Anyone else have fights with their spouse?

[C and J 1]

My hubby and I don't really argue, we have minor disagreements which are generally caused by lack of sleep for me. I get up at 5am to spend time with him before I go to work, and stay up late spending time with him before he goes to work. Eventually the lack of sleep makes me snarky and shortens my temper. Josh doesn't baite me though, so the mood eventually subsides.

When I am feeling particularly down in the dumps about being so far away, I withdraw away from him to avoid full-out arguements. I switch off my laptop and spend some time feeling sorry for myself, rather than taking it out on him. I don't want to lash out at the person I love just because I end up feeling the way I do. It's not his fault that we're going through this but he deals with it much better than I do. He is the type of person that lives for today and doesn't think about the distant future, where-as I am someone who is waiting for the future to get here so that I can put all this behind me and finally be with him. Two very different ways of dealing with a painful situation. I suppose I envy that he can remain so positive about it all.

Josh doesn't like my self-imposed solitary time, but he understands that I feel I need it. The messages I find in MSN when I do switch my laptop back on prove exactly how much he loves me and help to get my frame of mind back where it needs to be.

It reminds me how truly lucky I am to have found someone so perfect for me, even though he is so far away. And when I say that I am jealous of seeing couples walking around together, he reminds me that they are the ones that should be jealous because we know each other better than they probably ever will. I think long distance relationships open up a depth and strength to the relationship that wouldn't generally occur otherwise.

[ding 1]

No fights, no anger. But we had painful misunderstandings from differing cultures. Now just the garden variety painful waiting.

Good luck and it will get easier OP.

[Clarky and Tarah 0]

Hello,

Me and my husband have our arguments too. Really, its more from my end and I really think that it has to do with me being a female, but I can see how your wife can be in emotional rollercoaster especially being pregnant. Is this her first time? I would like to have children but I can not imagine how it will be like if I did get pregnant and my husband is still in the other side of the world. He wants to be with me when I go through it. I hear stories of pregant women and I think its really important for the man to be there emotionally for the woman. She probably is having low self esteem. I know my hubby makes me feel good when he tells me that he loves me everyday and that Im beautiful and he cant wait to show me off to his friends and he always makes me laugh. A funny guy can make a girl do anything. Its hard when two people have pride but eventually one has to give in in order to give the opportunity for the relationship to work. It makes it easier when the both of you "LISTEN" to each other and understand where each other is coming from. When you and her understand each others point of views, then you both will have to come to like an agreement or at least to the same level of understanding and then I think that ends the argument. But you both have to really try and mean it. Since May of 2005, that is what me and my husband have been doing. Long distance sucks but I get excited and take pride to know that not many people can do what we both have done for over two years. And that this has made us stronger and that our love is sincere. I have never cheated on him and never had the thought to be with any of the men around me (beleive me, I have been hit on hard and there are unfaithful men in my area) and the same for my husband in Germany. Do you really think any of your friends can do what you are doing? All my friends, but one said there is no way they would have kept up with long distance. That is not love if you give up. When you love someone, you will fight and give your all. Sometimes I wonder if God approves or does not approve. But the way I see it is that this is my life and I hope that God sees that this is sincere and I feel the best is yet to come (when we are finally living together). I cant wait to see how life will be like then. Buying a house, furniture, living the american dream. Best of all sharing my life, my job and my future with him.

Same here!

[ApprovalPlease 0]

Distance causes havoc on a relationship, add that to the pain of delayed approval while the people who got married to H1B are leaving right away with their husbands, things get very frustrating. All I can say is hang in there, thats what I am trying to do and figure everytime you fight and makeup you are that much colser.

[nane1104 146]

I remeber arguments we had while waiting for my visa, the waiting just took it's toll, I think that is perfectly normal.

Your situation is probably even harder due to your wifes pregnancy. I just remember how I felt when I was pregnant, the hormones acting all crazy, I am not sure how that would have went if we had been apart like you guys are.

My advice, whenever you feel things are getting heated, take a deep breath and try to figure out, what caused the argument.

Sometimes we would get off the phone to calm down and then call back a little later and talk about it again.

I definitley learned patience with myself and my fiance during that time.

My best wishes for you!

[amrssnowangel 0]

My fiance and I go through this. We seem to take turns. Some things he does that really help.

1. When im upset he stops and says...."talk to me" tell me what you are thinking and feelling". This almost immediately makes me stop and think...what really IS bothering me. Then he listens. Nothing more. Once im done venting....its done. I find once i let out the EMOTIONS i can FIND the LOGIC.

2. He rings me alot...that is our "touch" or hug

3. He uses skype to call me for no reason

4. He makes me more a part of his day by sms'ing me what he is doing at THAT moment and telling me he misses me.

5. He SHARES his frustrations with me to. THAT makes it so i don't feel alone in this. I dont' want to hear why he can't be here...I KNOW this....what i want is validation and to know im not alone.

