Does anyone else hate it here?

[Aussieinsocal 6]

Good morning all! 

Ive lived here in SoCal for just over 2 years now and I HATE it here. Its not the area (Im blessed to live in a wonderful area, near great inlays and my wife has an amazing income, etc.) 

Its the culture (Or lack thereof) Everyone is rude and seems to be out to scam you for a buck. No one shows kindness or class. Work is so hard for me to get and now with the election i can't stand the thought of leaving the house for fear of having to deal with some moron Trump supporter. 

Im heavily pregnant and am dreading raising my boys (Twins) in this country, moving home means we have to start the visa process again so my wife can get her immigration to Australia plus the cost of moving nd wasted money of immigrating here. 

Im so lost and lonely. None understands whats its like to be here from somewhere (That i consider) better. 

 

[yuna628 9,527]

Sorry to hear that. My suggestion is that California as a state, is not for everyone. Nor is the US for that matter. We're a big country, with our own little micro-cultures and types of people. You may find a different state with a little bit of a different personality better suited to you, though that may be a hard suggestion for you to find plausible. There are always going to be aspects of your home country that you find are better... afterall it's understandable (it's home!). But the thing about the US is, it is often whatever you make it to be. You haven't shared much about your situation, but you say that you are lonely. Do you have any American friends or other expats that you can meet with, or are you stuck at home all the time with the kids? What work have you tried to find? Have you tried volunteering? Is you spouse providing you with any emotional support with your feelings and difficulty with adjusting? The perception of a person not being kind can all depend on where you live. Unkind people exist all over the world. As for Trump supporters, unfortunately this is the nature of the country now. Like it or lump it, we're stuck with him as a new president, and likewise we are also stuck with trying to find common ground with the persons who put him there. Some are more reasonable than others of course.

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

As was stated above, California, especially in the SoCal areas, are not for everyone. It is like it's own little realm on the West Coast, where as in Oregon and Washington are nothing like that all. I could definately agree with you as myself would not want to live there personally(no offense to anyone who does live there just saying).

As to the Trump supporters, quite honestly myself included(it was in my eyes lesser of two evils honestly), had Clinton won then there would be same Clinton idiots running around still after the election for some reason acting like they are proving a point. The people you're running into are the same idiots just on the Trump side. The extremes of people trying to push their ideals onto other people and need to simply go find something better to do with their time. All you can do about that really is try your best just to ignore them and try not to let it get to you.

[millefleur 5,035]

Sorry to hear that it's so bad there! Have you guys considered trying another part of the US? Honestly, I can't stand SoCal and could never live there. Other parts of the US might not be so bad. If your wife works in a good industry where it's possible to get a job in another state, definitely consider moving. Of course no one is stopping you from moving back home either, but as the US is such a large country, it's worth looking around to see if you have other options before making the drastic move back overseas.

P.S. Congrats on the twins! As a twin myself, I can say that being a twin is quite an awesome thing.

[Boiler 43,393]

I certainly have heard it many times in Colorado that Californians are bad enough in California, even worse when they move to other States due to the mess they have made of their own one and bring their beliefs with them.

[Aussieinsocal 6]

Thanks all! We would love to move somewhere else (Another state) but the only reason we moved to the USA was to be with my wife family. Now especially that the babies are arriving soon! It would break everyones heart if we moved away from them, they are such a close family, they al love each other so much. Sadly, I just grew up in a totally different way and find there closeness frustrating and weird. (I know thats my issue though)

I think it comes down to being isolated and living in areas where my ideals are not matched by the other residents! I pay near $2000 a month rent for the worlds smallest house so we don't live in a ghetto but run the risk of getting robbed every night because the crooks target the nice suburbs. Last week a guy got shot at the end of my street. 6 bullets to his person and dead. I expect that In LA or somewhere sketchy but i live in a super suburban area where we all have tire swings in the front yard and wave to each other as we walk the dogs. Its awful. 

I honestly should have done more research before I got here. I just have really high expectations of the USA so its met with disappointment each time i encounter something new. 

