Wife has decided to leave

[Ugly_American 11]

Been there. Do everything possible to make a clean, uncostly break. There's nothing worth saving. 

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

It seems that the country is irrelevant.  It happens from all countries.  There are many people from these crappy 3rd world countries that feel entitled to not only the money that they make (as married) but also some of money that YOU make.  They should no appreciation to the person who basically rescues them from the xxxxxxxx they grew up in and gives them a better life.  And they abuse it and make lofty demands about sending money back to a bunch of lazy siblings, or even parents, who think they hit the lottery when their sister/daughter hooks up with an American, or another Westerner.

 

I have seen people from my wife's country (Costa Rica) and others from South America pull this nonsense.  You hear "For Latinos, family is very important." It's important for everybody, that's no excuse to demand that you send $750/month which is probably 3 months salary for the whole family combined.  They live like royalty over there while you have sweat dripping out your ### here working to provide it for them.  Like TBone said, if my wife tried any of that before we got married, I'd still be single.

 

OP,

Don't feel bad.  You did what you could for her, but she's a user.  She would probably leave you after she bled you dry anyway, so she did you a favor leaving early.  Or her boyfriend got antsy and made her come live with him.  You're better off, trust me.  Change the locks and break off all contact.  Let her do what she wants.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Eric-Pris

[Unlockable 7,306]

The entire time I read the story nothing came off as shocking. This is how common I have seen these type stories from the PHL.

 

You would think that having a child would make them reconsider sending so much money back. But it is so deeply instilled inside of them that they feel it is an obligation.

 

Of course I have seen many Filipinos that are not like that. Seems the best course of action it to communicate relentlessly on those type of topics.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

2 hours ago, K1_Journey said:

Exactly, and keep in mind the employment wage in Philippines is 454-491 peso per day ($9.08 - $9.82 per day) in the national capital region(Manila), and 235-280 peso per day ($4.70 - $5.60 per day) elsewhere in the country. That's roughly about $120 per month, so if you are sending $300 per month to her family that is equivalent to the salary of 2.5 people.

You are right on this one. When we were in the middle of processing for my wife's K1 she got an offer for a job in the next town for literally 2000 pesos a month working full time in the provinces. I said hell no you are not doing that because we are in the middle of this process, and alot of times in the Philippines employers dictate almost everything to the employees. So yes you are supporting a number of her family and I would put my foot down. 

[nohairleft 1]

3 hours ago, Eric-Pris said:

You're better off, trust me.  Change the locks and break off all contact.  Let her do what she wants.

Been down the pub having a few beers with my bro and having a good chat. He was like how come you didn't say anything earlier , but he is an agreement about the motive on why she is with me and it needs to end.

 

Good thing is no children or assets involved (currently rent) and that she has no access to the house. Going away for a few weeks abroad for work so if she decides to come back she will have not much luck 

[Sagot 1,548]

Most of those that work only earn P10,000 to P13,000 per MONTH.    

[teddy k 35]

Hi, yes certain things never change cuz when the wife tells her family my husband will provide for you they expect it every time they need just like an ATM MACHINE 

[nohairleft 1]

1 hour ago, K1_Journey said:

my wife felt bad that I was footing all the visa expenses plus supporting her and her kids and mom, she wanted to get a job to help pay the expenses

That would be a dream come true for me . I recall my wife saying that it was me that wanted her here and I had to pay for it all. 

 

She actually contacted me today - said that I gave her no choice but to leave - I'm sure I sat her down and asked if she would like to talk or leave - she chose the latter. 

 

In her conversion to me I said we had goals before we married, careers / house / a child, that it seems is all my responsibility now as she is Filipino and she has her obligations that I can never understand. She said she is not a UK person so will never act like it, never asked her to do that - I just want the same goals in marriage - not too difficult.

 

Also money crept again - she was expecting me to keep supporting for plane tickets back to the Philippines - she works but doesnt know the concept of budgeting - we have been on holidays abroad quite a few times in the last 2 years but this is obviously not good enough. 

 

Another worry is that she has asked if I have contacted the authorities yet as she booked a holiday before this all erupted, to she her friends - I think she is worried that she will not get passed border control on the way back. If I was her I would possibly be worried about the future rather than a holiday.

 

I have asked her to come back to the house and talk but no sign as of yet - nothing seems to be sinking in.

