AOS Postponement

[Allison/Robert 43]

Well it seems you got your answer.

But as an added suggestion. Perhaps this is not what you're looking for.

I understand feeling security by having control over your finances. I also understand that traditionally for some it seems to be that it doesn't take much in a relationship to please some people. But the K1 visa is already restricting enough when it comes to delaying the forward momentum for people who have chosen that one special person they believe in.

It is not your job to control what she can or cannot file for. It is the job of the USCIS, or Dept of Homeland Security, to grant whether or not she can apply.

Your job is to be a reliable husband.

And given that the currency of even basic survival is money. That you would even consider denying her, her right to that. Is absolutely freaking mental.

No offence intended. And beg my pardon if you take it this way. But I think perhaps you should consider dating around a bit more. So you can truly appreciate what you have when you find it. Someone who compliments the way you tick.

Maybe growing up and being financially responsible for your decisions wouldn't go a miss too.

I appreciate your honesty. But I don't think you've figured out who you are yet. Or what you want.


Yours Sincerely,

~Robert

Edited September 23, 2016 by Allison/Robert

[Ontarkie 13,883]

Your plan is flawed.

You plan on her sitting around doing nothing all day, oh I'm sure you will expect her to clean the house since well she's home all day right? I'm sure you will expect her to take care of your kids right? After all she has nothing else to do. Oh and don't forget she needs to keep her happy face on at all times because if she has a bad stressful day that means it's all a con!

Oh ya what if you don't treat her the way she is expecting you to treat her. Does that mean you're the scammer?? The way you talk about protecting yourself at her expense, I would believe her over you.

If she is scamming you it will not matter if you don't file for AOS. She can play the vawa card, scammers will not worry about ruining your life to get one up.

Since you're reading stories on here you may want to read the ones where the person waited till after they got citizenship left the wife out of the blue then she found out all this time he had a family back in his home country.

The only guarantee in life is death

[Teddy B 17,251]

Yeah I've seen people on here feel/find out they were scammed YEARS later.

I know of one member who didn't find out he was being scammed til around 5 years later when his wife got her citizenship.

As for the op? To steal a line from my buddy B_J, "VJ never disappoints".

[Merrytooth 5,748]

My fiance is coming from Indonesia. We are in the same situation as you. What I told her is once the Visa is approved you have 6 months to actually USE the Visa. Now most do not use that much time but she has a very good job in Indonesia and has her own apartment in Jakarta. She cannot just leave over night and the K1 visa process is unpredictable.

What we are going to do is this:

Once she has the Visa in her passport she will start to pack and sell all her large items.Television, Furniture (minus bed), Electronic equipment that is too large to ship. Once everything is sold or given away to whomever and she has packed 90 percent of her stuff minus clothes for work and whatever essentials she needs for daily living she will give her WORK notice FIRST and then notice to her landlord. In Indonesia they pay apartment rent 1 year in advance so she will have a month or two to move out. Her job will not let her leave until she has finished a few projects.

So what she is bringing with her is just 2 or 3 large suitcases and that's it!

I sincerely hope you discuss your marvelous AOS plan with her in advance before she leaves her good life, job and apartment, pack her whole life into 2 suitcases for you.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I know of one member who didn't find out he was being scammed til around 5 years later when his wife got her citizenship.

As for the op? To steal a line from my buddy B_J, "VJ never disappoints".

I wonder who is that member?

Oh VJ thrives on drama like these

[Dan and Radinka 11]

Good idea but I have a full time job, a daughter and bills to pay. Regardless of what my fiance thinks, its imperative that I look out for myself just as much as I look out for those around me.

That says a lot on how "important" his fiance is to him.

I also found this:

Posted by Pitchman on 05 September 2016 - 03:34 PM

This is one of the situations where I feel it’s sort of the Petitioners job and the Beneficiaries job to shed light on what the true reality of K1 means and IS! When one person gives up all they have to move to a new country it’s imperative that the Petitioner paint a clear and realistic picture of what life will be like for the fiancé in the new country. I have currently just applied for K1 for my fiancé who is in Indonesia. When and if its approved she will have to quit her job, leave her apartment, sell all her stuff minus enough clothes and belongings she can fit into 3 or 4 suitcases. I have made it abundantly clear to my Fiancé that I live in a nice 1-bedroom apartment and that I my daughter lives with me every other week. I have showed her photos of my apartment and the surrounding area. Now in my case I have on advantage over the OP in that I live in an area that has a high population of Indonesian people, restaurants and food, thus her assimilation into the culture here will be hopefully quicker than if I had lived in say Arkansas or Indiana for instance. Either way I think many Petitioners fail to acclimate their fiancé or prep their fiancé for the reality that lies ahead. This is unfortunate. I think they get caught up in the romance and K1 part while forgoing the some of the more obscure and unforeseen aspects of this process.

