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almaty

What's Your Man's Fighting Style?

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A relationship is like a cable TV package. There's plenty of comedy, plenty of action, and maybe even the occasional bit of dirty programming on demand.

But there are also a lot of dead spots on the dial that you wish you could just skip over. Those dead spots typically come as the relationship equivalent of the WWE channel - highly predictable fights, skirmishes, and verbal sparring you've seen too many times before.

These fleeting spats and lingering problems can wound a relationship. The source of relationship fights certainly varies from couple to couple; in a survey of more than 2,000 men for my book "Men, Love & Sex," 38 percent of men said they fight about money, 24 percent said they fight about sex, 13 percent said they fight about in-laws.

While what you fight about is certainly important, so is how you fight. Fight nicely and you can solve the biggest of problems; fight nasty and the cap on a tube of toothpaste can turn into a federal case. To deal with the actual content of your relationship problems, you can clear one hurdle simply by knowing your partner's fighting style - what he does and why he does it. Do you recognize your man here?

The D.A.

Personality Type: Competitive

About 20 percent of men in this survey admit that they say they fight like lawyers - trying to demolish a woman's arguments with logical, rational reasoning to catch her in a lie or make her confess. This tactic may mean that the guy wins the logical side of the disagreement, but his battering-ram style won't win him any emotional points in the long run.

The Surfer

Personality Type: Lllllaaaaaaaid Back

Goes with the flow, dude. About 15 percent of men responded that the way they fight is by not fighting at all. This kind of guy lets life roll off his back - he understands the woman's point of view, and he tries to make her happy, even at his own expense. Works well in many cases, but not all the time - especially for the woman who subconsciously may want a fight, just to make sure he's as emotionally invested in the relationship as she is.

The Old-School Patriarch

Personality Type: Stuffy

Silent treatment. No words, no confession, no way you're going to trip him up into seeing it your way, because he's not saying a word. The passive-aggressive move - the most frustrating of all fighting tactics - only works to infuriate, which is exactly why he does it. The short-term satisfaction of making her madder usually doesn't pay long-term dividends.

The Salesman

Personality Type: Smooth

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

The Poet

Personality Type: Stubborn and Soft

He does something wrong, he knows it, he tries to explain why he did it, she doesn't buy it, he backs off. Now, he reverts to his preferred method of communication: email. The carefully crafted message - complete with confession, explanation, compliments, and a dash of humor - allows him a chance to speak without conflict. It's safe, though a smidge cowardly. But he uses it to control his feelings and the message - and to end the argument as soon as possible.

So you can see that couples have as many ways of arguing as Eskimos have terms for describing snow. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. When two people are close, there's bound to be some friction. Watching anything from the great Tracy-Hepburn movie collection will show you that when sparks fly, heat is produced.

It can either burn down the house, or warm it up. To make sure it's the latter, be sure to use your sparks to clear the tinder of misunderstandings and annoyances, so the relationship is free to grow tall and strong.

A bond that's worth fighting for is most definitely worth fighting over, so long as both partners are willing to listen to their partner, and change their behavior, for the good of the couple.


Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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neither one sounds like my husband and I take that as a good thing..LOL


Nadine & Kenneth

Our K-1 journey

02/06/2006 filed 129F

07/01/2007 recieved visa via "Deutsche Post"

08/27/2006 POE Dallas

->view my complete timeline

AOS, EAD and AP

12/6/2006 filed for AOS & EAD

1/05/2007 AOS transfered to California Service Center

2/26/2007 EAD recieved!

7/20/2007 filed for AP

8/20/2007 AP recieved

01/16/2008 letter to Congressman

03/20/2008 card production ordered---no interview!!!

03/24/2008 Welcome letter arrived

03/27/2008 my GREENCARD arrived!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! No more USCIS for about two years!:-))

Removal of Conditions

02/02/2010 filed I-751

02/19/2010 check cashed

02/22/2010 NOA1

05/15/2010 touched

06/10/2010 online update:card production ordered

06/17/2010 approval letter in mail

07/01/20010 Greencard arrived

m_6d36288420d5938301b3093f21f99d98.gif

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My fighting style is "you're crazy, you wanna fight about this? I don't have time for this"... then log on to VJ and start a flame war.

very productive way to end a fight..or lay it off??


Nadine & Kenneth

Our K-1 journey

02/06/2006 filed 129F

07/01/2007 recieved visa via "Deutsche Post"

08/27/2006 POE Dallas

->view my complete timeline

AOS, EAD and AP

12/6/2006 filed for AOS & EAD

1/05/2007 AOS transfered to California Service Center

2/26/2007 EAD recieved!

7/20/2007 filed for AP

8/20/2007 AP recieved

01/16/2008 letter to Congressman

03/20/2008 card production ordered---no interview!!!

03/24/2008 Welcome letter arrived

03/27/2008 my GREENCARD arrived!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! No more USCIS for about two years!:-))

Removal of Conditions

02/02/2010 filed I-751

02/19/2010 check cashed

02/22/2010 NOA1

05/15/2010 touched

06/10/2010 online update:card production ordered

06/17/2010 approval letter in mail

07/01/20010 Greencard arrived

m_6d36288420d5938301b3093f21f99d98.gif

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my hubby is kind of like this one...

The Salesman

Personality Type: Smooth

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

or he will say I am right :lol: just to try and end the argument.. :P


mvSuprise-hug.gif

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i dont see my husbands fighting style..

Honestly, I think he is one-of-a-kind :whistle::thumbs::blink:

Edited by deemabrouk

06.14.2006 - Got Married in Alexandria, Egypt :) :) :)

05.23.2007 - INTERVIEW DATE!!!!!!! inshallah.......

*** Interview is a SUCCESS !!!! *** now for a speedy AP!! inshallah...

06.18.2007 - Starting to Freak Out over this AP #######

06.27.2007 - Visa In Hand.. Alhamdulillah!

07.13.2007 - Husband arrives in the US!!! alhamdulillah ..yup.. thats right Friday the 13th!!

07.24.2007 - Mailed in AOS & EAD together to Chicago

It doesn't matter what you say

I just can't stay here every yesterday

Like keep on acting out the same

The way we act out

Every way to smile

Forget

And make-believe we never needed

Any more than this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cf6k4yJyv0

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w

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