Foreign wife Abuses hits Citizen husband, your experience or knowledge can help me

[CEE53147 559]

GET OUT NOW.  Violence is NOT acceptable. Get a protective order. File for divorce.  Things can only get worse.  Women do kill their husbands.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

What a golden opportunity to end things, given that she doesn't yet have a green card.

  1)  Get to the interviewer ahead of time with a letter in which you withdraw your I-864.

  2)  Don't attend the interview with her.

[The_Empyrean 733]

My advice would be, call cops on her (make sure you have recordings of her hitting you (IF IT'S the state that allows one party agreement to record), get a restraining order, file for divorce, send a letter to USCIS asking to withdraw I-864 and explain the circumstances. In my view if she's found guilty for Domestic, and she's out of status, she should be escorted straight to the airplane.

MOVE OUT ASAP as she's waiting for you to hit back, then call cops on You and VAWA. Get out, leave everything in the house and gtfo to relatives, friends, anyone.  Don't stay there to fix something, that's shattered not just broken. 

Edited February 26, 2019 by PaulMac

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

12 hours ago, Going through said:

Just to clarify---not sure if it was a typo, or a language barrier...did you strike her at any time?  If so, she may be able to build a VAWA case against you based on physical abuse...and now would have proof of it from medical records.

 

Disclaimer:  I am not trying to make any physical abuse he suffered any less relevant....just trying to seek clarification from the bolded statement above.

 

Don't worry - I had the same thoughts too when I read that line.

 

Even if you did not intentionally harm her, if she DID get injured in any way (even if she was the instigator), she could be looking into setting you up for VAWA claims. This happens to commonly, and should not be taken lightly.

 

Fortunately, if AOS has not happened yet, you can withdrawal your affidavit of support and not fulfill the AOS requirements, as the petitioner. You can divorce and move on with your life. I know you said you wish you could make it work, but in an honest opinion? I don't see how this kind of relationship would work. It doesn't matter if you're a man or woman being abused - it's NOT okay, and the abuser will likely never change.. Why live a life existing indefinitely on eggshells? Always wondering when it will happen next, how bad it will be? Do you need to wind up in a hospital for it to be worth leaving?

 

Please seek help. I would separate as soon as possible also - remaining together alone would only yield further opportunity for her to seek the VAWA route.

[belinda63 2,981]

She said she wants to leave you. She is trying to provoke you into physical violence so she can file VAWA, get her green card, and stay in the US. File for divorce now, stay away from her, do not ever be alone with her. Save any evidence you have of her attacking you.

Do not accept violence in a relationship. 

[Celie 793]

Physical violence is not okay and; although it sounds like you want to fix things, nothing can change her from her behavior other than herself. She makes that decision and it doesn't sound like she's looking for a change.

 

My advice is to leave her and file for divorce as soon as possible. Any additional altercations, (if there is one bit of guidance you gather from me it should be this) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Call the cops, tell them what happened and how and where she hit you and file the report. Keep doing it as long as you have to be in contact with her. Have witnesses if at all possible. If she wants to come back and claim abuse, you will have logs stating the opposite. Don't let her beat you (literally and metaphorically) at this. What she is doing is NOT okay and you continuing AOS is just as well enabling her to continue this lifestyle.

[Slyman 2]

I would have left a while ago, get out of there before she "green cards" you on an abuse claim. 

[theresaL 408]

15 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

What a golden opportunity to end things, given that she doesn't yet have a green card.

  1)  Get to the interviewer ahead of time with a letter in which you withdraw your I-864.

  2)  Don't attend the interview with her.

I agree 150% with TBoneTX. It's time to be proactive and take care of yourself. Abuse is not okay and passively waiting for things to change is not going to protect you. These types of situations tend to only get worse. And for goodness sake, don't tell her anything before hand!! You need to take action without her being aware of your plans or you may very well find yourself in handcuffs.

 

I'm not trying to be alarmist, but there is more than one post here on VJ of men who have found themselves in your situation and it did not go well for them. I am truly sorry this has happened to you.

[MakeItWork 0]

22 hours ago, theresaL said:

I agree 150% with TBoneTX. It's time to be proactive and take care of yourself. Abuse is not okay and passively waiting for things to change is not going to protect you. These types of situations tend to only get worse. And for goodness sake, don't tell her anything before hand!! You need to take action without her being aware of your plans or you may very well find yourself in handcuffs.

 

I'm not trying to be alarmist, but there is more than one post here on VJ of men who have found themselves in your situation and it did not go well for them. I am truly sorry this has happened to you.

Thank you and everyone. I'm trying to find these post you mention and read more. I feel like I am too close to the problem to listen to my own good advice which is very much the same as the general opinion. If anyone does happen to know of a post of the same matter please let me know.

 

if anyone is in the same boat as me. I agree with the other posters. But would also say as soon as you see the signs of violence then don't get married. It's tough because of the short time we have to do everything. You find yourself focused on the goal of marriage versus bring light to the small things that become bigger. 

[TBoneTX 43,058]

9 hours ago, MakeItWork said:

You find yourself focused on the goal of marriage versus bring light to the small things that become bigger. 

This does happen.

The goal of marriage can be properly summed up as "my happiness in life is my sweetheart, friend, and wife."

However, the marriage/wedding takes on a life of its own.

I remember my first one (not this one, and with a U.S. citizen, like me).

I was swept along as though in a rushing river, like a useless appendage, as she & her mother planned everything.

The wedding was huge and grand and "something that people will remember for a long time."

This is not the point, and it shouldn't have been.

9 hours ago, MakeItWork said:

as you see the signs of violence then don't get married.

The above is the point.

I missed some ominous signs of abuse to come.

The thoughts in your point above occurred to me when it came time to say "I do," yet I still "did."

Amidst the abuse, I kept trying to tell myself "everything will be all right once it all settles down."  It didn't.

When I'd had enough and ended the marriage (in less than 2 years), the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

I was very careful in subsequent potential relationships.

Those with violent psychos ended after (or during) the first date, always with my head on straight and held high.

It took many years, but happily, the current Mrs. T-B. is my final wife... at least for now.  

With all the sweet, eligible, gentle single women in the world, you can end what you're in now and never look back.

This is a great eye-opener for you, and I can't emphasize how fortunate you are to have the chance to act now.