What's Your Man's Fighting Style?

[almaty 19]

A relationship is like a cable TV package. There's plenty of comedy, plenty of action, and maybe even the occasional bit of dirty programming on demand.

But there are also a lot of dead spots on the dial that you wish you could just skip over. Those dead spots typically come as the relationship equivalent of the WWE channel - highly predictable fights, skirmishes, and verbal sparring you've seen too many times before.

These fleeting spats and lingering problems can wound a relationship. The source of relationship fights certainly varies from couple to couple; in a survey of more than 2,000 men for my book "Men, Love & Sex," 38 percent of men said they fight about money, 24 percent said they fight about sex, 13 percent said they fight about in-laws.

While what you fight about is certainly important, so is how you fight. Fight nicely and you can solve the biggest of problems; fight nasty and the cap on a tube of toothpaste can turn into a federal case. To deal with the actual content of your relationship problems, you can clear one hurdle simply by knowing your partner's fighting style - what he does and why he does it. Do you recognize your man here?

The D.A.

Personality Type: Competitive

About 20 percent of men in this survey admit that they say they fight like lawyers - trying to demolish a woman's arguments with logical, rational reasoning to catch her in a lie or make her confess. This tactic may mean that the guy wins the logical side of the disagreement, but his battering-ram style won't win him any emotional points in the long run.

The Surfer

Personality Type: Lllllaaaaaaaid Back

Goes with the flow, dude. About 15 percent of men responded that the way they fight is by not fighting at all. This kind of guy lets life roll off his back - he understands the woman's point of view, and he tries to make her happy, even at his own expense. Works well in many cases, but not all the time - especially for the woman who subconsciously may want a fight, just to make sure he's as emotionally invested in the relationship as she is.

The Old-School Patriarch

Personality Type: Stuffy

Silent treatment. No words, no confession, no way you're going to trip him up into seeing it your way, because he's not saying a word. The passive-aggressive move - the most frustrating of all fighting tactics - only works to infuriate, which is exactly why he does it. The short-term satisfaction of making her madder usually doesn't pay long-term dividends.

The Salesman

Personality Type: Smooth

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

The Poet

Personality Type: Stubborn and Soft

He does something wrong, he knows it, he tries to explain why he did it, she doesn't buy it, he backs off. Now, he reverts to his preferred method of communication: email. The carefully crafted message - complete with confession, explanation, compliments, and a dash of humor - allows him a chance to speak without conflict. It's safe, though a smidge cowardly. But he uses it to control his feelings and the message - and to end the argument as soon as possible.

So you can see that couples have as many ways of arguing as Eskimos have terms for describing snow. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. When two people are close, there's bound to be some friction. Watching anything from the great Tracy-Hepburn movie collection will show you that when sparks fly, heat is produced.

It can either burn down the house, or warm it up. To make sure it's the latter, be sure to use your sparks to clear the tinder of misunderstandings and annoyances, so the relationship is free to grow tall and strong.

A bond that's worth fighting for is most definitely worth fighting over, so long as both partners are willing to listen to their partner, and change their behavior, for the good of the couple.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

No drunken kung fu in there?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

neither one sounds like me

[nane1104 146]

neither one sounds like my husband and I take that as a good thing..LOL

[Jenn! 918]

Interesting. Seems I've got me an Old-School Patriarch on my hands...

[JODO 2]

Mine is a cross between laid back and salesman.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

My fighting style is "you're crazy, you wanna fight about this? I don't have time for this"... then log on to VJ and start a flame war.

[nane1104 146]

My fighting style is "you're crazy, you wanna fight about this? I don't have time for this"... then log on to VJ and start a flame war.

very productive way to end a fight..or lay it off??

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

It comes back later but the intensity of anger is usually abated by then. I can deal with the arguing, I don't like the shouting.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Whichever one would rather get into the car and drive away from his spouse when she morphs into a rabid badger...that would be me.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Rabid badger... good one!

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby is kind of like this one...

The Salesman

Personality Type: Smooth

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

or he will say I am right just to try and end the argument..

[deemabrouk 0]

i dont see my husbands fighting style..

Honestly, I think he is one-of-a-kind

Edited July 30, 2007 by deemabrouk

[Jenn! 918]

Can't these apply to women too? I'm definitely a D.A.

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband is a cross between a surfer and an old school patriarch.