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Struggling to adjust to the new life

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14 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

I am not a foreigner but sometimes feel like it

i moved from the north to the south and the racism here is abundant

one man (in the  grocery store ) started talking to me totally unwanted and the last sentence he said was "they're black you know"

for what reason i don't know

and now with the political unstate we are in,  i can't even believe the comments on facebook (some from my own family)

i just find to ignore and do my thing and just obey GOD and all of us are created equal 

I got my cornea transplant when i lost right eye from someone of color so for anyone to talk down infuriates me 

all i can suggest is "stay away from those who upset you as much as possible"

find your own social group

truth is the US is divided into 6 totally different areas and the northeast is nothing like the southwest 

and Louisana is not like any of the rest 

we are suppose to be a melting pot of different nationalities but i refer to it as a boiling pot 

This is pretty common here in the South and one I missed when I lived in CA. Pretty much everyone will have short conversation with each other in the line. 

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1 hour ago, adil-rafa said:

I am not a foreigner but sometimes feel like it

i moved from the north to the south and the racism here is abundant

one man (in the  grocery store ) started talking to me totally unwanted and the last sentence he said was "they're black you know"

for what reason i don't know

and now with the political unstate we are in,  i can't even believe the comments on facebook (some from my own family)

i just find to ignore and do my thing and just obey GOD and all of us are created equal 

 

I got my cornea transplant when i lost right eye from someone of color so for anyone to talk down infuriates me 

 

all i can suggest is "stay away from those who upset you as much as possible"

find your own social group

 

truth is the US is divided into 6 totally different areas and the northeast is nothing like the southwest 

and Louisana is not like any of the rest 

we are suppose to be a melting pot of different nationalities but i refer to it as a boiling pot 

Sadly the northwest is far from impervious from racism and I personally have seen and experienced enough in the past few years to start considering immigrating for a third time. Boiling pot indeed.

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: India
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11 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

This is a reminder of an excellent weapon, usable by and useful for All Wives.

Intentionally rearrange the furniture in your house at 2 a.m. multiple nights per week, or every night.

Be sure that your husband trips over it.

When he raises the issue, tell him that this will happen every night unless he supports you in dealings with his family.

Positive response is 99.44% guaranteed.

 😅😅😅😂

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: India
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8 hours ago, PelagijaP said:

Well, I am certainly struggling to adjust. 

I understand how hard it must be with your in-laws, but I couple of times wished that my husband had ANY family or even friends here so that I could talk to anybody.

I came to the US on 1st of March, gave birth to a baby girl 3 weeks later, and since then we have been out of the apartment together as a family 6!!! times (if we don't count going to the doctors). I think I am loosing my mind, I don't go anywhere, don't talk to anybody, my ' outing ' is when I run outside to throw the garbage away. Me and my husband argued a lot about it because he thinks it is unsafe for me to go out for a walk with our baby in this neighborhood and I think he is completely exaggerating . I don't know what to do, he is always tired during the week if I ask him to go out somewhere ( nowhere special, just to the local park for a walk), and then spends the weekend watching Top Gear and you tube. I cook, clean, do laundry, breastfeed, do everything around the baby. I feel exhausted, sad, lonely and now on top of all doctor said I have postnatal depression. Don't like this city nor this place where we live and can't stop thinking how I miss my family and how I used to go for walks with my dog, had a nice job, friends. 

 

 

I had to rant, sorry guys!!

 

awwwww

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5 hours ago, The_Empyrean said:

Problem is that you live together with in laws...

OP already addressed this:

21 hours ago, ATT said:

We recently bought a house and it's a 40 minute drive from the area we used to live in which is close to his parents. We didn't move as far as everyone has suggested, but even the 40 minutes has helped keep some form of distance.

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Lithuania
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4 minutes ago, HRQX said:

OP already addressed this:

 

Ouch sorry, missed that somehow.

Then the only solution is to be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel about the whole ordeal and how they're treating you. Living under constant pressure messes with your head big time, ask me how i know. 

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23 hours ago, ATT said:

Hi, I have been searching online for a place to share my experience in hopes that others can help me feel somewhat normal or give me some advice. I moved to the US in March and I'm just finding it so hard to adjust to my new life. I'd spent at least 6 months of holiday here in the US over a few years before actually moving here, but I didn't realise how much it would hit me, actually moving here. Before I begin, I should let you know that my husband is so supportive, loving and caring, I just needed to express myself somewhere where other people may be able to give me advice or relate.

