Conditional resident wife is using restraining order to qualify for VAWA

[Villanelle 4,121]

She is probably seeking one because to ROC you need to be either divorced or still married and able to file on your own under abuse waiver. File the divorce papers NOW. Do it yourself. Its cheap.

 

Perhaps if you do so she will drop the RO since she wont need it.

[kris&me 572]

The length of time is stay married to her is an issue for her not you

 

If you are divorced, but your marriage lasted 10 years or longer, you can receive benefits on your ex-spouse's record (even if they have remarried) 

 

this does not cut your benefits but does give her an income from SS when you retire

 

i always look to the future when wanting to know what is going to happen

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

1 hour ago, lysander said:

I feel like my mom and I upheld our end of the deal because even though I wasn't giving my wife any kind of lavish lifestyle, we were giving her room and board and all her other basic necessities. My mom even paid her pretty generously for helping clean the house. We were obligated to support her well enough to keep her out of poverty, and I think we did that and more.

If I was your asawa I would be mad as hell to. Basically you her here to be your maid pretty much, and took her away from a good life she was making in the Philippines. You took her away from a good life and expect her not to get mad because you live at home with no job. 

 

What did you expect was going to happen when you brought her here? Did you explain to her about the consequences of a Felony like threatening the President would have on y'all's life? I live with a Filipina so I understand tampo. But honestly why did you bring here here if YOU have no way to support anyone including yourself?

Edited September 22, 2017 by cyberfx1024

[BuiQuang 95]

2 minutes ago, kris&me said:

The length of time is stay married to her is an issue for her not you

 

If you are divorced, but your marriage lasted 10 years or longer, you can receive benefits on your ex-spouse's record (even if they have remarried) 

 

this does not cut your benefits but does give her an income from SS when you retire

 

i always look to the future when wanting to know what is going to happen

 

He don't work.  So he no get SS.  Plan was for immigrant wife to work so he can stay home.  He benefit from SS only if he stay married for 10 years to his wife.

 

[Lemonslice 4,553]

5 minutes ago, Damara said:

A restraining order is a HUGE deal. Under no circumstance should you avoid going and let it be placed on you. It will impact you for the rest of your life. You wont be able to purchase a gun, you wont be able to pass background checks for certain jobs. It will be on your record forever.

 

 

History of his posts shows more, so I don't think he'd be able to get a gun.

 

3 minutes ago, Damara said:

She is probably seeking one because to ROC you need to be either divorced or still married and able to file on your own under abuse waiver. File the divorce papers NOW. Do it yourself. Its cheap.

 

Perhaps if you do so she will drop the RO since she wont need it.

Maybe she's seeking one because she fears him? 

 

[Merrytooth 5,748]

19 minutes ago, lysander said:

I actually don't mind staying single, if what I'm going through now is the alternative. I'm not totally alone; I live with my family. You guys said it was a bad idea to marry her; she herself said that she loved me and wanted to marry me and that she could accept my faults. My friends and family were divided on the issue. Some said go for it; others were opposed.

 

My mom was leery about signing the affidavit of support, but we have several U.S. citizen friends who weren't able to sponsor their foreign spouse on their own and needed to get their parents to sign an affidavit of support, and they have all ended up doing fine. But the difference is that all of those U.S. citizen spouses are making at least SOME money. I thought there was a possibility too that I was going to continue to have an income, and that my wife in any case was resourceful and maybe could start a business that I could help her with.

 

Dude, I as immigrant is NOT going to pack up my bags and move across the global for a penniless future spouse who lacks ambitions to succeed in life.

I do not need my partner to be rich BUT at the very least, able to put food on the table, better himself and not be contented to remain stagnant forever => loser

 

As in your 2014 old thread, it has been made pretty clear that you have NOTHING to offer as potential partner except a Green Card opportunity for some desperate people trying to get out of their own countries.

 

That ended up not happening. But she had assured me that whatever happened, we were going to make it work, because she loved me and was committed to the relationship. Yeah, you gave advice, but my wife was closer to the situation than you are, and she said that we were going to find a way to make it work no matter what. On the other hand, you guys have less of a conflict of interest than she does. 

 

Blah blah blah.. How many times did you actually meet her in person to get to know her well personally instead of just listening those sweet talks?  Probably just 1 time then filed I-129F. Seriously, you really think she really love you by those daily online communications? 