6. He stays extra time online...up later...special visits when im down.

7. He leaves me voice mail or offline messages

8. I dont want THINGS...I want HIM.....

I think your wife is the same. She is full of hormones...and if this is her first...she's scared. She needs more of YOU. If you can find little ways to put yourself into her days more...take pics and send them to her of things in your area...things u did...where you shop...let her SEE where you wre that day Email them with the "story" of your day. ANYTHING to make her feel a part. I sent him a map with the roads I take on my job highlighted....and when approximately in my day im on what road. He LOVES it....he can follow me and know where i am. Be creative...its not all about just a callll ....but making her FEEL you. She misses you....and wants nothing more than to be a part of your DAILY life....find ways to do that for her and just say....Im sorry you feel this way....talk to me.....what are u feeling....and let her talk. Stop trying to justify why you can't be there....deep down....she KNOWS this... Good luck.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

No fights, no anger. But we had painful misunderstandings from differing cultures. Now just the garden variety painful waiting.

Good luck and it will get easier OP.

my wife gives me the ole silent treatment when she's mad

[Leney 0]

Sometimes you have to understand men and women handle worry differently. My husband was a massive grump for 9 months until he arrived on his K-3 - everything he thought may go wrong was a source of anger for him and a was a source of obsession for me. While I cried, he just detached, it lead to many disagreements and misunderstandings, and mostly because of my own worry and emotion I was too silly to see how worried he was. I can only say, step back, realise you are going through the same thing separately but together, and you need each other to make it through. Sometimes women need constant reassurance, no matter how irritating it is to you, you need to know a. she's pregnant hormones are going uber nutty b. she misses you so much and wants to be with you desperately c. refer to letter a again but don't remind her her hormones are nutty

[almaty 19]

No fights, no anger. But we had painful misunderstandings from differing cultures. Now just the garden variety painful waiting.

Good luck and it will get easier OP.

my wife gives me the ole silent treatment when she's mad

same here brother rich..sometimes silence is golden

[Nikita2Charles 31]

Be patient with her, specially being pregnant she will experience a lot of mood swing as due to Hormones.

You might be doing it already, but one thing that's very important is communication, get her involved into the process, if she can go to a browsing center, you can refer her to Visajourney, she can come here and read people experience, she can feel that she's not alone, there are lot of women going through the same thing. You need her to be strong with you to to through it, because when she cries, and going to so much pain, you cant's sleep, can't eat, and madly worry about her and specially being pregrant with the baby, sweet talk her.

By getting her involve, that will release some pressure from you, she can know you are doing your best, but the decision is up the the USCIS, there's no way and nothing you can do to make it move any faster, you can refer to the uscis website as to what month they are processing.

And lastly start to discuss the financial aspect of the marriage, sweetheart I would love to be there with you right, even stay there until all the paperwork is all done and we both fly back together, but how are we going to pay the bill, I have to set up the house for you when you get there.(Special HINT= but don't do much as once she gets here, she can fix it to her own taste). Start addressing everything as We, Ours, both of us. with due time she will understand and see where you are coming from. Be strong and be patient my friend.

Edited July 30, 2007 by Nikita2Charles

[kisschick1976 0]

Some things Jonny does for me when I'm really missing him loads:

• He recorded himself reading a book for me to listen to.
  
• he slept in the same shirt for over a week, sealed it in a plastic bag and mailed it to me so I can smell his scent next to me when I sleep. I did the same thing too. He's also sent his pillowcases we joke that he's really just mailing me his laundry to do
  
• Recorded videos of himself
  
• We have been known to have dinner together via webcam. Yes, dressed up nice too. (we are such dorks)
  

This is all on top of the usual care packages that have my favorite chocolates and cookies (ok ok ok, I mean biscuits ), his favorite gatorade flavors, letters, cards, pictures, emails, yahoo chats, calls, skype, talks about what we will be doing when we are reunited...etc. It's amazing what something with a personal touch can do.

Flowers hu? man I never get flowers, not even in person!

I say be patient with her and listen to her vent. Let her know you miss her just as much and that if you came down with the disease of money falling out of your butt that you would be there as soon as you could wash all the money. (hell if it's contagious come give me that disease before you leave! ) Being apart is hard enough, but bring hormones into it and it's exponentially harder. Good luck!

[Sinergy 3]

No fights, no anger. But we had painful misunderstandings from differing cultures. Now just the garden variety painful waiting.

Good luck and it will get easier OP.

my wife gives me the ole silent treatment when she's mad

same here brother rich..sometimes silence is golden

I do that so well not on VJ but to my hubby

[Twomoles 8]

If she is pregnant, she is very emotional. Poor her. Be nice and done take it close to heart, because pregnant woman can say much things in fight and anger meanwhile she don't mean at all.

[Jas S 0]

If she is pregnant, she is very emotional. Poor her. Be nice and done take it close to heart, because pregnant woman can say much things in fight and anger meanwhile she don't mean at all.

Thanks for the advise everyone....I apprecaite it. The distant is what is causing the problem, so I am going to see her very soon.

[*JG* 2]

Hang it there. It does get better.