 

When I moved here things started to change. My in-laws actually started to get on my nerve, almost as if their true selves have come out at me now that I'm living here and am family, which is expected. But a few of them have started saying incredibly racist things in front of me (half of my family are darker skinned, I'm the lightest skinned person in my family so I think at times they forget about my family). I decided that although I don't agree with racism, I can't change their minds so I should just ignore it. I said something once like, "Hey, you do realise that half of my family is darker skinned and they wouldn't hurt a fly, please don't generalise an entire race based on what you've seen on the media today" and it didn't go too well. 

 

The other week my husband asked his mother if the certain people in the family could please refrain from the language they use and stories they tell when my family come to visit. My family are only visiting for 2 weeks and they would be staying at mine and my husband's house anyway - so truly, it'd be refraining from the language for a few hours of their lives. I didn't ask him to say this, but it was obviously a concern of his too. Later, at the dinner table my mother in law and my husband's grandmother started slaughtering ME for my husband's suggestion (this was dinner in a public place). They started going off at me calling me disrespectful, saying that he only asked them that because I forced him to say it (totally untrue). I sat in silence because I was unable to even get a word in over the finger pointing and yelling at me. I got up, went to the bathroom to take some deep breaths and went back to the dinner table and planned to just pretend this never happened. I couldn't, the second I sat down I had fingers pointed at me again. They just needed to criticize me for anything and everything. I was humiliated, I actually started to cry so I left with my husband before the main courses even came out. When I left I even did that with respect (I seriously show everyone in my life respect) I told everyone I loved them but it was just too much for me.

 

I couldn't understand what happened, or what I did wrong. I was upset for a while and I still am. But a few days later I got a phone call from my husband's grandmother, I thought maybe she was going to apologise. Instead, she told me that I should have apologised. I asked her why and she couldn't give me an answer. I finally stood up for myself in that phone call, I'd rather be lonely than treated badly. Before all of this, I really got along with my husband's family as much as I could, with just ignoring the racism from that handful of family members. I'd relate some of the things they say to Hitler, honestly. His mother has started being nicer to me lately, and I converse back politely but it just doesn't feel the same.

 

My husband is lovely company and has been a great support. He's fully aware that I'm very unhappy with his family and he agrees that what they did was awful, but he works 6 days a week, 11 hours a day. I don't have other family here (probably like many of you). To keep my mind off of the negatives I focus on group fitness classes I attend and I am enrolling in a college. I already have a degree but I want to take some classes while I can't work, so that I can meet some people and learn something new. I have met some people I really like but it's going to take some time to build close relationships. I guess for now, all these positives don't feel like positives. I want to travel a bit when I get my AP, maybe that'll make me feel a bit better.

 

What's your advice? Can you relate? I'm feeling quite upset with how things are. It's hard to adjust enough, but with this issue its made it much harder. I thought I had it in me to keep the peace in this situation, but it all came tumbling down even when I kept my mouth shut. I'm not looking for sympathy, more so just to feel normal and possibly to have some suggestions on how I could handle this. I'm still not comfortable with his family and I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive.

 

Thank you if you read this giant post.

First thing you didnt get married with your in laws.

Second you live in another house no with then, so you dont need them.

Just go to mall , talk with your friends from your country.

Ignore your in laws.

I live here and i dont share too much with my in laws they live in other city.

So you need think that you left your family in other country and you are ok, so you can live without your in laws around

K1 2017

Aos sent April 2018

Aos interview July 2018

Work permit September2018

Aos approved July 24, 2019.

Roc April 27, 2021

Biometric reused june 28, 2021

N-400 online April 27, 2022 base on 3 years rule, biometric reused.

N-400 interview on December 12, 2022 combo interview i-751. Approved.

January 11, 2023 oath ceremony, Indianapolis. After that done with uscis😂🤭🤫

I took my oath ceremony in Indianapolis, it was a nice ceremony, where people from 35 coutry become american citizen.

01/11/2023 officially done with uscis :)

🤣

January 13, 2023 apply for us passport.( regular service).

March 11, 2023 passport in hand

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Bermuda
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I completely understand wanting to get along with your in-laws, or other people important to your spouse, but sometimes that doesn't happen for any number of reasons. As a Black American, I felt so many things reading your post. Sadly, I'm not surprised about what you're going through. Such attitudes are more prevalent than they should be in these "enlightened times", but it doesn't have to define your experience living in this country.

 

Don't lower yourself to their level; you're the better person in this situation. Don't let them make you believe otherwise. Don't give them that power over you.

If you don't want to spend time with them (I sure wouldn't), you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to prove yourself beyond your pledge to do right by and love their child. Your husband should understand and enforce that message.

