Am fed up, am going back home

[AM268 23]

I wish you luck with your decision and where life takes you from here on. I can not say staying is the best option for you nor can i say that leaving is. My ex once told me when there is a decision to make list the good and the bad about each option. Then you can make up your mind from a logical stand point rather out of frustration and/or an emotional one. Once again good luck.

[f f 725]

may want to surrender your green card if you really do go back so you have an easier time visiting the colonies.

good luck

[Cathi 5,609]

Hi Suss&Camm,

Its a combination of many things. But in short I am feeling short changed by people. My employer last employer sent me my cheque via post a week late and for a fifth of the amount I was expecting. I had applied for a new job (spent 10 minutes completing an online application, another 30 minutes completing the online assessment then another 20 minutes doing a telephone interview and after passing all these stages I got a voicemail from the recruiter telling me they have an offer for me and to call them I called her and she tells me she is busy and will call me I waited but nothing so I called back like five times and even sent two emails and she keeps promising to call me back the same day but its been two days and no word. I feel like everything is going wrong for me. My savings are stretched thin and I can't take this anymore. Maybe its racism or maybe its people being put off by my accent or I dont know i can't put my finger on it

To put this in perspective, when my husband arrived 4 years ago it took him 10 months to find a job in his field and it was only an intern position(he's an engineer with several years of experience before he arrived). In the 10 months before he took the intern position, he worked loading trucks at Walmart-and that job took him 4 months to find. After 6 months the company hired him full time only to lay him off 2 years later. After being laid off he literally applied for hundreds of jobs, had over a hundred phone interviews, dozens of video interviews and dozens of in house interviews and dozens who made him promises only to give him the run around or never call back. It took him 8 months from the day he was laid off to find a new position. You are giving up too easily if you're discouraged after only one person give you the run around. There is nothing easy about finding a job here, nothing-and if you don't have any US experience it just makes it that much more difficult.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Edited December 22, 2016 by mimolicious

[So fickle 9]

Hi mimolicious, reading about your husband's experience makes me appreciate the difficulty of settling in america and makes me feel like am fickle. Wow up until now I dint know some people have had a rougher time than me and I truly salute your husband for his work ethic. I truly wish I could be like that. Hmmm based on what you have told me i might have to ponder my decision because I honestly felt like I was suffering alone... I honesty dint know other people been through worse. And no not at all you are not harsh you have just kicked some sense into me. I appreciate that

[Usagi_tsukino 89]

I agree with mimolicious, my story is similar. I remember my first few months here... i finally got hired as a waitress only about 5-6 months after arriving to the US. Before that i was distributing flyers on the street for $5 per hour and was happy that at least i got some money! (there wasn't always work even distributing flyers). Because i had nothing. Zero $. If not for my friends (who i met here) i would become homeless. They were feeding me and paying my rent. They didn't have to, i was not related or married to any of them, they are just very kind people, and they saw me struggle and doing my best. And i applied for jobs every day. Every single day, 10-15 interviews. Then i found a job as a programmer (thats what i did in my home country). Yes it's a lot harder to find a job at a new place where you don't know anybody, have no american experience, and who are we kidding, having an accent (i hate saying this but it's true. I was told this once by my not-very-nice boss). But staying back there would be too easy, anyone can do it. I can say that i'm very proud of myself. I thought about giving up too, going back to my home country to my nice programming job that was too easy to get over there, but I'm extremely glad i didn't.

[geowrian 22,335]

I wish you luck in whatever you do in the future.

That said, I agree that it's a bit of a cop out to blame you nationality, color, accent, or whatever as a reason for your struggles. Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that there are people who will treat you differently (either actively or passively) due to these factors. But there are more people in this country than almost ever facing these challenges and can still succeed if they work hard enough. It's a very, very busy time of the year right now for pretty much everyone. And even recruiters lose track of things, or their priorities change. Don't take it personally. The issues with finding employment are challenges most of us that grew up in America also face. Several of my friends are in the same spot. Yeah, it's rough. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. But in the end, we make it work. A couple months really isn't that long...you're still adjusting and comparing everything to what you have known most of your life.

