dress skirts and button down shirts (with a scarf on top) than being married to an Egyptian. My post college wardrobe is almost completely taken from Shukr, to get a sense of my "style" (ha, as if I had a sense of style). It's hijabi western

If you feel you want to dress a certain way, do it for the sake of Allah (swt) and not any man. Not saying that that's what you're doing, but that's what you'll be accused of If you want to wear abayas, go for it. If you want to wear shalwar kameez, go for it. I wear abayas on the weekend, more for function than form. That way, I can just throw it on over my PJs so I don't have to get dressed going to the store Also very easy to throw it on over my workout gear as I leave the gym. I dowear abayas on occasion to the masjid, but don't think it's something that's an absolute requirement.

I got my first shalwar kameez this last Ramadan. I haven't worn them up until now because I feel like a big gori (aka white girl) poser. Still felt like a big gori poser but I didn't care because it was so pretty I actually did a culture mash up and wore it for eid with my hoodie jedi abaya partially unbuttoned over it so all the pretty sparklies could show. It would have been even more awesome if I had managed to find some matching lime green chucks, but alas, I have yet to convince AbuS that I need fluorescent chucks in orange, pink and green.

As you get more involved in the american muslim community, you'll come across a number of american converts married to men from overseas, and in general, I think quite a few do adopt (at least partially) the dress of their husband's home country. Not making any sort of value judgment, just making an observation. I didn't even really think of it until I found another euro-american convert wearing a west african kaftan set and another wearing traditional somali garb (a long khimar and skirt). I was like, woh, what are they wearing? But then, it isn't any more unusual than my abaya collection.

If you ever want to chat, you can reach me via my blog, since I'm not on VJ very often anymore.

Assalamu alaikum wr wb,

They're either going to be po-ed at your now, or po-ed at you later, so why not get it over sooner rather than later?

I'm one who didn't tell my parents about my conversion for fear of their reaction. But, they suspected something, snooped in my email, found out and we had a huge blow out confrontation. It's different for everybody, but I think in my case, if I had been more open and honest, things wouldn't have been so rough for me religion and marriage wise. I've been a muslim for almost a decade, and this is the first Ramadan my mother isn't actively discouraging me from fasting. It's also the first Ramadan that they're aware of it and taking an active interest - they found an article about Husain Abdullah, the Minnesota Vikings player who is fasting for Ramadan and shared it with me, which I thought was very sweet. Alhamdulilah.

If you can't bear to face them in person, write a letter and send it to the people you think will be most bothered. Emphasize you're not rejecting them, and that you will still always love and care for them. Lay everything out and invite only polite discussion and questions. Don't get into debates, and just say, yes, I'm muslim, alhamdulilah, and that's all there is to it.

A free coming up event:

No one? Guess we'll be the pioneers then

2 different start dates for Ramadan are not unusual here in the US, as we have no central religious authority to dictate these things. People follow any number of ways to determine the beginning of the month.

Those who started on Wednesday did so because the calculations told them to, or because they relied on the (faulty) supposed sighting of the moon in Saudi Arabia (where it wasn't humanly possible to be seen, but someone they managed).

Those who started on Thursday either waited for a true sighting of the moon anywhere in the world, or waited to see it in the US.

Both are fine, and par for the course here. No matter how many proclamations and conferences and discussions we have on this issue, the american muslim ummah is unlikely to ever start Ramadan on the same day.

Any old peeps in the house? Has anyone's SO successfully apply for a tourist visa to come and visit him here in the US?

AbuS' friend is a well establish dentist who owns his own clinic, is married and has 2 young children. What else would be good for him to do to show that he has ties to Egypt and doesn't intend to immigrate?

And what can we do on our side here to help?

It did it again. It's snuck up on us and it's almost here. Ramadan, that is. Rajab begins in roughly a week and a half. Shaban follows. And then before you know it, it's Ramadan!

I've often heard that the sahaba would prepare for Ramadan six months ahead of time (although I don't know the source, anyone?) While we're a little bit past the 6 month mark, don't let the opportunity to ready yourself for the most noble and generous of months pass slip away!

So what can you do? Here are some thoughts:

