Help with K1/AoS and terrible marriage problem please

[LostInUSA 0]

Hello. Congratulations to all of you in amazing, loving relationships and marriages.

 

I have been here for about 6 months. Got married 3 days after landing thinking it would be awesome. Been in a LDR for 4 years. Had our ups and downs but always took his side and helped him through the .

 

So, I paid to get here, paid for EVERYTHING. The application, medical, flight, shipping, flying my pet over. I landed with $40.

 

I've left my (very small) family, hundreds of friends, a good paying full time job, fully furnished house to be with this man (he didn't want to leave his huge family, only just got a job because no one would help him with sponsorship with me).

Since being here, we've ended up moving into his cousin's basement. My stuff still in boxes and suitcases, the cat chasing and catching mice, spiders everywhere... I never go out, I don't see much in the way of sunlight. My only $40 was spend on a birth control pill that he told me I had to get because he couldn't afford protection. 

 

If I ask to go out anywhere, I get hell. I've seen my US friends twice since being here. He gets so crabby with me if I am texting friends or if I'm gaming with them. He got SO angry when I was out with his cousin to help her in Ikea. Very much a 'i don't like you doing things' attitude.

 

My husband argues with me constantly, has told I'm not welcome here, nearly threw me out of his car in the pouring rain on a highway because I asked him to slow down. He refuses to put in the Adjustment of Status forms for reasons he won't tell me, he never seems to have any money even though his mother has given him over $1.5k, always gives me hell about nothing, I've recently found he's got folders full of female facebook "friends" and his other cousin's girlfriend's photographs and videos of them performing sex acts on his phone, messages arranging meet ups and asking for sex with his ex/best friend dated right up until I landed...

I've also found cartoon porn of children!!! He's also on an online blog saving links to very, very young women performing gross acts. Texts looking for cocaine... This is all just the tip of the iceberg. I cannot count the amount of times he has cheated on me since we got together.

 

He's giving me because I'm homesick and don't feel comfortable. I miss being out and about, makes me out to be a bad person for not being intimate with him because his hygiene is terrible. Honest to god, he's probably showered 5 times and cleaned his teeth 4 since I've been here.

 

It's very his way or no way around here. He's so manipulative and argumentative. Absolutely everything is twisted to being my fault.

 

So, I'm stuck. I have spent all of my money getting here and marrying this guy who said he loved me and I was the only one. I'm getting the and being told I have to lighten up "for better or worse", that I have to give myself up and have sex with him to stop him wandering etc..

 

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this terrible relationship. I don't want to be with a man who treats women like this and has a load on the side. God knows how.

I don't love him. This is awful and I've spoken to online councillors because I have felt suicidal.

I am so broken. He's told me if I speak to his family about anything he has done, he'll just throw me out and I'll end up getting deported.

He's, allegedly, wiped the SD card of all the gross he had on it but has told me before that he knows of apps to retrieve deleted data.

 

I love this country and I love my friends I have here. I'm so ashamed of everything that's happened and happening, no one (apart from his family) knows I'm/we're married.

 

What can I do? I'm stuck, not a penny to my name, cannot drive, work, or make calls without him giving me hell for numbers appearing on the bill (so I use other online messaging services).

 

What options are out there for situations like this? I can't live like this, I cannot return back to the UK as I have no money and no home or job to go to...

 

Please... Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

- A friend in need.

[Boiler 43,433]

Well you are out of status, the K1 was only good for 90 days so I see no other option than to go home.

[Alabamak1 688]

Sorry to hear this, but your best bet is to get some money and go back home. If he doesn't apply for your AOS, you are basically done. ESTA is gone too at this point, and being here is bound by his commitment to finish the process. Unfortunately that is all you got left. Staying here like a prisoner...is not gonna change things.

[K1visaHopeful 2,662]

This is EXACTLY why K1s are given the IMBRA Pamplet at their interview.

I would look into your rights as an immigrant as although the abuse you are enduring is not physical or sexual (yet) this IS emotional and financial abuse. Most would consider that as domestic violence. 

I would speak to a lawyer. You may be able to file your own AOS application under VAWA status. That would allow you an expedite on your EAD too so you you could start work and get the HELL out of there. 

Start gathering evidence now and get to a lawyer.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/visa-information-resources/imbra.html

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Alabamak1 688]

3 minutes ago, K1visaHopeful said:

This is EXACTLY why K1s are given the IMBRA Pamplet at their interview.

I would look into your rights as an immigrant as although the abuse you are enduring is not physical or sexual (yet) this IS emotional and financial abuse. Most would consider that as domestic violence. 

I would speak to a lawyer. You may be able to file your own AOS application under VAWA status. That would allow you an expedite on your EAD too so you you could start work and get the HELL out of there. 

Start gathering evidence now and get to a lawyer.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/visa-information-resources/imbra.html

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

is this even possible for VAWA after not even filed for AOS? just asking.

[LostInUSA 0]

13 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Well you are out of status, the K1 was only good for 90 days so I see no other option than to go home.

I have nothing to go back to normal can I afford to do so. All my money has gone into moving here.

 

4 minutes ago, Alabamak1 said:

Sorry to hear this, but your best bet is to get some money and go back home. If he doesn't apply for your AOS, you are basically done. ESTA is gone too at this point, and being here is bound by his commitment to finish the process. Unfortunately that is all you got left. Staying here like a prisoner...is not gonna change things.

It's a bit hard to get money when you cannot legally work. I'd love to be able to work so I can get out of here, meet new people, and have a social life again.

