And...

[mr_bitten 0]

Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

[monagoz 2]

I would suggest you take a deep breath and wait before you do anything. It may be difficult, but give it a try. I don't know the details of everything that led up to this stage, but sometimes it is always better to give each other space to cool off. That is when we fall back into thinking and reasoning rationally. Do not concern yourself now with what she is doing or who she is with, rather focus your thoughts on the good times both of you shared. Those moments that brought you smile; the happy faces of your children and those intangibles that brought meaning to your life. Those precious moments that both of you shared even in very difficult circumstances and how you pulled through. Believe in your soul that you will survive this also. Trust in your inner small still voice that is saying to you now, "Be still and know that I am God" I will make a way where this is no way.

God bless you and goodluck

[Reba 2]

I wouldn't call ICE just yet. Just wait to see what happens. She may be just lonely and depressed and having a difficult time adjusting to married life here. It happens to the best of us, and if you're getting ready to celebrate holidays, this can be an especially tough time for a lot of people who are away from home and missing family. Tension builds up and stuff gets said and done that is later regretted. Try not to blow it completely out of proportion, but rather try to find out what the actual cause of the blow up is, I'm willing to bet its not really about the Lifetime movie. Get together and talk it out. Seek a counselor if necessary. You've been through the hell of immigration #######, if you both believe in your marriage then this is workable.

[Krikit 1,163]

Wait until the two of you have had some sleep and some time to cool off. Things usually look different in the light of day. It is really difficult for the beneficiary to adjust to a new country and a new life, far far away from everyone they knew and everything they have known. There are bound to be ups and downs, and sometimes the downs get a little overwhelming. Lashing out at the small things usually means that the sadness and frustration has been building for a while. A hug and a few words of comfort and understanding would have gone a long way to preventing the situation from escalating to this point. Give her a call, bring her home, and have a chat. Tell her you understand how frustrated and lonely she must be. Tell her that you love her and that you appreciate her. Then kiss and make up. A successful marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of understanding. Don't throw it away. She is learning to adjust to her whole world being turned upside down. It's going to take some time. I wish you both well.

ETA: I just read Reba's post. Very wise words.

Edited December 18, 2007 by Krikit

[Melyssa 0]

I wouldn't call ICE just yet. Just wait to see what happens. She may be just lonely and depressed and having a difficult time adjusting to married life here. It happens to the best of us, and if you're getting ready to celebrate holidays, this can be an especially tough time for a lot of people who are away from home and missing family. Tension builds up and stuff gets said and done that is later regretted. Try not to blow it completely out of proportion, but rather try to find out what the actual cause of the blow up is, I'm willing to bet its not really about the Lifetime movie. Get together and talk it out. Seek a counselor if necessary. You've been through the hell of immigration #######, if you both believe in your marriage then this is workable.

That's right; I got really homesick a few days ago and couldn't help but cry although I didn't know that that's what it was at first. And I am only from Canada, a short 6 hour drive away compared to many who are a long airplane ride away. And I agree; that sounds odd that she would leave over a 6 year old daughter's movie?

To the OP sorry to hear that your wife left and especially after all you guys had to go through with immigration

Edited December 18, 2007 by Melyssa

[Udella&Wiz 325]

One thing that has been said in each reply here holds true......Allow things to settle, take a deep breathe, try to find something that will keep you preoccupied for an hour - clean the garage or something.

Sounds simplistic, but nothing good ever comes from reacting out of fear or anger..ever, ever... remember that you can't take words back once said.

Like Melyssa above...I am the non USC....and when I'm feeling down and lonely, I have a hard time remembering that it's hard for my husband too. Your wife may be in a mood where she can't think of others right now, but do your best to sympathize and let her know that you understand that it's hard. I can imagine that in her position (no matter how enthusiatic she was before coming here) coming into a home with 2 kids already there (that's the impression I got from your post, correct me if I'm wrong) would be overwhelming some days. Can go great for weeks and then turn into ####### in a day. people have expatations about how 'ideal' life will be and it can be really disappointing when it doesn't go as you plan it.

Hang in there...I hope you two get a chance to talk...go for coffee or something...and try not to immediately pressure her to come back...although that's what you want.

Edited December 18, 2007 by Udella&Wiz

[simple_male 1]

I wouldn't call ICE just yet. Just wait to see what happens. She may be just lonely and depressed and having a difficult time adjusting to married life here. It happens to the best of us, and if you're getting ready to celebrate holidays, this can be an especially tough time for a lot of people who are away from home and missing family. Tension builds up and stuff gets said and done that is later regretted. Try not to blow it completely out of proportion, but rather try to find out what the actual cause of the blow up is, I'm willing to bet its not really about the Lifetime movie. Get together and talk it out. Seek a counselor if necessary. You've been through the hell of immigration #######, if you both believe in your marriage then this is workable.

