My k-1 wife's ex spouse.

[CEE53147 559]

International travel is far different from domestic travel.  Unless limited by court order, in my state, the parent with current custody/visitation can take the child wherever he/she wants without the need to seek approval of the other parent.  I, unfortunately, know a parent who will file for unwarranted emergency protective orders (which are generally automatically granted) in order to have possession of a child for a vacation that was scheduled for the other parent's time for possession. It will take months to get the hearing for the final determination and involve child services, interviews with grandparents, friends, child, as well as parents.   Every single one has been determined to be unfounded.

 

Given the disparities in incomes between the US and Columbia, it is unlikely that the father will be able to make many trips to see the child.  It will be interesting to know if child will return to his country of birth to visit his mother's family and whether mom will arrange time for dad. There is no guarantee that mother's family will receive visit visas to the US. If mom and stepdad fund grandparent visitation, they should fund dad's and dad's parents.

 

I see this as a long term, contentious situation unless both parents cooperate and stepdad stops interfering with the relationship.  Note, he not mom posted the original question. The loser is the child who has lost the physically close relationship with most of his family - both mom's and dad's - in the move.

[JayMar2019 2,741]

11 minutes ago, CEE53147 said:

International travel is far different from domestic travel.  Unless limited by court order, in my state, the parent with current custody/visitation can take the child wherever he/she wants without the need to seek approval of the other parent.  I, unfortunately, know a parent who will file for unwarranted emergency protective orders (which are generally automatically granted) in order to have possession of a child for a vacation that was scheduled for the other parent's time for possession. It will take months to get the hearing for the final determination and involve child services, interviews with grandparents, friends, child, as well as parents.   Every single one has been determined to be unfounded.

 

Given the disparities in incomes between the US and Columbia, it is unlikely that the father will be able to make many trips to see the child.  It will be interesting to know if child will return to his country of birth to visit his mother's family and whether mom will arrange time for dad. There is no guarantee that mother's family will receive visit visas to the US. If mom and stepdad fund grandparent visitation, they should fund dad's and dad's parents.

 

I see this as a long term, contentious situation unless both parents cooperate and stepdad stops interfering with the relationship.  Note, he not mom posted the original question. The loser is the child who has lost the physically close relationship with most of his family - both mom's and dad's - in the move.

And I can also confirm that it also applies to domestic travel as I have a personal experience with my son's father taking him to another U.S. state that was NOT custodial to either of us and he did not provide knowledge or consent. My son's father and I have never been married, we don't even live in the same US state and I have moved plenty of times between NY, NJ, and now DE, (and we are both USCs) and we have a joint custody order filed with the court. And as many times as we have had it revised (or I have had it revised over the years) the wording in regards to travel outside the other residential/custodial state still applies that both parents must notify the other of any travel whether DOMESTIC or INTERNATIONAL. Granted, some parents don't bother with this notion and make it a big deal provided on the parental relationship that they have but in those complex parental relationships, it does come into play. "Emergency ex parte" or emergency orders are not automatically granted UNLESS there is basis for the Judge to granted a temporary order based on neglect, child/sexual abuse or the environment is unsafe to the child's welfare (basically what is in the child's best interest criteria). I have filed this "ex parte" against my son's father and I had to have probable cause of such. What takes months for the hearing is the custodial/visitation hearing. And if child services are involved, and interviews are taken place with other relatives, that "case" is much more complex (i.e., abuse allegations). What the OP is stating in his initial post, is not this complex.

 

Unless you know more than the rest of us do here and have personal dealings with the OP and his situation, we can only go based on what he provided. We don't know what the father's current source of income is or isn't while in Colombia, but as a parent...A CONCERNED, LOVING PARENT...if he wants to see his child or children, he will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make that happen and that's whether you make a billion dollars or barely making pennies on the dollar. Regarding funding the "grandparents visitation", I read nowhere in any of his posts where this was something he presented as an option. And whether the mother returns to Colombia with the children to see her family or not, that is NOT what the initial post was about.

 

You seem to be very and EXTREMELY "personally invested" in this matter, that one is to think that maybe you know more than what is being said and if that is the case, then so be it. But if not, you are taking this wayyyyyyy too personally. OP was just seeking advice regarding his situation, not to be criticized about his dealings as a step-parent.