 

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

7 minutes ago, nohairleft said:

That would be a dream come true for me . I recall my wife saying that it was me that wanted her here and I had to pay for it all.

She actually contacted me today - said that I gave her no choice but to leave - I'm sure I sat her down and asked if she would like to talk or leave - she chose the latter. 

In her conversion to me I said we had goals before we married, careers / house / a child, that it seems is all my responsibility now as she is Filipino and she has her obligations that I can never understand. She said she is not a UK person so will never act like it, never asked her to do that - I just want the same goals in marriage - not too difficult.

Also money crept again - she was expecting me to keep supporting for plane tickets back to the Philippines - she works but doesnt know the concept of budgeting - we have been on holidays abroad quite a few times in the last 2 years but this is obviously not good enough. 

Another worry is that she has asked if I have contacted the authorities yet as she booked a holiday before this all erupted, to she her friends - I think she is worried that she will not get passed border control on the way back. If I was her I would possibly be worried about the future rather than a holiday.

I have asked her to come back to the house and talk but no sign as of yet - nothing seems to be sinking in.

 

 

So she called you and one of her questions was that you would keep supporting her and paying her flights back and forth to the Philippines?  Also on wither or not you have called the authorities on her? Gosh what gall this woman has. She had a choice to leave or to stay and she choose what is most important to her. If it were me I would call them the day she leaves if this is not resolved. So she booked a holiday with just her to the Philippines, did she even ask if you wanted to go?

Edited January 4, 2017 by cyberfx1024

[nohairleft 1]

29 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

So she booked a holiday with just her to the Philippines, did she even ask if you wanted to go?

Not the Philippines this time but a country in Europe to meet up with her friends - she did ask but probably because I would get lumbered with the £££.

 

I do want to work but all I can see is she is here for herself and her family. I have ignored some red flags with this and in hindsight should of been more aware.

[MarkPerry 488]

17 minutes ago, nohairleft said:

Not the Philippines this time but a country in Europe to meet up with her friends - she did ask but probably because I would get lumbered with the £££.

 

I do want to work but all I can see is she is here for herself and her family. I have ignored some red flags with this and in hindsight should of been more aware.

Take it as a learning curve. 

[MarkPerry 488]

2 hours ago, K1_Journey said:

Maybe if they work in Manila NCR and have a college education and high paying job they can earn P10k+, most that work regular near minimum wage jobs or work in the province only earn P5000 to P6000 ($100-120) per month. My ex gf in Cebu worked several years at JD Micro Credit in Carcar Cebu and they never increased her salary above P5200 ($104) per month, I remember at one point she wanted to move to Cebu City because she had a call center job offer for P5800 ($116), this was between 2010 to 2013. Even my wifes sister working in Manila as a mall security officer only earns around P8500 ($170) per month.

 

I used to spend some time in Carcar in 2007 to 2010 time frame.  I have been to Cebu proper many times. Cebu is pretty cheap compared to rest of Phiippines.  I could easily get a one hour massage for 110 peso in city of Cebu, and that was just a couple of years ago. I was always impressed with the cheap cost of living there. 

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

1 hour ago, nohairleft said:

I have asked her to come back to the house and talk but no sign as of yet - nothing seems to be sinking in.

Why did you ask her to talk?  Are you not convinced what her intentions are and what she thinks of you?  She has no intention to be a wife to you, and you are nothing more than a walking ATM that supports her lazy family.

 

My advice:  Cut off all contact and change the locks.  And move when you get back from the biz trip.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

By all means move but do not change the locks. You are married and she has a right to be and live in the marital home, even though you rent, and even though she is treating you poorly. You could apply for an occupation order excluding her from the home, but courts generally won't exclude someone just because she is being a jerk. 

 

Some useful info: 

 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/relationship-breakdown-and-housing/common-issues-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/relationship-breakdown-and-housing-can-you-change-the-locks/

 

http://vardags.com/family-law-guide/guide-to-occupation-orders/

 

Good luck!

[j N j 50]

On 1/3/2017 at 1:58 PM, Eric-Pris said:

Don't feel bad.  You did what you could for her, but she's a user.  She would probably leave you after she bled you dry anyway, so she did you a favor leaving early.  Or her boyfriend got antsy and made her come live with him.  You're better off, trust me.  Change the locks and break off all contact.  Let her do what she wants.

Exactly, (for her) dont go away mad, just go away!