I suggest calming down and taking a less emotional-based perspective of the situation. List the pros and cons, and keep adding to this list over time (weeks/months). Then figure out the best action based on those factors.

[amigator 2]

Steve Jobless. I feel you...Moving here is really tough at the start. I am too experiencing some Adjustment period issues and homesickness. I am very happy being with my husband and I love him so much but since I am not allowed yet to apply jobs I feel so worthless not being able to help him in the finances which I love doing and been doing that (helping bills in my family when I was still single). I enjoy doing house chores but since I'm used to working my body is looking for that "busy life" I used to have.

The funny thing is before I came here, I had been reading a lot of article on how to cope with this adjustment period and I thought I am fully equipped but I was wrong. It is truly different once you are in the situation. So many things to adjust...from being single to being married and living with someone whom both of you were raised differently and had different life experiences from the past, adjusting to new life style,new environment, trying to make new friends. Regaining the "Established you" is such a process.. I am going through that process and I am thankful my husband is very supportive but it really needs TIME AND PATIENCE.

Extend your patience, hopefully you will be able to find job soon and regain your confidence and self-esteem. Always remember IF THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE. Look for your happiness, YES! but DON'T GIVE UP TOO EASILY. A new year might bring new opportunities for you and for the job you have been looking for.

Be happy and STAY HAPPY!

[Soup Dragon 104]

Sorry that you feel you have to give up on your new life after just two months.

When my husband and I moved to the US after being stationed in Germany (he was with the Air Force and Army for over ten years), I had a meltdown and wanted to go home after just three days of arriving, yes DAYS. I thought it was the biggest mistake of my life. I could not find a job and neither could my husband. He was unemployed for five months and applied for well over 100 jobs before and after his retirement. He was promised referrals to attend interviews but many times he never heard back. He just carried on applying for other positions. The only job he could find was at Pets at Home working nights at the pet hotel cleaning the dog ice cream machine and such. As an army veteran with over 20 years service, he felt extremely despondent and frustrated. So you are not the only one in this situation.

We are lucky that we have been able to return to Germany on government orders as he finally managed secure a job back here, something we were not expecting at all. However, it is still difficult for me to find a job on base as many of the jobs are federal positions and, as a green card holder, I do not qualify. But hey, I make the best of a not-so-ideal situation.

I think maybe you are being a little harsh on yourself and expecting a little too much after having been in the US for only two months. Don't take things personally when someone doesn't call, so what? Toughen up, move on, forget about them and their job, it's their loss. Be patient, things will turn around when you least expect them to.

Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make.

[slimbolina 48]

This sounds like homesickness to me, everyone's experience with moving to America is different, some harder than others. I have had a hard time adapting and still do at times but things aren't as bad as they once were. I have been here for 6 months and in the beginning (after the honeymoon period), I always wanted to go back home, it was the first thing I'd say and the first thing I wanted whenever anything didn't go my way or during a minor disagreement with my husband for instance. Nobody said this transition was going to be easy, we knew it was going to be difficult but we didn't know just how difficult. Things will get easier, it's baby steps every day but I know that I could not or will not give up so easily, I can't throw the towel in and walk away because my husband is the one thing I am here for and no matter how difficult I feel life can be, I won't leave him. If you know for sure that you have done EVERYTHING you can to give it your best shot and you still want to leave then the best thing is for you to leave. If you think that there is more for you here and you're just homesick then stay and work through it. It's the only advice I can give you but I hope you find what you are looking for either way.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

For the job I have now, I interviewed on a Friday and they said they would call on the Monday and never did. I left messages that weren't returned. Finally on the next Thursday I got an email with a job offer. Sometimes employers are in the middle of something else and can't get back to you right away. I feel your pain though. There's been a lot of times where I felt like I just want to go home. I wouldn't have imagined feeling like this when I actually was home. Even when I visited the UK in June I remembered why I hated it there but even now I'm pining for it

I hope whatever you do you'll find happiness.

[Penguin_ie 5,984]

***** Two posts removed for back language and personal attack. This thread will remain locked, and is not to be re-started. ******

Edited December 22, 2016 by Penguin_ie