Rufus2012

pushbrk is one of the most experienced members on this site. while you may not like what he said, older and wiser members wouldn't bet against his advice.
while you may not like negative feedback, it can be challenged and discussed in open forum. just because one may post something you may not want to hear, it's not worth notifying the moderation team.

Secure your assets, get a lawyer and divorce her asap. If you have proof of her affair and it was legally obtained, keep it in your back pocket in case the divorce goes to court - even in no fault states, judges are human and things like affairs will influence their rulings.
Feel free to rat her out to immigration, but I think that with a 3.5 year marriage, she can probably squeak out of any major troubles. Besides, every minute you waste on it is one less minute of your life, one less minute where you could be looking for someone else.

no, i wont know what is up... could you explain please??

I read the entire soap opera and I will say what I have to say. If you think I'm being judgemental or worse... go ahead.
This whole ####### pisses me off beyond understanding and I'll tell you why. When the "guess the country he is from" started, roughly after page 5, MENA/ muslim countries were the first on the list. I went thru all legal avenues to get my fiancee, from Egypt, approved. The main reason we did is because we love each other genuinely and we want to get married. There was no need for third parties or marriage brokers. I proceeded with caution, later to find out, he was proceeding with caution too. And that was a relief, I must say.
All this said, the first question that comes to my mind is, why on earth is a 22 year old involved with marriage brokers and other immigration workers (putting it lightly)? BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MIGRATE! If a 19 year old blonde hottie came to his life thru a marriage broker, HE SOLICITED HER (or at least someone to marry for immigration purposes). The 3rd party didn't put a gun on his head, neither did she, to marry her. So, the victim story is b#$%^&*t. There, I said it.
The second question that comes to my mind is, why on earth this story is full of patches to victimize himself and minimize his involvement, including to the extent of claiming drug usage... and what not? Because he knows he is guilty of fraud. If you are in the country and you are a victim, you call the police and build a case. You do not divorce and find a new wife, who I will dare to call a new victim.
I am not apologizing telling it like it is. If I sound harsh, so be it. But like the previous poster, I have 0 tolerance for #######, and that goes on both ends: the USC and the immigrant. Like the 99% of us here, we do things right and some of us, even so, get denied.
So to the "victim": stop dancing around the truth and tell it like it is, or start looking for another war zone to live in.

I don't know whether you're telling the truth here. Your story is all over the place and it seems that you struggle in explaining it, which makes people suspicious. This may be an even more important reason for you to get a lawyer. A CO has minutes to make a decision, and if you come across as scattered as your posts are, it's not going to help you. I'm not trying to insult you here, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, but when you have a controversial case like yours, you absolutely need to be clear in how you communicate it (and of course honest). Get professional help, or that money you spend on a visa is likely going down the drain.

I'd agree that there is sometimes a holier than thou attitude on this board, but welcome to the internet. You have to account for the fact that a lot of people here are under a great deal of stress dealing with this process, and someone who has circumvented it in the past is likely to trigger a visceral response. If you want to be understanding and non-judgmental, you have to apply that same thinking towards those who speak out about what they consider to be bad behavior. Either judge everybody, or no one.
I also think there is some value to the holier than thou posts. Many folks who have posted something that has triggered this kind of response lack a certain degree of self-awareness, and having some feedback on how they or their case is perceived can be instructive when dealing with consular officials.

How sure are we that this person is not trying to get us to help him to commit another fraud? He lied to a CO thats why he was denied.
When I have a 2yr old daughter at home and have to be finding evidence of a 4 yr old relationship so that my daughter can have her father in her life every single day I am not gonna help someone who went through the wrong tunnel find his way to the right one. He should have done things legally like everyone else... If his new relationship is real be honest on every single application. Don't lie. That's what got you where you are right now. If you are honest then everything will work out for the best

The answer strongly depends on which consulate you're dealing with. If this were Ecuador and you weren't on the premises, denial of the visa would be almost guaranteed.
Read the reviews and the Embassy Info for YOUR consulate, paying attention to the very worst stories, and that will suggest your answer. Furthermore, see what insights may be in the Latin American regional subforum.
The above said, it NEVER hurts and ALWAYS helps if the USC is on the consular premises during the FIRST interview. Handing the U.S. passport to the beneficiary to show the consul can score big points, and even turn what might have been a borderline or hairy interview into a successful one.

