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CJlove

Did anyone go through a depression phase?

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You might want to ask him what he would like to do... First, we bought a cabin and it's been our common project.  Then, we trained for some races nearby - my husband hadn't run in years... it felt good/bonding not to be the only one outside of my comfort zone.  Could have been dance classes or redecorating the living room, doesn't need to be expensive, but something to plan and work on together.

Immigrating is a big project, find what's next for you two. 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
1 hour ago, CJlove said:

We have VERY small Latino community here.

Given where you are, this is understandable.  On Mrs. T-B.'s first or second weekend with me, I dropped her at a church that ran services in Spanish.  She's not religious but is extremely gregarious (an understatement).  At pickup time, I waited for a seeming eternity.  She finally emerged, bubbling animatedly, and she introduced me to several new friends.  None of those friendships has endured, but this served as her springboard toward a social life and built her confidence that she would have one, despite being stuck in the house as an Applicant for Adjustment.

 

Your husband isn't as sociable, which is his personality and completely fine.  Another possible factor not yet mentioned is "Latin pride" -- your husband might be feeling inadequate in various areas of life.  This pride aspect is probably not as prevalent among Chilenos as among other more machista cultures like Ecuador or Peru, but it might be playing a role -- in his case, a deeply internal one, because he's very reserved.  You might involve him in solo or with-you projects that enable him to use skills that he has and that he's proud of (e.g., is he good with his hands, is he good at organizing, is he good at cooking...).  Ask him what he would most like to do for fun or fulfillment if restrictions were not an issue, and let him consider this for a while, especially if he processes his thoughts internally.

 

Pick single little aspects of U.S. life, like a bus schedule, the items and organization of a single aisle at the supermarket, doing a mailing at the Post Office, how kids go to school here, etc., and draw him out as to how these things differ from Chile (you'll have some knowledge of much of this, having visited there).  You can then explain these innocuous situations to clarify them, or simply discuss them, which will remove them as unknowns or threats to his comfort level.  If you make a practice of this, he should come to realize that relocation isn't this "big, fearsome, ominous" spectre, but rather an elephant that he's eating a bite at a time.

 

Probably the (no pun intended) global realization that we all have in regard to our immigrants is "Everybody starts new."  The goal then becomes how to help turn newness into comfort.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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We have waited for this moment for so long... Our visa process took 15 months total. The thing is, we thought everything was going to be like fairyland once he got here. We didn’t see the challenges we face today. I am guilty of having lack of compassion. I am trying now. I just hope it’s not too late. We are already distant... 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

You'll find a way.  We here all have faith in that.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

"Yes, Dear*," he responded soothingly.

 

*secret to a happy marriage

Edited by TBoneTX

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

Here's a pretty good example of the acculturation process in action:

 

       Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat.  As they discuss their expectations of American culture, one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
       "Odd," his companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we should do as the Americans do."
       Nodding emphatically, the first immigrant points to a hot-dog vendor, and they both walk toward the cart.  "Two dogs, please," he says.
       The vendor, only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.  Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

       One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.  Staring at it for a moment, he turns to his friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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On 3/17/2019 at 11:29 AM, Going through said:

What can be difficult for the USC to understand is that everything they take for "granted" is completely foreign to the foreigner---I remember, in the early days, being upset because I no longer knew what brands were better than other brands in the grocery store, I had no idea where to get the "best" cup of coffee anymore, even figuring out how to pay to get on public transit was so different.   After a while it can seem very overwhelming and frustrating and you can begin to feel quite alone in your struggles of learning how to do basic everyday things that seem so commonplace to everyone else around you. 

 

This is the one that we have spoken about in length, it sounds minimal in comparrison to leaving the country you know, the friends you know and all of the above. However during my last trip and my fiancée (USC) was working and she asked me to pick some stuff up, the normal every day stuff and I had no idea which ones to buy. The brands, the layouts and all of it is just different. 

We have a joke about it now as I literally ask every single time I see something, my fiancée also randomly comes out if she sees me looking at something intently and tells me what it's like. 

 

Public transport is another huge one, we just pay in cash here (contactless is starting and we still print ticket "X Passes" out) so I was dumbstruck when I first went on public transport. 

 

I can't comment fully but I can understand it for sure, as the small things that people don't think mean much...they stack up and create larger issues. 

 

Without sounding like a broken record, communication. Some of the most stressful things in life are marriage, moving houses and then throw on top of that, that the house is thousands of miles away, in a country foreign to you, with noone you know around you. 

Summary:

Filed I129f: 06/09/2018

NOA2 dated: 11/29/2018

NVC Case #: Fianceé (USC) Called and received it: 01/08/2019

Case Shipped: 01/08/2019

Case Received: 01/15/2019

Medical: 02/08/2019

Interview: 03/11/2019 - Approved

Visa In Hand: 03/15/2019

US Entry: 05/11/2019 - DTW

Marriage: 06/22/2019

Filed AOS/EAD/AP: 08/02/2019

NOA1: 08/09/2019

RFE: 09/29/2019

Biometrics: 09/30/2019

Interview Letter Received: 11/02/2019

Interview Date: 12/09/2019

AOS Approval Date: 01/04/2020 (Assuming - that's the valid date on my card)

Green Card Received: 01/08/2020

 

 

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I've been here for ten years and I still feel homesick sometimes. In fact, it comes in waves - I've had years when I've loved it and then times when I desperately want to go back to the UK - big life changes, like having children etc, can bring all the 'differences' back to the surface. The thing I've learned though is that if you take a deep breath and get on with life, the bad times pass. Just be as kind as possible when the homesickness hits and then he won't feel alone in it.

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