Conditional Greencard and domestic abuse

[SAM8558 0]

Hi, I would really appreciate your time and help regarding my case and bless you for helping me out in such a terrible situation I am stuck into.

 

I came to the United States in 2015 on a K-1 fiancé visa and got married to my husband on December 12 2015. Soon after a few months I have been issued a conditional greencard that expires next year (April 8th 2018). It took me a long while to recognize that he has been emotionally and physically abusing me. He constantly made comments on getting me deported. I have had no access to any of his finances. In the beginning of our marriage he gave me an authorized credit card to do groceries but I have no accounts, bills or receipts in my direct name though he has added me on his joint insurance. 

 

After er a few months of our marriage he started accusing me that I married him to get citizenship. When he stopped with that he started physically hurting me by pushing, biting, slapping and pulling my hair. His emotional abuse started way before but I failed to recognize. He would constantly swear at me, lock himself in a room, won't sleep in the same room with me, eat with me and things like that. I let go of all those. It got worse and when I couldn't take his beating I pushed him only (he is a giant guy) he called the cops saying that I'm abusing him and his life is in danger. When the cops came and saw my marks and all the situation they arrested him and filed second degree assault charges on him along with a protective order for three months. 

 

I moved to his his mothers house during that time and I was scared that he will leave me and I've no family of my own here in Maryland and so I am solely dependent on him. To remove the charges the state filed, I wrote a written statement saying that I don't believe he is an abusive person and all that. 

 

When we we got back together, things have been worse than I would have really imagined. He doesn't communicate or come near me at all. He has cameras and recorders all over the house and I am under constant surveillance. He tells me everyday to go to the lawyer with him and file for a no fault divorce and go back to my country. 

 

Now, since I am on conditional green card I desperately need to know if someone has been in the similar situation how did they handle their legal status or what am I supposed to do? 

 

Divorce is a big taboo in my country and me being so young, even the thought of going back and facing the society gives me absolute fear and anxiety. 

 

1.How can I protect my legal status in the United States lawfully and under what brackets?

 

2.When can I apply for to remove the conditions from my greencard on my own? 

 

3. How long does it take and honestly what are the chances I can get it? 

 

4. Do I need to be divorced before I apply for the waiver, during or after? 

 

Any other advice, suggestions or guidance would really help me. I am new in the United States and I've been here a fullbright scholar here before I got married. I've always maintained a healthy record of my character and I don't want it to get ruined because of somebody else. 

 

Many regards & thankyou.

[Ontarkie 13,898]

~~Moved to Effects of Major FAmily Changes, from ROC - As similar threads are discussed here.~~

[EandH0904 1,184]

I think there is a way to file on your own if you can prove you're in an abusive relationship and therefore you shouldn't be forced to stay married (right VJers?) but you just went to the police and filed papers saying he's not an abusive man. 

 

I understand you are on your own here in a new country but if you are a former fullbright scholar as you say, you need to develop some confidence in yourself. Reach out to other women or the imam at your mosque, go to the battered women's shelter, I can't imagine the situation you describe is BETTER than being on your own. You have a good knowledge of the English language. Is his mother a help to you? Ask the police for resources in your community. 

 

They may not know all the legalese behind what you're asking but girl, you need to be SAFE! You can figure that out later! And social stigma or not, the people at home will love you more divorced and alive than married and dead from an abusive husband. 

[SAM8558 0]

I gave my written statement in the court that he is not abusive because I was in denial for the longest time that what's happening is abuse, which was my stupidity and false hope that things will get better.

 

Ive been seeing a therapist because my husband made me believe that I am crazy and I need help but after seeing the therapist she is telling me to get out of this as he is dealing with a psychological disorder and manipulating me. I reached out to sources and shelters and I've an aunt in another state. I need to know what are my options legally and what steps would be right to take.

 

My mother is back in the country and she has been divorced. She has been through hell lot because of that. I don't want to be a burden on anyone nor I want to cause any additional troubles for my mother because of my situation. I had left my country and moved to Dubai and was working there where I met my husband. 

 

About the proofs, I've documented pictures of my bruises and I had fatigue attacks and ended up in the ER. I've phone records of me reaching out to my family in the middle of the night when he has kicked me out of the home. I also have no financial accounts with him nor he let me make my own accounts. 

Edited May 19, 2017 by SAM8558

[SAM8558 0]

@sandranj hi, I just read a few of your posts and I was wondering how to get in touch for some advice. I'm struggling with a complicated situation with no support. I would really really appreciate if you can help me out as mentioned at the top of my initial post. 

 

I hope this message finds you well... thankyou 

[Sandra G. 5,009]

I will send you my phone number and you can contact me today.

