Bad situation

[KCMO 84]

Op i understand english is not your first language ,but pls try to state clearly what advice you want here? do you want adivce on roc with divorce waiver? or marriage related advice ( this perhaps is not a right place for that). all i see from you right now is you are defending your previous comments. let it go, you dont need to defend anything. just state clearly what advice you need and what step are you planning to take? if you dont know,then its time to be still and listen to your own truth. once you decide something then research the next step for it

Edited September 21, 2016 by KCMO

[Ciyara 11]

You don't have to pay cable, rent, electric , if none of that is in your name. You have no contract with him.

But he can kick you out to find your own place and pay all of your bills on your own..

You can pay half the rent, half electric and leave the cable out if you don't watch tv (especially if it is in his name).

that's the half that im talking about half of everything and joining account it should be me and him not me by myself or him by himself so tried to explain to him but it feels like im talking to the wall

[KCMO 84]

This.

I've been the immigrant, and also the spouse of an immigrant. The first few years in a new country can be difficult, disheartening and baffling. If the OP's tale is true, her husband is a selfish ####. There is nothing out of the ordinary in expecting one's spouse to contribute to the household economy. What is bizarre is the husband's refusal to assist her in getting situated in this country, by helping her navigate the healthcare system and at the very least establishing a joint account for household expenses. One can keep separate accounts for individual use, while still having a joint account for those expenses incurred jointly. This isn't brain surgery.

I just can't wrap my head around the idea that there are husbands who do not wish to assist their wives, and vice versa, when times are tougher for one spouse than the other, and that this is okay, because "that's just how some people are." Marriage is a joint enterprise based on trust. Trust that the other spouse will be there for you when times are hard, or you're sick, or frustrated, or need moral support. Without these interconnections, the marriage is little more than a roommate situation with benefits. Marriage is more than two individuals -- it is the creation of a new entity formed from the love and labour of the two who came together. Why even bother to get married if you're not willing to actually form a union?

beautifully put. i am appalled to read some of the comments here about making it sound like marriage is just roommates with benefits and they do seem so angry or lacking empathy . so disconnected. its a connection and a bond , emotionally ,mentally , soulfully,physically. Trust and emptional support are the foundation in which everything else springs forth from. i am glad however to read some sensible comments here pointing to that bond. Op its up to you what you choose to focus on. focus on positive comments that truely help you. Edited September 21, 2016 by KCMO

[Ciyara 11]

I brought the abuse part earlier on but retracted that statement.

If OP's husband was holding money against her and not providing food and back necessities then that will be a form of abuse. Using money to control someone is abuse.

I retracted it because OP found a way out to make her own money and all her husband was asking of her was just half of the bills.

it was

Not half of the bills it's more than helf for me if you said helf it should be this way everything split to half not half of rent and then you do the rest and he only cares about his car is

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

that's the half that im talking about half of everything and joining account it should be me and him not me by myself or him by himself so tried to explain to him but it feels like im talking to the wall

Don't do joint account based what you have said here so far. remember, he is such an awful husband then why put him on a bank account that he can take money away from?

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Some people take VJ as a courtroom the OP had her answer.

Shes not a kept woman so she either pays half or divorces and faces the shame in her country she doesnt want to face.

Shes not abused and her spouse is not doing anything wrong no one knows the true story yet we are all debating with half...

Who knows the deal...

If she cant pay half she can always sit down with him and ask him if he can take a few bills off her plate

Cant get anything done without communicating.

That being said i highly dought this man will expect someone to pay [ex] 400 a week if they only make 300....

If hes expecting it must be because she can.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

it was

Not half of the bills it's more than helf for me if you said helf it should be this way everything split to half not half of rent and then you do the rest and he only cares about his car is

What would happen if you calculate and pay exactly half?

[Ciyara 11]

So how much exactly your husband is making per month?

I thought you guys were planning to go to Canada a while ago?

yep I didn't received my GC I couldn't

[Ciyara 11]

What would happen if you calculate and pay exactly half?

nothing left he makes i think 950 $ a week

[Cheezees 1,514]

The OP doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want her husband to treat her this way either. So what advice can we really give her?

She ignored my advice to divorce and acknowledged that she is not asking anything immigration-related. Maybe she just wants to vent and gain sympathy. In some aspects she deserves sympathy but in others she does not.

So again OP, divorce, move on. This is not the relationship you thought it would be. Stop with the stupid "I don't believe in divorce" story. You married a jerk. Leave him.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

nothing left he makes i think 950 $ a week

You only make $300 a week.

Total sum = $300 + $950 = $1250

You could offer to pay 300/1250 x 100% which is roughly 25% of the total household bills

or pick a few smaller bills which you FEEL comfortable to pay.

And you have to make him add your names to the bills / rental leases so that you have something to show for co-mingled marriage life during ROC (which I-751 removal of conditions on green card).

[Teddy B 17,251]

You only make $300 a week.

Total sum = $300 + $950 = $1250

You could offer to pay 300/1250 x 100% which is roughly 25% of the total household bills

or pick a few smaller bills which you FEEL comfortable to pay.

And you have to make him add your names to the bills / rental leases so that you have something to show for co-mingled marriage life during ROC (which I-751 removal of conditions on green card).

Good job Merry!