Remember to maintain pride in yourself, your family and your culture; don't let them take that away from you. Ignorance can tear you down, if you let it. Don't.

You don't owe them anything; don't let them make you feel as if you do. I sincerely appreciate that you respect everyone you meet; you are owed the same consideration.

Forewarn your family. They need to know what to expect from these people. And, they need to know that despite how his family behaves, it's not a reflection on your husband's treatment of you or your relationship.

Please do have that talk with your husband about this situation. At the very least it should be understood that your home is your home, not theirs. They should afford both of you the respect they would expect in their own homes, if they want to visit.

Next time grandma calls...hang up (with a polite "I'll let him know you called" if you can) or pass the phone to your husband. Let him deal with that mess. 

 

You're taking steps to create a community that doesn't include them and that's important. Not everyone is able to do so. The more you are able to find ways to define your place in this society, the more your confidence will grow and they will become less impactful. Your relationship with your husband is what matters most. If the two of you can come to an understanding about what's needed for that relationship to remain healthy, things will get better.

 

Edited by tamcloud

K-1...

 

08/09/2015: I-129F mailed
08/14/2015: NOA1 received by email; hardcopy received approximately 08/17/2015
09/14/2015: NOA2 received
09/30/2015: NVC received case
10/02/2015: CEAC status changed to "In Transit"
10/08/2015: CEAC status changed to "Ready"
10/09/2015: Consulate acknowledged receipt via phone; Hardcopy from US DoS with case number.
10/19/2015: Received information from Consulate.
10/28/2015: Medical Exam
11/17/2015: Interview...rescheduled due to computer problems. New date as yet unknown.
11/18/2015: Called in for interview and APPROVED!

11/24/2015: Picked up visa/passport and sealed packet from the Consulate! <happy dance>

02/14/2016: Arrived in the U.S. (POE was Bermuda)...CO was really nice!

02/18/2016: Married! :)

2

AOS...

 

03/02/2016: AOS/EAD/AP Package mailed
03/14/2016: I-485/765/131 NOAs received by mail. USCIS Received Date 03/04/2016; USCIS Notice Date 03/10/2016
03/25/2016: Received biometrics appointment letter for I-485 & I-765
04/04/2016: Biometrics appointment
04/26/2016: Received notification that the I-131 was approved and the name was updated on the I-765
05/23/2016: Received notice that card was being produced for I-765.
05/28/2016: Received EAD/AP card.
06/01/2016: Received electronic notice that AOS interview has been scheduled.
06/30/2016: I-485 interview at USCIS Baltimore Field Office.
09/01/2016: InfoPass appointment made for 09/07/2016.
09/06/2016: Received electronic notification that I-485 was approved on 09/02/2016.
09/09/2016: Received approval letter.
09/14/2016: Green Card delivered! :)

 

ROC...

 

06/13/2018: I-751 package mailed to Vermont Service Center
06/25/2018: NOA/extension letter received, dated 06/19/2018

07/14/2018: Received ASC notice for Biometrics Appointment

07/25/18: Completed Biometrics

06/13/19: Received email notification of card production. I-751 approved!

06/19/19: 10yr card delivered!

 
 
 
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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ireland
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On 7/1/2019 at 2:15 PM, ATT said:

Thank you if you read this giant post.

Big hug 

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Australia
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15 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

This is a reminder of an excellent weapon, usable by and useful for All Wives.

Intentionally rearrange the furniture in your house at 2 a.m. multiple nights per week, or every night.

Be sure that your husband trips over it.

When he raises the issue, tell him that this will happen every night unless he supports you in dealings with his family.

Positive response is 99.44% guaranteed.

 

Excuse me while I rearrange THE ENTIRE HOUSE so that every item is on the floor. Oh I'm just kidding 😂

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: India
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15 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

This is a reminder of an excellent weapon, usable by and useful for All Wives.

Intentionally rearrange the furniture in your house at 2 a.m. multiple nights per week, or every night.

Be sure that your husband trips over it.

When he raises the issue, tell him that this will happen every night unless he supports you in dealings with his family.

Positive response is 99.44% guaranteed.

My concern is how you reached the 99.44% guarantee? How many husbands did you help trip over to come to this number?

