Ideas to make this train wreck less painful?

[gregcrs2 1,777]

5 minutes ago, Ksenia_O said:

I have an opposite feeling - after reading OP's topics, and that K-1 withdrawal thing in 2017 (looks like a  "shopping for a bride" from Est. European country/-ies?). 

Actually, having a list....seems like a control freak thing!

 

[Ksenia_O 695]

31 minutes ago, ineedadisplayname said:

Oh yeah. Had the same thought but didn't want to write it down. I would say more like a stay at home wife who would take care of the house, husband etc...

 

As you also mentioned she is probably not in for the green card because otherwise most likely (depends whats on the list) she would have agreed to anything on that infamous list without a word....

then he has an out-dated info and looking in the wrong place  - Ukrainian women are very active these days and work a lot (most).  Well, very often life makes them not to be dependent on anyone and relay on themselves only.

 It's  becoming a  myth, pretty much, that the only thing an Est. European woman is dreaming of - to be a "stay at home wife".

 

About green card. We don't know what's on that 'beautiful" list..  Not sure if it even exists or was presented to /discussed with his Fiancee . OP, seems , changes his mind all the time - filed I-129F, withdrawn in 45 days. Another petition gets filed (pretty soon after first one) -a "cold feet" thing  and the list...  Don't know. There is definitely more to the story - I'd really like to know what his Fiancee thinks/knows/believes.... I can't get rid of a feeling she is, probably,  blindsided, in some way. Hope I'm mistaken... 

Edited December 3, 2018 by Ksenia_O

[RLA 323]

2 hours ago, gregcrs2 said:

Actually, having a list....seems like a control freak thing!

 

Hey, don't judge the list people!  That's just how some people like to organize their thoughts.  

 

The real problem is that he proceeded with the K1 process even though he wasn't ready to marry his fiancée.  That's like discussing wedding arrangements and letting her put down $$$$$ in deposits even though he's not going to say "I will."

 

Well, at least he seems to be willing to help her get back home and back on her feet. 

[Shiran 1,134]

2 hours ago, Ksenia_O said:

then he has an out-dated info and looking in the wrong place  - Ukrainian women are very active these days and work a lot (most).  Well, very often life makes them not to be dependent on anyone and relay on themselves only.

 It's  becoming a  myth, pretty much, that the only thing an Est. European woman is dreaming of - to be a "stay at home wife".

 

About green card. We don't know what's on that 'beautiful" list..  Not sure if it even exists or was presented to /discussed with his Fiancee . OP, seems , changes his mind all the time - filed I-129F, withdrawn in 45 days. Another petition gets filed (pretty soon after first one) -a "cold feet" thing  and the list...  Don't know. There is definitely more to the story - I'd really like to know what his Fiancee thinks/knows/believes.... I can't get rid of a feeling she is, probably,  blindsided, in some way. Hope I'm mistaken... 

Don't think there was a time in history where Ukrainian women didn't work, or weren't independent, politically and socially active, and self sufficient. That is not say they can't make great life partners and parents, and same goes for smart, confident person the world over. 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Shiran

[stacyt 209]

As other Ukrainian people have mentioned here, a lot of Ukrainians have great jobs and salaries - and for an American to say she had given up a good job, means she must have been earning good money.

 

I've been making 3k+, had a great apartment, friends and been traveling all over the world so for me to give it all up, move here and not be able to even leave for at least 7 months, was a big commitment. Just like it was for a lot of K-1 applicants.

 

I personally think you really (removed)this girl over, she gave up her life in UA for you and now marrying you is a bad choice since it will not be a good marriage, and going back to Ukraine will mean starting from scratch AND probably never getting another American visa again. Bad either way. I just hope she will be okay.

 

My cost of moving was at least 6k, so that + 2-3 months salary + plane tickets + money to stay in the US will be the least you owe her. That is, if she didn't pay for her applications herself. Otherwise, you will need to cover that too. And if she decides to stay here without marrying you, you will still be responsible for her financially. Even is she's out of status.

Edited December 4, 2018 by Ontarkie
edited for language

[Rocko20 159]

16 hours ago, cyclone27 said:

 

I wish those who petition would really be 100% sure before allowing their fiancé to come since at the end of the day only the fiancé will be severely impacted by poor choices the petitioner makes.

To be fair, the K1 (and CR1) by design makes it very tough to spend time with someone unless you have a lot of money for plane tickets and alot of time off work to visit the spouse in the foreign country.

 

Unless the foreign alien resides in a 1st world visa waiver country  like Sweden or Canada and can visit America without a visa, it's very tough for the average american to spend sufficient time with someone to know 100%. Even then, both parties still have to wait 5-8 months apart (assuming the spouse doesn't reside in a visa waiver country) which is also stressful 

 

So the entire process isn't very "relationship friendly" in the typical American way of spending many months or years daily together before deciding to get married. So I can't blame the OP or any other poster who ends up breaking up, this process isn't for the faint of heart. 

 

And we've also seen the opposite happen, where foreigners get their green card and dump the US citizen  or file for a Vawa green card, so I'm just not quick to judge anyone else going through it. 

 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Rocko20

[Mimicherie 142]

10 minutes ago, Rocko20 said:

To be fair, the K1 (and CR1) by design makes it very tough to spend time with someone unless you have a lot of money for plane tickets and alot of time off work to visit the spouse in the foreign country.

 

Unless the foreign alien resides in a 1st world visa waiver country  like Sweden or Canada and can visit America without a visa, it's very tough for the average american to spend sufficient time with someone to known 100%. Even then, both parties still have to wait 5-8 months apart (assuming they don't reside in a visa waiver country) which is also stressful 

 

So the entire process isn't very "relationship friendly" in the typical American way of spending many months daily together before deciding to get married. So I can't blame the OP or any other poster who ends up breaking up. 