____

Um... so the fiance has a job but WILL HAVE to quit it to be with him and sell her things (I guess to pitch in for whatever) and he has a daughter from a previous partner. And she's accepted all these. So shed some light on us on why you still think you need to "test" her by withholding the AoS? Has she been married before? Does she have her own kids from a previous partner? You may not be aware of the prejudice towards single asian women who marry someone who's already had a child from another partner (specially from a previous marriage) and add the fact that you are a foreigner.

If you really wanted to make sure about if she is the one for you and she isn't just some scammer, you would do this before dragging her out of her own country and making her stop and drop whatever she's already had before you entered her life. But unless I read more about her and what she is like that makes you even consider "testing" her, then all I can say is she deserves someone else and most probably you, too. I don't think you're actually ready for marriage, at least not with her. Entering marriage with a half-assed intention and little to no amount of trust towards your partner spells DIVORCE. I would hate to think that after she's given up all she's had to be with you and she's really not a scammer, she would get deported just because you tried to test her and wait to file AoS. If she'd understand the situation, you wouldn't have just crushed her heart but you would have also ruined her life that she could have continued peacefully back in her country.

[TabeaK 516]

OK that helps! I will likely wait until 6 or 7 months and then apply for AOS. I just want to wait to ensure that everything is proceeding smoothly before I financially commit. I know that sounds devious but the knowledge Ive obtained from this site has been eye opening to say the least. I'm not looking to keep my fiance hostage LOL like Ive seen other posters claiming has happened to them, rather I just want to make sure that I'm not being taken for a GC ride!

And your significant other is fine with that? I echo the other posters who mentioned you should figure out the essentials BEFORE you get married.

For me, the above would have been a total deal-breaker. My US-citizen fiance (now husband) and I extensively discussed who would move to which country and after we decided it would be me moving to the US, it was very clear that the paperwork needed to be done post-haste. It is bad enough to enter on a K1 and not have a work permit or status, and having to wait for months for papers to process, just after you left your family, friends, career and independence.

Then entering into a marriage, being dependent on your new husband/wife for an indeterminate amount of time, because the US partner wants to wait and keep you in limbo? Not being able to work, travel, have a driver's license, be independent? Be out of status and therefore illegally in the country after 90d? I would have never agreed to move to the US under those circumstances or left immediately...

Again: Figure out if you want to marry and share a life with that person BEFORE you get married.

[Georgia16 2,858]

I wish OP really knew how it is to leave everything you know behind because you trust and love you future husband so much that you are willing to do that for him.

She doesn't not deserve to be withheld the AOS she deserves to be trusted and greeted like your future WIFE, the person who will become a mother for your child, and the person who will spend the rest of her life with you.

If you can't do that then you should not let her give up everything she has, everything she knows and everything she will miss forever because of you.

It is SO hard and it will be SO much harder if she doesn't have your full support and love! ...

[Roel 7,191]

Wow. I'm sorry OP, but I won't wish you well. It doesn't sound like you love your fiancee AT ALL. You treat her like a purchase with a warranty period and you plan on returning her if she is not good enough. You plan on keeping her in the house without providing her with a legal paperwork or an opportunity to work... I saw people on this forum who legally claimed abuse from their "loving" spouses who did that. I hope your fiancee is going to see through your plan and won't change her whole life for your "love and support."

[Teddy B 17,251]

I wonder who is that member?

Oh VJ thrives on drama like these

I think it might have been even longer than 5 years, but I know it was at least 5. He no longer posts here and he lives in Alaska.

[Teddy B 17,251]

I wish OP really knew how it is to leave everything you know behind because you trust and love you future husband so much that you are willing to do that for him.

She doesn't not deserve to be withheld the AOS she deserves to be trusted and greeted like your future WIFE, the person who will become a mother for your child, and the person who will spend the rest of her life with you.

If you can't do that then you should not let her give up everything she has, everything she knows and everything she will miss forever because of you.

It is SO hard and it will be SO much harder if she doesn't have your full support and love! ...

Any USC that pulls a stunt like this is no better than any immigrant who scams for a greencard. There should be legal ramifications for the USC that does this.

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

I'm now curious how the OP's first marriage failed.

[andy78 178]

No. I was thinking more of. Of they divorce, she will volunteer to go home to her country. If she signs then she is obligated to do so. Better option than to keep her immigration. Though.

That's not what pre-nups are for, and it wouldn't be legal or enforceable.

[f f 725]

I doubt you can even have that your ex has to move out of town in a prenuptial much less the country. and putting a clause like that in there could invalidate the whole thing since you can easily argue that without that clause both of you would have wanted different things.

[Cheezees 1,514]

Honestly, I don't think the OP has to worry about postponing the AOS. As soon as he informs his fiancee about his plans, the AOS will postpone itself. The impending marriage and relationship will also disappear, but hey, that pesky AOS will no longer exist. Three birds with 1 stone, bro!