 

 

Quote

 

The lesson? From what I can tell, it's that if you're going to sponsor an immigrant spouse, be sure that you are going to be able to provide at least SOME of her support without the help of your parents. 

lololol..... Everyone who has SOME common senses, should think 10 times before signing the I-864 for USC who clearly cannot afford to bring their foreign spouse to USA.

 

Stick to blown up toy from Japan next time.

[lysander 14]

Just now, Lemonslice said:

History of his posts shows more, so I don't think he'd be able to get a gun.

 

Maybe she's seeking one because she fears him? 

 

Why would she fear me? This seems to me like one of the more amicable of separations, up till this point. Even after she moved out, she was occasionally dropping in to chat, look through my phone to make sure I wasn't talking to other girls, and have sex. Sometimes we went out to eat.

 

As time went on, she started coming over less and less, and she started taking more and more of her belongings out of the house, and I guess now she's decided she's finally done with me. But there were no altercations or threats or anything.

[Villanelle 4,121]

Just now, Lemonslice said:

History of his posts shows more, so I don't think he'd be able to get a gun.

 

Maybe she's seeking one because she fears him? 

 

I didnt read his other thread. Perhaps I should. There seems to be more to this story.

 

But bottom line- I have faith in the court system. If she has valid reasons for wanting one, it will be given to her. If she doesnt then it wont. His attitude that 'this is all a scam for immigration purposes' may or may not be true. If its true he needs to fight his side. If its false then yeah, its easy for him to say Im not going to defend myself and let the chips fall where they may. 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

50 minutes ago, BuiQuang said:

The same people telling you to contest restraining order are same one who told u not to marry in 2014.  Maybe, they smart and know things better than u.  Not good to ignore accusations of domestic abuse cuz it can cost u a job in the future.

 

He already has a Felony conviction on his record of Threatening the President, so any hopes of a good job are out as of this point unless he goes back to school.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

5 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

If I was your asawa I would be mad as hell to. Basically you her here to be your maid pretty much, and took her away from a good life she was making in the Philippines. You took her away from a good life and expect her not to get mad because you live at home with no job. 

 

What did you expect was going to happen when you brought her here? Did you explain to her about the consequences of a Felony like threatening the President would have on y'all's life? I live with a Filipina so I understand tampo. But honestly why did you bring here here if YOU have no way to support anyone including yourself?

 

Well, did you not read his previous posts?

 

His asawa had assured him that whatever happened, they were going to make it work, because she loved him and was committed to the relationship.

 

Probably all lies to make him happy or he is just plain naive gullible

 

 

[xillini 71]

I myself am an immigrant married to USC, and I feel you and sorry for loss that you are going thru, OP. 
I felt always sorry and gratitude to my wife, who sponsored me.
We have talked about this for long, and we had agreement before we signed for marriage license and immigration application. 
So being that said, I have a few advices

 

Definition of marriage: 

The definition of love varies for everyone, but according to google dictionary, it says "intense feeling of deep affection"
In other words, I believe love ideally be unconditional (as much as there should be no violence in the world, which we have a lot), 
but of course everyone takes it differently and so does the marriage, the extension of love. 

(And as far as I know, the US court has never interpreted the definition of love, due to fear of wrongfully interpreted and cited for future reference) 

 

The chance is that

most likely, it is conditional because Taylor Swift is not gonna be married to a street thug on Third World and sponsor him to USA through marriage. Likewise, graduated Harvard, having 6 figures annual incomes, with prosperous wealthy family friends are not gonna get married with someone that they don't really know from foreign country.

 

In the end, marriage is conditional in real life, and life is continously the ongoing process of having made decisions. 

So in some perspective, I feel it unfair that USCIS defines "sham-marriage" as to evade immigration laws and therefore the immigration benefits are either denied or revoked, because ultimately the marriage is conditional in real life.

But on the mean time, I think it is fair, given that all the immigration benefits are nothing but just to stay in US and granted to work, which is not a privileges but merely a right to make own livings for any human beings. (although USCIS always proudly advertise immigration benefits are privileges, but to natively-born Americans, it is nothing, right?) 

 

For instance, First Lady Melainia Trump is innocent if she has made a choice to get married to D. Trump for sake of expectedly prosperous life through the marriage with millionare (D. Trump), but if she marries for the sake of immigration purpose, she would be guilty (BTW,, what happened to how The First Lady acquires the green card?!!) 

Married for love is innocent but married for immigration purpose is guilty, in short sentence. 