 

I agree with the thought behind this, but in this case, he kinda knew what his stance was on this relationship for 6 months prior to Visa approval & the worst part about this unfortunate situation is that she’s only arrived but a week ago. 👀

Edited December 4, 2018 by gsdc23

[ineedadisplayname 442]

10 minutes ago, Rocko20 said:

So I can't blame the OP or any other poster who ends up breaking up, this process isn't for the faint of heart.

If you check the username's previous posts he was not sure about the whole things for MONTHS now.... And a week after she got here now he is sure he doesn't want to marry her.... That's the f###ed up thing. Sure, break up it's not a legally binding thing even after getting the visa, BUT break up if you are not sure and don't let the other person to come.... That was a big mistake on his side. Also from her side she might be pushy, who knows.

I don't think we know enough of both sides to be sure who to blame :)). Dunno what's up with me, but I am so judgy today...

[Rocko20 159]

4 hours ago, ineedadisplayname said:

If you check the username's previous posts he was not sure about the whole things for MONTHS now.... And a week after she got here now he is sure he doesn't want to marry her.... That's the thing. Sure, break up it's not a legally binding thing even after getting the visa, BUT break up if you are not sure and don't let the other person to come.... That was a big mistake on his side. Also from her side she might be pushy, who knows.

I don't think we know enough of both sides to be sure who to blame :)). Dunno what's up with me, but I am so judgy today...

Agreed, I didn't check the posters history. But I'm assuming that USCIS doesn't just let people file a bunch of K1s willly nilliy so the OP likely screwed himself as well.  It's not like he just screwed her, I assume he screwed himself and will be extra scrutinized or rejected  if he ever wants to file again 

Edited December 4, 2018 by TBoneTX
language in quote

[Ksenia_O 695]

33 minutes ago, Shiran said:

Don't think there was a time in history where Ukrainian women didn't work, or weren't independent, politically and socially active, and self sufficient. That is not say they can't make great life partners and parents, and same goes for smart, confident person the world over. 

Very true.  And this is probably something OP would not be able to deal with. 

[Ksenia_O 695]

I feel bad for her cat.... The flight is long and hard enough for a human being, along with transition and trying to get used to a new place, but for a pet it's even worse - they don't understand what's going on...

Pure thing - just landed, barely recovered, and here we go , again on the board.... 

 

Sorry, guys, a little bit off the topic.

 

[ineedadisplayname 442]

Just now, Rocko20 said:

Agreed, I didn't check the posters history. But I'm assuming that USCIS doesn't just let people file a bunch of K1s willly nilliy so the OP likely screwed himself as well.  It's not like he just screwed her, I assume he screwed himself. 

Not really. For the 2nd or 3rd petition of a new K1 you will need to file a wavier but far as I read it's not a deal breaker. Also getting married is not forced on anybody on a K1. That's why you get 90 days to get married so you can try to live with the person you want to marry. Not sure about the affidavit of support tho when that kicks in....

 

You mentioned the visa wavier. Yeah it's a cool thing, also not easier to get in, you still can be turned around and kicked out of the program. So instead of being denied at the embassy, you will get denied at the port of entry if you don't have enough ties to your country or they think you would stay or coming here to work illegally. There is a few pages long form you need to fill out before getting the ESTA approval. I have/had ESTA so I was lucky to be able to visit my now spouse a couple of times to see if I would like to live in the USA. We were sure about each other, not so much about the location.

 

But yes, you are right about the whole process of this K1 is not that relationship friendly. A couple of years ago it was like 2 months to get the visa, now it's much more so I think people feel compelled after knowing their bf/gf to file for K1 because it takes much longer, so they might rush into it. At least that's how I see it. And yes even after 7 month of long distance relationship you can get surprises but just deciding after a week that's brutal. Or not being sure in the first place. I still think they shouldn't get married at this point because it will just cause more complications.

Also I am not sure if I would marry somebody I know for a year or so and met a couple of times for a week or two. Also most of us need some time to adjust to the USA and living with somebody who you were seeing most of the time on a screen and now you can't "turn it off" :))

 

[ineedadisplayname 442]

2 minutes ago, Ksenia_O said:

I feel bad for her cat.... The flight is long and hard enough for a human being, along with transition and trying to get used to a new place, but for a pet it's even worse - they don't understand what's going on...

Pure thing - just landed, barely recovered, and here we go , again on the board.... 

 

Sorry, guys, a little bit off the topic.

 

Totally forget about the cat. Poor thing....

I think most of us is upset because of the whole ONE week thing and he KNEW that he is not sure. Which is totally fine if he would have said it don't think this will work and broke up before dragging her over....

I think people nowadays feel more compelled to file early for the visa because it takes so long. Like 2 years ago it was 2-3 months tops so you could date for longer and then when you were sure you just file and you would have the visa in 2 months

[HarryWL 262]

Yikes.

 

This is the real difference between CR1/IR1 and K1 visas. K1 really doesn't really offer much of a safety set for the beneficiary once they arrived in the US and before they marry the sponsor. Knowing how long the process takes; whilst having cold feet; to then allow your fiancée to travel all the way from Europe is kinda messed up. To throw a one way return plane ticket and 2 months living expenses (by Ukrainian standards, probably isn't a lot) is pretty insulting to someone you showed intent to spend the rest of your life with. 

 

This could make anyone skeptical about applying for a K1 visa. 

[Rocko20 159]

17 minutes ago, ineedadisplayname said:

I still think they shouldn't get married at this point because it will just cause more complications.

 

Agreed, but sadly, there is nothing from stopping the OP to to it to the next person (assuming he indeed wasn't 100% months ago)