 

All we can do is provide feedback on what is given.

[Jaquelly 1,647]

OP:

 

The advice has been given multiple times for your spouse to seek a family lawyer. That would be the best recourse. It would also be wise for the father to try to obtain a visa to visit the children.

 

There is a saying we like around here: "There are always three sides to a story - his, hers and the truth."

 

I will not fault you, like another person has, for asking questions and trying to be respectful to YOUR WIFE and her children, whom I am sure you care for because you love their mother. It is absolutely fine to love them and want the best for them. You mentioned in the thread that the father was not involved in their lives before they moved. It is possible that now that they are gone, he has realized that he should have spent more time when them when they were around.

 

Suggest to your wife that while you are seeking a family lawyer, the children should have supervised video chats with their father - IF it is something THEY are comfortable with. It has nothing to do with you or your wife. The kids do have a father, he does have rights, and from a very personal level I plead with you to let them have a relationship with him if if it something that would be healthy for them. My sisters do not speak to my father because their mother is vengeful and controlling. I would hate to see that happen to another father, just because the parents are unhappy with him.

 

Good luck to you. To anyone who disagrees with me: take a walk.

[John & Rose 7,237]

18 minutes ago, Jaquelly said:

OP:

 

The advice has been given multiple times for your spouse to seek a family lawyer. That would be the best recourse. It would also be wise for the father to try to obtain a visa to visit the children.

 

There is a saying we like around here: "There are always three sides to a story - his, hers and the truth."

 

I will not fault you, like another person has, for asking questions and trying to be respectful to YOUR WIFE and her children, whom I am sure you care for because you love their mother. It is absolutely fine to love them and want the best for them. You mentioned in the thread that the father was not involved in their lives before they moved. It is possible that now that they are gone, he has realized that he should have spent more time when them when they were around.

 

Suggest to your wife that while you are seeking a family lawyer, the children should have supervised video chats with their father - IF it is something THEY are comfortable with. It has nothing to do with you or your wife. The kids do have a father, he does have rights, and from a very personal level I plead with you to let them have a relationship with him if if it something that would be healthy for them. My sisters do not speak to my father because their mother is vengeful and controlling. I would hate to see that happen to another father, just because the parents are unhappy with him.

 

Good luck to you. To anyone who disagrees with me: take a walk.

It feels like old home here today!  I love seeing these old friends from the past!

[Loren Y 2,731]

Guess I'm a simpleton, but their biological father signed away his rights in a legally enforceable document. That is the end of it, if the children want to get to know him, when they turn 18 they can do whatever they want, until then the biological father is SOL. Don't sign anything that you don't want to. I'll take a bullet to the head before I sign anything I don't want to, but that's just me. If he really wanted to see his children, he didn't have to sign away his rights, and they would still be with him.

[NikLR 13,220]

Personally I am glad to see a step-parent who is taking on a positive role in the children's lives.  It's better than being ignored like luggage or tag a longs.  

 

I agree that your wife should seek some legal counsel.  I also agree that the children should not go visit their father on their own until an agreement can be met.  

 

My ex and I do very well sharing custody of our child across borders. It can be done certainly. 

[Shiran 1,134]

It is preposterous to say that StepFather needs to stay out of it. For all intents and purposes he is parental figure now in those children future, that is part of deal you accept when you marry a person with underage children. He absolutely should be involved in their lives and making decision together with his wife about them and what is best for them. In practical terms though, the children have only been in country for couple of months, and still do not have their travel authorization form. All 3 of them will need to be involved in discussion later on once children and wife can travel. It probably would be extremely dangerous and unwise to let children travel by themselves back to Columbia. It would make more sense for Mother to go with them once she have travel authorization.

[bakphx1 785]

Reading replies here...keep in mind that VJ members are not lawyers and have no experience with your situation.  I wouldn’t do anything without consulting an attorney, and ask the kids what they want and base your decisions on that.  Your one and only guide in decision making is “what’s best for the kids?”  

[Jaquelly 1,647]

11 minutes ago, bakphx1 said:

Reading replies here...keep in mind that VJ members are not lawyers and have no experience with your situation.  I wouldn’t do anything without consulting an attorney, and ask the kids what they want and base your decisions on that.  Your one and only guide in decision making is “what’s best for the kids?”  