You may not like me for saying this...but I believe you are having a pity party. I am not a man. I am a mother of 4 children, recently remarried. I do not have a degree. I do not receive child support nor do I receive any financial assistance from my new husband...You and I are the same age. I do not need a co-sponsor to get my husband's visa approved.
Ever heard the saying, "Where there is a will, there is a way?" or "Your thoughts create your reality." or "Get out of your head!"
If you managed to remain at one company for 7 years, then surely you have the skills that are required to find work with a similar salary. Now, here comes my advice...
Take a jog, long walk, ride a bike, take a long hike, or anything else that will get you out of your head and in mother nature. Don't think of anything. Just move. If you find your mind going there...redirect it to looking at what your surroundings are. Enjoy the scenery and perhaps, think of what you are looking at in a different way.
You need to change your prospective. Ask yourself what you want most. If it is truly your fiance, then you will find a way. Be aware of your excuses. Recognize your doubts and how you may create excuses to avoid the ever dreaded "Fear" of failure. Don't drink alcohol (it is a major depressant). Work on your health.
Surely you can do whatever it is that your heart desires...

http://www.visajourney.com/search/index.php?cx=007424365766759747816%3Auy9flr-th5y&cof=FORID%3A10&q=DUI%22s%2FRFE&sa=Search
you might want to search this link to 'other posts regarding the same issue' that you are asking about.
________
AZ: "DUI's are not an issue because it is not a crime of moral turptitude".... Would you like to go a few rounds with a handful of MADD Mothers over this question? And, since the OP is from another country, it would be helpful to her, if the word was spelled correctly. turpitudes.

Lawyers are like doctors, when it's a complicated case, don't be afraid to get a second or third opinion. Just be mindful that immigration law seems to attract a lot of incompetent and dishonest lawyers. I have read recommendations here for good ones, I would search them out.

Congratulations to you, but Manila is not Lima. Every VJ member needs to keep in mind that what happened at their consulate doesn't necessarily mean that it will happen at someone else's consulate. Since this is the case, taking the most conservative, cautious, risk-averse approach is typically most prudent.

Stop calling. They are call center operators not USCIS agents and they have no information other than what is in a 14 answer menu. You are wasting your time. USCIS does not do business by phone.
Continuing to cll will just incrase your frustration. This is not UPS or Fedex, they do not care, they do not have to, you have no other option. Them's the facts

Here is where you went wrong... You were under the mistaken impression that you were calling an agency that cared about customer service or respected it's customers.

No offense vacrimefighter, but you sound a bit defensive, having made up your mind about a prenup based on the bitterness of what befell you in the past. Marriage is about trust, you trusted your past wife and she took advantage of that (based on what you've said), but that is no reason to apply that same mistrust to the woman you are choosing to marry. Love cannot exist without trust. If you have even a shred of doubt that this woman whom you profess love for, whom you want to share the rest of your life with, is a person who will take you for everything you have and deny your children safety and financial security after you are gone, why even bother getting married? Yes, planning for the future in all that, yes, being safe because you never know etc. But then why get married? Why not have a girlfriend, someone to spend time with but that you can keep at arms length. You keep saying you love her, but I just can't understand loving someone and having even a tiny lingering thought that they may be dishonest with you or planning to leave you.
To me a prenup in the 'foreign spouse' type way, suggested by the petitioner, seems IN MY OPINION almost like marital slavery. Picture this, you don't have a lot of money, you have known a man for about a year, who speaks a different language than your native tongue, who has a culture far different from your own. You know him from visits but not the day to day life as roommates, getting to know each others quirks and seeing flaws as they emerge naturally over the course of being in constant close quarters. So you arrive in the US, a completely new and strange place to you, living with a man whom you love but know nothing about how he lives at home, far away from all your family and friends and everything familiar to you. He has everything and wants a prenup, you sign it because your in love and he won't marry without one. Time passes. You find maybe that he wasn't everything you thought. You find that the two of you are incompatible in ways you never thought of, because living together as husband and wife are completely different than the romance of visits. Maybe its not his fault, maybe its just what happens, people discover they aren't right for each other because we are all only human. But then, what if she wants out. Divorce is expensive, and not everyone can afford it. Depending on how a prenup is worded, and if people are savvy enough to weedle in the right conditions, such a thing could leave someone trapped in a loveless marriage. What if the man has children with her, and it doesn't work out? Staying together for the kids and the security is a bad idea, trust me. All it does is create an environment of misery, bitterness, and disappointment of what could have been.
Obviously this scenario is worst case, and prenups aren't totally at fault. But the attitude is. To me if you're going into it with the lingering bitterness from what was in your past, then you need to do some introspection, have some premarital counselling, something that will help you let go. I was never married, but I did have a long term relationship that ended badly. I know what its like to harbor bitter feelings because of an ex, and feel as though its hard to trust anyone new. But after working on myself a lot, and with my current man's careful gentleness and him weathering my flare ups of fear at trusting, I came through, and now I'm ready to get married because that hole was healed with love.
Am I saying don't get a prenup? NO. Like you said, some people it's a good idea. Just make sure its for the right reason and don't make your fiancee pay for what someone else did to you in the past. Make sure there is a mutual respect and that you talk about it with her a lot and fairly, not just 'this is what we're doing and thats that.' Marriage is give and take after all.
As for me, I'm obvs not getting one. I don't own any property and neither does he. This is both our first marriages and we don't have kids. So its totes obvious that we don't 'need' one anyway. But even if I was filthy rich or forsaw myself becoming that way, I wouldn't sign one because basically I don't care about money. We love each other, and I know that even if I was rich, and even if things wen sour one day, we both have a mutual respect for each other and would make sure everything was done fairly. We would both grieve if the marriage died, and wouldn't be spiteful to each other with respect to the love we had, and the possible kids we would have. SO In my OPINION if someone really loves someone and respects them, even if things go sour they wouldn't spitefully seek to ruin them. And if they do, then they never loved them at all. That's why people should do some deep talking and soul searching BEFORE they get married.
(Also, not trying to flame anyone here, I just think this whole sort of discussion rather sad )

