
AmyWrites
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Posts posted by AmyWrites
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No Marina? I know an insane number of Marina's in Moscow.
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I'm not Russian and hate ice. Talk about diluting drinks.
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I have to agree with eekee. They have few choices here, but I don't see how it would be a vast improvement.
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So you're diagnosing her with various psych conditions, you're talking to your ex's... and you expect her to lay every night spread eagle on your bed? You're surprised she got violent?
It sounds to me like your brought her here as for a housemaid/housewh*re. Give her some time. She's in a new country, and as a girl who moved to a Russia, it's REALLY DIFFICULT, AND DIFFERENT. It's completely selfish of you to expect her to be farting rainbows in happiness and joy while not only is she in a new country, she came here for YOU, and you don't seem to be too eager to marry her!
That being said, while RUB people are cold (hey, I'm Hispanic, so, anything short of 24/7 hugs is cold to me), they are pretty warm and affectionate to people they care about, and sleeping alone if married/in a relationship is downright absurd to them. When my Russian guy and I have argued, even if we're still angry at each other, sleeping in different rooms is still out of the question.
It seems to be like she's utterly terrified of this new situation, and you're not helping her at all. Forget shopping and sex. Talk to her, hug her. Be there for her.
You said you don't know her too well... unfortunately, you decided to file for a K-1 anyway. Imagine how she feels, being brought her on a K-1, under the idea that you loved her and would marry her, and now you're not sure? She might be manipulating you through sex, but if a man did that whole rollercoaster with me, I'd be worse. Then again her rushing into marriage sounds like she just wants a GC.
Either way, I think you're both in a bad, but mutually beneficial relationship: you get sex from someone attractive and someone who cleans, and she gets her GC, because frankly, it sounds like there neither of you particularly care much less love each other. So break up before it's too late, or accept a love less marriage. Forget blaming someone, it's just the fact that you two don't love each other, and rushed into this process.
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I find her inspiring also, in many ways. She is thinking a couple different ideas for a doctorate but one is in Education
She was actually thinking of an advanced degree in medicine or nursing, but it may take a lot of going back since she has all "arts" degrees. She has a meeting with a counselor at UVM next week to see what she would have to do to qualify for a Doctorate of Nursing. (New program at UVM) She worked for a medical journal and took some medical classes to help her with her interpretation business and she has a strong interest in the subject.
Some med schools will take students who have non-science degrees, as long as they've completed a certain requirements (usually a year of bio, chem, etc). She can look into schools like that. I think the Mayo Clinic did this, but it was a loong time ago when I was looking into med schools so I might be wrong. Or eekee's idea is also great.
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What's she contemplating a PhD in?
I love these posts, they're honestly inspiring. I'm in the opposite situation; moved to Russia and trying to become fluent in Russian, but it takes an insane amount of time/work and sometimes it's just frustrating. It's nice to see that it is indeed possible to gain fluency in a language completely different than your own.
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Congrats to Alla. THREE master's?! I hope I can have as many degrees as her one day, nothing sexier than a... well, sexy well educated woman. I haven't met your wife but she certainly deserves a lot of respect and many congrats.
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You did the right thing. You would've married her... and not had the passion and love a marriage needs to grow. It sounds like she liked you, but really not enough to work towards your relationship.
Don't lose hope. You'll find someone who will make your life feel amazing every day, and who will feel the same about you.
And about giving up on a RUB wife... they might be good, but they're not all the same. Like everywhere, you'll have girls who are more spoiled, nicer, sweeter, not so sweet, etc. If you do want to try dating a RUB woman again I suggest you don't send money (therefore, no resentment when she refuses to find a job and so on), and take your time, but move on if you feel maintaining a relationship with her is like a second job.
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Also, I don't have experience in this matter with RUB wives (I'm a woman... and have no kids), but I went through a similar experience with my mom who married a Cuban man when I was a teen. So if you'd like some perspective on it from someone who went through something similar feel free to shoot me a message.
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This isn't about her being from a RUB country, it's about your kids not being happy about a new person in their lives.... a "mail order bride", etc. They'll get over it, but you need to understand where they're coming from (at the same time being firm that you deserve to be happy), and Lena can't go there and demand to be Mom suddenly. It's a gradual process.
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They were actually going to facilitate the visa process between the US and Russia. It was meant to happen this week, but I heard it got postponed till December 25 (yeah, right smack on Christmas when many people travel!). So it's going to happen, the question is when.
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What new visa system? Wasn't that postponed till December 25?
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Yes.
They need it to prove that the person, who writes the letter is (or is going to be) in the US legally.
Ah ok thanks
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Wait you mean a copy of my passport with the letter I'm writing for him?
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So I'm going to write a letter saying we're just visiting my fam and will come back since I live in Moscow, his boss is writing a letter, he's going to show them his passport with visas for previous trips to other Schengen Area countries.... don't know what else to give them. A letter from his parents? A letter from the landlord? Bank statements?
He basically has double or triple the budget he needs for the trip, but I don't know how to "prove" that other than a bank statement.