We might not be lawyers, but it is always a good idea to contact a lawyer when dealing with international custody situations. 

[Beto75 5]

9 hours ago, JamesySofia said:

My wife from Colombia recieved her k-1 Visa along with her children a couple months ago, and we have since got married, and her ex-spouse has started to become a thorn in our side.

 

When he signed his letter of consent he was pressured by his parents to give a request that he would be able to contact them by phone, which was agreed to, his parents were very involved with the children (though he was not,  and never contacted them). Since they have arrived he has called every day (which is not the point) but if/when his call is not received initially he will call repeatedly. As we explained to him we are all busy, his children are not the only ones we are caring for and sometimes we cannot answer. He tends not to appreciate that and feels he is being ignored purposely, and though my wife has custody of the children I am given to understand in Colombia the father always retains some rights after the divorce.

 

So, he has started to request they come visit him soon, and we are worried he will make it impossible for the children to return. So my question is: Do the children need his consent every time they want to come back to the USA and can he legally detain them if they are to travel back to CO?

Probably they will require his permission. Better to get a court order allowing them to leave before hand, or a sworn statement. Retaining them in the US, can be a problem even in the US if he sues for breach of custodial agreements. Remember the kids, your wife and the ex, are all Colombian citizens. And colombian judgements are valid even in the USA. Consult a family lawyer.

[<3T&M<3 217]

 

9 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

YOU need to start putting the best interest of the children first and facilitate the relationship with their father rather than try to put roadblocks to it.

Uhhhh.... if the mother has full custody and the father has never contacted the children AND the mother has found a new love who is supportive and taking those children in as his own then... ummmm......

 

Yeah... I can't even waste more words on your jibberish.

[SalishSea 16,770]

4 hours ago, Loren Y said:

Guess I'm a simpleton, but their biological father signed away his rights in a legally enforceable document. That is the end of it, if the children want to get to know him, when they turn 18 they can do whatever they want, until then the biological father is SOL. Don't sign anything that you don't want to. I'll take a bullet to the head before I sign anything I don't want to, but that's just me. If he really wanted to see his children, he didn't have to sign away his rights, and they would still be with him.

Where did you get that the bio dad signed away his parental rights?   The OP stated that he signed the consent for their mother to bring them to live in the United States.   That does not terminate his rights as their father.

[Loren Y 2,731]

4 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Where did you get that the bio dad signed away his parental rights?   The OP stated that he signed the consent for their mother to bring them to live in the United States.   That does not terminate his rights as their father.

I believe that would give her full custody of the children ( at least if she was smart she got full custody) then what he wants wouldn't matter.

[Ontarkie 13,915]

~~Moved to the Regional Forum, from K1 Progress Reports. As custody is country specific.~~

 

 

mod hat off

 

Any custody issues MUST be dealt with in the country that the children were born. In this case Columbia. The US courts will not change, modify or anything else to a court order from another country. They will indeed back that court order.

 I say this, as I did my research, consulted multiple lawyers in the US and Canada as I was bringing my 4 kids on a K2. 

i do agree that the Step parent needs to allow the mother to handle this, but that does not mean he has no say in what is going on. Calling every night multiple times until someone answers is actually the father trying to control his ex and the kids. This is a negative and can be dealt in courts. Set up a time and day(s) that works for the kids to call him. Stick to that make a scheduled and do not skip calls. 

 

And as mentioned  in many countries the father does not give up or lose his rights to the kids just because he consented to the move or if the mother has sole custody. Your wife needs to know the laws of her country to know if the kids visit can he stop it.

This was something my lawyer worried about and she did not trust a letter of consent to be enough to move my kids or come and go after the move. She took that letter and had the judge turn it into a court order. This way if my ex tried anything he would first need to take me to court. 

 

Call a lawyer (your wife that is)  in Columbia and find out what if anything he can do. You need to know the laws there not in the US. 

[SalishSea 16,770]

43 minutes ago, Loren Y said:

I believe that would give her full custody of the children ( at least if she was smart she got full custody) then what he wants wouldn't matter.

That's not how that works.  Custody and parental rights are not interchangeable.  One parent can have full legal, residential custody while the other retains his/her status and rights as a parent.

Edited October 20, 2018 by Jorgedig
typo