I paid dearly for my divorce. But a funny thing happened when those assets which my ex stole from me (yes, it was theft, state sanctioned, but theft nonethless) actually transferred to her account. I realized that it was all just numbers on a screen. I was still me, I still had a roof over my head, I had food in my stomach, I had my friends, and in the end, I was back to where I was financially after a year or so. And I was free of her. That was worth far more than what she got in dollars.
People should do whatever suits them, but to me, there's something poisonous if you go into the relationship with plans for how it should end. No pre-nup for me.

I understand that, my point is that a will is something that eventually will be invoked. A prenup is not - there is no certainty in divorce.
Again, I don't judge people on this matter, I can certainly accept the logical arguments, especially in a litigious society. However, it's somewhat disheartening reading this thread - where's the optimism and the hope that it will last forever? I do wonder, as another poster suggested, whether this kind of thinking predisposes one to divorce or correlates with a greater likelihood of divorce?

We make wills because it is certain we will die.

We make wills because it is certain we will die.

Well, I don't like the idea of a Prenup Agreement. I'll tell you why.
First of all, 99% of all those that agree are Americans or the Petitioners. OH YES, I Want To Marry Her Alright. But ? What if she finds out I'm really a Jerk later? Will she own half of me ? Petitioners, IF YOUR SO SMART. You want that Woman but you have DOUBTS. That makes you an IDIOT to Get Married.
So, what you do is talk her into a binding relationship with a Prenup Clause which tells her she is stranded and will leave with the same clothes she came with. BEFORE THE MARRIDGE. Screw You is what I would Say.
I Have seen so many positions of beneficiaries reporting abuse/forced sex etc. And the Petitioner has a Prenup. .
To members I seen post: I been threw the Ropes and will never do it again. Well, don't get Married.
Fact of the matter is: Know your Spouse. Not your second brain.
A Prenup is basically a legal option to split and keeps your assets. TELL ME, IS THIS THE CASE WITH THE MAJORITY OF OVERSEAS Spouses/Fiancee's.. No its not.
To the Replies that agreed to the Prenup. You should have never Married. But, I be willing to bet that over half of you that agreed to this post never asked for a Prenup.
Thats my thought

Or worse, formalizes in a legal document the dominance of one spouse over the other.

I know now a days it makes a lot of sense to have a prenup. But I cannot get over the above statement. To me this says loud and clear "I care about my stuff and my money more than you." Which in my mind does not fit the definition of love that I know and believe. And so I could never ever even think about doing a prenup. I want to give my all and everything I have to my marriage. And if it doesn't work out and I still have stuff, then I didn't give it my all.
That being said, I know not everyone view love and marriage like I do. So I will never judge anyone that gets one, especially when dealing with legal issues with immigration, second marriages etc. Like I said, from a purely logical point of view it totally makes sense. Marriage is what doesn't make sense.. : p
Best bet is to check with a lawyer to help you write one up I would say. They know what they're doing. And yes, pretty much anything can be on a prenup: cheating, etc. I've even read about ones where there are consequences for the woman gaining too much weight...

If she doesn't sign the prenup, she doesn't get to marry, and she loses her opportunity to escape poverty. Easy case.

I agree DIFFERENT world and different cultures. DIFFERENT VALUES, that is what I fell in love with my current bride to be. Some People in the USA has lost their morle compass "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."

We make wills because it is certain we will die.