 

But then, like the case of First Lady M. Trump, if she insists that she is married for love and subsequently following money from D. Trump and least likely, and if she insists the Green card only comes as a by-product of successful marriage, it is really hard to prove that M. Trump married to D. Trump only for the sake of Green card, because Love, Money, and Powers are all mixed well enough that it is just not easy to figure this out . 

 

So, taking that into account, I feel pretty sure you  guys entered the marriage in good faith when you said you thought she is the one in a million. Now, the burden of proof is on you to show that she entered the marriage for the sake of immigration purpose lies on you, which is quite hard to find especially now that you guys are separated. Maybe you can find evidence that she cheated on you or any other evidences againt her, but again, the burden of proof is on your side now, unfortunately. 

 

 

HOWEVER, 

ever since D. Trump has been initiated, they start to take more close measures. 
Anti-immigration think-tank like Center for Immigration recently published an article "Are U.S. Spouses 22 Times More Abusive than Nonimmigrant Ones?" 

Basically, they are pointing out the statistics shows that VAWA has been 22 times higher than US domestic abuse rates, which is statistically significant that there has been wide loopholes of self-petition for I-751 with VAWA articles, and therefore, the administration must properly act to prevent this loopholes. 

 

Considering current administration has been adopting many of the immigration policies and ideas from this Think-tank (like DACA, H1B, and OPT), 
maybe it can be changed in the future to the point that USCIS requires more intensive documents. 

 

But again as many other members here point it out, under current immigration laws unless Congress acts to make some amendment on the INS,  it is almost impossibles to prevent your ex-wife from self-petitioning and successfully adjusting to 10 years LPR. 

 

So given that into account, the best solutions are
1) just to move on with divorce agreement that you guys best keep the interest of each other
2) Do as best as you can to delay USCIS's processing timeline that may put her in gruel worrisomes

Ultimately, I believe people act when they face "greed (establishing LPR status)" or "scary (delayed timeline and even potentially removable status), both of which your wife's perspective" 
 

Edited September 22, 2017 by xillini

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

19 minutes ago, lysander said:

Yeah, her approach to everything immigration-related seems to be to throw in the whole kitchen sink just to be sure. She was the same way about her embassy interview. Her documentation and memorization of all the facts needed to prove her case that our relationship was legit and that our marriage could work was very comprehensive. She was prepared for all the counter-arguments and addressed them effectively.

So she coming prepared for something that would affect her future is a bad thing? Dude, you need to man up and put some big boy pants on.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

5 minutes ago, lysander said:

Why would she fear me? This seems to me like one of the more amicable of separations, up till this point. Even after she moved out, she was occasionally dropping in to chat, look through my phone to make sure I wasn't talking to other girls, and have sex. Sometimes we went out to eat.

 

As time went on, she started coming over less and less, and she started taking more and more of her belongings out of the house, and I guess now she's decided she's finally done with me. But there were no altercations or threats or anything.

So she moved out and wanted to keep in contact which is a good thing. You know what she probably thought is by her doing this it would spur you in to doing something with your life to earn her love and affection. But my best guess is that you sat at home and sulked, instead of going out and buying flowers or taking her to a romantic dinner. 

[Going through 5,668]

21 minutes ago, lysander said:

Yeah, her approach to everything immigration-related seems to be to throw in the whole kitchen sink just to be sure. She was the same way about her embassy interview. Her documentation and memorization of all the facts needed to prove her case that our relationship was legit and that our marriage could work was very comprehensive. She was prepared for all the counter-arguments and addressed them effectively.

Sounds like she was well prepared, good for her in any case not just immigration.  She seems to have had the foresight to think of things far along in advance incase something ever came up.  Kudos to her, will bring her far in life.

[lysander 14]

Just now, Damara said:

I didnt read his other thread. Perhaps I should. There seems to be more to this story.

 

But bottom line- I have faith in the court system. If she has valid reasons for wanting one, it will be given to her. If she doesnt then it wont. His attitude that 'this is all a scam for immigration purposes' may or may not be true. If its true he needs to fight his side. If its false then yeah, its easy for him to say Im not going to defend myself and let the chips fall where they may. 

Restraining orders are granted or denied based on a preponderance of the evidence standard. That's another way of saying that they don't really care all that much if they get it wrong and grant a restraining order that wasn't justified. If they cared much about that, they would have a higher standard, like the clear and convincing evidence standard or the beyond a reasonable doubt standard.