 

2 minutes ago, K1visaHopeful said:

This is EXACTLY why K1s are given the IMBRA Pamplet at their interview.

I would look into your rights as an immigrant as although the abuse you are enduring is not physical or sexual (yet) this IS emotional and financial abuse. Most would consider that as domestic violence. 

I would speak to a lawyer. You may be able to file your own AOS application under VAWA status. That would allow you an expedite on your EAD too so you you could start work and get the HELL out of there. 

Start gathering evidence now and get to a lawyer.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/visa-information-resources/imbra.html

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Self AoS is a thing? No money and lack of evidence since wiping the card and locking everything down will make this very difficult.

I honestly believed, when I got here, that life would be awesome. That things would be great etc.. I was so wrong and I'm absolutely gutted. I hate myself for falling for all of this and going through with it all. I wish I knew everything I know now and saved a lot of time, money, and heartache.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions so far. I appreciate you all so much.

[Boiler 43,433]

Bad marriage does not equal VAWA.

[Alabamak1 688]

unfortunately, that is what marriage and Visa is tied to. it's a catch 22 till you at least get to that point of GC in hand. Hope someone back home can send you a ticket or a way out of this situation

[Hello729 74]

Quite frankly, I am without words.

[LostInUSA 0]

2 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

Quite frankly, I am without words.

Yeah, me too. I never would have thought this was going to happen. 

 

13 minutes ago, Alabamak1 said:

unfortunately, that is what marriage and Visa is tied to. it's a catch 22 till you at least get to that point of GC in hand. Hope someone back home can send you a ticket or a way out of this situation

So, once (if) I get a green card, I can get out of this? Nothing will come back on me? At least that way I can work and save to leave. Is there not a form or something to say I no longer depend on him with the AoS?

[EandH0904 1,184]

27 minutes ago, LostInUSA said:

I have nothing to go back to normal can I afford to do so. All my money has gone into moving here.

 

It's a bit hard to get money when you cannot legally work. I'd love to be able to work so I can get out of here, meet new people, and have a social life again.

 

Self AoS is a thing? No money and lack of evidence since wiping the card and locking everything down will make this very difficult.

I honestly believed, when I got here, that life would be awesome. That things would be great etc.. I was so wrong and I'm absolutely gutted. I hate myself for falling for all of this and going through with it all. I wish I knew everything I know now and saved a lot of time, money, and heartache.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions so far. I appreciate you all so much.

I am sorry that you are in a horrible marriage and feel like you were betrayed. 

 

While you say that you cannot afford to go back - are you telling me that you have NO ONE who would help you move if you told them about this? You may not have a couple thousand $$ to get you and your property back but maybe you have 10 friends you could borrow a little money from - even if back in the UK. 

 

You say you have friends here that you enjoy being with - why have you not left this man and gone to stay with friends until you figure out the next step?

 

 

[debbiedoo 2,339]

Really, i think you have to leave if you want to leave him (and based on what you said, you should)

 

ask family back home to buy you a ticket. maybe they can all pitch in together. My dad would send me the money without a second thought. He sent me money when i left my ex to help me get out.

 

 

[LostInUSA 0]

1 minute ago, EandH0904 said:

I am sorry that you are in a horrible marriage and feel like you were betrayed. 

 

While you say that you cannot afford to go back - are you telling me that you have NO ONE who would help you move if you told them about this? You may not have a couple thousand $$ to get you and your property back but maybe you have 10 friends you could borrow a little money from - even if back in the UK. 

 

You say you have friends here that you enjoy being with - why have you not left this man and gone to stay with friends until you figure out the next step?

 

 

Those friends in the UK helped me get here. They're not exactly flush themselves.

Honestly, I'm scared to leave. I'm scared he'll pull some stunt and get me somehow. Either hurt or someone telling me I need to leave.

 

It sounds ridiculous... I really do feel scared to leave. It's a shame because his family are wonderful.

4 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

Really, i think you have to leave if you want to leave him (and based on what you said, you should)

 

ask family back home to buy you a ticket. maybe they can all pitch in together. My dad would send me the money without a second thought. He sent me money when i left my ex to help me get out.

 

 

My dad died about 10 years ago. I don't speak to my mother due to past abuse.

I'm pretty stuck at this moment in time.

[Alabamak1 688]

IMO staying is not an option in the legal way w/o him. You are bound to get GC only on the basis of marriage to him, period. He does not want to file for AOS, EAD/AP, you are stuck in limbo. Someone mentioned VAWA, but you are in the pre-AOS filing stage. Don't qualify or even abuse is not physical, but mental. You could try to get a fundraiser for few thousand dollars and fly home and forget you ever came here. Divorce is a nightmare, but you may have a last resort with your embassy, maybe they have a solution or not. 

 

It sounds, like you made friends here, but they can do nothing for you to be able to stay and that is not a "good" excuse to stay.  Immigration has tightened the ropes so people don't just resorts to ultimate decisions and get GC. Your case sounds legit, but Immigration has heard all kinds of stories and this is all hard to prove even with VAWA.

[K1visaHopeful 2,662]

Start looking up self petitioning for your GC and then talk to an immigration attorney. 

Just because you are not a legal resident does not mean you are to be subjected to cruel punishment of a controlling, adulterous spouse.

Self petitioning under VAWA is a real option you should look into. Domestic violence does not just mean physical abuse. You are protected under the laws of the US from many types of abuse.

There are free legal resources out there for you because of your situation. Look into it.

Start with the IMBRA pamphlet. There are links that should get you started on the right path.