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I'll definitely keep you all updated. We're getting the docs/proof ready to send this all out within a week or two. It might seem early since the trip is for December but the early bird gets the... visa, I hope.
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That gives me a lot of hope. He's travelled extensively through Europe.
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Soo... we're gonna apply now to (hopefully) visit my folks in December.
I was just wondering, would a letter I write saying he'll stay with me, I live in Moscow, it's just to visit my folks for two weeks, etc, help at all?
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Aw, Russia's not a shithole. Every country on Earth has areas that are shitholes. Doesn't make the ENTIRE country a shithole. Even with the ####### that I've been through here, I'm genuinely happy... wouldn't go back to the US unless it was truly necessary.
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Bah, you're all making me regret this moving to Moscow thing
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I'm just going to tell you what I know given that I'm a USC and I live in Russia with my SO.
It really depends on the city. I live in Moscow. It's difficult as hell... at first especially, the language is a huge issue; you can't live here with just basic Russian. Well, maybe if you're able to afford to live in an expensive area, but anywhere else, no, you'll NEED Russian, at least intermediate level Russian. Outside of the touristy areas or the center or near MGU, finding people who speak/want to speak English is nearly impossible, so asking someone if they go-vo-reeooo po-anglisky (just mocking my own accent) is usually worthless. Granted, I live in a pretty... ehhh... not so good district.
In terms of cost, I call BS that Moscow is expensive; maybe where I'm from is just more expensive, but almost everything (except the rent, granted) is the same or cheaper than in the US. Of course you'll have to leave the touristy areas, which'll make your life more difficult as you'll need that much more Russian to cope.
I don't want to sound all pessimistic, but it's really difficult to make Russian friends here. The attitude towards foreigners is often (maybe 70% of the time for me) distrust, rudeness, or downright hatred, and a hectic city life doesn't provide much opportunity for socialization anyway. It doesn't matter how good your Russian is, you're not Russian, and you never will be. You will always stand out as a foreigner; sometimes, as a foreigner who's been here for years rather than a tourist, but still not a Russian. That will give you problems in terms of making friends, so if you're a very social type it'll be difficult for you. Outside of my SO's friends who have become my friends, I only have two Russian friends.
Other than that, I love it. The public transport (okay, the metro) is efficient and excellent, I feel very safe here, etc. The only big problem I'd tell anyone who plans on moving here is you NEED Russian. It's not an option. Come here with basic Russian and enroll in some Russian courses, but don't just plan to live here with basic or no Russian all your life.
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Where I live in Moscow, there's a McD's right smack next to the metro station. It's ALWAYS full of people. I can walk past there at 3 am, 3 pm, noon, etc, doesn't matter... always packed with people. I'm seeing more and more overweight people here, especially overweight children, and men and women who seem to hit the 35+ mark and just eat until they die. IMHO the younger (I mean older teens and 20 somethings) women seem to be gaining weight more so than the young guys, who I find are usually so thin they look too young. It's not as bad as in the US, but it is a problem that seems to be increasing.
Go to Arbat now... Dunkin Donuts, Wendy's, Starbucks, all that #######. I hate that street; talk about ruining a historic place with crappy American fastfood; I miss American food sometimes but it's not so good when fastfoods plague nearly every street of nearly every capital on the planet. Random note, I nearly died when my SO told me he was taking me to a restaurant with "real Mexican food", and it was Chilli's.
More cars doesn't mean much, I think. At least in Moscow it's hell to drive anywhere, or park, so most people I know take the metro or something during the week and sometimes, during the weekends, use the car for long drives.
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Why do you people even care if he provides for his fiancee or not? It is their business. And why are you so ready to pass judgement? You know nothing about their relationship and already make conclusions. Also a woman is not a dog, you can't practice a "treat" technique. You do what I want and you get a treat. What is it about Russian women that makes you think we can be classified as such?
In response to scams, I can assure you there are plenty of stories about Americans who get a girl to the U.S., use her (in a worst case abuse a person) and then kick her out of the country. THIS IS TWO WAY STREET MY FRIENDS.
Doesn't matter where your partner is from, if it's a long distance relationship or a "normal" one, it's never a good sign that very early in a relationship, they are already leeching off your money.
(Unpopular opinion time) About Russian women being "scammed" by Americans; it's easy... don't sign up on a dating website that specifically promotes RUB women in a negative (as in, submissive, skanky, etc) light. Or do what should be done in all relationships; don't rush into it, get to know the person, visit each other (if possible) more than just once or twice before tying the knot.
I do sincerely hope OP's genuinely in a good relationship and that all ends up perfectly for them both.
Having my Russian boyfriend visit
in Russia, Ukraine and Belarus
Posted
Got the documents ready, we're sending them to an agent who can hopefully arrange this entire thing more easily for us.
So I've worded my letter as:
To whom it concerns:
(His name) will be accompanying me, Amy M, on a holiday to visit my family in the US. As we both live in Moscow, the trip will be for only two weeks. I have enclosed/attached a copy of my passport to prove my US citizenship.
Regards,
Amy M
Meh, I don't want it to sound too "I'm a USC I DESERVE this" blah blah blah, does it come off that way?