That's right; I got really homesick a few days ago and couldn't help but cry although I didn't know that that's what it was at first. And I am only from Canada, a short 6 hour drive away compared to many who are a long airplane ride away. And I agree; that sounds odd that she would leave over a 6 year old daughter's movie?

To the OP sorry to hear that your wife left and especially after all you guys had to go through with immigration

Yes, I agree with what all said. I am sure, things will work out, she is just lonely and depressed.

[Sprailenes 47]

This story is sad.

I hope everything works out for you. I really do.

Take everyones advice on here though, these people really help you through hard times. Don't panic, just wait, some things heal over a little bit of time.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

You had a fight... so let it cool off, give her a call and start the line of communication back up. Marriage takes a lot of hard work. We thought the hard part was all this K1, AOS paperwork stuff, but the hardwork was working together I dont know why you'd be calling immigration on her the second you have a fight and she leaves. Maybe she needs sometime to herself for a bit. Sometimes its overwhelming to be put into a new family. Being homesick, lots of tension builds up, and something as small as the DVR recording will put you over the top.

Call her and tell her you love her, you'd be surprised how much those magic words can do. I wish you luck

[Nutty 2]

Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

You mean to say that your immigrant wife left you because your 6 year old daughter didn't record a movie on lifetime network? Or made some mistake in recording a video?

It seems to me a rather extreme move on your wife's part to leave because of the actions of 6 year old.

Are you sure there aren't other issues going on?

I would suggest you meet with your wife in a neutral place (in public, like a restaurant or coffee shop) to discuss what is going on and find out where her mind is at. Then, if things are not reconcilable, notify the USCIS.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I hope you can find a solution to the issues in your relationship --- best of luck

[pushbrk 12,085]

Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

I would definitely wait before doing anything but there's nothing to be gained by notifying USCIS of anything. What would you tell them anyway? They aren't relationship police. She has a green card and you're on the line with the I-864 regardless.

Here's hoping you work things out soon. If not, then things aren't necessarily any different than ending a marriage with a USC.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I agree with everyone. Wait it out and keep the lines of communication open. I wish you all the best.

Keep hope and your love alive.

[Caladan 19]

Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

I would definitely wait before doing anything but there's nothing to be gained by notifying USCIS of anything. What would you tell them anyway? They aren't relationship police. She has a green card and you're on the line with the I-864 regardless.

Here's hoping you work things out soon. If not, then things aren't necessarily any different than ending a marriage with a USC.

Exactly. We should put this in bold. People complain and complain and complain that USCIS dares to 'judge their love', and then once they get here, try to treat it like a delivery service to return defective relationships. What are you going to say? "My wife and I had a fight and I told her to leave so she had some friends come get her will you deport her please?"

I don't know whether the OP's marriage is over, or can be worked out, or if she was just homesick, or if this was all just a silly fight and he's now hoping she doesn't read VJ and see that his first impulse was to call the government. But there's no need to notify USCIS over a fight.

[athena_ny 1]

Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

I would definitely wait before doing anything but there's nothing to be gained by notifying USCIS of anything. What would you tell them anyway? They aren't relationship police. She has a green card and you're on the line with the I-864 regardless.

Here's hoping you work things out soon. If not, then things aren't necessarily any different than ending a marriage with a USC.

Exactly. We should put this in bold. People complain and complain and complain that USCIS dares to 'judge their love', and then once they get here, try to treat it like a delivery service to return defective relationships. What are you going to say? "My wife and I had a fight and I told her to leave so she had some friends come get her will you deport her please?"

I don't know whether the OP's marriage is over, or can be worked out, or if she was just homesick, or if this was all just a silly fight and he's now hoping she doesn't read VJ and see that his first impulse was to call the government. But there's no need to notify USCIS over a fight.

Caladan, I think I love you.

Okay. Not really. But you get it.

People fail to realize that even their spouses are people, and while I am the USC, I moved to Florida to be with my now-husband, and as much as we want to move back North, starting all over in a NEW STATE is hard enough, how dare we think it's so easy to ship someone off to their home country and pretend nothing happened? If my husband went back to Peru, starting over again there would be awesomely difficult, and it's his own damn country!! You can't put a stamp on your spouse's forehead reading RETURN TO SENDER if it doesn't work out.

And yeah, the hypocrisy is astounding. I can't imagine screaming and whining about having your love judged then when it doesn't work out, treating it like an online purchase that can be returned.

It's know if my husband and I were in some rocky waters, my first thought would not be to notify the government.