Edited by Tanish
typo

Timeline Info below:

Spoiler

04/21/16 -- Marriage

----- CR1 Process -----

USCIS Stage [222 days from NOA1]

06/08/16 -- Sent I-130

01/31/17 -- I-130 petition sent to NVC [Received Email notification and MyUscis status update]

NVC Stage [105 days from NOA2]

Embassy/Consulate (Interview) Stage [43 days from Case Complete to Visa in Hand]

05/18/17 -- Consulate Received. CEAC Case status changed to "Ready"

06/01/17 -- Medical Examination [Complete. It took around 2 hours. Total Cost INR 11650 for Surat City Apollo Clinic]

06/12/17 -- Biometric (OFC) Appointment

06/13/17 -- Interview [7:30 AM at Mumbai, India]. Visa Approved

06/15/17 -- Visa in hand

06/21/17 -- POE at DFW (Dallas, Texas)

----- Removal of Condition -----

Removal of Condition (I-751) [Approved]

06/18/2019 -- Sent the package (3 Days before GC expires, cutting it close). Sent to Lewisville, TX via FedEx Ground

06/19/2019 -- Package received at around 9:30 AM (Hoping I don't get rejected for missing deadline)

06/24/2019 -- Card was charged with $680 fees. Text Message received confirming Receipt. Case routed to NBC (Case Number starts with 'MSC')

06/28/2019 -- NOA Hard Copy & 18 Months Extension Letter Received in Mail with NOA Date as 06/19/2019

07/12/2019 -- Biomentrics Appointment Letter received. The Letter is Dated 7/5/2019. Appointment is on 7/22/2019

07/22/2019 -- Biometrics Appointment Complete

02/01/2022 -- Interview Scheduled for 3/3/2022 (combo interview)

03/03/2022 -- Interview Complete. No new Green Card will be produced as my Naturalization was also approved.

03/04/2022 -- USCIS status changed to approved.

----- Naturalization -----

Naturalization (N-400) [Approved]

03/26/2022 -- N-400 online application complete. NOA Date.

01/15/2021 -- Biometric Complete.

02/28/2022 -- Interview scheduled for 3/3/2022 (combo interview)

03/03/2022 -- Interview Passed. Status changed to 'we recommended that your application be approved...' and then to 'Oath Ceremony Will Be Scheduled'.

03/09/2022 -- Oath Ceremony was scheduled for 3/25/2022.

 

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Australia
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1 hour ago, tamcloud said:

I completely understand wanting to get along with your in-laws, or other people important to your spouse, but sometimes that doesn't happen for any number of reasons. As a Black American, I felt so many things reading your post. Sadly, I'm not surprised about what you're going through. Such attitudes are more prevalent than they should be in these "enlightened times", but it doesn't have to define your experience living in this country.

 

Don't lower yourself to their level; you're the better person in this situation. Don't let them make you believe otherwise. Don't give them that power over you.

If you don't want to spend time with them (I sure wouldn't), you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to prove yourself beyond your pledge to do right by and love their child. Your husband should understand and enforce that message.

Remember to maintain pride in yourself, your family and your culture; don't let them take that away from you. Ignorance can tear you down, if you let it. Don't.

You don't owe them anything; don't let them make you feel as if you do. I sincerely appreciate that you respect everyone you meet; you are owed the same consideration.

Forewarn your family. They need to know what to expect from these people. And, they need to know that despite how his family behaves, it's not a reflection on your husband's treatment of you or your relationship.

Please do have that talk with your husband about this situation. At the very least it should be understood that your home is your home, not theirs. They should afford both of you the respect they would expect in their own homes, if they want to visit.

Next time grandma calls...hang up (with a polite "I'll let him know you called" if you can) or pass the phone to your husband. Let him deal with that mess. 

 

You're taking steps to create a community that doesn't include them and that's important. Not everyone is able to do so. The more you are able to find ways to define your place in this society, the more your confidence will grow and they will become less impactful. Your relationship with your husband is what matters most. If the two of you can come to an understanding about what's needed for that relationship to remain healthy, things will get better.

 

Wonderful and empowering advice! Thank you very much, I will think of this when the times are tough. I will be sure to have that talk with my family. You made so many points that explained how I was feeling and thinking, that I just couldn't get the words out. But also things that I needed to hear.

 

I ended up speaking to my husband and we have agreed to set some boundaries. I wont be taking their phone calls anymore, or I'll be redirecting them to him. We have decided to do our own thing on the 4th of July and other holidays (lake beach this time because I miss the Australian beaches! Close enough right?) instead of going to their get together :). We wont be visiting them on his one day off a week that we should be spending together. It's a nice starting point. I definitely re-evaluated the situation and found it very clear that although it's nice to want to get along with those that my husband is close with, I can't make myself unhappy by doing so. So while I'll remain polite in the situation, I'll politely be enjoying life without them.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Bermuda
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34 minutes ago, ATT said:

Wonderful and empowering advice! Thank you very much, I will think of this when the times are tough. I will be sure to have that talk with my family. You made so many points that explained how I was feeling and thinking, that I just couldn't get the words out. But also things that I needed to hear.