The Trump thing is a whole other ball game. I love that everyone has there own opinion and love a good debate but this situation is just so divided. Im scared that my boys will be targeted for having 2 moms. But on the other hand i hope something crazy happens just so my wife will pull us out of here so we can move home. 

Anyways. Thanks for giving me a place to put this down on 'paper', I think i need to go and talk to someone about my thoughts and get them in check. Lets hope its the baby hormones flaring up giving me a bad few months!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE and i hope next year brings all the gifts this one didn't!! 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

Why would anyone target them for having two Moms? This is becoming more common place here in SoCal so don't worry about that. But I understand what you mean about not liking SoCal either, that is why I plan on moving back to NC in the next couple months. But all honestly you need to get over yourself with hating Trump supporters because they are all walks of life, and all races. It's not just one race or single people at all. It is ok that you might not like the candidate but don't discriminate against the people that follow that person. 

[Boiler 43,393]

Does not NC still have that Bathroom issue?

[Ontarkie 13,902]

I know nothing about socal.

I wanted to let you know it took me 3 years to get to the point where I don't hate every single thing here. I will say I'm one of the few ppl here that loves the summer. I'm literally allergic to the cold. My blood pressure drops and I break out in massive hives. I love the heat I could do without the humidity but it's better then -40's. 

I still have never seen this southern hospitality that everyone talks about. I find ppl keep to themselves and well I'll stop because I might not stop  One thing for sure I know it's not the entire State, I'm told by a few ppl that I met here that if we live away from Little Rock it would be much different. 

Since moving out of state is not an option right now maybe think of moving just a bit away. Heck even moving to another stated would be a lot closer to her family then going back home. 

[yuna628 9,527]

1 hour ago, Aussieinsocal said:

Thanks all! We would love to move somewhere else (Another state) but the only reason we moved to the USA was to be with my wife family. Now especially that the babies are arriving soon! It would break everyones heart if we moved away from them, they are such a close family, they al love each other so much. Sadly, I just grew up in a totally different way and find there closeness frustrating and weird. (I know thats my issue though)

I think it comes down to being isolated and living in areas where my ideals are not matched by the other residents! I pay near $2000 a month rent for the worlds smallest house so we don't live in a ghetto but run the risk of getting robbed every night because the crooks target the nice suburbs. Last week a guy got shot at the end of my street. 6 bullets to his person and dead. I expect that In LA or somewhere sketchy but i live in a super suburban area where we all have tire swings in the front yard and wave to each other as we walk the dogs. Its awful. 

I honestly should have done more research before I got here. I just have really high expectations of the USA so its met with disappointment each time i encounter something new. 

The Trump thing is a whole other ball game. I love that everyone has there own opinion and love a good debate but this situation is just so divided. Im scared that my boys will be targeted for having 2 moms. But on the other hand i hope something crazy happens just so my wife will pull us out of here so we can move home. 

Anyways. Thanks for giving me a place to put this down on 'paper', I think i need to go and talk to someone about my thoughts and get them in check. Lets hope its the baby hormones flaring up giving me a bad few months!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE and i hope next year brings all the gifts this one didn't!! 

Crime is everywhere and I understand where you're coming from. I grew up in one of the most violent cities in America, so violence was common on a daily basis. When we moved out to a rural area, my family wrongly thought crime wouldn't follow them. It's nice out here on the surface - nice streets but most everyone is armed for hunting/protection instead of wanting to commit crimes. But unfortunately the town we now live has one of the highest population of heroin addicts, homelessness, and rising rate of crime in the state. Drug busts, gang fights, murders you name it.. not much different than happening in the cities. A child was murdered on my street... and that I have to tell you was a sobering experience for everyone that day. Robberies happen from time to time. A few months ago we were on lockdown due to a shootout. And just a few blocks away shooting and stabbings happen daily. There's not much you can do about it, except for live your life the best you can, be vigilant about your surroundings, and invest in security measures if you can. If things become so bad, relocate.. which I know is easier said than done. Suburbia used to be 'safe havens', but it's a false sense of security. There are no safe havens anymore, but there are more safer areas if you can afford it. Coming from the UK, there is some crime sure, but from experience things often feel a lot safer. It may be the same for Australia; but one thing I've taught to my husband is to always be aware of your surroundings and don't be lulled into a false sense of security.

