Olya is a single mom, and medical school graduate. Never married.
(...the boyfriend told her, to NOT have the baby - then left her! ...i'm the first man she's truly trusted since.)
i've been a single father (with full custody), for the past 10 years.
i applied for a K1 last year - a (part-Korean) Russian, who after i sent her money for fees, etc., disappeared !
Later, a long-time Russian doctor friend (brilliant forensic pathologist), said to avoid dating websites. That i should meet a "real" Russian lady, from a good wholesome family. And told me about Olya.
Thinking, "why not?"...
I wrote Olya on 11 Feb.
First Skype talk 12 Feb.
And, by 17 Feb. ( despite BOTH of us, having major "trust" insecurities.),
Olya admitted she loved me at "first sight", and wanted to marry me!
...Now Olya is 29, smart, educated, and beautiful.
I'm 51 and nothing special. just an honest decent guy, and a good father.
So i -seriously- asked my Doctor friend, if Olya had a history of being "impulsive" (or crazy!).
The Doctor said no, she has always been very careful, very mature and meticulous.
(accountant / pharmacist type).
And, I'm a methodical programmer type.
Yet i had secretly felt the same!
So next, I wrote to her Father, asking for his Blessing for the marriage.
4 weeks later, i was in Russia.
On 1 April, we had a Betrothal ceremony.
Her Uncle (who should drive in NASCAR!),
was MY "representative",
to vouch for me to her Parents. and her PARENTS purchased our rings! )
On 11 April, we mailed our 129 package to Texas.
NOA2 on 19 August.
The boy the "boyfriend" didn't want (now 5) has never called anyone "Father" but me. and OUR son's, call each other "brother".
God-Willing, OUR sons will be in costume together for Halloween this October...
(i can dream, right?)
- - -
...well, my dream came true. our sons DID have a wonderful Halloween Holiday together. ...and Olya was beautiful in the fairy costume i gave her...
(but it was 3 days after, she told me she was returning to Russia. which she did, the very next day. the day that was supposed to be our wedding day...
A lesson in bad communications.
and, i am NOT blaming Olya.
i accept ALL the blame!
- - -
i had all i desired in life - my wife Olya, and our 2 sons. Olya wrote:
"Monday, October 3, 2011 9:15 AM
Today I thought about you all day! I miss you .....
I never cease to thank God for that I met you! You are very tender, affectionate and caring. No one for me so did not care .... like you! I am very grateful to you for your love and care!! I'll be with you while you want it ..."
= = =
She laughed about homesickness in USA. she said it woudn't be a problem for her.
Olga: ----- I do not want to be alone! I want to be with you! I will not leave you in 2 years and 20 years later! (Hug)
We were wrong. she cried for the 1st 2 days. I gave gifts, i cooked and cleaned, i slept alone.
i did all i could. but i am sorry, obviously, i didn't give her, what she needed. i'm sorry.
= = =
I thought i was being respectful, leaving her to talk to her parents.
i hoped she would talk to me, especially after she was crying.
i continued to give gifts, and cook and clean for her...
After 2 days, she said she was returning to Russia.
...i was hurt. i admit i complained about all my child and i sacrificed.
instead, i should have tried harder to get her to talk to me, and tell me what the problem was.
...and, in the next week, when she changed her mind many times (including after she asked me
to still take her to vacation in Ocean City, which i did...), i should have done... something.
instead of simply continuing to give gifts, sleep alone, and cook and clean for them.
...and after she returned to Russia, and said she was sorry and made mistake, and wanted to marry me,
i should have sent her, the new computer that was her wedding gift, for after we were married.
(yes. she actually asked me, to send the new computer to her, in Russia.)
= = =
and when she accused me, of wanting her money (she has none, and after i borrowed $8000 at 23%,
risking what i needed for my child, because i believed her promises, including to God himself, that she would never leave...)
"No ... I do not do it .... I promised you and God. You are special. I want you to believe! (H)"
and of having other women (when i didn't even have sex with Olya before marriage, to prove i could be trusted, and show my respect for her, and for holy matrimony), i should have... done something.
I know most here, will never have such problems. but, i hope some can learn from this,
and improve your own communications.
I should have insisted we talk more, and discuss potential problems more. instead of accepting this out of love, when she month after month, didn't have time to talk to me:
"Olga: Will you forgive me? , (I promise to answer all your questions and letters I have left unanswered during these months ...."
i trusted too much. and i rushed too much. i should have gotten to know her, a lot better first.
i apologize most, to my child, who loved Olya and Matvey very much.
...i am sorry Olya misunderstood my respect, for uncaring. i did, and still do, love her,
and wish her the best.
Good luck to all !
= = =
wow, was i ever wrong !!!
"Olga: .... I quickly disappointed in the men and they grew did not interest me." (she left me after 8...)
= = =
...after she left me, and returned to Russia, she actually asked me to send the laptop (wedding gift) to Russia.
then i told her of another wedding gift. 5.2 acres of land near D.C.
(i even sent her a copy of the contract offering $1.16 MILLION for it.)
= = =
Olya then wrote:
"Ольга: You should try to stop me is still there
Your grand plans you had to tell me before coming to America !"
= = =
(so, her love couldn't overcome immature homesickness,
but $1.16M could?)
- - -
on 2 Nov, AND 7 Nov, she said she was sorry, and made mistake, and asked to return to USA as wife.
but suddenly after that, she refused to talk. like an immature child. She even blocked my CHILD'S Skype account!
(and i had said nothing bad in my profile. only spoke of love and forgiveness, and making plans to bring her back to USA quickly.)
yet she continues to immaturely send emails calling me "liar", without any specifics.
(i should have gotten a clue, when before she came, she wrote this:
[10/5/2011 12:01:02 PM] Балабанова Ольга: yes ... I want you to call me every day before I sleep ... and telling a story as for little girls!
...believe me, i wanted a mature wife. not an immature daughter !!!
so, i gave up hope, and went back to my old Russian dating site. (which i did NOT meet Olya on!).
she then sent me this beautiful rose e-card, with a nasty message saying i would never find a wife!
- - -
then, she followed me to MY dating site, and made a fake profile there !!!
(even put the age of her child wrong, and made a photo with orange hair - she knows i hate orange),
and then SHE complained to the manager about my profile!
(i was very nice in it! i only said i returned to the site because it didn't work out, because Olya was homesick, and had always lived with her Parents.)
then, she wrote yet another nasty email to me, condemning me for looking for a new wife so soon (2 months!), instead of continuing to love her ?!? ...that, is simply insane. ...i think, i am lucky she left.
i just regret the lost $8000, that i needed for MY child, and only spent it, because i believed her beautiful words, and because i trusted her solemn sacred promise to God...
i DO forgive her. i hope she grows up, and has a happy life, and finds a good Father for Matvey. (he needs one!).
= = =
...and again, i hope that at least someone can learn, from my mistakes. paperwork is the easy part of a true loving lasting marriage...
- - -