Abortion and I-751 with divorce waiver

[ioxtremod 23]

Hi,

 

Thanks again for this awesome forum. This forum is a tremendous help.

 

I am a conditional permanent resident and I am going to apply to ROC with divorce waiver soon.

 

My now ex-wife got pregnant last summer. Before her pregnancy, I was reluctant to have child at the time and wanted to wait a few years while she wanted kids as soon as possible - mostly for age concern reasons being in her early thirties. When we understand her pregnancy, we kind of switch sides on this: I was okay with having a child right now when she wasn't anymore. She wasn't sure if she wanted to have kids anymore with me. We decided to have an abortion at a local clinic. Then, our relationship unfortunately starting turning worst and worst. We've finally ended up getting a divorce recently. The abortion wasn't the sole reasons we got a divorce, but it was a significant part nevertheless.

 

Should we talk about this and include abortion paperwork in my application or should we keep quiet about this?

 

I am not sure how politically "hot" this subject is in the US and if it can be somehow detrimental somehow to my application. 

[nightingalejules 678]

Don't include it in your application, I think. Abortion is a pretty polarizing issue in the US and since it's not really necessary information, I'd leave it out. If asked about why you got divorced, maybe say something about "ultimately we couldn't agree about whether or not to have children and it became a big issue between us." But they may not even ask - heck, you may not even get an interview.

 

All you really have to prove is that you had a bonafide marriage - that, when you got married, you weren't just trying to get into the US. The reason you split is not strictly relevant. Everything in your application package should be about the "real-ness" of your marriage, and the fact that you really did live together and tried to make a life together. If a piece of evidence doesn't help to prove that, leave it out.

[ioxtremod 23]

Ok, thanks. I was thinking of including the abortion paperwork at first because I suppose not bona-fide marriage doesn't have to make this kind of decision.

Edited April 5, 2017 by ioxtremod

[nightingalejules 678]

9 minutes ago, ioxtremod said:

Ok, thanks. I was thinking of including the abortion paperwork at first because I suppose not bona-fide marriage doesn't have to make this kind of decision.

I see your point. But if you get a suspicious super anti abortion officer, they might think that you didn't want her to have the baby because it would force you to stay with her when all you wanted was to get out of the marriage once you had your green card. Better to leave it out.

[bolin786 21]

Personally I would not mention the abortion.  Just state the facts, making sure that if you were the victim of spousal abuse to bring that issue up.  If not, make sure you can demonstrate that while it lasted, yours was a bona fide relationship and marriage.  You will be okay.

[mindthegap 2,590]

7 hours ago, ioxtremod said:

Ok, thanks. I was thinking of including the abortion paperwork at first because I suppose not bona-fide marriage doesn't have to make this kind of decision.

My thoughts exactly, and for that reason I would include it.

It certainly isn't to the detriment of your evidence or case, put it that way.

 

This post just sums up the ridiculous of the whole I-751 situation.

A real, genuine, marital issue, that many people encounter and have to deal with, and that in this case was a major contributory factor to the breakdown of the marriage - and now someone is worried about including in their submission because of the potential political / religious views of an adjudicator.

[QueenOfBlades 224]

Personally, I wouldn't include it. I would be too concerned about someone being hostile about the abortion. Especially living in the South. It's one reason I am hesitant to discuss mine and my husband's more 'open' approach with our sex life. 

[ioxtremod 23]

Thanks for your comments, I was leaning at first to include the abortion in my paperwork, but following you guys' inputs, I am now leaning against it.

 

My initial reasoning was the following:

 

(1) It's just the truth and it flows more naturally to explain our relationship and its end. 

(2) I was under the impression the more and the more diverse the evidences, the better.

(3) If the officer is pro-choice, he understand it's just part of a real relationship and it makes sense. 

(4) If the officer is pro-life, he can see this as a wrong from a morale standpoint. But at the time, it validates his beliefs that an abortion is harmful for the couple relationship - as our story is showing - and it still makes sense in his belief framework.

 

[Ortolan 381]

I would not include it. When we go through this process we already have to put so much personal information out there; sometimes there are things that are deeply personal decisions, like this. You don't have to tell every detail of why you and your wife decided to divorce. If they ask, then you can elaborate.

[A'n'L 735]

An abortion is not relevant to immigration. It's just not. Couples go through it, single people go through it, exes go through it. It's just not relevant as relationship evidence.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

6 hours ago, ioxtremod said:

Thanks for your comments, I was leaning at first to include the abortion in my paperwork, but following you guys' inputs, I am now leaning against it.

 

My initial reasoning was the following:

 

(1) It's just the truth and it flows more naturally to explain our relationship and its end. 

(2) I was under the impression the more and the more diverse the evidences, the better.

(3) If the officer is pro-choice, he understand it's just part of a real relationship and it makes sense. 

(4) If the officer is pro-life, he can see this as a wrong from a morale standpoint. But at the time, it validates his beliefs that an abortion is harmful for the couple relationship - as our story is showing - and it still makes sense in his belief framework.

 

 

You should be more than leaning.  Do not include such personal medical paperwork with the petition.  It was a personal decision made between your wife and her doctor at the time and really should remain in that confidence.  

 

I'm surprised your wife would be ok with you including this and surprised you'd want to expose her in that way.

[USAMorocco 143]

An abortion is no ones business! Not even immigration. 

[mindthegap 2,590]

41 minutes ago, USAMorocco said:

An abortion is no ones business! Not even immigration. 

Nor are my finances, who pays the damn utility bills, or half the stuff they ask for, or for that matter the highly personal questions they have been known to ask in an interview.

Doesn't stop them asking for it or deeming it relevant.

 

[ioxtremod 23]

3 hours ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

You should be more than leaning.  Do not include such personal medical paperwork with the petition.  It was a personal decision made between your wife and her doctor at the time and really should remain in that confidence.  

 

I'm surprised your wife would be ok with you including this and surprised you'd want to expose her in that way.

It's actually my ex-wife suggestion. I won't even consider it if she wasn't okay with it of course. She thinks being "aggressively" open helps promote women rights. Personally, I don't really care if people in general or immigration in particular know or not. I rather be quiet, but I am pretty neutral people knowing or not.

 

However, thanks the additional comments, I value you guys' inputs and I can see that it makes sense to not be that open about abortions in the US. Specially in TX!

 

 

[ioxtremod 23]

10 minutes ago, mindthegap said:

Nor are my finances, who pays the damn utility bills, or half the stuff they ask for, or for that matter the highly personal questions they have been known to ask in an interview.

Doesn't stop them asking for it or deeming it relevant.

 

Yeah, it's what I was thinking. Being immigrants already make you giving up a lot of privacy. Having an abortion seems to be a detail among other information. I am more concern them going through my fb posts and messages where I probably have said a lot more private things than knowing about us having an abortion in the past.