On top of that I can understand your anxiety with discrimination, especially to your kids. As a mom you want to protect them from the unpleasant persons of the world. California though, is certainly a lot more liberally minded towards the LGBT community, and overall across America, even though there are pockets of prejudiced persons, I feel that times are changing to become more accepting and loving of everyone no matter if there are two moms or two dads. Yes you've got lawmakers in some states trying to desperately protect their religious bottom line instead of serving all people, and that is a shame. I am a firm believer in the law, and I believe much of what Trump thinks he can do will be sorely disappointed. He is not king or ruler of us. He will have a hard time controlling his party, and his party will have a hard time controlling him. It won't be a rosey time. And I believe that the law will ensure he may not be president as long as some think. But that's just my political perspective. For every person that would like to bully or threaten you because of your sexuality or immigration status, there are many more who will step up and fight for your right to be here.

Closeness to family can be difficult can't it, especially if you're not used to it? Remember that you are a couple now, and that your lives should not have decisions made or based entirely around an extended family. So I'm not saying that you should consider moving for now, but in the future it could have real possibilities. Moving can be hard, but sometimes a change might be the thing you need.

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

Haha! I was thinking the title of this topic had to do with hating Visa Journey.

Ontarkie has a good point. It takes time to get used to a new place. My own wife is doing a very, very slow warm up to the USA and New Mexico in particular. She hated it here for the first 6 months. Then the next 12 months moved to a strong dislike. I'm hoping for a simple dislike in 2017. Good luck!

[Sedona and Thomas 41]

You're definitely not alone. I was born and raised in Northern California, (1 hour south of San Fransisco), but my dads entire family lives in Los Angeles. I dread going down there for holiday's. I love my family but my mind set, beliefs and interests do not fit in there. I have been making the trip down my entire life and by the end of my trip I cannot wait to get home. California is a huge state, and it has a lot of diversity. Some say you can find a little bit of all 50 state's within California. Because I grew up in a very liberal, accepting, diverse town I cannot see myself living in most states within the US, and definitely not in LA (but the costal towns are a lot more laid back and very beautiful!)

Before you loose hope on California, or the US in general try taking a trip to others parts of the state! You really can find small towns with beautiful people and that small town feel. The town I live in is near the mountains, and the ocean. Its hard to leave your house without running into a familiar face, lots of art, culture, and natural beauty. Looks like you need to go on a little road trip  

[NikLR 13,220]

I dont really like SoCal either and would never live there.  I'm not fond of many of the Californians that have moved to my state either, but try to talk to people as individuals vs a group stereotype.  But I did spend my college internship in California and even was told by people who had moved to that state not to judge the whole USA on California.  (Not that I would.)

Like Ontarkie, it took me over a year to feel completely comfortable and at times I still don't.  Having a supportive husband and a few good friends has helped.   Honestly, maybe try another area or state. If family is as important to her family, perhaps they will move? You dont always have to accommodate family when your health (mental or physical) is at jeopardy.  My husband and I do not live near either of our families.  

Edited December 30, 2016 by NikLR

[Piggus 49]

As an Oregonian, you'd have to pay me big $$$ to live in southern California. A lot of Californians like to think their state is superior to every other state when in reality one of their biggest problems is their smug and, at least in SoCal, materialistic attitude. Here in the northwest, if you see a car on the highway with California plates, good luck getting that person to let you pass. Just one example of how the "me first" attitude manifests itself.

This is obviously a huge and somewhat cheeky generalization and I don't mean to offend other Californians here (my own sister is one now!) But the OP's concerns are by no means unique. Many Californians need to get out of their own state and see how people in other states and countries treat their fellow man. With that said, Southern California has its perks and advantages, and I think you will discover these more over time and learn to appreciate what makes California and the country as a whole unique. 

[Piggus 49]

25 minutes ago, Sedona and Thomas said:

... I was born and raised in Northern California, (1 hour south of San Fransisco),...

If that's "northern" California, what's the part of the state, which is larger than Ohio, that stretches from SF to Oregon?