• Read Qur'an! If you don't already read some every day, start with 5 minutes, then add a minute with each passing week. If you already do (alhamdulilah), add more time with the Book of Allah (swt).
• Pray! If your salat aren't in order, get them there! Recite longer surahs, and add sunna and nafila salats, so that you are ready to tackle taraweh when it arrives.
• Fast! If you have days that you missed last Ramadan and have not yet made up, no time like the present to start. The days are getting longer and hotter (at least up here in the northern hemisphere). If you can fast now (and on the longest day of the year, around June 21), inshaAllah fasting in August won't seem all that bad.
• Watch what you eat! Don't take the Squeakster's advice. There's no need to bulk up ahead of Ramadan. In fact, now would be an excellent time to implement this advice from the Prophet (saws), "Nothing is worse than a person who fills his stomach. It should be enough for the son of Adam to have a few bites to satisfy his hunger. If he wishes more, it should be: One-third for his food, one-third for his liquids, and one-third for his breath (Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).
• Fiqh fiqh fiqh! Brush up on the fiqh of fasting, so you aren't running to the books to find out if you accidentally broke your fast. Hanafi, Shafi'i, Maliki, Fiqh of Fasting in Details (all 4 madhabs), Fiqh-us-Sunnah (general).
• Repent! This is something we should be doing every day anyways, so why not get in the habit now? Ramadan is a month of forgiveness, and the Prophet (saws) told us that "Whoever observes fast during the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, all his past sins will be forgiven." (Bukhari). A key and integral part of forgiveness is the repentance, so check yourself, check your intentions, and check your actions, past and present. If you see sin, seek Allah (swt)'s forgiveness.
• Plan! Ramadan is a mere 29 or 30 days. Every hour, every minute, every second counts. How will you spend your time? In front of the TV? Making extravagant meals for iftar? Cleaning the house for guests? Working overtime at work? If you don't plan ahead, you may wake up on the morning and eid and realize that you didn't accomplish anything.
• Make the most of Rajab and Shaban! Lots of awesome things to do and many awesome rewards to reach for in these months. Don't miss em
• Get excited! Seriously, jump up and down right now and do a little woot woot. Ramadan is coming, you should be psyched!

Guess that didn't go over well

15% discount on Seeker's Guidance Courses if you register by tomorrow inshaAllah

I'm thinking about taking something. Either the Shafi'i fiqh of worship class or Marvels of the Heart

Ok you go first. LOL

The point was so that I wasn't the only one contributing

On a tangent, I can't wait to listen to this interview with Imam Zaid about the spirit of marriage. I think it will be our family discussion time topic this weekend

http://www.illumemag.com/magazine/publish/180/marriage-a-beginner-s-guide.php

Let's get some audience participation here.

Recommend a book that has benefited you deen-wise, and tell us how it's influenced you.

AbuS checked "other" and wrote in arab.

There's a campaign in the arab american community to do just that - http://www.newsweek.com/id/234325. Not that it matters, apparently, but maybe if enough people persist, next time it will be changed - http://news.newamericamedia.org/news/view_article.html?article_id=87932e5f600086f93be8b029e4a6ff40

It seems rather silly to me that he's considered part of the powerful majority - a white, middle class male - when he's experienced discrimination based on his skin color.

The Ethics of Chivalry

Islam is not a religion of empty laws and strictures but one which points towards a higher ethical order.

In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fiancée was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness.

The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife.

From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur’an, “Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.”(29:45)

The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, “One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasise that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings.

This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one’s spouse.

These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter –slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters’ minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children.

Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons?

A related question would be, “Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?” Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times – even though such societies are rapidly disappearing.

Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband’s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure “real” Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community.

Again, we can ask ourselves, “To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?” Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation.

Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a “non-profit” organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salama had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community.

Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to colour. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin colour. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a “colourblind” community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ.

God has stated that the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin. (49:13) The Prophet reminded us that God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds. (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin colour and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance?

Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, “The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God’s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.” (9:71)

Currently stuck in my head:

Currently listening to Realizing the Goals through the Means. Good stuff, one of my top 2 favorite islamic themed podcasts.

A lot has been posted, but the issue at hand really is this - what are the bare minimum requirements to make a valid marriage contract in islam? 12 points were in numerated, but I don't see anything in any of them that prove that registering your marriage is a fard in terms of a valid marriage contract. You so kindly posted it actually:

Marriage in Islam is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability.

Valid marriage has to meet certain requirements such as ishhar (announcement), the payment of the dower, the consent of both parties, the permission of the wali (woman’s guardian), and the presence of witnesses.

Registering the contract is all well and good, and an excellent protection for women. I don't dispute that. Everyone should register their marriage to gain protection under the law. But does that make it a fard, an integral part of the marriage contract, without which the contract is invalid? Is a marriage not valid until it's duly registered with the state? You state that it isn't, but don't state any evidence.

I'm comfortable with my decisions, and from here on out, won't let myself be goaded into defending them to anonymous people on a message board.

Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatuAllahi wa Barakatu.

I'm not a scholar. I don't think I've ever claimed to be a scholar. To claim that scholarship is poor and stale based on the words of this poor faqir is like claiming that the state of classical music is in decline based on the winter recital of a 6th grade orchestra scratching out Beethoven.

From my basic understanding, a, b, c and d are what the prophetic sunnah requires to make a valid nikah. These requirements are a fard. Some people it seems, want to add x y and z requirements to these fards. At best, these additional requirements could be considered something mustahab, highly recommended, to be done when one gets married. But on what authority should they be raised to the level of wajib? And how is it that these new requirements somehow invalidate a contract that is considered valid according to the 4 madhabs?

I'd liken it to a contract in the american system. One needs an agreement and consideration in order for the contract to be considered legally valid (in addition to the legal competancy of either party and for the contract not to be for an illegal act, etc etc). The contract does not need to be in writing for it to be legally valid or enforcable. Is it recommended to put it in writing? Sure. But the fact that it isn't in writing doesn't make it invalid.

If the basics of the contract are fulfilled, but not the extras, the contract is still valid.

Girlfriend, I am trying to send you a message empty your mailbox please some?

Email me. I can't figure out what pm-s to delete anymore, so I'm just letting it sit full, ha.