Conditional resident wife is using restraining order to qualify for VAWA

[lysander 14]

16 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

If I was your asawa I would be mad as hell to. Basically you her here to be your maid pretty much, and took her away from a good life she was making in the Philippines. You took her away from a good life and expect her not to get mad because you live at home with no job. 

 

What did you expect was going to happen when you brought her here? Did you explain to her about the consequences of a Felony like threatening the President would have on y'all's life? I live with a Filipina so I understand tampo. But honestly why did you bring here here if YOU have no way to support anyone including yourself?

I brought up the felony and its implications in the very first conversation I had with her, because I didn't want to waste her time and get her hopes up if it was going to be a dealbreaker for her. The consular officer also discussed it with her during her embassy interview.

Edited September 22, 2017 by lysander

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

5 minutes ago, Merrytooth said:

Well, did you not read his previous posts?

His asawa had assured him that whatever happened, they were going to make it work, because she loved him and was committed to the relationship.

Probably all lies to make him happy or he is just plain naive gullible

 

I did read the majority of it as of right now. But honestly I do believe she meant that because she lasted this long right? So if she didn't mean it but just said it then she would have left along time ago. 

 

But she probably saw his true nature and got fed up. A fair number of Filipina's are women who work and want to support their family both here and back home. So by having a husband who did not work at all and did not contribute anything to the household is a slap in the face. 

[BuiQuang 95]

Just now, lysander said:

Restraining orders are granted or denied based on a preponderance of the evidence standard. That's another way of saying that they don't really care all that much if they get it wrong and grant a restraining order that wasn't justified. If they cared much about that, they would have a higher standard, like the clear and convincing evidence standard or the beyond a reasonable doubt standard.

You have no understanding of restraining orders.

 

Beyond a reasonable doubt is for final criminal trials, not for preliminary temporary restraining order at begining of process.  Beyond a reasonalbe dbout requires a trial.

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

1 minute ago, lysander said:

I brought up the felony and its implications in the very first conversation I had with her, because I didn't want to waste her time and get her hopes up if it was going to be a dealbreaker for her. The consular officer also discussed it with her during her embassy interview.

Ok, but what I am saying is that she did not "Fully Comprehend" what that meant here in the USA and how it would affect both of your lives. 

[BuiQuang 95]

2 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

I did read the majority of it as of right now. But honestly I do believe she meant that because she lasted this long right? So if she didn't mean it but just said it then she would have left along time ago. 

 

But she probably saw his true nature and got fed up. A fair number of Filipina's are women who work and want to support their family both here and back home. So by having a husband who did not work at all and did not contribute anything to the household is a slap in the face. 

She came to US 2016.  her con start 2014 but she got green card recently.

[Villanelle 4,121]

3 minutes ago, lysander said:

Restraining orders are granted or denied based on a preponderance of the evidence standard. That's another way of saying that they don't really care all that much if they get it wrong and grant a restraining order that wasn't justified. If they cared much about that, they would have a higher standard, like the clear and convincing evidence standard or the beyond a reasonable doubt standard.

As it should be. Better safe then sorry.

 

If she has A PREPONDERANCE OF EVIDENCE then she should get the order.  If nothing "bad" ever happened she wont have this. Once again it seems you dont want to fight it because you are guilty. If this is the case then you are just spamming VJ complaining about her manipulating the court system.

 

Im reporting the thread since youve gotten plenty of advice already.

 

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

@lysander, take some time off this issue. It will help you a lot..Work on yourself. Dont focus on what's wrong with her or you but improve on yourself.

[Going through 5,668]

It's better if you agree to some sort of amicable divorce---then it's over and done with just as quickly for you, too.  No sense dragging it out considering you probably have minimal assets together, and no kids.

[lysander 14]

10 minutes ago, xillini said:

Definition of marriage: 

The definition of love varies for everyone, but according to google dictionary, it says "intense feeling of deep affection"
In other words, I believe love ideally be unconditional (as much as there should be no violence in the world, which we have a lot), 
but of course everyone takes it differently and so does the marriage, the extension of love.

I took a lot of flak in the other thread because people saw my view of marriage as overly pragmatic. But my approach was influenced by what happened in my first marriage, in which I took a more romantic view. My first wife and I connected on an intellectual level and had a lot of the same values and experiences. Her parents said that we were like twins, we were so alike.

 

I loved her deeply, but she ended up falling out of love with me and leaving. This caused me the most severe emotional pain I've ever experienced in my life. Eventually, people who knew her told me that they had seen her have that same cycle of idealization and devaluation with many others. She had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which contributed to her relationship instability. She would love and even worship others and then it would turn to intense hate and vindictiveness.

 

After that experience, I took a more pragmatic approach of thinking, "Okay, let me find someone who has what I want, and who will accept what I have to offer. Let me find someone who is more psychologically stable and has a better track record of success in life. Let me find someone from a different culture that doesn't have so much divorce." But obviously my pragmatism wasn't good enough because I was basing it on a woman's promises of being different than other women, when in reality she had the same expectations as other women, which I fell short of with her just as I might've with someone else. I actually overlooked a lot of flaws and baggage on her part too because I thought she was special for being willing to overlook my faults.

[BuiQuang 95]

35 minutes ago, lysander said:

Some people warned me. Others said go for it. This board wasn't the only place I consulted. You did happen to be right, though. So, mark it up as further proof of VisaJourney's superior advice, I guess.

Who told you to go for it?  U have no job do not want to work and want immigrant wife to come to us to support u.  Who think this was good idea?

 

I see people tell u not to marry her.

 

I see people give u advice because u want to bring ur wife 2 us.  helping u do not mean they told u to go for it.  they help u cuz u ask for it.

 

I don't see people tell u to go for it because ur plan was good.

[Going through 5,668]

6 minutes ago, lysander said:

I took a lot of flak in the other thread because people saw my view of marriage as overly pragmatic. But my approach was influenced by what happened in my first marriage, in which I took a more romantic view. My first wife and I connected on an intellectual level and had a lot of the same values and experiences. Her parents said that we were like twins, we were so alike.

 

I loved her deeply, but she ended up falling out of love with me and leaving. This caused me the most severe emotional pain I've ever experienced in my life. Eventually, people who knew her told me that they had seen her have that same cycle of idealization and devaluation with many others. She had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which contributed to her relationship instability. She would love and even worship others and then it would turn to intense hate and vindictiveness.

 

After that experience, I took a more pragmatic approach of thinking, "Okay, let me find someone who has what I want, and who will accept what I have to offer. Let me find someone who is more psychologically stable and has a better track record of success in life. Let me find someone from a different culture that doesn't have so much divorce." But obviously my pragmatism wasn't good enough because I was basing it on a woman's promises of being different than other women, when in reality she had the same expectations as other women, which I fell short of with her just as I might've with someone else. I actually overlooked a lot of flaws and baggage on her part too because I thought she was special for being willing to overlook my faults.

Hey, hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

 

You were jaded from your previous marriage going into this one----that's understandable.  

 

I'm thinking the deal breaker for your 2nd wife was not the felony, but that she didn't expect to have to start up a business/work and support the two of you, plus her family back in her country, while you stayed at home because you don't want to work.  Her expectation of you working as well (especially since you are the USC) isn't unreasonable.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Going through

[Ontarkie 13,913]

~~After review of this thread it will remain locked. Members have continually given you advice you have ignored there is nothing alse that can be said that hasn't. This thread is not to be restarted in any form.~~

Edited September 22, 2017 by Ontarkie