1001 Questions to ask before marriage

[Jenn! 918]

Question #576: If you and your spouse were facing certain doom, tied and on a plank above a moat filled with alligators, what would you say?

This is all your fault.

Did I get it right?

If only we were both still single.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Question #576: If you and your spouse were facing certain doom, tied and on a plank above a moat filled with alligators, what would you say?

This is all your fault.

Did I get it right?

*buzz* no, the answer we were looking for is "this is all YOUR MOTHER'S fault". But thank you for playing

Saludos,

Caro

Edited December 5, 2007 by JVKn'CVO

[Krikit 1,163]

Question #576: If you and your spouse were facing certain doom, tied and on a plank above a moat filled with alligators, what would you say?

This is all your fault.

Did I get it right?

*buzz* no, the answer we were looking for is "this is all YOUR MOTHER'S faul". But thank you for playing

Saludos,

Caro

[JVKn'CVO 11]

now seriously though, when Justin and I applied for the marriage license we got this little book, titled "when you get married", and it was kind of similar to what the OP was talking about, important issues you should discuss before taking the plunge. I thought it was kind of neat. But Nessa is right, we just talked sooo much while we were apart that we preety much covered everything in the book...and more

Saludos,

Caro

[Chica Yeyé 41]

There is something even better..... it's called "DO you know your wife/husband"???? It's the most hilarious gift I've ever given Dr. B. You get them at joke stores and the like: I kid you not, it was/is funny. And yup, I won. Apparently I'm nosey and know Bren way too well

Back to the original book:

Question #23445 to 23447: Name 2 childhood friends, why don't they speak to each othe anymore, and what was the name of the teacher your spouse had a crush on???????????

[Jaseball 0]

This would not be for me. I prefer getting to know someone naturally and discuss things as they arise. I also like a little surprise and disagreement in a relationship. I'm not into "interviewing" a lady to make sure she qualifies as my future wife. 1001 questions, forget it.

I don't think that's the point of the book, if I understand Jaseball correctly. It's more like the questions one would face in a marriage preparation class. We had to do one through church, and you'd be surprised how many couples manage to get engaged without ever having talked about whether either of them wants children. Or how they would share finances. It's not as much about interviewing the other person as it is interviewing yourself.

Yep, Caladan is the only post so far who actually understands my point.

I didn't post this to ruffle feathers, attack anyone's methods, etc. Thankfully my girl saw it the same way and she thinks it is a good idea to go through this sort of exercise.

Cal is also right in that I found a bunch of stuff in there I never even asked myself, so it was a bit of self discovery.

Also, when you love someone I find some folks put them on a pedestal, overlook small annoyances that will one day drive them nuts, or always assume their significant other is a certain way or has certain ideas without making sure.

Really didn't think this post or idea would generate such defensive and dismissive responses.

[Caladan 19]

I think many (though not all) long distance couples do tend to talk about some of this stuff more naturally. C.'s opinion of the marriage prep class was 'this would have been useful if you had never talked to your fiancee, why are these people getting married?....', but there were a lot of couples exclaiming excitedly how much it had given them to think about.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This would not be for me. I prefer getting to know someone naturally and discuss things as they arise. I also like a little surprise and disagreement in a relationship. I'm not into "interviewing" a lady to make sure she qualifies as my future wife. 1001 questions, forget it.

I don't think that's the point of the book, if I understand Jaseball correctly. It's more like the questions one would face in a marriage preparation class. We had to do one through church, and you'd be surprised how many couples manage to get engaged without ever having talked about whether either of them wants children. Or how they would share finances. It's not as much about interviewing the other person as it is interviewing yourself.

Yep, Caladan is the only post so far who actually understands my point.

I didn't post this to ruffle feathers, attack anyone's methods, etc. Thankfully my girl saw it the same way and she thinks it is a good idea to go through this sort of exercise.

Cal is also right in that I found a bunch of stuff in there I never even asked myself, so it was a bit of self discovery.

Also, when you love someone I find some folks put them on a pedestal, overlook small annoyances that will one day drive them nuts, or always assume their significant other is a certain way or has certain ideas without making sure.

Really didn't think this post or idea would generate such defensive and dismissive responses.

I think it's certainly reasonable to discuss the major subjects of marriage, but I'm wondering just how beneficial it is for an engaged couple to go through that many questions prior to marriage since it's difficult to say how you react, respond to a situation now compared to 10 years from now? People's views do change over time, especially as their love matures.

[Jaseball 0]

I think it's certainly reasonable to discuss the major subjects of marriage, but I'm wondering just how beneficial it is for an engaged couple to go through that many questions prior to marriage since it's difficult to say how you react, respond to a situation now compared to 10 years from now? People's views do change over time, especially as their love matures.

Agreed. The major subjects are discussed, but what was interesting were topics I never even thought about or major subjects in a different light or ones where we have not experienced.

I'm not trying to get a set in stone contract of how things will be, but more of a snapshot of the here and now that offers guidelines and support for the future.