 

I ended up speaking to my husband and we have agreed to set some boundaries. I wont be taking their phone calls anymore, or I'll be redirecting them to him. We have decided to do our own thing on the 4th of July and other holidays (lake beach this time because I miss the Australian beaches! Close enough right?) instead of going to their get together :). We wont be visiting them on his one day off a week that we should be spending together. It's a nice starting point. I definitely re-evaluated the situation and found it very clear that although it's nice to want to get along with those that my husband is close with, I can't make myself unhappy by doing so. So while I'll remain polite in the situation, I'll politely be enjoying life without them.

Awesome! :)   

K-1...

 

08/09/2015: I-129F mailed
08/14/2015: NOA1 received by email; hardcopy received approximately 08/17/2015
09/14/2015: NOA2 received
09/30/2015: NVC received case
10/02/2015: CEAC status changed to "In Transit"
10/08/2015: CEAC status changed to "Ready"
10/09/2015: Consulate acknowledged receipt via phone; Hardcopy from US DoS with case number.
10/19/2015: Received information from Consulate.
10/28/2015: Medical Exam
11/17/2015: Interview...rescheduled due to computer problems. New date as yet unknown.
11/18/2015: Called in for interview and APPROVED!

11/24/2015: Picked up visa/passport and sealed packet from the Consulate! <happy dance>

02/14/2016: Arrived in the U.S. (POE was Bermuda)...CO was really nice!

02/18/2016: Married! :)

2

AOS...

 

03/02/2016: AOS/EAD/AP Package mailed
03/14/2016: I-485/765/131 NOAs received by mail. USCIS Received Date 03/04/2016; USCIS Notice Date 03/10/2016
03/25/2016: Received biometrics appointment letter for I-485 & I-765
04/04/2016: Biometrics appointment
04/26/2016: Received notification that the I-131 was approved and the name was updated on the I-765
05/23/2016: Received notice that card was being produced for I-765.
05/28/2016: Received EAD/AP card.
06/01/2016: Received electronic notice that AOS interview has been scheduled.
06/30/2016: I-485 interview at USCIS Baltimore Field Office.
09/01/2016: InfoPass appointment made for 09/07/2016.
09/06/2016: Received electronic notification that I-485 was approved on 09/02/2016.
09/09/2016: Received approval letter.
09/14/2016: Green Card delivered! :)

 

ROC...

 

06/13/2018: I-751 package mailed to Vermont Service Center
06/25/2018: NOA/extension letter received, dated 06/19/2018

07/14/2018: Received ASC notice for Biometrics Appointment

07/25/18: Completed Biometrics

06/13/19: Received email notification of card production. I-751 approved!

06/19/19: 10yr card delivered!

 
 
 
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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: India
Timeline
8 hours ago, ATT said:

Wonderful and empowering advice! Thank you very much, I will think of this when the times are tough. I will be sure to have that talk with my family. You made so many points that explained how I was feeling and thinking, that I just couldn't get the words out. But also things that I needed to hear.

 

I ended up speaking to my husband and we have agreed to set some boundaries. I wont be taking their phone calls anymore, or I'll be redirecting them to him. We have decided to do our own thing on the 4th of July and other holidays (lake beach this time because I miss the Australian beaches! Close enough right?) instead of going to their get together :). We wont be visiting them on his one day off a week that we should be spending together. It's a nice starting point. I definitely re-evaluated the situation and found it very clear that although it's nice to want to get along with those that my husband is close with, I can't make myself unhappy by doing so. So while I'll remain polite in the situation, I'll politely be enjoying life without them.

way to go yep good start.

 

We went celebrating our own b'days and the 4th and the thanksgiving and Christmas without the inlaws and it has turned out to really good.

 

8 hours ago, Tanish said:

My concern is how you reached the 99.44% guarantee? How many husbands did you help trip over to come to this number?

tanish 😅😅😅

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
9 hours ago, Tanish said:

My concern is how you reached the 99.44% guarantee?

If it was good enough for Ivory soap...

9 hours ago, Tanish said:

How many husbands did you help trip over to come to this number?

Relating my own previous personal experience and extrapolating.

Every other husband, at least those whom I know, react uniformly.

9 hours ago, ATT said:

Excuse me while I rearrange THE ENTIRE HOUSE so that every item is on the floor. Oh I'm just kidding 😂

Bad ATT ma'am! :lol: 

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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