[Springrain22 427]

Sounds like that guy is a complete and douchebag. Shame on him!

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

Divorce is a big taboo in my country and me being so young, even the thought of going back and facing the society gives me absolute fear and anxiety. 

 

Is this true? I have a group of Pakistani friends and they tell me that divorce is both common and easy to effect for Pakistanis, including those who are Muslim. They tell me either party in a marriage can initiate and be granted a divorce.

[Allie D 39]

9 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

Is this true? I have a group of Pakistani friends and they tell me that divorce is both common and easy to effect for Pakistanis, including those who are Muslim. They tell me either party in a marriage can initiate and be granted a divorce.

This is my understanding too, although the process might be easier for people of Pakistani descent living in developed countries. One of my female friends who moved back to Pakistan recently got divorced, and she stated the same sentiment noted by @Russ&Caro. Also, as the OP states, her mother is divorced. The stigma, according to my peers, is significantly less for people from more affluent and educated backgrounds (an educated Fulbright scholar would count). Of course, I've never lived in Pakistan and I have a small sample size.

 

OP, stay safe and I hope things work out for you.

Edited May 19, 2017 by Allie D

[Sol1427 23]

Forget what other people might think, if his abusing you the best thing for you to do is leave.  It going to be hard but many people have gone through similar situations and are able to get out and continue with their lives.  You should contact a lawyer and see what they say.

 

I wish you the best of luck

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

You have a sticky situation.

First, he abused you and you "had nowhere to go and went to live with his mother". You don't want to divorce and go back home. So how do you reconcile the two? The only way to protect your status is to divorce him and file on your own but you dont want divorce and you say you have no one here so what exactly do you want to do?

[SAM8558 0]

3 hours ago, Russ&Caro said:

Is this true? I have a group of Pakistani friends and they tell me that divorce is both common and easy to effect for Pakistanis, including those who are Muslim. They tell me either party in a marriage can initiate and be granted a divorce.

Any party can get a divorce in a marriage according to religion and law. But Pakistan is a very small country and still developing, life definitely gets harder for someone who is divorced, especially if she is woman. I had left Pakistan and moved to Dubai and made a life there before marriage. I left my job and everything. I literally have nothing to look back or go back for me. 

 

2 hours ago, IcezMan_IcezLady said:

You have a sticky situation.

First, he abused you and you "had nowhere to go and went to live with his mother". You don't want to divorce and go back home. So how do you reconcile the two? The only way to protect your status is to divorce him and file on your own but you dont want divorce and you say you have no one here so what exactly do you want to do?

 

Im still mentally in the process of accepting that he will eventually leave me and is straight up planning too by secretly recording our every conversation and making videos making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I had met a perfect person when I first met him and still hope that he might be there. It's been an year and a half since we are living together and everyday I feel rejected by someone I still love. I  am just in the process of preparing my self for the worse situation. Trying to gather my strength and atleast hope to start new, get a job where nobody knows me and I don't have to give justifications or defend myself and my mother. 

 

 

[Hopeful diva 99]

Your husband is mean. You need to leave that unhealthy marriage as soon as possible. Hopefully sandra should be able to help you with some valuable advice. Good luck 

[RO_AH 1,614]

Do some research on VAWA. I read about it on another topic here about a week ago.

[Allie D 39]

1 hour ago, SAM8558 said:

But Pakistan is a very small country

What do you mean? Pakistan has the 6th largest population in the world (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/07/11/half-the-worlds-population-live-in-just-6-countries/). It hosts the second largest Muslim population in the world after Indonesia. Pakistan is still developing but as in most developing countries, including South Asia, the educated and more affluent classes enjoy high living standards.

 

Coming from India and having visited Bangladesh (another poor and predominantly Muslim country), this is my impression. Going by the Human Development Index, Pakistan's not far behind India and Bangladesh (Pakistan was neck and neck with Bangladesh around 2005). Not that HDI is an accurate indicator. It's depressed due to the gap between the haves and have nots. 

 

Women do suffer indignity in South Asia. However, they can make good lives for themselves if they're educated. An educated divorcee with a foreign degree (or educational experience), especially a Fulbright scholar, will get good jobs in India and Bangladesh. She will live with respect. In Bangladesh and India, you'd be highly sought after by consulting firms, foreign NGOs, foreign firms, government jobs, etc. depending on your field. I can't imagine it being much different in Pakistan, given my experiences talking to Pakistan-born students at university. They were sophisticated, liberal-minded, and lived westernized lives back home. Pakistan may be "developing" but that mostly affects the "have nots". 

 

Not that this takes away from your struggles, OP. I do think, having lived in South Asia, even if you move back to Pakistan you have a lot to look forward to. Stay optimistic. 

Edited May 19, 2017 by Allie D