We have not had any major fights so far, so the section on how we handle conflicts or react to conflicts was interesting.

Family issues is a large area of discussion, especially in this sort of relationship. How often does she expect to visit home? What sorts of ties do we have with relatives back in China and do they have any sorts of expectations with us being married? What happens if relatives in China are sick or have other issues?

Do we want kids? How many? When do we plan to start? How do we plan on raising them? Religion? Discipline? Try to make them bi-lingual? Expose them to both cultures or try to 'Americanize,' them?

I feel marriage is possibly the most important decision I make. We did talk about plenty of this without the book, but the questions asked delve deeper into the topics and makes me think.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think it's certainly reasonable to discuss the major subjects of marriage, but I'm wondering just how beneficial it is for an engaged couple to go through that many questions prior to marriage since it's difficult to say how you react, respond to a situation now compared to 10 years from now? People's views do change over time, especially as their love matures.

Agreed. The major subjects are discussed, but what was interesting were topics I never even thought about or major subjects in a different light or ones where we have not experienced.

I'm not trying to get a set in stone contract of how things will be, but more of a snapshot of the here and now that offers guidelines and support for the future.

We have not had any major fights so far, so the section on how we handle conflicts or react to conflicts was interesting.

Family issues is a large area of discussion, especially in this sort of relationship. How often does she expect to visit home? What sorts of ties do we have with relatives back in China and do they have any sorts of expectations with us being married? What happens if relatives in China are sick or have other issues?

Do we want kids? How many? When do we plan to start? How do we plan on raising them? Religion? Discipline? Try to make them bi-lingual? Expose them to both cultures or try to 'Americanize,' them?

I feel marriage is possibly the most important decision I make. We did talk about plenty of this without the book, but the questions asked delve deeper into the topics and makes me think.

All those questions are good ones. Expectations are a HUGE part of marriage, IMO, so yes, I could definitely see anything that helps define those expectations is a good thing.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

That's the idea of posting on a forum, to share opinions. Some may be defensive or dismissive! It's part of the game. I only know, for me, I would never use such a book. I like things to uncover themselves naturally. This is my opinion, plain and simple.

Really didn't think this post or idea would generate such defensive and dismissive responses.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

That's the idea of posting on a forum, to share opinions. Some may be defensive or dismissive! It's part of the game. I only know, for me, I would never use such a book. I like things to uncover themselves naturally. This is my opinion, plain and simple.

Word.

[Jaseball 0]

That's the idea of posting on a forum, to share opinions. Some may be defensive or dismissive! It's part of the game. I only know, for me, I would never use such a book. I like things to uncover themselves naturally. This is my opinion, plain and simple.

Word.

I was just surprised people were just so against the idea and felt that length of time, their feelings, or random conversations was a good enough preparation.

Then again, American society is full of people who don't do any sort of preparation or analysis and buy homes they can't afford using teaser rate loans that will skyrocket while they already carry extreme debt and this is also a major decision that is going to follow you.

Of course, our president wants to step in and save some of these stupid people from defaulting, so perhaps going this route makes perfect sense.

[Jenn! 918]

That's the idea of posting on a forum, to share opinions. Some may be defensive or dismissive! It's part of the game. I only know, for me, I would never use such a book. I like things to uncover themselves naturally. This is my opinion, plain and simple.

Word.

I was just surprised people were just so against the idea and felt that length of time, their feelings, or random conversations was a good enough preparation.

Then again, American society is full of people who don't do any sort of preparation or analysis and buy homes they can't afford using teaser rate loans that will skyrocket while they already carry extreme debt and this is also a major decision that is going to follow you.

Of course, our president wants to step in and save some of these stupid people from defaulting, so perhaps going this route makes perfect sense.

So people who don't like your book are stupid people who never do any preparation or analysis?

I think you're taking this too hard.

[trailmix 77]

That's the idea of posting on a forum, to share opinions. Some may be defensive or dismissive! It's part of the game. I only know, for me, I would never use such a book. I like things to uncover themselves naturally. This is my opinion, plain and simple.

Word.

I was just surprised people were just so against the idea and felt that length of time, their feelings, or random conversations was a good enough preparation.

Then again, American society is full of people who don't do any sort of preparation or analysis and buy homes they can't afford using teaser rate loans that will skyrocket while they already carry extreme debt and this is also a major decision that is going to follow you.

Of course, our president wants to step in and save some of these stupid people from defaulting, so perhaps going this route makes perfect sense.

So people who don't like your book are stupid people who never do any preparation or analysis?

I think you're taking this too hard.

I agree. Jaseball I don't think anyone has said the book is a stupid idea, there are just some folks who don't want or don't need a book - it's that simple really.

There are all kinds of people in this world. Lots of people are soul searchers who spend hours and hours thinking about all of these things and discussing them. Any one book or one approach isn't for everyone. There are others who never think about, much of anything - those people probably won't be seeking out this book either

Anyway, don't take it too seriously, it's not a bad suggestion, I personally wouldn't use a book like this but I'm sure it is helpful for some people.